It’s been four weeks since I broke things off with Whit and Zane. I’ve been questioning my decision ever since I made it. There’s no way to go back in time and change how I ended things, so now I’m just thinking about everything I’ve done wrong. While it’s been going well working with my Dad, I’ve been basically miserable. I miss them so much, it’s been getting me all knotted up inside. But I can’t have a secret relationship while my Dad is right here. I could never betray him so brazenly. I know that that is exactly what I was doing when Whit, Zane and I were seeing each other while my Dad was away, but it just feels so much worse with him here. That’s what I mean by ‘brazenly.’

I probably could have pushed harder for my Dad to go back on his yacht – and not just because I want to be with Whit and Zane – but he really does need the time off. He needs to realize that working at the firm isn’t doing him any good. Ever since Mom died, working at the low offices hasn’t really been working for it. He needs something else to occupy his time with. I was hoping to maybe help him with that after he retired – get him something to do with his time like volunteering or being a grandfather. I don’t know, maybe being at the firm part-time is what he needs. At least he’s taking more of a step back. But even so, I couldn’t try and convince him because deep down I knew I had ulterior motives. If he left I would immediately start seeing the boys again and the guilt would eat me up. I like to think I wouldn’t be sneaky like that, but I would do it if it meant being able to freely see Whit and Zane again.

Coming into work today wasn’t easy either. I was hoping after some time, I would start to feel better about my decision, but it’s only gotten worse. There’s something deep inside of me not letting me be happy. Sounds depressing, right? Well… it is… At this point, I just want to get through the summer, so I can quit working here and go somewhere where I can easily avoid Whit and Zane. Running away from confrontation has kind of become my thing. It’s so much easier to not deal with things than to actually deal with them. That’s just logical.

However, there is a small problem. This morning, I was going to the breakroom and, when I walked in, Whit was making himself a cup of coffee, looking so sexy and sweet. He had on a sweater and nicely pressed pants and everything was just perfectly fitted to his body. I wanted to smack his butt and wrap my legs around him.  He smiled at me and I could see the gears turning in his head. He was about to say something – something that would probably chip away at the walls I’ve put up – but my stomach turned, and I needed to get out of there.

Before Whit was able to get one word out, I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I hadn’t eaten too much for breakfast, so it wasn’t too bad. But it’s not the first time I’ve gotten sick. It’s been happening for about a week or so. At first, I couldn’t pinpoint what the cause was. I thought maybe a cold or the flu, but it’s summer, so that’s unlikely. And then I thought that maybe I have food poisoning, but that usually results in throwing up once and feeling better, so that was crossed off. But then I was late on my period and a possible cause had been found.

It’s not totally outside of the realm of possibility that I’m pregnant. It’s actually really fucking possible. When I remember all the sexual encounters I had with Whit and Zane, we never used a condom, not once – which was super dumb of us. It’s not that I didn’t trust they were clean – they would have never done something like that to me – but it doesn’t matter how clean someone is, they can still get you pregnant. It’s literally Sex Ed 101. I’m supposed to be smart and I never thought to bring up condoms while having sex with two men. They came inside of me so many times and, for whatever reason, no one was like, “maybe we should wrap up those dicks.” What Whit and Zane don’t know is I haven’t been on birth control since I left college. I’d been meaning to do it, but I hadn’t gotten to changing my doctor and it didn’t feel like a big deal to me because I wasn’t planning on having sex and I thought I could wait. And what I really hadn’t planned for was Zane and Whit sweeping me off my feet and me tumbling into a relationship. Literally, the idea of protection never crossed my mind. It was stupidity, pure and simple.

All day, I’ve distracted by the idea that I might be pregnant, and I can barely get anything done. Thankfully, no one’s been checking on me. Whit and Zane have been going along with my ignoring them and my Dad doesn’t feel the need to give me much oversight.

I’m at my desk, bouncing my foot up and down as I watch the clock slowly move to five. Each second feels like it’s taking an entire minute. I do my best to stay focused when someone is talking to me, but outside of that, I am zoning out. My mind keeps refocusing back to my little problem. I’ve got a test waiting for me at home and, when I get back, I plan on taking it and finding out if my hunch is right.  

***

The day finally comes to an end and I rush home, throwing everything on the couch and heading straight for the bathroom. There I find the test waiting where I had left it. I do what I need to do and then I take a seat on the toilet and wait. I set a timer on my phone and began taking deep breaths. I’m a little over two hundred breaths in when the timer on my phone goes off. I say a little prayer, not sure what result I’m hoping for. When I look down, I see it’s positive and everything just pauses for a few seconds.

I don’t know how to feel. Happy? I’ve always wanted children and I just got my wish. Horrified? I’m an unattached young woman and I don’t know if Zane or Whit is the baby’s father. Panicked? This is hella unplanned and while I know you can never really be fully prepared to have a child, I am the furthest thing from being ready for this. And, oh my god, I’m going to have to tell my Dad. I’m going to have to tell so many people that I’m having a baby and they are all going to judge me. I am not ready to be judged by a bunch of people. I can barely take being judged by my own brain.

I keep thinking about everything I’m going to have to do and go through. There’s so much shit you have to do when you’re going to have a baby. There’s doctor visits and shopping for baby stuff and I’ll be doing it by myself, right? I don’t even know if Whit and Zane want kids. When I had brought it up, they didn’t look horrified, but that doesn’t mean they’re all in to have a kid right now. Their lives aren’t structured for children. But I can’t just hide it from them, can I? I’ll have to figure this out later because there’s a knock at the door. It takes me out of the moment and gives me a reason to push all my worries to the back of my mind for a little bit. I slip the test into my pocket without really thinking. I don’t need it anymore, but I’m not done staring at it and contemplating my future.

I open the door and find Zane and Whit standing there. I immediately get tense. This is not what I need today. I’m already having a mess of a moment and then these two show up, devastating me because I know I want to see them. I shouldn’t, but all I want to do is jump into their arms and have them love me. Why can’t it all be simple? My heart, my brain, and my body are all fighting with one another and all I get is dismay.

“Chloe! We’re so glad you’re home.” Zane smiles at me.

I look at them suspiciously, guessing at what they want and not sure if I’m ready to give it. With everything going on, I’m not thinking straight. I can’t have my emotions even further complicated by their presence.

I keep the door only slightly ajar and ask them, “What do you want?” I keep my voice flat and cold because I need them to leave. I want them to stay, but I need them to leave. There’s some shit I’ve got to work through first.

“We want to talk to you, Chloe.” Whit tries to look into the house, but I keep my body blocking the small space between the door and the frame. There’s nothing I’m hiding that they could see just by looking inside, but this pregnancy business has me all defensive. It definitely feels weird hiding something like this, but I’m not at a point where I want to share.

“I told you guys I needed some space. I’ll talk to you when I want to talk to you.” I can tell my lame excuses aren’t going to work anymore, but there’s no harm in trying. I am proving to be a better liar than expected, though.

“We don’t want to sit around just waiting. We want to have a talk and then if you still hate us, we’ll leave you alone. I promise.” Zane is doing most of the talking and Whit is watching me intensely. His gaze always has this way of unnerving me. He knows exactly how to make me squirm, no matter how far away he’s standing from me.

I’ve missed these guys for so long. I miss the way they interact with me and how I feel when I’m around them. I can’t go on ignoring them. I step aside, so the door can be swung open and Whit and Zane walk in. They go to stand in the middle of the living room. I stay by the door, leaning against it for support. I’m already getting weak, having them back in my house, but if I want this to go smoothly, I’ll need to stand my ground. I’ll just have to ignore how beautiful their sexy faces are and how much I want them to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright. I can be strong.

When the walked by me to come inside, I made sure our bodies didn’t touch. And staying by the door is a way to keep my distance. I see Whit sigh, visibly frustrated with me. I know they aren’t oblivious to all these little things I’m doing, but Whit’s reactions have been surprising me. Over the past few weeks, he’s been so grumpy. Something I haven’t seen… ever. There have been moments when he’s gotten annoyed, but this is different. I was hoping he and Zane would get over me and move on to other women. We hadn’t even been together that long, and they had been known as players, so it would make sense for them to move on. Or maybe I’m just trying to logic my out of my feelings and there’s no way I can do that. I feel the way I feel and if I want it to stop, I’ll need time. Time is the only real way to get over someone. You can’t just talk your way out of feeling. But for now, I’ve got to get these boys out of my house.

I cross my arms over my chest and repeat, “What do you want?” I make my face as stern as possible, trying to communicate that they are not welcome here anymore.

Zane looks at Whit who answers my question, “We wanted to tell you we want to be with you. I know you said you wanted to space, but this cold shoulder thing is… it’s making things hard, Chloe. We can’t give you up that easily. Especially if you won’t even talk to us.”

 “What do you want me to do about it?” I snap, tapping my foot rather rapidly because my nerves are going through the roof. I’m keeping my sentences vague and short because if I don’t I might spill my guts.

Zane moves towards me and I move in the opposite direction keeping the distance. He notices and stops in his tracks.

“Just talk to us. Why is that so hard?” he pleads.

My nails are digging into my arm. There are so many things I want to say, but I can’t. There are so many things I’m going through right now and adding two men to it won’t make any of it better. There’s just so much brewing inside of me and there isn’t a way for me to healthily deal with it. My brain gets more and more confused until I can’t take it anymore.

“Because we don’t just talk!” I snap. “We’re not capable of it! There’s always going to be these undertones and tension full of sexual energy and I don’t want to deal with it right now! I have too much to deal with right now and I can’t deal with you two! I just can’t!”

I’m yelling and I’m not yelling because I’m mad at them, I’m yelling because I’m mad at me. Mad for letting things get to this point. Mad for not being smart and letting passion take over. Mad because I feel so stupid! And while I don’t regret the time I’ve spent with them, there are way more consequences than I expected. Consequences that, in hindsight, feel so fucking obvious that I can’t believe I didn’t see them before everything snowballed into this moment.

I see Zane and Whit give each other concerned looks and they both come towards me. This time I don’t move because I’m crying. I was holding back for as long as I could, but all the emotions I’ve been avoiding for the past few weeks come rushing forward. I put my head in my hands and then feel Zane and Whit’s hands circle me. I lean into their bodies, comforted by their touch.

“We’re here for you, Chloe. Can’t you see this situation is unfair for all of us,” Whit says.

He is right, but I can’t do this anymore. If I stay here, my resolve will break and that will solve nothing. I pick up my hands and push them away. They offer very little resistance. I wipe my tears away, sniffling.

“That’s not the point, I think you two should leave.”

I try to walk past them to open the door, but I bump into their shoulders and the pregnancy test falls out of my pocket and onto the carpet. I don’t realize it at first, moving past them, still moving towards the door to let them out. When I don’t hear them following me, I turn around and see them staring at the floor.

“I thought I asked you two to leave!” I snap at them, annoyed.

They don’t answer me, and I go to see what they’re looking at. As I approach, I realize it’s the test. I touch my pocket and feel it’s not there. My heart starts to beat faster and faster. After a couple minutes, they look up and turn towards me.

Zane points at the test and asks, “What’s that?”

I take a deep breath.

“It’s a pregnancy test,” I whisper. I’ve crossed my arms over my chest, folding into myself. I want to close myself off and disappear, but there’s no way to do that now.

“We know what it is. I meant – I meant…” Zane seems to be at a loss for words and Whit takes over.

“Were you going to tell us?”

I don’t answer immediately because I honestly don’t know if I was going to tell them. At least for a while.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know,” I answer.

They don’t seem satisfied with my answer, but they also don’t push the issue any further.

“Marry us!” Zane says it with such conviction that I know he isn’t joking.

I look at Whit to see if he’s on the same page and he’s just waiting for my reply. I laugh because I can’t believe what’s happening right now. We’ve gone from not talking for four weeks and now they want to get married. It’s ridiculous! Our relationship is so new, and I know we’ve all known each other for a long time, we’ve only been this intimate for a fraction of it.

“Why? Because I’m pregnant?” I do my best from keeping my voice from sounding too aggressive, but the question itself is confrontational. But it’s one I need to ask. If they want to commit to me just because I’m pregnant, I know it wouldn’t work. And I could never be with someone whose main reason for marrying me was because I got knocked up. I would feel like I trapped them, and I don’t want all the guilt. It wouldn’t be healthy for us and it definitely wouldn’t be healthy for any children involved.

“No. We came here to be with you,” Whit’s voice is on edge like he’s irritated again. Maybe my question set him off. “We came here today because we wanted to get you back and maybe marriage is a leap, but if we’re all ready to raise a child together than we’re ready to be together for the rest of our lives.”

The way he explains it makes so much sense to me. It makes me understand that they really, really want to be with me. Something I’ve been trying to convince myself wasn’t the truth. I drop my arms and the act. What’s the point of pushing against these two when all they’ve done is try to make me happy. What’s the point of not being with them if it’s making all of us miserable. Yeah, we’ll have a lot of hurdles – hurdles I have no clue how we’re going to jump over – but we can get through this together.

“How could we get married?” I ask, doubt filling my voice. I’ve heard of open marriages, but I’m pretty sure being married to more than one person is still illegal.

“We’ll figure it out. As long as we’re together, we can get through anything,” Zane explains.

I nod. Zane looks deep into my eyes and cups my face tenderly. I place on hands onto of his, tears of joys starting to run down my cheeks.

“And we know you love us as much we love you. That should count for something,” Zane tenderly whips away one of my tears.

I take a deep breath at the word love because this is the first time any of us have brought it up. I’ve thought about it – the fact that I might be falling in love with two men at the same time gave me a lot of pause – but I was never ready to fully admit to myself the possibility. And it was easy to push it aside because I could pretend everything we were doing was all in good fun. We were having fun with each other. But hearing Zane admit that they love me makes all the fight and all the arguments I had building inside just float away. I can’t run away from this. I don’t want to run away from this.

“Okay. You’re right,” I shrug. I squeeze Zane’s hands and look for Whit. “I love you guys and maybe I was scared because everything was happening so fast and I got overwhelmed. But now I know that running away from my feelings isn’t going to solve anything. I’m not going to push you away anymore.”

Zane and Whit finally relax a little. I reach for Whit and the three of us hug. We all stay like this for a couple minutes, reveling in one another. It’s been so long since we’ve all been together like this and I don’t want to leave this feeling ever again. I look up at my boys and smile. They held on to me, even when I treated them so badly. I’m so happy that they stuck with me because I don’t know what I would do if they ever truly left me.

I get out of our triple embrace and go take a seat on the couch. Whit and Zane follow and sit on either side of me.

I lean back so I can look at them and ask, “What do we do now?”

They look at one another and I see a mischievous glint pass over Whit’s eyes. I know exactly what they want to do and I’m ready for it to happen. It’s been four weeks since they’ve touched me, and I want to feel all our bodies together again. I’ve missed the way they feel inside of me and on top of me.

I slip my shirt over my head and let it fall to the ground. I unclasp my bra and I throw it to the side to join my shirt. My nipples are at attention, aware that my two favorite people are here to pleasure me. Zane and Whit watch as I massage my breasts, tweaking my nipples every so often. My hand makes lazy movements moving from my chest to down my stomach to the hem of my pants. I unbutton my pants and slide them off. I slip my hand into my panties, going all the way to my slit. After repositioning myself so the boys can get a better view, I slide a finger between my folds, slightly raising my hips as I swirl my finger around. I add two more, slowly pumping in and out, my nails lightly scraping along my walls. I put my thumb on my clit, applying a light pressure that starts my pussy quivering. I gasp, the sound breathy and high-pitched. I push my head back, digging into the cushion. Whit and Zane’s eyes never leave me, watching my body twist with pleasure. My muscles tighten and then with added pressure on my clit, my body releases, an orgasm slowly rolling out of me. It’s not a very strong or loud orgasm, but it calms some of the fire that’s been in me for the past few weeks.

When I’m done, I take my hands out of my panties and look at Whit and Zane. They’re looking at me wistfully, their eyes glued to my face. I blush, a little embarrassed that I took such an initiative, but it felt like the thing to do.

Zane moves first, getting off the couch and kneeling in front of me. He grabs the top of my underwear and pulls them down my leg, taking them off me and throwing them behind him. His hands rub up and down my thighs, squeezing and pinching the flesh. Whit moves behind the couch and rests his hands on my shoulders. He gives me a soft massage. Zane rubs his fingers over my clit, rubbing my already sensitive bud. Whit keeps me from moving too much while Zane teases me, not touching me right where I need it. He traces my lower lips and opens me up with his fingers. He licks up my slit, my hips moving with his head. He moves his hands to my thighs, so he can hold me down and continues to run his tongue along my folds. Sparks fly up my body and I bite my lip to have somewhere to place the growing tension. I put my hands on top of Whit’s, digging my fingernails into his skin. He returns the favor, gripping my shoulders tightly. I bend my left leg, putting my foot on the edge of the couch. This gives Zane more access and his tongue delves deep inside me. The intensity of my grip on Whit’s hands increases. Zane’s mouth goes to my clit and he sucks on it, swirling his tongue around me as well until my body breaks and everything rushes forth. Zane keeps his mouth on me until my trembling subsides. Whit moves my hair aside and kisses the side of my face. I see the half-moon imprints my nails left on his skin. I kiss the hand he left on my shoulder, feeling the dips on the top.

Zane removes himself from the bottom of the couch and sits beside me, his hands going up and down my body. I cross my legs, the wetness pooling at my center.

Whit leans over so his mouth is by my ear and asks me, “Is there anything you want to do?”

I remember I was going to take a shower before I was unceremoniously interrupted. I’ve never taken a shower with anyone before and I love the idea of being dirty and clean at the same time.

I look up at Whit and nod, saying, “I was going to take a shower before you guys came here. You can join me if you want?”

Whit chuckles and kisses me before taking his hands off my body. He starts undressing and Zane follows suit. I watch them reveal their bodies to me, drinking in all their muscles and beautiful bits and pieces. I can’t believe that these guys are mine for the foreseeable future. I know I said that I wanted to get married and have kids which would mean I would be marrying a person. But the people who want to marry me are far beyond what I could have ever imagined.

Once we’re all naked, we head to the bathroom and I turn the water on. When it just the right temperature, I push open the glass door and step inside. The water falls on to my hair and drips down my face. Zane and Whit follow, getting on either side of me. The shower is more than big enough to fit all three of us. I’m facing Zane, so I rest my palms on his chest. I move my arms so they wrap around the back of his neck and I lean forward to kiss him. The kiss is passionate, full of everything that was unsaid for the past four weeks. I feel Whit behind me, lathering my back with soap. I break my kiss with Zane and look over my shoulder at Whit. He puts his arms under mine, supporting me by situating my armpits in the crooks of his elbows. I’m not sure what’s going on, but it seems Zane and Whit are on the same page because Zane lifts my legs.

“Wrap your arms around my neck.” I follow Whit’s command and bring my arms behind me, interlocking my fingers behind his neck. “I’m going to let go of you for a few seconds,” he tells me. “You’ll need to hold yourself up.”

I nod, and Whit slowly takes his arms out from under my armpits. With the help of Zane, I’m able to keep from falling – even with the water making everything slippery. Whit’s hands go to my ass, supporting me that way. I’m not sure how but they finagle their way into me – these guys must be like acrobats – but soon, it’s just like before. Whit slips his hard cock into my pussy and Zane fills my ass hole with his shaft. Each hole is being stretched, this angle creating feelings that I hadn’t experienced before. Zane rams his dick in and out of my ass, not letting up, while Whit shoves me down onto his own cock. My arms tighten around his neck as everything I’m feeling is distilled to just the three of us. I close my eyes, overwhelmed by the tingling that has taken over my entire body. Zane and Whit’s grunts mix with our wet bodies slapping together. My cries are loud, almost sounding like I’m being hurt, but it’s not pain – it’s so much pleasure. Starting off as a soft circle in my lower belly and extending out to everywhere in my body. Everything gets so tight until I’m so wound up I’m worried I might burst. But then it all comes to a head when the dam breaks and my body releases everything it’s built up.

“Oh, fuck. I’m coming! I’m coming!” I scream.

My stomach moves like a wave while my body tries to contain an orgasm almost too strong for it. It violently rips through, threatening to tear me apart. Whit and Zane aren’t too far behind. I feel their dicks spilling into me, their cum filling my holes and dripping out of me. My head falls back, my body and mind spent and exhausted. The water cools the heat on my skin, keeping me from falling asleep.

Zane and Whit let me down and when my feet touch the ground, Whit supports me with his body. They both clean me up, using the loofas and soap in the shower. Everything is moving with a much lazier pace than earlier, but it still feels nice. They’re both really taking care of me. They finish up, turning off the water and leading me out of the shower. They towel me off and then themselves. We all go to the bedroom and lie down, naked, on top of the sheets. While I’m not sleepy, I don’t really have a desire to move from my bed. Being between my two men is exactly where I want to be right now and for the rest of my life.

I put a hand on my stomach. I know there is absolutely no way I’d be able to feel a baby in there right now, but it doesn’t stop me from giving it a feel. Whit and Zane put their hands on top of mine and we all contemplate the baby growing inside of me. In just nine short months, the three of us will be parents. It is a while from now, but it’s also so soon.

“I can’t believe I’m going to be a mother.” I look at the three hands on my belly and marvel at who is growing inside of me.

“It’s what you wanted, though. Right?” Whit looks into my eyes and I nod. It’s everything that I wanted. It didn’t pan out exactly how I thought it would, but I would say this version of events is much better.

“It’s everything and more.” We all lie down, Whit and Zane snuggling up against me. I think about the next day and what I’m going to have to do. I know I can’t lie to my father about any of this. He deserves to know what’s going on. He’s going to be a grandfather for heaven’s sake! But I’m so scared to tell him. What’s he going to think. I’m pretty sure he won’t be mad at the pregnancy, but the who? The who will really get him. Or more like the whos. I don’t want to freak out about this just yet, so I’ll think about all of it in the morning. I’m not wimping out or anything, I plan on telling my Dad everything, but I let Whit and Zane know about intentions when we all wake up that way I don’t get all in my head and talk myself out of telling the truth. I fall asleep with Whit and Zane’s arms around me, feeling whole for the first time since I let them go.