Chapter 7 - Declan
If she’s give me the cold shoulder each time we meet, I’m really not going to have a lot of fun in this relationship until we’re in bed. I’ve been sitting in front of her for two minutes while we wait for our drinks, and all she’s said to me is, “Hello, Declan. Glad you could make it.”
She didn’t respond to anything I said after that. Until our drinks arrive.
“Fuck. I… I’m not going… I was going to throw this tea at you but… I already attacked someone today, I won’t make this a habit of mine”, she says wearily.
“You attacked someone today?”
“Yes. Miranda. You know her, right?”
Miranda. Fuck. What does she have to do with anything. She attacked Miranda? How did they even meet? I should stop asking myself these questions and fucking ask her every single query I have bouncing around my head. But I have to make sure that I don’t come off as defensive, that’ll make it seem like I’m hiding something from her.
“Yes, I know Miranda. You attacked her? Why would you do that? Don’t you know who she is?”
“I know she’s your ex. But I don’t want to believe that you’re dating me just to get to her”, Callie whimpers.
“Dating you to… Okay, I thought you brought me here so we could talk about why you left last night without saying a word, but we’re here so you could grill me about wanting to get back with the she-demon who sent me into a hellish depression by dating you?”
“Well, are you?!”
“No! Callie, I would never do that. I have no interest in being with Miranda. She was horrible to me and ruined me in more ways than you can imagine”, I explain.
If I really want her to believe this, I have to make sure she knows that I want nothing to do with Miranda. I want to ask her more about how she even knows her but it’s better to end this conversation sooner than later.
“When I dumped Miranda, that was the end of any interest I’d ever have in her. Even if she comes crawling back, I won’t take her back. She’s not a good person. You are. Why would I want to be with her when I could be with you?”
Callie rests her head on her hands. “Oh shit. I… I am so sorry to accuse you of something so dumb. You told me how much you hated her but somehow she convinced me that… I’m sorry.”
“Now can we talk about why you left last night? I thought things were going-- Hal? Hal is that you?!”
No doubt about it. That’s Hal in his stupid Hawaiian shirt he thinks makes him look fancy waving at me with a goofy, carefree grin slapped on that big red face of his. Taryn walks out of the store he’s waiting in front of and points me out to her. The two of them walk over and join us at the table. Shit. Callie didn’t even have to find a way out of answering my question, I found one for her.
The waiter notices that two more people have joined our party and walks over to us to take the Hal and Taryn’s orders. Hal orders a big plate of food; steak frites, while Taryn orders some french toast with strawberries and whipped cream.
“Hey, you’re… Callie, right”, Hal asks. “From the baby shower? You made that cake?”
Callie puts on a happy face and nods politely. “That’s me. What are you two up to?”
“Just fartin’ around, shopping for some baby clothes, nothing too special”, he answers. “How about you two? Lunch date?”
Taryn shuts her eyes, embarrassed that Hal has no impulse control and will just say whatever pops into that stupid brain of his. “If you two are on a date, we don’t mean to intrude. We should have asked before ordering, I’m so sorry.”
“Nonsense”, I tell them. “You’re family. And you’ll be seeing more of Callie so why not get to know her a bit better now, right?”
This should get me some brownie points. Including her into a family gathering is a sure fire way to help her realize that I don’t see her as just a booty call. Despite our rather rough meetings, I can’t help but be uncontrollably attracted to her. I don’t want to just fuck her. I want to get to know more about her. On a real level. Like what I had with Miranda, only I don’t get fucked over and find out that what we had wasn’t ever real and she was just trying to destroy me for no reason.
Callie takes this challenge and warmly receives my sister and Hal.
“We might be family in the future, so why not get some one on one time now”, she says with a toothy grin.
“You know, I can already tell that you’re a lot nicer than Miranda”, Hal says off-handedly.
Taryn and I share a look of disapproval that goes completely ignored by Hal’s oblivious self. She nudges Hal’s side and gives him a stern look, letting him know to not speak as often throughout this luncheon.
“You know, funny you should mention Miranda because we were just talking about her”, Callie mentions.
Shit. She turned it back to me.
“Why on Earth are you talking about her? She was dreadful, and that’s… a nice way of putting it”, Taryn says with a disgusted voice.
Now, I hate Miranda. But Taryn HATES Miranda.
The entire time we were going out, Taryn made it no secret that she bore nothing but hatred towards Miranda. She often reminded me that I was too good for Miranda, or that Miranda had a black hole where her heart should be. I should have listened to Taryn. Hindsight 20/20, I suppose.
“You know what”, I say taking the reins of the conversation, “She was dreadful, and we shouldn’t talk about her. Let’s talk about how you’re doing, Taryn. Only a few more weeks until you pop that little sucker out, eh? Thought of any names yet?”
Callie smiles slyly, knowing that I wanted to change the subject off of Miranda but was genuinely interested in Taryn’s baby.
“As a matter of fact, we’re stuck on baby names. I was thinking Violet but Hal really likes Petunia. I think that sounds like a name for an old lady”, Taryn jokes.
Callie gives her two cents. “You’re stuck on flower names. If neither of you likes the other’s suggestion, why don’t you go for a third name? Like Primrose? Or just Rose?”
Hal and Taryn look at each other with eyes wide open.
“Rose… is good”, Hal mumbles.
“It’s… better than Petunia”, Taryn says with a shrug. “I won’t be expecting a senior citizen to waddle through the hallway if I call to her.”
“Old ladies can be named Rose. How about the old lady from Titanic?”
“She was young throughout most of the movie! Not just young, but beautiful and resourceful”, Taryn notes. “Rose is a great name, thank you for suggesting it, Callie.”
“Let’s not lock that in though, we should still have more of a discussion about it”, Hal begs.
“Right, right, we’ll talk more about it”, Taryn says before leaning over to Callie and whispering, “Her name is totally going to be Rose”, and sharing a laugh with her.
It’s nice to see them get along and piss of Hal. Warms my heart, if I’m being honest. It may have only been one exchange of words but I feel as though this could be a family. Even if Hal is included. He’s mostly the butt of everyone’s jokes so I suppose there is that, at least.
I need this.
In many ways, the life I have lived up to this point was in my design. That is, until Miranda walked into my life. From then on, I’m a shell of the man I was once and I no longer know what it is I want. But I know that I want some sort of connection with the people sitting at this table with me. That much is clear.
The little get-together ends shortly after we finish our food. The conversations we shared were harmless once the topic of Miranda was thrown off by the wayside. After lunch, Callie and I walk to a park. Hand in hand. She seems not to mind it, and I’m happy to feel her touch. But something is holding me back.
“Thanks for paying for lunch, Declan.”
“It’s no problem at all. I like to think I’m a gentleman”, I say with a smile.
Callie checks her watch and tells me that it’s time for her to get going. I hadn’t considered that our date would end anywhere but my bedroom. Not that her leaving now would be a problem. I just find myself caught off guard by her announcement.
“Can we at least talk about why you left last night? That’s right, don’t think you got off that easily. Taryn may have gotten us off track but I didn’t forget”, I tell her.
“I just… I was emotional. I thought that you didn’t want me to stay… Again.”
“Why would you think that?”
She lets go of my hand and blushes intensely. “This is dumb but… You didn’t ask me to stay. So I thought you were just fine fucking me and having me go back home by myself.”
Though she makes an attempt to pull away, I hold her tight and brush my fingers through her soft hair.
“Callie, that… that wasn’t at all the case. I was happy to have you in my bed, but I was happier to have you by my side. I didn’t want you to go home, I was hoping to wake up with you next to me so we could have breakfast. But you just left, without saying a single word to me.”
“I’m sorry, Declan. I… that was dumb of me to do.”
“No”, I insist, “it wasn’t dumb. That’s a perfectly normal reaction to me just falling asleep immediately after sex. After our first night, I probably should have put more effort into our relationship. I should have said it outright.”
“Said what outright?”
“That... I want you to stay with me. I do.”
“You don’t have to say it if you don’t mean it. I’ve been thinking about it and I do think a no strings attached relationship could work if--
I interrupt her train of thought when I slightly move her face so she’s looking up at me. “I want you to stay with me, Callie.”
Having admitted my true feelings, I lean down to kiss her but Callie backs away. She turns and once again says that she has to leave. She waves at me and quickly walks the opposite way we were walking. There’s something on her mind but I can’t make heads or tails of it.
I should run after her. It’d be romantic. That’s probably the kind of thing she’s looking for from me. A huge romantic gesture.
Yet, my feet remain grounded in place.
I want you to stay with me, Callie.
I said that. I really said that. Why did I say that? Nothing makes me wish I could read minds more than not knowing what is going through Callie’s. Something was on her mind and something in my stupid head kept me from asking what it was. Communication is important in any and every relationship, yet I can’t get my fumbling mouth open unless it’s to invite her over to my place and smooth talk her until she’s ready to fuck.
Maybe I have a guardian angel warning me from letting someone like Miranda into my life again. But Callie isn’t like Miranda. She’s something else. Taryn would have warned me otherwise. She had no qualms badmouthing Miranda in front of her face, so I doubt she’d treat Callie any differently if she saw something bad about her.
What am I saying? There’s no such thing as guardian angels.
I just feel bad about being so much of a coward that I can’t even strike up a conversation with the woman I’m dating about what is going on through her head. When did I lose my balls? Did Miranda take them?
If Callie and I had met two years ago, she’d be dealing with a totally different version of me. Confident. Romantic. Unafraid of anything. I have to get back to that. Even if things don’t work out with Callie, I have to return to the Declan I once was.
The truth may be harsh to hear, but the fact of the matter is, Callie might be too nice for me. She’s the sweetest girl I’ve ever met and that may be why we’re not working. Life has harshened me so much that trying to be with someone so untouched by the harshness of the world is so foreign to me.
I don’t even know if I’m a good person. Callie is. And she should be with someone who is just as good as her. You don’t become a millionaire without stepping on a few people, and quite frankly, I think that says more about me than I could ever say. I want to be with her, but that may be selfish of me to want. She may be better off with someone else.
Maybe that’s what was on her mind.
She could have been realizing that being with me could be a waste of her time in the long run. “I could find someone better than a rich snob”, is probably what she was thinking as she let go of my hand.
But for the time being, I have to make sure that she doesn’t hate me.
In a last ditch effort, I pull out my phone and try to call her. She doesn’t pick up, further heightening my anxiety. So I leave a message.
“Callie. You and I need to have a… We need to talk-- a real talk. We’ve been acting hot and cold towards each other and I find that there’s not a lot of sense in doing that. We’re both attracted to each other and we want more than sex. We have to talk about everything. Our lives before we met and what the future could hold for us, should we continue to pursue this relationship. I have to tell you about the terrible year I had that started with the end of my relationship with Miranda. And you have to tell me about you. Everything there is to know about you, I want to know it. I don’t know when you’re free next, but please contact me when you want to talk. I’m leaving the ball in your court, Callie.”
Until she returns the call, I have other matters to tend to.
I’ve run my life into the ground, though I did get some help from Miranda. Regardless, I’ve done very little to better my standing as a powerful man. I’ve gained some weight, let my appearance go a bit, said fuck-all to my very own business, and shut myself out from the entire world, even my beloved sister.
The business I once ran is in shambles because of a series of bad decisions I’m solely responsible for. Before I get my love life in order, I have to get my hands back into the business that granted me the opportunities to live the luxurious life I’ve taken for granted. It may have taken a nosedive this past year, but I’m going to do what I can to save it.
From this point forward, I will be active. No more staying indoors for hours on end. No more avoiding the press. I will be the face of my business once more. Nothing builds confidence like bossing around subordinates. And once I have completely regained my confidence, I’ll be ready for that talk with Callie.
It’s time for change.