Chapter Twenty-One: Zara
After Sam and I had are big heart-to-heart, everything between us got so much clearer. We’ve stopped holding back with one another. We’re even going to my hometown and I’m showing him Baker’s Corner. It feels weird to consider that bakery somewhere I’m taking someone to reveal a part of me. Being away from it has made me realize a lot of stuff about me. I’d centered my identity around my Mom and our little patch of home for so long that when she dies, I was a little lost. I did need money to fix things up, but moving to New York was a bit of a radical move. I think subconsciously I was trying to find myself… and I did, on top of the greatest guy. I couldn’t be happier with the choices I’ve made.
Sam thought it would be fun to take a road trip up. He’d never been on one, always flying wherever he needed to go.
“So, you’ve never been on a road trip. Like never ever?” I’m a bit baffled by it. My Mom and I would always drive for our vacations. It was mostly because we couldn’t afford to fly, but it was also fun.
“No. My family has a private jet, so if I need to go somewhere far away, I always fly. It’s just really easy that way.” Sometimes I forget how rich Sam is and then he says something like ‘my family has a private jet’ and I am reminded that he has wealth beyond what I can imagine. Either way, I’m going to show my man the greatest road trip ever.
“Well, then it is my responsibility to give the greatest road trip ever. I’m talking car snacks, I’m talking curated playlists, I’m talking cheap motels.” He doesn’t seem too excited about anything I’ve just listed, but that’s because he’s only hearing about it. Once we’re on the open road and he’s eating those car snacks, listening to the road songs, and booking that cheap motel, Sam is going to fall in love with everything road trip.
Sam gets us a car to drive. It’s nicer than any car I’ve owned, but I don’t tell him this. I can tell he thinks I’m uncomfortable with all his wealth – which I am, a little. At first, it really bothered me, but I’m getting more and more used to it. Plus, I don’t want him to think that it’s an obstacle between us. It’s not an obstacle – I just need a little more time to adjust.
Sam takes the first leg driving. I made about fifteen different playlists – each corresponding with a different mood. I put on a good morning one because it’s like five in the morning. Sam wanted to get a head start, beating any early morning New York traffic. He had a point because I also hate New York traffic – the rare moments I’m in it. So, I didn’t say no, but that also didn’t stop me from complaining about how fucking early it was. Sam humored me and laughed at my kvetching, but we were able to get off the island in a good amount of time.
I open up my backpack and take out some Twinkies. There’s also a cooler in the back that I packed and I get a soda for each of us. I place it all on my lap, opening each of our cans and putting them into the cupholders.
“What are you doing?” Sam keeps glancing into my lap, watching me get our first car snack of the day ready.
“I’m getting us breakfast. I thought we could start with something light.” I open up a Twinkie and offer it to him. He shakes his head, scrunching his nose.
“We can’t have Twinkies and soda for breakfast. Do you know how unhealthy that is?” I’m surprised he hasn’t figured it out yet. I’m pretty sure I explained to him the cardinal rule of road trip food… or maybe I didn’t?
“Yeah, I do. But on road trips, it doesn’t matter how unhealthy something is. You just eat it. That’s like the first rule.” He’s not taking the food, so I take a bite, reveling in the sickly sweetness of the cream filling. I haven’t had one of these in so long and I’ve missed them.
“Zara, I can’t eat like this.” I roll my eyes and take out some grapes because this is a battle I’m not too concerned with. I won’t push too hard this time, but I will get him to let go of this silly notion of his that we’re going to be counting calories on this trip.
“Fine. Here’s something healthy.” He smiles at me and pops grapes into his mouth. I steal a few because I am also a big fan. Car snacks don’t have to be unhealthy, they just tend to skew that way. We have lunch at a Wendy’s, but Sam orders a salad. I roll my eyes, but don’t get upset. I’m not going to force him to change his ways. His ways are what I’m falling in love with.
Wait a second! Did I just say, ‘falling in love?’ I hadn’t really thought about that because I’d been so preoccupied with how to present myself to him in our relationship – back when I wasn’t sure if we were keeping it casual or not. But now that we aren’t operating any false pretenses and we’re being open with one another, I feel free to feel what I feel. Should I tell him? We’ve only just gotten to this point and I don’t want to scare him away. I can figure it out later – maybe after our road trip when I can get some time to myself to really think about all of this.
Sam’s been driving all day and I can tell he’s getting tired. I tried to take the wheel, but he insisted on staying in the driver’s seat. But I know he can’t keep going anymore.
“Sam, let me drive. It’s supposed to be road trip which means we switch off.” He doesn’t answer me, instead looking around like he’s waiting for something to pop up. A few minutes later, we pull into the parking lot of a small B&B.
“I know it’s not quite the cheap motel you described, but I thought we could stay here tonight?” I roll my eyes at him and get out of the car. The place looks really nice and I’m not going to complain about it. We get a room and take our bags upstairs. I step inside and I’m immediately blown away by how nice the room is. I plop on to the bed, engulfed by the sheer number of pillows.
“This room is so nice and cozy.” Sam puts our bags in the corner and joins me on the bed.
“I’m glad you like it.” He turns on his side and starts playing with the hem of my shirt. Every few seconds his fingers graze my skin. At first, I don’t pay it too much mind – doing my best to listen as he talks to me – but with each touch, I have a harder time focusing on his words. His hand moves slower and slower. I close my eyes, letting everything fade into the background except for his skin on mine until I realize Sam is trying to get my attention. “Zara. Zara!”
I snap out of whatever haze I’m in and finally respond. “Oh, sorry. I was – I was…” I’m not sure what I was doing. Enjoying the way he felt when he touched me while also ignoring everything he was saying. That doesn’t sound too nice, but we are being honest with each other, so I should just tell him what’s on my mind.
But Sam doesn’t wait for me to finish my thoughts. He moves so his body is semi on top of mine and brings his mouth down. Our lips touch and I thread my fingers into his hair, pushing us deeper in the kiss. Bringing his hand up from by my waist, Sam maneuvers his body fully on top of me, holding himself up as to not put all of his body weight on me. I bend my knee, so he can situate himself between my legs, his pelvis grinding into me. I can feel his penis under his pants, erect and ready for me. I snake my hand down his torso, rubbing my hand over his bulge. He grunts as we keep kissing. I move my hand faster and faster because I want to see his face contort in pleasure. I bite his bottom lip, keeping my eyes open, watching as he holds back. He grabs my wrist, stopping all movement and pulls his head back, so my teeth let go.
His eyes looking directly at me, he says, “I want to see the perfect body of yours on top of me.” He spins us around before I have a chance to say anything back and I place my palms on his chest to steady myself. I’m already wet from our kiss, my panties soaked. I want to bring my knees together for some relief, but I’ve got this big piece of man under me. Having him inside of me as soon as possible is all my brain wants to think about. I wiggle my pants and underwear off, Sam following suit. I completely understood his intentions when he flipped us over and I can’t wait too watch him watch me.
Sam pulls his shirt over his head and I drum my fingertips and down his chest. I no longer mind how much he was complaining about being healthy if these are the glorious results. His hard muscles warm under my touch with a soft up and down of the chest as he breaths.
“Take your shirt off. I want to see your breasts bounce as you ride me. I want you to show me what a dirty girl you are.” I follow his command, getting all of my clothes off until we’re both naked. I rub my hands up and down until I reach the base of his cock. Slowly, I bring my hand up his shaft, pumping him. My thumb circles around the tip. No longer able to wait, I lift my hips and position him between my thighs. I slide down his entire length, letting my walls surround his shaft. This angle opens up something different inside of me. The way his skin feels on mine is the most intoxicating feeling. I clench my muscles down on his hard cock, milking every last drop of pleasure I can out of Sam. He grabs on to the tops of my thighs, his nails digging into my soft flesh. “Just like that Zara. Fuck, you feel good.”
Encouraged, I move my waist up and down, grinding my center into him. Easily, we find our rhythm and our bodies move as one. One of Sam’s hands move to my nipple, rolling it between his fingers. I throw my head back, the pleasure coursing through my body almost agonizing. My hardened peak is so sensitive, I could come from the simple touch of his fingers. He doesn’t show any mercy, pinching my nipple between his fingers as hard as he can. I put my palm to my forehead, digging my nails into my scalp. “Sam, it’s never felt this good,” I gasp. I keep rocking my hips back and forth, all the sensations pooling to my center until, suddenly, Sam starts flicking my swollen clit. I can’t hold it in any longer, my back arching back as far as it will go. I cry out, “Sam!” coming violently on his cock. Sam isn’t too far behind, spilling into me and causing another wave to crash over me as he holds on to my waist. The spasms in body subside and I fall forward, the sweat of our bodies mixing together. I take a few seconds to catch my breath before rolling off of Sam. I look at the magnificent man beside me and take stock of how amazing my life is right now. I get off the bed to go to the bathroom, but Sam lightly grabs my wrists and stops my walk.
“Come back soon.” He plays it off as him being silly, but I see something behind his eyes that tell me he wants to say something more. I tell him that I’ll be back as soon as possible and I slip into the bathroom. I pee and while washing my hands, I look in the mirror. I’ve never felt so sexy in my life. The fact that someone like Sam takes such pleasure in my body – and the way he makes me feel… I need to tell him exactly how I feel tonight. I know I said I was going to give myself time to assess how I’m feeling, checking to see how I felt once I was alone. But there’s no point in keeping all to myself. How I feel when I’m about Sam when I’m with him shouldn’t change when I’m not. If we’re going to maintain a healthy relationship then I can’t be too scared to tell him exactly what I’m feeling and what I want out of our relationship.
I go back to bedroom, joining my sweet, sweet man under the covers. I cuddle against him, resting my head on his chest and drawing small circles with my finger. His hand softly strokes my hair, his warm breath skirting over my scalp.
“You didn’t use a condom…” This thought just came to me now. I was so in the moment that I hadn’t realized that this is the first time Sam and I had sex without the secondary protection. He takes a few seconds to think and realizes the same thing.
“I guess you’re right. The thought just didn’t occur to me.” I don’t know what this means for us, but it feels good. Sam seemed to want to use one because of a weird trust thing – and not because he didn’t trust me. It was more he didn’t think I should trust. It’s much too late for that now, but it seems like he’s gotten past that hurdle and we’re getting more and more in sync. “Zara?”
“Yes, Sam.” His hand has stopped moving, causing me to look up. His face looks confused, like he’s not sure whether or not he wants to keep talking. I give him the time he needs, not wanting to rush any heartfelt confessions he might have.
“I know we’ve been together a short time, but when you know, you know, right?” I know the question’s rhetorical, but I can’t help but be amused by Sam’s sudden turn of shyness – a turn I have a strong desire to poke fun at.
“I don’t know, Sam. Know what?” My finger rotates around his chin and he playfully swats it away, curling his nose at me.
“Anyway, I wanted to tell you that – regardless of how long we’ve been together – I’m very sure of how I feel about you and the way I feel about you is I’m falling in love with you, Zara, and I’m falling pretty hard.” I coyly smile. I’m over the moon by this revelation, but I also can’t believe how in tandem we are. Unfortunately, Sam takes my coy smile as an unfavorable one. “Is – is everything okay?” I sit, resting my hand on his upper chest.
“Of course, of course. It’s just,” I look down at the bed and then look back up at him from under my lashes, “there’s something I needed to tell you, too.” Sam readjusts himself, so he’s sitting a little straighter.
“What is it?”
I sigh, “I think I’m falling in love with you, too.” I make it sound like a sad confession and Sam flips me around, causing me to shriek in surprise. Then he starts tickling me which does not help the situation in the slightest. “Oh my god, Sam! Sam!”
“You’re a little tease, aren’t you?” He keeps tickling me until I’m gasping for air and confess to being a tease. Once he’s done torturing my confession out of me, Sam collapses on the bed next to me. We both have goofy grins on our faces and spend the rest of our time talking until we fall asleep.