“Wait. What do you mean you kissed him?” Amber’s eyes go wide as she leans forward, abandoning her half-eaten breakfast as she pushes it to the side and rests her elbows on the counter in front of her.
I shuffle from foot to foot, my stomach knotting just having to admit the truth of my actions aloud.
“Why don’t you say it a little louder? I think Mr. and Mrs. Jenson didn’t quite catch that.” I hiss, gesturing around the diner which is bustling with the morning breakfast rush.
“Sorry.” She looks around to make sure no one is listening. “What do you mean you kissed him?” she whispers, shock still evident on her pretty face.
“Pretty sure it’s self-explanatory.” I sigh in frustration.
“Um, hell no it isn’t. How did it happen? Was it fucking amazing? Oh god, it was, wasn’t it? Holy shit, what does this mean? Are you two like a thing now? Are you going to tell him?” She inundates me with so many questions that I don’t even notice the person who has joined the conversation until it’s already too late.
“Tell who what?” Corey slides down onto the stool next to Amber, turning his baseball cap backward as he does.
“Rae kissed Gabe,” Amber blurts excitedly, quickly realizing that the information she just spewed so freely was meant for her ears only.
Before she can apologize, Corey cuts in.
“Wait, you what? Why the hell would you do that?” He pins his gold-brown eyes on me, his forehead crinkled in confusion.
“I don’t know,” I admit on a shrug, feeling almost ashamed.
“You don’t know?” he mocks, clearly unhappy. “Way to go, Rae. You’ve just risked your heart and your son’s on an I don’t know.” He throws air quotes around the phrase.
“Would you relax?” Amber hits him with an expression that can only be described as a shut the fuck up face.
“Relax?” He spits, his gaze now focused on her. “I’m sorry.” He holds his hands up in front of himself. “Am I the only one here who actually cares about Rae and Landen?”
“Seriously”—she rolls her eyes—“could you be any more dramatic? It was just a kiss.”
“I highly doubt there is such a thing as just a kiss between two people who share what the two of them share. She’s just asking for trouble.” He gestures toward me, but his eyes are locked on Amber.
“Pretty sure that’s not your call. I, for one, think it’s awesome that she’s actually willing to put herself out there on the off chance that it might end the way she wants.” She throws me a wink, calming the simmer of regret that has turned into a full-blown boil over the course of the last two minutes.
“And since when do you care so damn much about who Rae kisses?” she tacks on, flipping her attention back to Corey. “Why don’t you stop passing so much judgment and tell us what’s got your panties in such a twist, princess.”
“Fuck you,” Corey grumbles under his breath.
“If you’ve got something to say, Cor, by all means, fucking say it loud enough that we can hear you,” she bites.
This is nothing out of the ordinary for the two of them. They have fought like this since we were kids; it’s just not typically about me. This entire interaction is making me extremely uncomfortable.
“All I’m saying is Rae should think twice before doing something so stupid.” Once again he speaks like I’m not standing directly across the counter from him.
“Stupid?” Amber smacks his arm with the back of her hand. “Who are you to decide what is and is not acceptable for Rae? Um, hello, you aren’t her father.” She crunches her small nose up like she can’t believe he would say such a thing.
“Guys,” I interject, knowing that this will only escalate if I don’t step in. “Guys.” I smack the countertop between them when they continue to argue, bringing their bickering to an abrupt halt as they both turn toward me.
“I appreciate that you two care so much. Truly.” I reach over and pat the back of Corey’s hand, watching him visibly relax under my touch. “And while I value both of your opinions”—I flip my gaze between the two of them—“at the end of the day, this is my life, and I will decide what’s best.” I direct the last part toward Corey.
“Now”—I let out a deep exhale—“Can we just reset?” I suggest. “Can I get you a coffee or something, Cor?”
He studies me for a long moment, clearly trying to decide if he wants to let it go that easily before a slow smile spreads across his handsome face.
“Sorry, Rae.” He shakes his head like he’s trying to shake himself out of whatever it is that’s bothering him. “Got a lot on my mind. I shouldn’t take it out on you.”
“You wanna talk about it?” I offer.
“Nah. I’m good.” He sighs. “I will take you up on that cup of coffee, though.”
“Coming right up.” I spin, thankful to have a moment to separate myself from the two of them for just a few seconds.
I get that they want what’s best for me. I just wish that they, Corey specifically, would realize that what’s best for me is to be able to talk about everything going on with my two best friends without feeling like I’m being put on trial for murder.
When I return seconds later, the conversation seems to have moved into calmer waters. They look relaxed and much more at ease than they did just moments earlier.
“So how long will you be out of town then?” I hear Amber say as I slide Corey’s coffee across the counter to him.
“Where are you going?” I interrupt.
“Dad scheduled some work in Savannah,” he says, pouring some creamer in his coffee before meeting my gaze. “We’re just going to stay down there rather than trying to travel back and forth.”
Corey and his father run their own construction business; something that his dad started over twenty years ago, and like my father, hopes to pass along one day to his children. Or child as it were, considering Corey is an only child.
“That’s cool.” I retrieve a couple packets of sugar from behind the counter and hand them to him before continuing. “What are you working on?”
“We’re rehabbing this incredible Dutch Colonial on the outskirts of the city.” He lifts the cup to his lips and takes a small sip of the hot liquid.
“How long do you think you’ll be gone?” I ask the same question as Amber considering he didn’t get a chance to answer her before.
“Five or six weeks.” He shrugs, taking another drink of coffee before setting it onto the bar. “Just enough time for you girls to realize how lost you are without me here,” he quips, pulling a snort from Amber before her laughter fills the space.
“Keep telling yourself that.” She clasps his shoulder as she stands.
“Screw you.” He turns toward Amber who is now at his eye level. “You love me.” A deep smile spreads across his face.
“Oh god, okay.” She rolls her eyes on a deep exhale. “I love you. Is that what you want to hear?” The playfulness in her tone is evident.
“Yes. Thank you.” He nods, barely containing his smile. “It’s nice to feel appreciated from time to time.” He picks up a napkin and dabs the corner of his eyes like he’s wiping away his tears of happiness.
“You are too much for me.” She shakes her head, turning her gaze toward me. “I gotta bounce. Harris hates when I’m late.” She refers to the dentist that she works for.
When Amber told me what she was going to school for, I thought for sure she would change her mind within weeks. I never pictured Amber working as a dental hygienist. But she proved me wrong and while she complains every chance she gets, I know she loves her job. Or maybe it’s the hot dentist she works for that she loves, with Amber I never really can tell.
“Have fun!” I give her a little wave.
“I always do.” She winks, pulling Corey into a quick one armed hug before taking off through the diner, disappearing outside moments later.
“Thank fuck.” Corey sighs, flipping his cap around the right way.
“Oh, shut up.” I laugh, knowing he’s just kidding.
“Seriously, remind me why we’re friends with that girl again.” He picks his coffee up and settles into his chair.
“Because in third grade she threatened to beat you up if you didn’t let her play on the swing set with us,” I remind him, laughing at the memory that still stands out like it was just yesterday.
“Damn, I knew I should have just taken one for the team.” His smile spreads as he lifts the cup to his lips and drinks.
“Shut up. You know you love her.”
“For the life of me, I can’t figure out why, though.” He shakes his head, lowering his cup onto the bar.
“Because she keeps you on your toes.”
“That she does.” He nods in agreement.
“So…” He drags out, hesitating just enough that I already know what he’s about to say.
“I don’t want to talk about Gabe.” I stop him before he can even say a word.
“Rae—I just…”
“Nope. I don’t want to hear it, Cor.” I cut him off. “I appreciate your concern, I really do. But when it comes to Gabe, you don’t get a say.” I feel bad for even saying it, but I know it needs to be said.
Corey has always been super protective of me. While I love that about him, he has a tendency to overstep, especially where my love life is concerned—not that I’ve ever had much of one if I’m being honest.
“I just,” he tries again.
“Nope.”
“Rae…”
“You heard me, Cor. I love you. I really do. And I appreciate everything you do for me and Landen. I don’t know what I would do without you. But this is something I have to figure out myself. I can’t have you pushing your own agenda on me.”
“What agenda?” He doesn’t even attempt to hide the hurt in his eyes. “The one where I keep you and Landen safe and out of the hands of a man who’s already destroyed you once.”
“See, that’s what I’m talking about.” I cross my arms in front of myself. “You hate him.”
“Fuck yes I do, Rae. Look what he did to you.”
“I’m a big girl, Cor. I can handle myself.”
“Like you handled yourself the last time? How easily you have forgotten the hell that man put you through. Well, I haven’t forgotten. I haven’t forgotten the way you cried in my arms when you realized he was gone, the way you nearly broke when you found out you were pregnant, the devastation you felt when you finally accepted that he was never coming back; that he would never know your son. I remember every single thing, Rae. And I won’t let him hurt my family again.”
“And I love you for that.” I reach across the bar and take his hand, giving it a firm squeeze. “I love you for everything you’ve done for me and for Landen. But this is my choice, Cor. This is the father of my son we’re talking about.” I lower my voice as to not be overheard by any of the patrons inside the diner. “I owe it to Landen to at least find out if keeping him from his father is the right decision. I owe it to myself.”
“I won’t pick up the pieces when he hurts you again.”
“You won’t need to.” I release his hand. “I’m not the same girl I was two years ago. I know life does not begin and end with Gabe Preston. I have something worth so much more than he will ever be.”
While every word I say is true, and Landen provides me with a strength I might not otherwise have, I also know that I’m already in too deep to change the outcome. I’m already under Gabe’s spell. There’s no way out for me anymore other than to just see this through.
It’s a realization I came to last night while I tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep after Gabe dropped me off. I’m done fighting this. I know with complete certainty that what I want more than anything in this world is for the three of us to be together, to be a family.
I’m willing to put my own heart on the line. I’m willing to let that man tear it to shreds and leave me defenseless against his assault if that means at the end of the day there’s even the smallest chance that things might end up the way I want them to.
If I’m ever going to take the chance, now is the time. Landen is still so young, it’s better to do it now when he won’t remember Gabe should he choose to walk away after learning the truth.
“Now can I please have my best friend back?” I meet Corey’s gaze, knowing what I need more than anything right now is his support.
“I haven’t gone anywhere.” He sighs
“You sure?”
“I know I give you hell over him, Rae, but it’s done purely out of love.”
“I know that.”
“Just the thought of that man hurting you again…”
“It’s okay. I promise you, things will be different this time. Even if the outcome is the same, I won’t let him break me.”
“Why do you even want to risk it?” He doesn’t try to hide his confusion.
“Because he’s the father of my child and because no man has ever made me feel the way he makes me feel. It doesn’t have to make sense to you. I know I probably sound bat shit crazy, and maybe I am, but I can’t help the way I feel.” I lay my palm flat against my chest.
“You still love him.” It’s a statement, not a question.
“I don’t know what I feel,” I admit, knowing deep down a part of me will always love Gabe Preston. I’ve just gotten good at hiding it from the rest of the world and in turn hiding it from myself.
“And Landen? What are you going to do there?”
“I’m going to tell Gabe the truth.”
“When?” He doesn’t meet my gaze as he stares down at his half-empty coffee cup.
“Soon. I just have to find the right time.”
“And what if he doesn’t react the way you want him to? What if he wants nothing to do with him? Or worse, what if he tries to take him from you?”
“I’m a good mom. I’ve come to the conclusion that no judge in his right mind would take my child away from me. Maybe he ends up with visitation rights; honestly, I’m not convinced that would be a bad thing. It’s not ideal, Cor, I know that.” I wait until he meets my gaze before continuing. “But my son deserves to know his father, no matter what.”
“I can’t change your mind?”
“No.” I shake my head, sticking to my guns.
“Then I guess there’s nothing more I can say.” He sighs in defeat.
“This doesn’t change us,” I say, once again taking his hand in mine. “You were my best friend before Gabe Preston, and you will be my best friend after. All I need is your support. I just need to know that at the end of the day I won’t lose you.”
“You won’t ever lose me, Rae.”
I smile, feeling an immense weight lift from my shoulders. I may be unsure about a lot of things but knowing I have my two best friends to fall back on means everything to me. I’m not alone. They’ve got me. They’ve got Landen. At the end of the day, that’s what truly matters.