The late afternoon sun feels amazing on my skin. I suck in a deep breath and slowly let it out, feeling more relaxed than I have in a very long time. I prop up my adjustable beach chair to give myself a better view of the incredible sight taking place several feet from where I’m sitting.
Gabe is on his knees, beating on a bucket of sand like his life depends on it, trying to pack it before dumping it over to make the second tier of the castle he’s been attempting to make for the last hour.
Every time he gets past ground level, Landen tears it down. It’s become a game to him now. I laugh, when like all the times before, the second Gabe removes the bucket and the next layer is in place, Landen takes two handfuls out of the middle causing the entire structure to fall over. He giggles loudly, his little hands throwing sand all over the place.
I cover my mouth to contain my laugh when Gabe snatches him up and starts playfully reprimanding him for once again destroying their castle. Tickling his little belly, Landen’s laughter cuts through the only sound I hear, despite how incredibly busy the beach is today.
I lower my sunglasses, watching as Gabe lowers Landen to the ground and stands, attempting to rid his board shorts of the sand that seems to have become a part of the material. The sunlight catches the definition of his ab muscles so perfectly that I have to bite my lip to contain myself from moaning at the sight of him.
It should be illegal to be as perfect as Gabe is. His body is absolutely ridiculous, hard and toned. But when he leans down and snatches Landen out of the sand, rubbing noses before propping him on his hip, he’s never looked sexier.
I swear to god if melting were a real thing, I would be a puddle in this damn beach chair right now. I fan myself, the heat flooding my body having nothing to do with the temperature outside.
“What?” Gabe arches a brow at me when he catches the look on my face as he approaches.
“Nothing.” I shake my head, trying to shake off my reaction as he leans down and slides Landen onto my lap.
“Hi, buddy.” I kiss his sand covered head and hand him his sippy cup of water before looking back up at Gabe. “You looked like you two were having fun out there.” I can’t hide the smile that stretches across my face.
“He’s the best castle building partner ever.” His smile matches my own as he slides down onto the beach chair next to me, sitting on it sideways so he’s still facing me.
“Um, it looked like he was destroying your castles, not helping you.” I laugh lightly, taking Landen with me as I sit completely upright.
“Are you kidding? He wasn’t destroying them.” He turns his attention from me to Landen. “Tell her, buddy. You were just destroying the zombies that kept invading our castle, isn’t that right?” He flips his playful gaze back to mine.
“Is that so?” I look down to the little boy in my lap and then back to Gabe.
“Scouts honor.” He winks. “Us boys gotta stick together.” He holds his fist out and to my surprise, Landen balls his own little hand and hits Gabe’s.
“Um?” I laugh, hitting Gabe with questioning eyes.
“What?” He cocks his head, his smirk so damn sexy it almost derails me from what I’m about to say.
“When did you teach him that?”
“The other day at the zoo.” He laughs. “You know when you went off on a hunt for a stuffed gorilla.”
“He really wanted that gorilla. What’s a mom to do?” I joke.
“He’s got you eating out of the palm of his hand.” He looks back to Landen.
“Up. Up.” Landen drops his cup in my lap and then holds his arms out to Gabe who happily takes him from my lap.
“Apparently, I’m not the only one.”
The happiness I feel overwhelms me.
I never thought I’d have this. Gabe, Landen, and I all together like a real family. It’s only been a little over a week since Gabe found out that Landen is his, and already he’s stepped into the role like he’s been doing it all along. He’s a natural with him, and it makes me realize what I’ve been missing these last few months while raising Landen on my own.
“Please,” Gabe huffs, pulling me back to the present. “I’m impenetrable.” He turns Landen so that he’s standing on Gabe’s lap facing him.
Landen reaches out and places his little hands on either side of Gabe’s face and squeezes.
“I take it back.” He speaks as Landen pushes harder causing Gabe’s lips to pucker together. “I’m total mush.” He laughs, flipping his gaze to me.
My god this man has me. Hook, line, and sinker—I’m buying every word he’s selling. I don’t think I’ve ever felt happiness like this, except maybe when Landen was first born and even that was surrounded by an air of sadness because Gabe wasn’t there. But now, there’s nothing I would change. Not one single thing.
Okay, that’s not entirely true.
While the present is surrounded by happiness and a newfound sense of peace, the future is still uncertain. We have yet to really discuss what will happen when Gabe has to return to L.A. in just a couple of weeks.
Don’t worry, I’m not foolish enough to believe that Gabe would ever give up the band to stay here with Landen and me, and honestly, I don’t want him to. The band is a big part of who he is, and I would never want him to walk away from that. With that being said, I still hope he can find a place for us somewhere amongst the chaos of his life.
That’s my biggest fear, loving him even though I know I might lose him all over again.
I don’t think he would walk away from Landen, at least not entirely. It’s clear to see that he loves the very ground that child walks on. My fear that he would hurt Landen has been officially put to rest. I know there isn’t a thing he wouldn’t do for that child, and I know it with complete and utter certainty. But that doesn’t change what he does for a living and where Landen will fit into all of that.
“Hey.” I look up to see Gabe studying me curiously. “Where’d you go?” He chuckles, clearly sensing that I was off in my own little world.
“Sorry.” I shake my head, smiling at Landen who is now sitting on the chair next to his dad.
His dad? I never knew a statement could feel so good.
Grabbing my phone out of the bag next to my chair, I quickly pull up my camera and point it in their direction. Without a word from me, Gabe puts his arm around Landen and pulls him into his side, tilting his head down so I can get them both in the picture without having to back up.
“Smile,” I tell Landen who glances in my direction just as I snap the picture.
Looking down at the screen, I almost tear up at the sight of the photograph before me. It has to be the single most incredible thing I have ever seen.
Gabe looks incredible, of course, I don’t think that man could ever not look every bit of the sexy rock star that he is. But Landen softens him from bad boy rocker to loving father and it melts my insides a little.
“Let me see.” Gabe senses my emotions over the photo and reaches to take my phone from my hand.
Turning the device toward him, he smiles at the picture, studying it for several seconds before his fingers start typing something out.
“What are you doing?” I question.
“Sending it to myself.” He smiles, not looking up at me until he’s finished.
Extending the phone back to me, I take it from him, seeing that he not only sent the picture to himself but he also set it as my home and lock screens.
“What makes you think I want to look at your face every time I need to use my phone?” I cock my eyebrow playfully.
“Who wouldn’t want to look at the two hunkiest guys on the planet? Isn’t that right, buddy?” He gently nudges Landen with his elbow, but he’s too busy drinking the sippy cup I handed to him to really pay him any mind.
“Well, I guess I can’t argue with you there.” I wink with a smile. “It’s getting late,” I say, glancing at my phone to check the time. “We should probably take this little guy home for dinner.”
“Can I come with you?” His question catches me off guard. He’s never asked to come back to my house before.
“You want to come home with us?” I question, not sure why I’m so surprised by his request.
“If that’s okay.” He misreads my reaction.
“Of course. Yeah. That’s fine. Great.” I start spurting out words, not sure why I’m suddenly so nervous.
I guess it’s just different being out with him. When we go places together we’re on neutral ground, but taking him into my home just feels so much more personal. It’s something I’ve avoided up to this point out of fear that if he leaves, I don’t want memories of our time together to wash over me every time I walk in the front door.
I know that probably sounds strange, but knowing what losing Gabe feels like—having already endured that hell before—I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for when it happens again. If—if it happens again—I try to remind myself.
Things are so different this time around. And it’s not just Landen either; it’s the way Gabe looks at me, too, like I’m the most beautiful woman on the planet. Not once in our time together over these past few weeks have I seen him even glance in another woman’s direction. It’s like his eyes are only for me, and I revel in the thought that I mean that much to him.
“Are you sure?” Gabe cuts in, hesitation in his eyes.
“Yes.” I give him a smile, trying to shake off my sudden mental meltdown. “Yes,” I repeat more forcefully. “I’d like that.”
The smile he gives me easily erases my hesitation.
****
“This is really cool,” Gabe says the second I return to the living room after giving Landen a quick bath.
Gabe left to get us food and must have returned sometime in the last couple of minutes because he wasn’t here when I crossed from the bathroom into the bedroom moments ago.
He’s standing next to a wall shelf that is lined with pictures. Some are of me with friends and family but most are of Landen. Pictures of us together the day he was born, our first trip to the ocean, Landen’s first birthday.
“I’ve missed so much,” he says more to himself than to me as he takes several moments to scan each picture.
“But you’re here now,” I interject, pulling his eyes to me just as I lean down and place Landen in the gated play area that sits in the corner of the living room. “That’s what matters,” I tack on when he suddenly appears at my side, looking down at our little boy who has happily immersed himself into his world of toys.
“He’s pretty incredible.” The pride in his voice is unmistakable.
“He is,” I agree.
“We made that, Rae.” He looks from Landen to me and then back down to Landen.
“We did.” I swallow down the emotion that clogs my throat.
“It’s so strange.” He thinks on his words.
“What is?” I finally ask after several long moments.
“Weeks ago I didn’t even know he existed, and already I love him so much that I feel like I can’t breathe.” His admission makes me chuckle, which pulls his gaze back to me.
“Welcome to the world of parenthood,” I inform him, a smile playing on my lips.
“It’s scary. All I can think about is what if I mess this up?” The vulnerability on his face stalls my breath.
“You won’t,” I assure him.
I reach out and take his hand, entwining his fingers with mine as we both look down at Landen.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I feel the same way,” I admit. “It’s terrifying. But at the end of the day, I know that I can do it because I love him that much.”
“I do, too.”
“I know.” I don’t even have to look at him to know he’s telling the truth.
It takes becoming a parent to teach you what true love really is. To teach you how to love so selflessly that there’s not one thing you wouldn’t give up for your child. Landen taught me that, what it means to value someone else’s life over my own. I would walk through fire for that child, literally. I would give my life for his without a moment of hesitation. That’s what being a parent is.
“Thank you.” I turn to meet his gaze when he squeezes my hand.
“For what?”
“For believing I could do this. For trusting me.”
“I didn’t do it for you.” I word it gently afraid I might offend him. “I did it for him,” I say, nodding in Landen’s direction.
“I know.”
He releases my hand before dropping his arm over my shoulders. Tucking me into his side, he drops a gentle kiss to my temple.
“You’re an amazing woman, Raelyn Abbott.”
I turn in his embrace, pulling his body flush against mine as I wrap my arms around the back of his neck.
“It’s about time you noticed,” I tease, looking up just in time to be graced by that incredible smile of his.
“I’ve always known it.” He drops his forehead to mine. “It just took me a while to actually see it.”
“Keep talking like that and I might just keep you around,” I tease.
“That’s the goal,” he quips, completely serious.
“Well then, you better tell me you got some Lo Mein in that bag of goodies.” I flip my gaze toward the bag of Chinese food he left sitting on the kitchen counter and then back to him.
“You know it.” He laughs, his body vibrating against mine. “And if you think that’s the best part, just wait until dessert.” He whispers the last part before sucking my bottom lip into his mouth.
“Mmm,” I hum against his lips. “I think I like the way you think.” I break the kiss, taking a long moment to appreciate his beautiful face before stepping out of the embrace.
Without a moment’s hesitation, he bends over and swoops Landen up. Our son squeals and laughs as Gabe snuggles his neck and makes funny noises.
“You hungry, buddy?” he asks as he pulls back, taking off toward the kitchen.
I follow behind once again, so taken by the sight of my son in his father’s arms that I have to resist the urge to pinch myself to make sure all this is real.
Real life isn’t this perfect—or is it? Because right now I feel like nothing can touch this happy bubble I’m currently floating away in.