I don’t know what I expected when Gabe invited me and Amber to stay, but I certainly did not expect to enjoy myself as much as I have.
While my interactions with Gabe’s band mates were very limited in the past, they have all embraced Amber and me like we’ve been part of the group all along.
I’ve laughed harder than I think I have in a very long time, and there’s just a chillness about being around the guys, and Nora and Kate, too. And while she’s been nothing but nice, I have caught Nora watching me on more than one occasion tonight. I don’t know what it is, but I feel like she can see right through me and knows every single one of my secrets.
Every time our eyes meet I feel like she’s secretly communicating with me. I know it sounds crazy, but if I had to decipher the way she’s been watching me and Gabe all night, I’d say she knows exactly why I’m here, and she’s warning me not to hurt him.
Me hurt him? I have to be reading her wrong.
“So, Raelyn…” Killian pulls my attention back to the present, and I look up to where he’s lounging in a high-back plastic chair across the fire pit from me, Nora directly next to him. “You have a child, correct?”
While I’m completely consumed by the man next to me, Killian’s voice still makes my skin tingle slightly. The way his Irish accent wraps around his words is one of the sexiest things I think I’ve ever heard.
“I do. A son.” I refocus, answering his question.
“Killian wants to have children,” Nora interjects.
“Lots of them.” He smiles lovingly at her.
I can’t help but be envious of the obvious connection the two share.
“You have to marry me first.” She wrinkles her nose at him playfully.
“If I recall, you’re the one who wants to wait.” He gives her a wide smile, not the least bit bitter about this fact.
“I just want to wait until things calm down,” she explains. “I don’t want to get married and start having children while you’re still on the road nine months out of the year.”
“Nora believes that the road is no place for children. What do you think? I mean, could you see having your child out on the road?” Killian redirects his attention to me.
“Um… I’m not really sure,” I stutter, unprepared for his question.
I mean, of course, I’ve thought about it. I guess dreamed about it would be a more accurate statement. I’ve imagined what it would be like to tour with Gabe, to travel the world with him, to share the experience with our child, but it’s not anything I’ve ever considered seriously.
Afraid that if I take too long to say more it might raise some red flags, I quickly move to explain further.
“I mean, I think it could work. The important thing for a child is that they have parents and family that love them. I don’t think it matters where you are. Obviously, there are certain aspects of that life that you would probably want to shield the child from, but ultimately I think it would be okay.” I don’t miss the way Gabe’s eyes burn into the side of my face as I speak.
I shrink slightly under his gaze, feeling suddenly very self-conscious.
“See.” Killian points at me while looking at Nora. “It’s not like we would have a baby tomorrow.” He smirks at her. “Nora is a bit of a control freak. Thinks she has to have everything planned down to a T.” He keeps his gaze on her but is speaking to me.
“You’re ridiculous.” She laughs at him, shaking her head. “There’s nothing wrong with having a plan.”
“I didn’t say there was.” He chuckles.
“But you want me to run off and elope without a second thought.” Nora rolls her eyes but there’s a playfulness to the action.
“I’ll get her there.” He turns back to me and winks.
I can’t help but fall in love with Killian and Nora. They are so beautifully perfect together and it’s both uplifting and depressing to witness. Deep down I think everyone wishes for the type of love they clearly share. I know I do.
Glancing over at Gabe, I find him watching me intently. Hitting him with a questioning look, I cock my head to the side, unable to contain the smile that takes over my face at how ridiculously happy just being near this man makes me.
“You wanna take a walk?” he asks, his voice low so only I can hear him.
I flip my eyes to Amber who is deep in conversation on the other side of the fire with Aiden. I’m not surprised that she honed in on the only single guy here—well, other than Gabe, but he doesn’t count. But I am surprised by how well they seem to have hit it off.
When she throws her head back on a laugh and leans closer toward him, I know that she will be perfectly fine if I excuse myself for a few minutes.
“Sure.” I give him a sweet smile to hide my nerves.
Standing, I walk over to Amber.
“You good here?” I ask, hunching down next to her chair.
“Yep.” She hits me with a look that tells me she’s more than good before turning back toward Aiden.
Letting out a low chuckle, I straighten my posture, jumping slightly when Gabe appears directly next to me.
“Come on, we can walk out front,” he suggests, wrapping his hand around mine as he leads me away from the fire and the rest of the group.
I try to ignore the sudden wash of nerves I feel as I take a deep breath of the warm summer air. I’m nervous enough around Gabe. Add on what I know I need to tell him, and I feel like I might bounce right out of my own skin.
We both remain silent for several long moments, strolling through the beautifully landscaped grounds hand in hand. As on edge as I feel right now, I also can’t deny how happy I am at the same time.
“Aiden seems quite taken with your friend Amber.” Gabe finally breaks the silence once we’ve walked several yards down the long, dimly lit, tree-lined driveway. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him quite so comfortable with a girl before.” He laughs lightly.
“Amber has that effect on people.”
“I can see that.” He bumps his shoulder playfully against mine. “Too bad we’re leaving soon. He could use someone in his life to help open him up.”
“When are you leaving?” I try to fight down the tight knot that’s formed at the base of my throat.
I knew the day would come when Gabe would have to go back, but hearing him say they’re leaving soon has really brought that fact into perspective.
“A little over three weeks.” He sounds as disappointed as I feel.
“Wow, that soon.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, keeping my eyes focused forward as we walk. “Will you be back in L.A. for good?” I brace myself for the answer I know is coming.
“Yeah. The label already has tons of gigs and appearances booked through July to start promoting the new album.”
“I see.”
I don’t know what else to say. I feel like my heart is breaking all over again, and he hasn’t even left yet. I knew I should have never let myself be sucked back into Gabe Preston. I knew it would only lead to me being hurt and disappointed.
“Give me a reason to stay.” His words bring us both to an abrupt halt as he releases my hand and turns to step in front of me.
I ignore the urge to reach out and run my hands along his chest, keeping my arms firmly at my sides.
He’s giving me an in to say what needs to be said, but I’m just not sure I can bring myself to do it.
The words are there. They are right on the edge of my tongue, but I can’t force them out. I can’t look in his eyes. I can’t break my gaze away from his broad chest that rises and falls as he breathes in and out, waiting for me to respond.
“Rae.” I feel his fingers under my chin just moments before he tips my face upward.
The moment his hazel eyes land on mine, I’m lost in their depths. My god, the hold this man has on me. No matter how this goes, I don’t think there will ever be a man who will make me feel the way Gabe does.
“Give me a reason.” His voice is almost a whisper, his expression pleading.
My heart clamors inside my chest, beating so rapidly that I can feel it in my throat. I swallow but suddenly my mouth is too dry, and I can’t force it down.
“I don’t think I can,” I blurt out, fear paralyzing my ability to say what I really want to.
“Yes, you can.” His gaze hardens but his voice remains gentle.
“You don’t know what you’re asking for.” I can’t help how clear my nerves are.
“Why? What aren’t you telling me?” There’s a desperation in his voice that tears at my insides.
Tears sting the back of my eyes, but I do everything in my power to push them away. I want to tell him. I want to finally rid myself of the weight that has held me down since the moment he returned to town. But the information I have will not only change my life; it will completely rock his.
I had months to get used to the idea of being a parent. I fell in love with our child as he grew inside of me. But Gabe, he’s had no time to prepare, no time to process. I’m just going to drop a ball on him that has the power to spiral his entire world out of control.
“I…” I try to force words out.
“Just say it.” Gabe’s eyes are so soft I nearly lose my grip on my emotions, having to take a shaky inhale to keep myself from bursting into tears.
“I…” Again, I can’t get past the lump now lodged firmly in the base of my throat.
“Whatever it is, you can tell me.” He snags a stray strand of hair that the wind picks up and gently tucks it behind my ear. “Say it.” His face is so close now I can feel his warm breath on my lips.
It’s almost like he knows what I need to say and is urging me to just spit it out. But that can’t be right. There’s no way he could possibly have any clue the magnitude of what I’m about to say.
“I can’t,” I finally admit, unable to reel in the shake in my voice.
“I hurt you.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement.
“Gabe…”
“Let me finish.” He cuts me off before I can say more.
“I hurt you. I know that now. I was too self-absorbed and fucked up to see it two years ago, but I see it now. I was an idiot to walk away from you the way I did. But you have to believe I’m not that person anymore. I just want the chance to prove that to you.”
His lips brush mine so gently that the kiss is like a whisper. It’s over before I even realize it begins, but that doesn’t dull the overload it leaves on my senses.
He pulls back just enough that he can look into my eyes, his hands reaching up to cup my face.
“I’ve spent the last two years in a fog; high on fame, drugs, alcohol, and women. I hated the guys when they gave me the ultimatum to get clean or I was out of the band. It felt like a personal attack, and I just couldn’t understand what was so wrong with the way I was living that they would make such a threat. It wasn’t until I saw you again that the anger began to fade and with it, the fog began to lift. Spending time with you, being around you has made me want to be a better man. You make me a better man.”
He wipes a tear that trickles silently down my cheek with the pad of his thumb.
“I want a do-over. I want the chance to do right by you. Let me do right by you.”
“I want that, too,” I admit, knowing it’s all I ever really wanted.
“Tell me the truth. Tell me what you’re hiding from me. And don’t say you’re not hiding anything,” he interjects as I open my mouth to respond. “I can see it in your eyes. I can see the wall you’ve put up between us, and I get it, I do. But it’s time to let me in. Give me a chance. Please.”
“Landen.” His name catches in my throat and barely breaks the surface.
I look down, unable to meet his gaze.
“What about him?” Gabe’s face hovers inches from mine as he forces me to look back up.
“He’s yours.” I don’t even realize the words have left my lips until I hear my own voice likes it’s being replayed back to me.
I suck in a hard breath and hold it in, bracing for impact.