“So let me get this straight.” Amber lounges next to me on the couch, popping another piece of popcorn into her mouth, chewing around her words. “He hit on you right in front of Corey? The man has some balls. How did he know you two weren’t together or something?”
“I doubt he would have cared if we were,” Corey snorts, his dislike for Gabe clear.
“He wasn’t hitting on me,” I insist.
“Seriously, Rae?” Corey looks up at me from his position on the floor and nudges me with his foot.
“What? He wasn’t.” I roll my eyes, so over this conversation.
When I invited the two of them over for dinner and a movie with Landen and me, I didn’t know this was going to be the topic of the night. If I had, I would have rethought inviting them all together. I heard enough of it from Corey last night on the way home.
“Whatever.” Corey shakes his head, turning his attention back to Landen who squeals when he momentarily stops bouncing him on his legs. “Sorry, buddy.” He directs his words to my son. “I’m trying to talk some sense into that mother of yours.” He laughs when Landen reaches forward and places his hands on either side of Corey’s face.
“You know I’m right, huh?” He talks baby, all the while Landen is pushing his cheeks together making his voice sound even funnier.
This draws some babbling from my son and then return babbling from Corey before he finally turns his gaze back toward me.
“See, even the baby agrees with me.”
“All I’m saying is that if a man who looked like him hit on me in the middle of the sidewalk, I sure as hell wouldn’t have left with that.” Amber laughs, hitching her thumb in Corey’s direction.
Covering Landen’s eyes with his left hand, Corey lifts his right and flips his middle finger at her which she immediately returns with her own.
“He’s not all that. I don’t know why you insist on talking about his looks every time his name comes up.”
“Um, because he’s a rich, famous, drop dead gorgeous rock star. Duh.” She sighs in annoyance.
“Do you really think it’s beneficial for Rae to have to sit here and listen to you go on and on about it?” He looks at me for back up.
“Don’t look at me.” I hold my hands up. “I’m with Amber on this one.” I turn just in time to be rewarded with a high five from Amber. “I don’t want anything to do with him,” I quickly move to explain. “But I’m not blind.”
“Well, at least for your son’s sake, he’s not the worst looking thing in the world. Though I think you’re way cuter.” He directs the last part toward Landen who babbles in response, laughing when Corey tickles his little belly.
“Just don’t let him suck you back in, Rae.” Corey falls serious, his gaze once again finding me. “For Landen if nothing else.”
“You don’t have to remind me what’s at stake, Cor. Have I given you any reason to believe I have any interest in rekindling anything with him? I don’t return his calls, I avoid him at every turn, and I most certainly have not tried to seek him out. Trust me, I know the destruction that follows that man around, and I want no part of it.”
Even as I speak I can feel the deception swirling around every single word. While yes, I believe everything I’m saying, I also know my heart is at severe odds with my head on the matter. A truth I don’t plan to share with either of my best friends.
I mean it when I say I have no plans to rekindle anything with Gabe, but that doesn’t mean I won’t eventually crack if he continues his pursuit. As much as I know I shouldn’t, at the end of the day I’m only human.
I’m weak and flawed in all the ways I wish I wasn’t. Primarily where Gabe Preston is concerned.
“Let’s just keep it that way.” Corey pulls my attention back to the conversation.
“What are you, her dad?” Amber retorts.
“No, I’m her friend, and I don’t want to see her get hurt,” he snips, clearly aggravated by her question.
“Well I’m her friend, too, and I say she does what makes her happy. Even if that means crawling in bed with that severe hunk of a man for another go ‘round.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me. “Who knows, maybe you’ll end up with another beautiful baby, and that’s not too bad of a deal if you ask me.”
“Seriously?” Corey’s tone is clipped.
“Oh my God. Lighten up would ya? I’m just making fun of an otherwise hard situation. It doesn’t do anyone any good to be all serious and mopey about it. Might as well lighten the mood any way I can.” She smiles, knocking her arm against mine.
“Besides, Rae knows that if that a-hole hurts her again,” she sensors her language for the baby, “I’ll cut off his you know what.”
The laughter that bursts out of my throat surprises even me.
“And this is why I love you,” I tell her honestly.
Amber knows when to be serious, and she knows when I just need to keep things light. She gets the magnitude of this situation, but unlike Corey, who’s had a stick up his ass since last night, she understands that the last thing I need is to succumb to the weight I feel bearing down on me.
I know there’s a possibility that I could even lose full custody of my child over this. If he thinks I’m playing around, he’s dead wrong. I just can’t continue to beat a dead horse over and over again. Gabe is here, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.
“So are we gonna watch this movie or do you have more lecturing to do?” Amber narrows her eyes on Corey.
“Whatever,” he huffs, ignoring her as he focuses on Landen.
“I appreciate your concern, Corey,” I tell him honestly, pushing into a stand. “But I promise I can take care of myself. You don’t need to worry.”
“I just love this little guy so much.” He drops his forehead to Landen’s. “I don’t want to see him get hurt.”
“And neither do I.” I scoop down and pick Landen up off his lap when his little arms extend in the air to me. “And he loves you, too. Isn’t that right, buddy?” I rub my nose against his before kissing the tip of it.
Landen giggles and babbles in my arms.
“Do you wanna get the movie set up?” I turn my attention to Amber. “I think it’s about time for this little stud to go to bed.”
“Did we settle on Trainwreck?” She pushes off the couch, swiping up the stack of Blu-Rays on the coffee table. “I still can’t believe you haven’t seen it. It’s only like the funniest movie ever.”
“Oh yay.” Corey sighs sarcastically. “Another mind numbing rom-com.”
“Shut it and deal.” Amber points at him as she stops in front of the small entertainment unit set up catty-corner from the couch.
“I’m good with whatever. You two fight it out.” I shrug, slipping inside of Landen’s room that sits just off the living area.
“Your Uncle Corey and Aunt Amber are silly.” I kiss all over his little face before laying him down on top of the changing table.
I stare down at his perfect little face for a long moment, not missing how the bigger he gets the more he looks like Gabe. Amber is right about one thing, he’s definitely a little looker, just like his father.
The thought causes a tight sadness to ring around my heart.
Am I doing the right thing by keeping him away from Gabe?
Am I really so sure I know the man that well?
I mean, having a child by someone doesn’t suddenly make you an expert on them or their parenting skills. Truthfully, I really don’t know Gabe all that well. Our relationship, if that’s what you would even call it, lasted just over a month and was primarily physical, if I’m being honest. I really don’t think that makes me an expert on him.
“Rae. Hurry up before Corey tries to change the movie.” I hear Amber chuckle from the other room, pulling me from my thoughts.
Quickly changing Landen into a fresh diaper and a clean pair of jammies, I gently lay him in his crib, hovering over him for several long moments as I watch him roll around until he finds a comfortable position.
Once he’s settled on his belly, his favorite bunny tucked under his arm, I pull his blanket over his tiny frame and gently rub his little back. He peeks up at me once before dropping his head again, clearly very tired. I smile, looking down at him for another few sweet moments while my mind drifts back to Gabe.
I feel like maybe I’m judging him too harshly. The guilt I have carried with me since his return a couple weeks ago has eaten a hole in my resolve. What I was so sure of before, I’m just not anymore.
But opening myself up to Gabe, even if it is just to make a better, more educated decision for Landen’s sake, is a really scary thought.
I know what that man has the capability of making me feel. And every part of me wants him to make me feel that way again.
I don’t just want it, I crave it.
I crave the feeling I get when he looks at me with those intense eyes. I crave the way my insides clench when he runs his tongue seductively over that sexy as sin lip ring. I crave the feeling of my heart beating so violently in my chest that I find it hard to catch my breath.
I crave all the things I know only Gabe can give me and yet, I fear all of them just as intensely. I know what follows all those things I so deeply crave.
I know the pain, the disappointment, the feeling of not being good enough. He’s made me feel all those things as well. And it’s those things that scare me the most.
My heart barely survived the first round. Do I really want to get back in the ring with Gabe Preston for a second time, knowing what I know now?
There’s so much more at stake than there was two years ago.
If it was just my heart he could break, then maybe…
But it’s not just mine. The other heart on the line is so much more important, more valuable, than mine will ever be. And that’s where my real issue comes into play.
Could I really place him in the line of fire?
That’s the question I have to ask as I stare down at the dark-haired, hazel-eyed angel that I would die to protect.
Shaking off the lingering thoughts that plague my heart, I take one last look at Landen, whose eyes have given way to the heavy weight of sleep. Letting out a slow exhale, I quietly slip out of the room, pulling the door closed behind me.
I hold my finger up to my lips, telling my friends to be quiet as I rejoin them in the living room. Amber has reclaimed her seat on the couch while Corey has moved from the floor to the chair, his long legs hanging over the side.
“Ready?” Amber hits me with an excited smile.
“How can you be so excited for a movie you’ve probably seen a million times?” Corey shakes his head at her.
“Wait till you see John Cena’s ass, and you’ll know why,” she quips, sticking her tongue out at him before holding up the remote and pressing play.
I watch the opening credits, trying to force my mind to focus on the movie and not float back to the one place I need it not to go.
It takes a few minutes for me to really get into the movie, but once I do, everything else kind of fades into the background.
I love the moments where I just get to be Rae. A normal twenty-three-year-old girl enjoying a relaxing movie night with her best friends. No talk of children or hot rock stars, just the sound of Amy Schumer jokes and yes, John Cena’s ass, to give me a little reprieve from the internal battle raging on inside of me.