I swear to fuck, the last week has been complete and utter fucking torture. I went from touring the fucking country, a new city every other night, to sitting here staring at the same four walls for the last seven days. I feel like I’m losing my goddamn mind a little, honestly.
Throwing on an old, faded, vintage The Doors tee, I grab the baseball cap, Sean, our manager, insists I need, before slipping on my converse. Thank fuck Sean’s not coming into town for a few more days. He’s one uptight fucker, and I really don’t need his shit right now.
Heading downstairs, I pass through the large foyer before I spot Aiden in the main living area, his bass laying across his lap as he jots down some notes onto a pad of paper.
We’re renting this place for the next couple of months in order to work on our new album and be out of the public eye for a while. It’s a huge ass farm house on a large stretch of land, twenty minutes from the studio. It’s a complete contrast to the chaos that is touring. Everything is so fucking quiet here. I swear just the sound of a car rolling by off in the distance piques my interest.
I know the guys aren’t gonna like it, but if I don’t get out of here for a while, I’m likely to fuck some shit up, literally. Ever since my little chat with them on the tour bus, all three have pretty much been up my ass non-stop. I swear to fuck, it’s like they are playing tag team. If Kill is with Nora, Chet’s watching. If Chet is with Kate, Aiden’s on duty. So on and so forth. It’s never-fucking-ending. It’s bad enough that the label insists that Larry and Moe go everywhere with us, now to have these three fuckers breathing down my neck, it’s taking everything in me not to bail out on this shit show and just say fuck it.
I don’t know what Kill and the guys are thinking. I get that they want to keep me sober but I think this is a bit excessive. I’m not some addict who’s gonna lose my shit the moment I’m alone.
Is that how they see me?
“Where are you going?” Aiden looks up when he notices me standing in the doorway of the room.
“Out, you got something to say about it?” I bite, having a hard time swallowing this bullshit they’re pulling.
Fuck, I need a drink. And pussy. Definitely pussy.
“Wait up, and I’ll come with,” he says, pushing his guitar to the side.
“No, dude. I’m good. I need some me time. Not that I don’t love all the quality time we’ve been spending together.” Sarcasm drips off of every word I speak.
“You know, this isn’t fun for us either.” He pushes his messy hair out of his eyes and hits me with an annoyed glare. “You think this is how I want to spend my time off, babysitting your grumpy ass?”
“I don’t need a fucking babysitter,” I growl, wishing I could find it in me to not be so hard on him.
I know his heart is in the right place but fuck.
“Well, apparently, you do. Fucking asshole,” he mumbles under his breath.
“What was that?” I hold my hand up to my ear. “Maybe you want to speak up when you call me an asshole.”
“Fuck off, Gabe,” he huffs, pushing off the couch.
“Seriously, you’re not coming with me.” I stand firm, knowing if I don’t get a break I’m going to fucking lose my shit.
I love Aiden, I do. He’s my brother, my band mate, one of my best friends, but being holed up in this house is about to send me into a fucking psychotic break. Not even writing music is helping right now, and usually, that cures all.
Thank fuck we will be back in the studio in a couple of days, and I will at least get a much-needed change of scenery.
“I’ll take Larry, you guys keep Moe,” I say, gesturing to the two big bodyguards currently sitting at the large round table on the back porch, a deck of cards spread out between them.
The only time either of them leaves is if one of us decides we want to go somewhere, in which case the label has instructed they drive us. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad gig; being chauffeured around in an SUV that looks like it’s harboring the president. It’s pretty fucking surreal, honestly. In L.A., everybody is fucking somebody, or at least that’s how it usually feels. But out here, well let’s just say they aren’t as used to seeing famous people just walking down the street.
“You know their names are Scott and Eddie, right?” Aiden retorts, shaking his head at me.
“Larry and Moe are easier to remember.” I shrug, crossing to the back of the room before sliding open the door that leads outside. “Larry, you’re with me.” I point to the bald one on the left whose arms are bigger than my fucking head.
“Where to?” He drops the cards instantly and pushes into a stand.
“We’re just going for a drive,” I say, pointing toward his attire. “Maybe throwing on something a little less conspicuous will help us blend in. We’re not trying to reenact a scene from Men in Black,” I joke, referring to the black suit jackets and dark glasses both of the men wear ninety percent of the time.
How the fuck they don’t fucking die of heat stroke wearing those things is beyond me. You couldn’t pay me to wear that shit down here in the spring or fall, let alone in the fucking beginning of summer when the heat is really starting to pick up.
Picking up his jacket off the back of the chair, he drapes it over his forearm without a word. Ducking inside, within seconds he disappears down the hallway where the two bodyguards are currently camping out in the back bedrooms on the main floor.
“You good?” I turn back to Aiden, just waiting for him to say more on the matter.
“Do whatever, man.” He shakes his head as he gathers his shit off the coffee table in front of him. “Just stay with Eddie, okay?”
“Larry,” I correct him.
“If Kill or Chet ever come the fuck out of their rooms…” I start.
“I’ll tell them you’re with Eddie,” he finishes.
“Larry,” I correct again, laughing when he rolls his eyes at me and lets out an exhausted sigh.
“Stay with his ass.” Aiden points at me, but his eyes are somewhere behind me. I turn just in time to see Larry step back into the room, a light gray t-shirt now clinging to his fucking ridiculously large frame.
What the fuck do these guys do, live in the fucking gym twenty-four seven when they aren’t looking after our needy asses?
He nods once to Aiden before turning his attention to me. “Ready?” He slides his black sunglasses onto his face as he makes his way toward the front door.
“I’ll be back later,” I reassure Aiden, grabbing my cell off the kitchen island.
Pulling my baseball cap down as low as it will go, I slide the phone into my back pocket before joining Larry at the door. “I promise I won’t get into too much trouble mom,” I add on, busting his balls just for the hell of it.
“I feel like your fucking mom,” he huffs, mumbling something else that I don’t catch because I pull the door closed between us without letting him finish.
“Where to, Mr. Preston?” Larry asks the moment I step up next to him.
“Anywhere but here, Larry. Anywhere but fucking here.”
****
I thought getting out of the house and out from under the watchful gaze of my band mates would make me feel a little less claustrophobic. Unfortunately, having Larry up my ass isn’t much better.
At least he’s quiet, unlike the guys.
Sitting on the edge of the pier, my feet dangling in the pond water below, I let out a slow exhale and look up at the stars. You don’t get a view like this in L.A., that’s for sure. I can’t count how many times I’ve sat in a spot almost identical to this one when I was younger.
I can almost see the house I grew up in as if it were off in the distance and not over an hour away. Not that it would matter if I could. My mom moved to Utah last year to be closer to my sister and her three kids so now it’s just a house, nothing more. I’m kind of wishing I had bought the fucking house instead of letting her sell it when she did, though I’m not really sure what the fuck I would have done with it if I had.
My cell phone jars me from my little trip down memory lane, and I jump slightly before digging the device out of my back pocket.
“Yeah,” I answer without looking at the screen.
“Where the fuck are you?” Killian’s accent fills my ears.
“Out at Botock pond.” I kick my feet, not even really sure how the fuck I actually ended up here. I just knew I needed to get away and remembered coming here a couple of times with the guys.
“What the fuck are you doing out there?” he asks, knowing that I’m a good twenty minutes on the other side of Athens.
“Just needed to escape for a while.”
“Eddie with you?” I can hear the concern in his voice and know instantly what he must be thinking,
“Yes, Larry is keeping a very watchful eye on me. And no, I have not had a fucking drink. Not one fucking drop,” I grind out, rather bitter about this fact.
“I’m not accusing.” His tone softens. “Chet and I pounded out a new song this afternoon that we need your help with. You coming back soon?”
“Yeah, I’ll head back now. Not like I have anything better to fucking do,” I grumble, pushing to my feet.
“Do me a solid and stop by Abbotts on your way back through?” he asks without really phrasing it like a question. “You know, the little diner on Main.”
“I know what the fuck it is,” I say, annoyed.
“That’s right, weren’t you fucking a girl who worked there at some point?”
“Rae.” Her name feels strange on my lips.
I haven’t thought about that girl in a very long time. She’s probably the closest I ever came to actually dating anyone, ever. So much has happened since then; I don’t even really remember what exactly happened between us or why we never kept in touch. Last time I saw her was right before we left on tour, I think. Hell, she’s probably long gone by now. New York if I remember right, though I could be completely off on that.
“Fuck, dude, I’m surprised you remember her name,” he jokes. “I guess that was back when you actually cared to learn a girl’s name before taking her to your bed.”
“Fuck off. And what the hell do you need me to stop there for?” I huff, trekking up the hill toward Larry who is leaning against the SUV, arms crossed in front of himself, watching me intently as if I’m somehow gonna fucking make a run for it.
“We stopped in and ate there a few days ago, and Nora has been craving one of their bran muffins ever since. Save me the trip?”
“When the fuck did you become so domesticated? Fucking bran muffin,” I grumble as I climb into the back of the SUV without as much as a word to Larry.
Like clockwork, he climbs in and fires the engine to life, waiting for my instructions. I cover the phone with my hand and ramble off the location of the diner before turning my attention back to Killian.
“I miss the old Kill; the one who would party with me all hours of the night. Remember how we used to make bets on who would take home what girl?” I shake my head on a laugh.
“As I recall, I beat you more times than you care to admit,” he jokes.
“Fucking accent,” I bite jokingly. “Seriously, though. I miss it, man.”
“Times have changed, Gabe. We’re not fucking teenagers chasing a dream anymore. It’s time to fucking grow up.” He says it in the nicest way possible, but his words still sting.
“We’re only twenty-seven Kill, not fifty,” I remind him.
“I don’t know, sometimes after back to back shows I kind of feel like I’m fifty.” He chuckles. “So the muffin?” he tacks on.
“Calm your shit; I’ll get your girl’s fucking muffin. Anything else you need, princess?”
“Actually yeah, hurry the fuck up.” He ends the call abruptly.
“Fucking ass,” I mumble to myself, shaking my head as laughter rumbles through me.
****
It takes almost a half an hour to reach Abbotts, and when we finally do it looks like they’re getting ready to close up shop. I can see a waitress inside stacking chairs upside down on top of the tables as I climb out of the back seat.
“Give me two minutes,” I instruct Larry, closing the door before heading toward the entrance.
Thankfully the door is still unlocked when I pull on the handle. I let out a slow exhale as I step inside, feeling like I just traveled back to a time before everything happened. A time when, like Kill said earlier, we were just chasing a dream.
Now I’m living the fucking dream. But being here makes it feel different somehow. Almost like it’s another world completely. This is the first time I’ve come into town since we arrived here last week. Given the guys’ close watch on me, I haven’t really ventured out until today.
I definitely didn’t anticipate feeling the way I do right at this very moment. Kind of makes me understand what Aiden was talking about when he said he was nervous to come back here.