Grace age 13
Noah age 13
I wonder what Grace would say if I told her how much my mind stayed on her. Not just her body, it was her mind, her smile, her laugh… her future.
I wanted it all. Which meant I had to figure out mine. I had to have a future, something better than the trailer park kid that I am, something that gave me the chance to have her.
Grace is my destination, my goal.
I have two very important people to impress if I wanted to reach the future I picture every night. If I show my parents how to do right, I can save them from themselves too. Mom needs help. Dad needs motivation. I’ve never seen him work, but he gets a check every month that keeps the lights on. This body of mine is made for moving, these hands can’t ever stay still. Maybe if I show him how to be, he can be a better husband to Mom. I won’t ask for them to be better parents, just to be better to themselves.
N.P.
It was like I was seeing the world anew after the kiss I shared with Noah. I couldn’t even fall asleep that night and spent most of it looking out the window waiting for him to come. I didn’t know why. He only ever spent the night on my floor the nights his parents had people over.
The next morning, the waiting began again the moment my eyes opened. I was putting on my shoes by the door when Mom asked, “Where are you going?”
“I figured Noah would be here already, so I’m going to go see if he wants to come over and play games.”
“Wait for him to come over, you know your dad doesn’t like you going over there,” Mom said, and I sighed. I already knew that but it wasn’t like I didn’t sneak to get him anyway. I couldn’t with Mom knowing now.
“I hate waiting though,” I mumbled, and she laughed before dropping down beside me on the floor.
“Grace, about yesterday…” Mom drifted off. I knew this conversation was coming, I just didn’t want it to happen so soon.
“What?”
“I’m sure you know already… you and Noah are getting older and I just don’t want you two to make any of the wrong choices.” I didn’t say anything, I just looked down. “I know you two have something special, and I know Noah would never intentionally hurt you, Grace, but he might feel things and you might feel things.”
“Mom,” I covered my face up. “I’m not dumb, stop.”
She smiled. “I know. I’m a teacher at your school, remember? I know just what kind of conversations kids are having at your age… just don’t rush into these things, okay?”
“Mom, I don’t want to lie, so I’ll be honest. I want to kiss Noah, and I’m still going to even though you want me to wait.”
Mom closed her eyes and sighed. “Grace… kissing always leads to more.”
“Noah would never force me to do anything I didn’t want to do!”
She nodded. “I know, but little Noah has always loved you, of course, he’s going to want to try—” she cut herself off when she realized where she was going.
My eyes widened. “Noah loves me?” Mom covered her mouth with a smile. “And he’s not little,” I told her.
That only seemed to depress her more. “I know, don’t remind me. I can’t believe he’s already taller than me, and you too!” she whined.
“You’re acting so uncool right now, Mom, I can’t help it you’re short.”
“I’m 5’4, that’s an average height for women in America!” she huffed then pointed at me. “You’re the one that’s going to be super tall like your dad. It’s a good thing Noah seems to be outgrowing you.”
My mouth fell open and I pushed her. “Mom, how can you say that to your daughter? You’re gonna give me height issues!”
She hugged me and started planting kisses on my cheek. “You know you’re beautiful.”
I tried shoving her away. “Ugh! Mom, stop! So embarrassing.” I couldn’t help but smile.
The front door opened in front of us and Noah stopped halfway in and glanced down at us. “Uh… what are you two doing?”
Mom finally let go of me and stood up, I did next. “Noah, you got something to tell me?” Mom asked, crossing her arms. Noah glanced my way before meeting Mom’s penetrating gaze again. “Something about k-i-s-s-ing—”
I didn’t know whether to cover my eyes or ears. She was being so embarrassing. “I don’t kiss and tell,” was Noah’s answer.
Even Mom’s jaw dropped with me. “Noah Phillips, did you just sass me? You never speak out of line, unlike my ungrateful daughter.” She pointed at ungrateful daughter—me.
He cracked a smile. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Harper.”
She shrugged. “Don’t call me that, we aren’t at school.” She turned around and I gave Noah a look that said, “She knows about the kiss!”
His facial expression was something along the lines of, “No kidding!”
“And bring the PlayStation downstairs to play it,” Mom said with her back turned. I gave another wide-eyed look to him. “He-he-he,” Mom started wiggling her shoulders around with her evil laugh as she turned back her head. “You didn’t think I’d make it easy, did you?”
“That means a bigger TV, sounds good to me,” Noah played it cool. “I’ll go get it.”
“I’ll come with you,” I said quickly.
Mom narrowed her eyes at us as we trailed up the stairs. Once we inside my room, Noah closed the door silently. I met his eyes anxiously and he blew out a breathy laugh. “I always thought I’d have to worry about your dad, not your mom.”
“You’ve thought about this stuff already? Getting caught before the kiss—” I covered my lips.
He ran his hand through his blond strands. “Not getting caught, just getting their—never mind,” he said quickly, a tint coloring his cheeks.
“We better hurry before she comes and gets us,” I told him, hurrying to the TV stand. I got on my knees and bent my head through the cubby to unhook everything.
“Here let me,” Noah squatted beside me.
I moved my head and let him do it. Just being next to him in silence had my stomach a mess. When he leaned back and saw me, he kissed me right away. Whatever my expression had told him, he replied with, “You looked like you wanted to be kissed.”
Then he stood up with the game. He was almost out the door before I convinced my feet to move and tugged on his shirt from behind him. He turned his head just as I wrapped my arms around him from his back. I let my palms press on his chest that was so much wider than it used to be. Not yet a man, but not a boy either. “I don’t know why, but I’ve wanted to see what you felt like now.”
His gaze swallowed me whole. “And?”
“Indeed,” I inhaled. “I was right. It’s different now. We’re different. I thought we knew everything about each other… I guess there’s still so much to know.”
“Maybe you’ve thought that, but I’ve always been waiting…”
“Waiting for what?”
“To grow up, so that I can discover you in a way I never have before.”
I was wrong. It wasn’t a storm brewing.
It was an abyss that I was falling into.
If only I cared.