Grace age 8
Noah age 9
I’m just a kid, but I think I know my future. It starts and ends with Grace.
She doesn’t realize we are meant to be more than friends, but I’m starting to. One day, I’m going to grow more than I am now, and when I do, I’m going to kiss and touch her when she lets me. I know what adults do. I know all about sex because I’ve seen it during my parents’ parties when everyone’s so high they don’t care that they’re getting it on right in front of a kid. It’s why I disappear to the treehouse to get away. I hate the noise, I hate the smell, but most of all, I hate the way my parents look when they exit real life and disappear into whatever place they love so much. Sex doesn’t look all that great from what I’ve seen in person, but at the same time, I want to try it with Grace.
I’m waiting to grow up. I’m waiting for Grace to as well.
I want her to know about this part of growing up like I do. I feel like with her, everything will be a little more beautiful… Because it already has been a lot brighter since she came into my life 2 years ago.
N.P.
Noah never celebrated his birthday with me. He didn’t even tell me when his birthday was or if he celebrated his new age with his parents every year. He didn’t seem to care. What kid didn’t get excited for their birthday?
There was something downright crooked in his grin that day when he brought the VCR tape his cousin had gotten him for his birthday. I couldn’t share his excitement because all I could think about was still not knowing his birthday like he knew mine.
I crossed my arms and feigned disinterest in whatever he wanted to show me on the tape. He tilted his head at me and sighed. “What is it, Priss?”
“When are you going to tell me your birthday?” I pouted. “I can’t believe you’ve already turned nine and I’m just now finding out!” I studied him a moment. “Is it today? And you’re a May child?” I smiled, knowing I at least knew the month he was born.
He shook his head. “It’s not today, and don’t worry about it.” He looked around the living room. “Where’s your mom?” he asked quickly.
“Cooking,” I answered and watched as the devilish grin returned to his face.
He took my hand. “Come on, we can’t let your parents see,” he said as he led us up the stairs. I studied the color of his ear as it grew red. Noah was up to no good, too bad I didn’t care. Once inside my room, he shut the door and hurried to the TV.
“What are you up to?” I asked.
After pushing the tape into the VCR, he turned around and looked at me. “Promise me you won’t scream or tell your parents what I’m about to show you?”
The question in his eyes unnerved me. I swallowed. “Just what’s so bad on the tape that you are acting so sneaky?”
He smirked, turned the volume almost completely down, then pressed play.
Adults. A woman. A man. Her legs spread open while the man… inside.
A felt nauseous, scared, freaked out, disgusted.
Thankfully, I made no promises about not screaming. Because I did.
He quickly stopped the tape and ran to cup my mouth. He stopped my scream and said, “Turns out there’s a lot more to being an adult than you realize, huh, Grace?”
I jumped away from him. “Why would they?” I squinted my eyes. “Why would you show me that?”
His eyes widened momentarily before glaring. “Don’t worry, I would never want to do that with you. You don’t even have boobs!”
My mouth fell open. “I’m only eight!” I hissed. “Like you have that big ‘thing’ between your legs, either!” I felt a pang of fear just bringing it up again, but Noah always made me so fighting mad that I talked about it aloud.
His face turned bright red. “You have—”
“Is everything okay?” Mom peeked her head inside the door and asked.
“Yeah,” I said immediately. “Noah was just leaving, weren’t you?”
“Yeah,” Noah hid most of his grumble in front of Mom as he walked back over to the VCR and took the tape out, then left.
Mom tilted her head at me. “Did you two fight?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “Boys are stupid.”
Mom snickered. “I give you guys a day before you make up.”
_____
Mom had been wrong. Noah and I were at odds for weeks after that. I no longer knew how to hold a conversation with him without thinking of the redhead’s bouncing breasts and her privates being ‘invaded’ by that guy’s ‘thing’. What was worse was I couldn’t even look at my parents normally anymore without thinking that they did that to each other. Adults were suddenly a mystery to me when I was so confident I knew a lot as a kid.
I was wrong. So wrong.
I blew Noah off every time he came over to the house. I was lonely and bored the month of June because I didn’t want to give in and play with him even though I wanted to. I hated that he showed me that tape. I hated that it changed the way I looked at people, especially adults.
I was never going to do any of those things when I grew up. It looked disgusting and how would it even fit… I shook my head. Don’t even think about it.
The only problem was even though I was upset with Noah, I missed him. School was out for the summer and I was lonely, and he was my best friend.
So, when he tapped on the door that day, I was more than ready to put the tape behind us. Mom answered the door and greeted him. “Gracie, Noah’s here!” she called through the house. I moved from the couch and slipped on my shoes before heading toward the door.
“I’m going to the treehouse with Noah,” I told her.
Mom looked at us with a smile before shaking her head. “It’s about time,” was all she said.
Noah followed behind me quietly. That was another thing that changed after seeing those few seconds of the tape. I stopped wearing dresses. I was extra glad as I climbed up the rope with Noah behind me. I was suddenly fearful of everyone seeing my body through a pair of eyes like mine—one that suddenly saw everything anew. I knew I shouldn’t feel this way over a tape. I was only eight, but that was my problem; I saw too much. I thought too much. I felt too much.
I turned around to face him, the silence eating away at us as I pressed my knees to my chest. He looked just as miserable as I felt. “I’m sorry, Grace. I shouldn’t have shown you the tape,” he said right away.
“Why did you?” My voice wasn’t laced with accusation or guilt. I just wanted to know.
“It’s just something I already knew about, and I don’t know, you’re smart. I guess I thought you would have already known about doing it.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I wanted you to know about it like I did.”
“How would I know about that?”
“I’ve seen it at my house before, okay!” he blurted. “I don’t know why I showed you! I guess I was just being a boy and wanted to scare you or something, but I didn’t imagine it would freak you out this much.” He covered his face with his hands. “I’m sorry, Grace, I won’t ever do something like that again so please don’t hate me, and please stop ignoring me.” He lifted his eyes from his hands and pleaded with me.
The tears fell down my cheeks. “I don’t ever want to talk about this again,” I whimpered. “I’m never doing that when I grow up either,” I hiccupped. Noah steadily scooted closer to me. “I missed you—don’t ever show me that kind of stuff again!”
He nodded as I rested my forehead against his. He stiffened as I calmed down with our small contact. Just like that, the tape faded from my thoughts as the need to be normal with Noah again became more permanent
“Don’t worry, I’m just a boy,” he whispered between us. “I won’t even try to touch you that way even when I become a man.”
When he spoke those words, I knew he was willing the words to be true, and they were true words… that was until puberty hit us both.