Grace age 17
Noah age 17
I’m not my father. I’m nothing like him. All that I have left to feel when I think of him is anger and hollow pain, I say hollow because it feels so void and pointless. I shouldn’t give him any emotion. He shouldn’t even exist to me, but I still wonder, I still worry, I still hope that he’ll let go of his cravings and set himself free. Not in the way Mom did.
I’m set free of him. Only I’m not.
And I want to be free of the pain my parents brought me.
I’d rather immerse myself in Grace and stay in her prissy confines and drown in happiness.
N.P.
Football season was over and our first snow fell. School was canceled and it left me with little to do Tuesday morning. Noah had gone to the garage since he didn’t have school either. I was tossing some miniature marshmallows into my hot chocolate and waiting by the microwave for the popcorn to finish when someone knocked on the door.
Gus took off running and I followed after him. When I opened the door, I hadn’t expected it to be Noah’s dad. “John?” I asked, alarmed and quickly slipped on the closest shoes by the door and stepped out into the freezing cold. “What are you doing here?” My parents wouldn’t like him being here. Dad wasn’t home but Mom was in the shower. She had nowhere to go with school being canceled.
John’s skin color was a sickly brown with the snow reflecting off it. He held his small jacket around him and shivered. “About Noah… I need you to give me his number.”
“Why?” My hackles rose. “You know you’re not allowed to have contact with him.”
“Do you know if he’s working or anything… or if the people he’s with give him money?” My shoulders dropped. This was about money?
“Don’t come back over here,” I told him, turning around then stopped. “I can’t believe you want me to contact your son just to get money!” I yelled.
“He’s my son, he should want to help his dad,” he had the nerve to say.
“He’s seventeen! You were supposed to take care of him!”
I opened the door and was about to shut it when he muttered, “My power is about to be cut off in a couple of days… if I don’t come up with the money to pay it. Please,” he paused, “it’s November and snowing!”
I walked inside, slammed the door, then closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I didn’t want to tell Noah. I didn’t want to burden him with his dad’s problems. I didn’t want him to feel more tossed aside and hurt than I could imagine he already felt when it was about his dad… But how could I ignore someone going without electric in the winter? My chest felt like it had been dipped in acid because I knew I was going to let him know even though John wasn’t worth it.
I’d let Noah make the choice once I told him.
I sent him a text telling him to call me when he got the chance. No sooner than I sent it, he called within a minute. I answered as I walked into the kitchen and grabbed my hot chocolate that I didn’t even feel like drinking now. “Hey.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked immediately. “Don’t say nothing when I can tell by the sound of your voice.” I heard the machinery at the garage in the background.
“You could have waited to call me when you got home,” I told him.
“I was just changing someone’s oil, no big deal. What’s wrong?”
“It’s your dad, he just came to the door.”
He sighed. “I told you to stop going over there, Grace.”
“He came over here!”
He paused. “What did your parents do?”
“Dad’s working and Mom’s in the bathroom so she didn’t hear him knock, don’t worry about that,” I told him. I took a deep breath. “Your dad was wanting your number. I didn’t give it to him, though.”
“Good… What did he want?”
“His electric is about to get cut off… is what he told me.”
I could imagine the frustration and disappointment reflected in Noah’s eyes and closed mine as if that would make his sadness fade from my mind. “And let me guess, he wants money from me,” he swore. “After all this time, he wants to use my connection with you to get in touch with me… just to get money.”
“I’m sorry, Noah,” I whispered. “This is my fault. I shouldn’t have told him I was dating you.”
He laughed sadly. “You’re never to blame, Grace. I just can’t stand him coming to you… Can I ask you to do me a favor?”
“Tell me what you want me to tell him and I will,” I replied right away.
“You’re not getting off the phone with me, but I need you to get my dad’s electric bill from him.”
“Noah… you’re really going to help him, aren’t you?” I wanted to drive all the way to him just so that I could hug him, if only the roads weren’t terrible.
“If it’s really a bill that needs to be paid… then yeah, I’m going to. He’s not worth a damn to anyone else but he’s still my dad.”
“Stop, Noah… I understand you, I always have. I just hate…”
“Don’t start crying,” he ordered me, and I looked up to keep the tears from spilling as I ran to the door and slipped on some boots. “Are you going?”
“Yes,” I mumbled as I opened the door. “Come on, Gus.” He darted out into the snow and disappeared. I ran and fell on my butt in the process. I got right back up until I was knocking on John’s door.
When he opened it, I held out my hand. “The bill. Where is it?”
He saw the phone in my hand and started stepping back. “Give me a second.” He hurried to the table and knocked a pop can over in the process. “Shit,” he muttered as he grabbed the bill and came back to me.
“I got it,” I told Noah.
“Pass the phone to him.” I did as he asked and handed my cell to John. He took it.
“Hey Son,” John went on, “how have you been?” John paused and was nodding nervously and looking over at me. “I’m sorry I had to ask. There’s been a lot going on and I’ve gotten a little behind on the bills…” He looked at me again. “Ah, it’s no big deal for me to talk to Grace now, is it? She’s going to be family one day, right? Fine, I’ll leave her be,” he said into the phone. “So, you’re going to pay it for me? You’re a good boy, Noah, always have been. It was good to hear your voice… Do you plan to come home soon when you turn eighteen?” There was another pause and nodding from John. “I’ll talk to you later. Yep.”
He handed the phone back to me. I wiped the screen over my pajama pants before holding it away from my ear. “Noah?”
“You can leave now,” he whispered then paused a moment while I turned around and stepped off the porch carefully. “Sorry about that Grace.”
“Are you okay?”
He sighed. “Just freezing my balls off outside… I didn’t want to have that conversation with everyone in the garage, ya know?”
I peeked inside the bill and gasped. “Six hundred dollars? Noah, you can’t pay this!”
He blew into the phone. “Figures. He’s probably just been paying enough every month to keep it turned on. It’s fine, I told him I’d pay it this once and that was it.”
“When are you coming to get the bill?”
“I’ll come get it this evening when I leave the garage.”
“The roads are already terrible and it’s still snowing.”
“Grace, I need to see you after hearing that man’s voice. I want to wrap you in my arms and recharge.” I smiled and tripped over Gus in the snow at the same time. “Are you okay?” he asked immediately when I gasped as I tried to catch myself from falling.
“Dang it, Gus, that’s twice I’ve fallen in the snow today!”
Noah started laughing in my ear and it made me smile again. “Shit, I can’t wait to hold you,” he told me again.
“Grace, what are you and Gus doing in the road?” Mom yelled from the porch with a towel over her wet hair.
“He wanted to play in the snow,” I told her and she shook her head.
“At least put on some more clothes,” she said before walking back in and shutting the door.
“I’m gonna get back to work, I’ll see you later, all right?”
“Can’t wait.”
_____
“Hi, Noah,” Mom yelled from the couch as I tried to sneak him up the stairs.
“Hi, Allison,” Noah said with a smirk as he leaned his head down to peer into the living room from the stairs.
“You came over in this snow?” Mom asked him. “Grace never said you were coming over.”
“It’s not too bad. School’s already been canceled for tomorrow too.”
Mom nodded. “You know your dad will be home soon, don’t you?” She was talking to me now.
“He doesn’t plan to stay long,” I mumbled, tugging at the bottom of his shirt as I continued up the stairs.
“If that’s all right with you?” Noah asked her.
She smiled and shooed us upstairs. I let go his shirt once we entered my room and he shut the door behind us. He was quick to pull me into his arms and scoop my feet off the ground as he dropped onto the bed with me. “All I need is you every day, in my arms like this, I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
I smiled and kissed his cheek. “Let’s grow together, not apart.”
“I’ve been apart from you far too long already,” he agreed before kissing me. He pulled away too soon. “I don’t want a repeat of what happened the last time we were alone in your room.”
“You’re right,” I agreed but that didn’t mean I liked it. “Too bad,” I whispered and bit his ear.
He groaned, pulling me as close as close could get. “Just wait... I’ll get you this weekend,” he cautioned before sitting up with me in his lap.
“Too far away,” I whined.
“Grace!” Dad yelled downstairs.
I looked at Noah and groaned. “You probably should head back before it gets worse.”
“Or… we can go downstairs and watch a movie so that I can spend a couple more hours with you.”
I kissed him quickly. “That sounds like a wiener.”
He tossed his head back and laughed. “You’ve got to stop with that already.”
“Never,” I promised.
He stood up. “Where’s his bill?” I pointed toward the nightstand. “Come on, before your dad comes up here and drags me out.” He stopped me at the door. “I told him to leave you alone, just leave him be. I can put up with him myself, but the one thing I’ll never be able to tolerate is him coming to aggravate you.”
“I’m fine.”
“Seriously, Grace… I’ll tell your parents if I have to so I know he’ll leave you alone.”
I grabbed his hand. “Come on, let’s go watch a movie.”
____
I understood Noah’s words a few days later when his dad approached me as I got off the bus Friday evening. I didn’t have anything to drive yet so I was stuck with a bus for now. I watched him nervously as he stepped up next to me as the bus left. “Have you talked to Noah today?” was the first thing he asked. I simply nodded. “Do you think you could call him up for me?”
“No, John,” I muttered as I headed for the house.
“You couldn’t happen to have ten or twenty dollars on you, would ya?”
“Are you already trying to bum more money?” I turned and scowled at him. “You took six hundred dollars from Noah that he’s gonna need once he hits eighteen!”
“Just ten dollars, that’s all I need,” he went on, completely ignorant or he just didn’t care that I wanted to punch him in the face or cry for Noah.
I went into my purse and yanked out a five-dollar bill from my wallet before I slapped it into his palm. “Don’t come asking for money again.”
Only once you gave someone the chance to take advantage of you, they would.
______
“Thanks for having me this Thanksgiving,” Noah said to Mom as he helped her carry the food to the table.
“Blame her if it tastes bad,” Mom mentioned, tilting her head at me. I blushed and looked over at Noah who was grinning at me. “Grace said you guys were going over to eat at…” She looked to Noah for their names.
“Dean and Janet,” he finished for her.
Dad grunted at the other end of the table. I gave him a dark look as he quietly sat and displayed his dislike of Noah being there. He was such a sour patch.
“So,” Dad finally started and I inwardly sighed. “What’s your plans after you leave high school?”
Noah sat down next to me. “Well, I’ve been working at a garage and I like the work so I figured I’d probably stick to mechanics.” Dad said nothing, only nodded as he took a bite of his mashed potatoes.
“What about you, Grace?” Mom asked.
“I don’t know,” I replied honestly. “I haven’t thought about it.”
“You only have a year left before you hit college and have to decide from there,” Dad added.
“I know,” I muttered.
“You can always become a teacher… Then we can be the mother-daughter duo,” Mom voiced, batting her eyes like a child.
I grinned. She was still young at heart when it came to certain things. “Next, you’ll be wanting to dress us the same,” I told her.
Her eyes twinkled. “Want to?”
Noah laughed. “You two already favor each other, I think it could work.”
I groaned. “Let’s not give her any ideas.”
After leaving my house, we went to Dean’s and ate where I got Janet to give me her potato casserole recipe. It had been delicious. My favorite part of the day was when I finally got to be alone with Noah. He brought me up to his room.
“All this food has made me so tired,” I grumbled as I flopped down on his bed.
He joined me. “No kidding.”
I rolled over against him and nuzzled his neck then oh, so slowly slid my hand down and grabbed his erection. He rolled over atop of me and we made out for the longest time, rolling all over the bed. We ended up napping with me lying completely on top of him. Janet came upstairs and woke us up to play some UNO with them. Noah laughed and pointed to the huge drool spot I had left on his shirt while I admired the cute sleepiness in his eyes.
Everything was going great. A little too perfect. I should have known life would rain on our parade.