Grace age 17
Noah age 17
Through the week, my mind is all about Grace… I move through classes, talk to friends, work at the garage, effortlessly, but she’s always there, even when she’s not here, she’s inside me. That’s why I know she’s my one. She’s my always.
Everyone’s catching affections in high school, back and forth, new and old, they all move together but none of them are looking for everlasting.
I think I’m an old soul, or I think that’s what people might call me. Or I’m just a guy that gets fixated on one girl and that’s it. There’s no going back, no changing it because I don’t want to and I’m never going to try. I did once when I was asked, only because it was Grace’s mom, but never again.
I’m connected, completely whole with Grace. We fit. We mesh. We go together.
N.P.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go with us?” Sara asked me as she pulled into my driveway. She offered to drop me off from cheer practice—football season was over but basketball was just around the corner. I needed a vehicle but at the same time, I didn’t want to ask my parents for one. Maybe, like Noah, I should think about getting a part-time job.
“Who’s that?” Tiffany asked in the passenger side seat. I scooted up in the back seat and looked back and wished I hadn’t when I saw who was waiting by our mailbox. I didn’t know his name, it was the young guy that hung out at John’s all the time.
“I don’t know,” I lied and slid across the seat to open the door and get out. “I’ll see you guys later.”
Sara looked back at him again. “Are you sure? Are your parents’ home yet?”
“Mom’s car is here,” I told her. “Bye.”
He waited until she backed out of the driveway before approaching me. I turned around and headed for the porch even though I saw him coming. “Grace!” he yelled and I was tempted to ignore him.
I turned around. “My dad would skin you if he saw someone like you standing by our yard,” I told him as I crossed my arms. “He’s about to come home too,” I made sure to add.
He smiled and threw his hand up. “Aw, now, come on. Don’t treat me like that. You’re dating John’s boy now.”
“And?”
“And, that makes us cool.”
“Let me make this clear, we are not cool. I only ever came over there to get John to straighten up and get Noah back, which NEVER happened. I’m done trying, so leave.”
“Think you could give me Noah’s number?” he asked me.
“Do you even know him?”
“I’m just trying to help John out. He has a son that can help him. That’s what family does.”
Now I was getting pissed. “Maybe—sometimes I might have thought I saw a flicker of a father in John when I was younger, a glimpse here and there that he cared for Noah but I was wrong.”
He smiled, completely blowing my words aside as he said, “Think you could give us a twenty? John can pay you back on the first when he gets his check.”
“Hello, I don’t have a job!” I hissed at him.
“Then, can you call up Noah and see—”
“I’m not calling up Noah so you guys can have money for your pills or whatever,” I muttered as I turned around and stormed inside.
What was even more chilling was when Dad came home and said, “There’s a man that was hanging around the house, but he walked off when he saw me pull up.” He asked me if I had known him and even told me to be careful because of it.
The next day, they must have been waiting for me to get home from school because the moment Mom took off to the grocery store there was a knock on the door. I mean, not minutes, it only took seconds. I had stayed home to catch up on a show I watched while I waited for Noah to get home from the garage to call.
I’d never been afraid of John until I peeked out and saw him and that guy at my door. I waited several seconds actually considering the idea of just not answering. “Grace, we see you at the door,” said the other guy.
I calmed myself and opened the door. “What are you two doing here?” I asked.
“I really need Noah’s number,” John stated.
“I wouldn’t have let him pay your bill if I had known you’d keep this up. He’s only in high school and if you haven’t forgotten, he’s in foster care. He’ll be on his own in a few months.” I didn’t tell them that they had already offered to let him stay longer because it was Noah’s choice to leave.
“He’s my boy. He can come home. Hell, that is his home.”
That rage I felt just listening to this man… I squeezed my fists and took a deep breath. “Just go.”
“I have nothing to eat, I just need a little to go out and get something,” he told me.
“You don’t even have a ride,” I muttered. John hasn’t had a vehicle in over a year or longer.
“I do,” the other guy said with a smile.
“If you don’t want to bother Noah, could you give me about twenty dollars? I’ll pay you back on the first.”
I rubbed my head and sighed. “I swear this is the last time, don’t come back or I’ll get my dad involved.”
He shook his head. “No need to be like that. You’re my family while you’re dating my son.”
I didn’t even know what to say. I just slammed the door in their faces and went into the kitchen to grab my wallet from my purse. Mom and Dad both gave me money through the week... I sighed and walked back and opened the door.
“Here,” I muttered, handing him a twenty.
“Thank ya, you’re a lifesaver.” I nodded and shut the door. I found my way back to the couch where I no longer felt like watching TV, instead, I placed my head in my hands and took a deep, shaky breath. I knew it wasn’t going to stop. I already knew John was taking advantage of the situation and it was all my fault for telling him I had gotten in touch with Noah again. If I told Noah about it, I knew he would keep helping his Dad so that he’d leave me alone or worse, he’d tell my dad and that’d be one more thing he’d hound Noah about.
My phone started ringing. I felt relieved just seeing his name pop up on the screen. “Hey,” I chirped as I answered.
“Hey, Priss,” he mumbled. “What are you doing?”
“Sitting here on the couch.”
“… Okay, what’s wrong?” he muttered. “Your voice doesn’t sound right.”
I smiled. “You’ve got to stop doing that, or I’ll never be able to hide anything from you.”
“I don’t want you to hide your feelings from me, ever. That’s not us.”
“I know,” I whispered. “Just one of those days, I guess, and I think I have a migraine coming on.” I stood up. “Most of all, I just miss you and I hate this only seeing you once a week or worse, longer!” It wasn’t a lie, I just left out the worst part, his dad.
“I know,” he agreed. “It won’t be like this forever.”
Mom stepped into the house carrying bags of groceries. “Grace, help me carry in the groceries.”
Noah must have heard her. “I’ll call you back in a bit.”
I knew that was for that best, the longer I was on the phone with him, the easier he’d find out something was wrong.
_______
Sara took me home from practice again the next day and guess who was waiting for me? Mom wasn’t home this time and an awful amount of dread hit me at the thought of dealing with him again. I had just given him twenty yesterday. I thought I might have fifteen left in my wallet…
“Who’s this guy?” Sara asked as she pulled into the driveway. “Seriously, it’s starting to get creepy, these dudes hanging around your house… it looks like he’s waiting on you.”
They didn’t know he was Noah’s dad. “It’s one of our neighbors.”
“I didn’t realize this was a bad neighborhood,” she mumbled.
“It’s not bad,” I told her, trying to dismiss the dread I felt. “Thanks for taking me home again.”
“Ask your parents for a car.” She had been saying that since I got my license.
“Bye.”
When she pulled out, John approached me. “No,” I said right away.
“Hear me out,” he started.
“John, please,” I blinked and muttered. “All I have is fifteen dollars!”
“Look at this house.” He pointed toward it. “You guys have money.”
“No, my parents have money.”
“Will you give me Noah’s number?”
“I’ve been coming over with food for the last few years. I begged and pleaded with you to try and get your son back but you never would. You never once asked me for money then but since I told you I’m with Noah, you’ve changed! You’d be freezing right now if it wasn’t for your son having a heart.”
“I would have gotten by just fine without his help, I always manage to make it through.”
I sneered. “Then stop asking me for money.”
“This and that are different. Kids should want to help their parents out.”
“You need help, just not with money,” I argued.
“I know, I know.” He nodded. “Will you loan me some money until I get my check?”
Talking wasn’t working with him. I stormed away from him but he grabbed my bag to stop me and in the process, half of what was inside spilled to the ground. I sighed and bent down to pick it up while John did the same. He reached for my wallet and handed it to me. “I won’t help you destroy yourself with your addiction,” were the words I said as Dad’s truck pulled into the driveway.
I hurried to put my things in my bag and stood as Dad jumped out of the truck looking furious. “You better not have been doing what I think you’re doing,” he yelled at me as he looked to John.
“Dad,” I started.
“Are you taking money from my daughter?”
“She was only loaning me some until I got my check in a few days,” said John as he backed away. At least he was smart, but Dad came at him.
“You worthless piece of shit!” he yelled at him right before he punched him in the face. Dad was a big guy, especially compared to John who was so underweight. John fell into the cold, wet grass. “If I ever catch you on my property or around my daughter again, I’ll kill you!” Dad threatened. “In the house, Grace.” He grabbed my arm and led me into the house, tears sprang from my eyes.
Once we were inside, he slammed the door shut. “Why would you enable his drug problem? You do realize by giving him money that’s the only thing you were doing?” He looked genuinely disappointed with me and it hurt.
I dropped my head. “I know. I wasn’t going to give him money. I was heading inside.”
“How many times have you given him money?”
“He only started asking this past week.”
“Jesus, Grace,” he swore, rubbing his eyes before meeting mine with another disappointing stare. “Did Noah know about this?”
“No!” I yelled immediately. “He would have been just as upset as you.”
He shook his head. “I can’t… I just can’t allow this.”
I already knew where this was going and felt sick in my stomach. “Dad, this has nothing to do with him! Noah doesn’t even live with his dad anymore.”
He grabbed my shoulders. “This is life for Noah. This will always be the way it is for him. It’s not just Noah, it’s his family. Being with him won’t be easy. You’re young and haven’t even gotten out of this town, there’s so much out there. I want that for you. I don’t want this—if you stay with Noah, you’re taking his dad in too. I know you don’t think it’s that way, but it is. His dad coming to aggravate you for money, that’s only the beginning… He’ll always leech off his son, and Noah will never be able to cast him aside because it’s his dad and that’s just how Noah is. He’s a good kid, Grace, I know. I’ve watched him grow up but he’s not going anywhere in life.”
I pulled away from him and couldn’t look up because I knew some of his words were right. Noah had already paid his electric bill and he hadn’t even spoken to his dad in years… Noah was one of the good guys and I would always love him, no matter what.
“I love him, Dad.”
“And I love you, that’s why I can’t let you stay with him.”
“You can’t make me stay away from him.”
He turned away. “Yes, I can and I will. You’re not eighteen yet and Noah lives in a different county. This won’t work out, no matter what you believe.”
That was the way it was for Noah and me. There was always so many obstacles in the way of us being together, and the worst one had yet to come.
But when it came, I would fall to pieces… pieces even Noah might not be able to pick up.