Grace age 16
Noah age 17
Shit. She’s not here.
Never mind.
She storms in when I least expect her, my heart stops—the stars fucking align... then I see him go to her.
I’m going to kill him. I’m going to kill him. Those are the only words I can muster inside my head as I watch from a distance.
N.P.
Friday morning started out horribly. I awoke to a tiny bit of a cold and to make matters worse, Gus slept on my uniform and now his black hairs were all over it. I tossed it in the washer before going to school and prayed it didn’t stink by the time I was able to get home from school and stick it in the dryer, only to get home from school and remember that I couldn’t stick it in the dryer. So, there I was, running around fanning my crinkled-up uniform all over the house, coughing every few seconds.
Sara would be here soon to pick me up and I was almost ready to give it up and call it a day. I didn’t feel like I had it in me to cheer with a cough and damp uniform in late September weather where the nights were often chilly.
Dustin called and sounded all too eager that I should sit this game out, and when I called and told Coach, she told me it was fine. Sara didn’t want me to miss the game and even threatened to still come get me but I acted pathetically worse than what I felt and she finally relented.
Great. I was missing the first game of the school year. So much for joining the team again.
Or so I thought until Mom burst through the door like a woman on a mission and eyed me and Gus viciously as we cozied up on the couch munching on popcorn. “Get dressed, you’re not missing this game!” she yelled, running upstairs.
I looked at Gus and he looked at me… What was her deal? She came back down and tossed my uniform at me. “Mom, look, it’s all crinkly and the game just started.”
She huffed, crossing her arms. “I don’t care, I got exactly ten minutes to get you to the football game before I’m needed back at the game I’m working,” she said urgently.
“Mom,” I groaned and smiled when Gus placed his entire head in the popcorn bag.
“Just get up, Grace, I told you, you’re gonna regret these little chances to live and meet someone new at your age. Listen to your mom, she knows what she’s talking about.”
“Fine,” I grumbled. “No more, Gus, your legs are too short. What if your belly starts hanging?”
She didn’t even give me any time to fix my hair and face. I had just enough time to put on my uniform, so when she practically shoved me out the car door and left on the football field, I was still adjusting my uniform and putting my hair in a ponytail, trying my best to make myself presentable as I ran across the track and saw that we were booing while the other team was cheering. I saw why, one of the other team’s player was running for a touchdown, our team way behind him.
And he just came to a complete stop, inches from landing his touchdown. Wait… was he looking at me—he was looking at me. Two, three—four of our school’s players tackled him down at once. The whole crowd went into a panic and I brought my hands into fists and backed away. “Oh my God,” I said aloud as I watched them climb off him. I saw Dustin was one of them, his #5 rested against our purple and gold school colors. He saw me and came running, removing his helmet as he scooped me up. “I thought you were staying home?” he asked and placed a quick kiss on my lips.
I covered my mouth and leaned away. “I have a cold,” I told him and he placed me on my feet. “And Mom made me.” I looked over at the other team’s player. The other guy was #22 for the other team and their colors were black and blue. He was looking over this way… “Is that guy gonna be okay?” I asked Dustin and he pulled me forward.
“Yeah.” He hurried me. “Go cheer for me,” he urged me, smacking my butt and walking back on the field. I covered my butt and glared as he walked away before I caught #22 looking my way again. I tugged at my ponytail and looked away. This stranger was making me feel self-conscious, maybe I looked worse than I thought I did. He had completely stopped running when he saw me.
I peeked at him again but he was gone from the spot he was before. It didn’t take me long to see him getting into position. He was a tall dude, I couldn’t tell exactly how wide he was with the shoulder pads on but he had a nice butt… Crap, I was getting curious. I scanned the field for my boyfriend and checked out his butt too so that I didn’t feel so guilty about it.
“Yay!” Sara chirped. “What made you change your mind?” she asked as I got into position with the girls.
“Feeling okay?” Coach asked and I nodded.
“You’re gonna be glad—”
Coach didn’t let Tiffany finish. “We’re offense now. We didn’t come to chitchat, let’s get to cheering, ladies.”
We cheered our butts off but after every play, I was making googly eyes with #22 instead of my boyfriend. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, the flame that Noah left me without was stirring for the eyes that sought me out through #22’s helmet—my faceless flame. I wanted to see what he looked like. Playing this eye game with him did more for me than kissing my boyfriend. I wanted to feel guilty, but this feeling was what I’d been searching for since Noah introduced me to it then stole it away when he left.
He ended up scoring a touchdown without me distracting him this time, and I hadn’t even realized I had been clapping my hands and cheering for him until Sara laughed. “Um, Grace, are you cheering for the other team?”
“It’s not the other team she’s cheering for,” Tiffany mentioned, waggling her brows.
I was still looking at #22. I sighed a little breathy. “I wonder what he looks like.” I turned to see them give each other a suspicious smile. “What?” I said through a cough.
“You sure you don’t know who that is?” Sara asked with a slanted grin.
Her words had me piecing together the static in my heart. I dropped my smile and turned to look at #22 again. The game was almost over. A few seconds left on the clock and it was our ball, only #22 intercepted the ball but was tackled down by one of ours before he could get another touchdown.
They won. We lost.
While they were lining up to shake hands, I found my feet moving and then I was running onto the field. Dustin pulled his arm out in front of me. “Where ya going, babe?” I glared at him. He never called me that. I pulled away from him.
“You knew, didn’t you?” I asked and looked ahead as the two teams were lined up to shake hands. I didn’t see him anywhere.
“Wait, Grace,” Dustin told me.
There he was, he still hadn’t taken off his helmet like everyone else had. He was in the back of the line. I ran to him, ignoring Dustin as he hollered my name again. If I was wrong, this was going to be embarrassing, if I was right… Then the world would have finally righted itself again.
He saw me coming and lifted his head, my eyes took in his eyes before I raised to my tiptoes and yanked his helmet off.
I wanted to cry because, for the first time in three years, it felt like time began to move again. His hair was cut shorter now and at this length, it was a darker blond than when it was longer. Blue eyes so bright, crinkled in the corners as he tipped his chin up at me. “Finally figured out who it was you’ve been eyeballing all night?” he asked. So sweet… his voice, the sound deeper and older than when he had left me.
“Noah,” I finally broke down. He wiped the tears that started up. “Noah,” I said again, this time a little bit angry.
“You just had to show up when ya did, didn’t ya, Priss?” I tilted my head at him. “I would have scored us some more points if you hadn’t stolen my damn sight with your beauty.” I wasn’t sure what to say, I wanted to hug him, I also wanted to punch him for being so calm. “You and Dustin, huh?” he asked, sounding pissed. He was looking behind us, I turned to see if it was Dustin coming toward us. He looked back down at me. “You want me to give you a ride home?”
Give me a ride home?
He said it like he hadn’t been gone over three years without so much as a hello. “So, you have a car?” I asked very soft and slowly. “And you have your license yet...” I kicked him in the knee then proceeded to throw my fists against his chest.
He started hissing and backing away. “Ow, Grace, will you stop?”
“You haven’t tried to contact me at all! You’ve had a way to and you haven’t?”
“Ow,” he yelped, grabbing my hands and dodging my kicks. His teammates were starting to point and talk but I didn’t care. “Grace, look at me!” I did. “I did try to get in touch with you, more than once. Let me take you home, and I’ll explain.”
“I’ll be the one taking my girl home,” Dustin interrupted. I was even angrier because it made even more sense that Dustin was calling me all those pet names all night, it was because Noah was here!
Noah let go of me and held his helmet against his side with a dark smile. “You didn’t even tell her, did you?” Dustin tensed at Noah’s question.
“Tell me what?” I asked.
“Can you give us a sec, Grace? Wait by the bleachers and I’ll take you home if you’ll let me.”
“You’re not taking her anywhere, Noah.”
“I’m going to let him drive me home, Dustin,” I told him quickly before walking off, childishly leaving Noah with my boyfriend to deal with. I heard Dustin mutter and swear under his breath as I stepped away.
Sara and Tiffany were standing off of the field waiting for me, I was sure. They were both smiling but I wasn’t. “Did you guys know he played for them this entire time and never told me?”
They both looked guilty. “He wasn’t playing until last year,” Tiffany stated.
“That’s an entire year.”
“Why do you think I wanted you here tonight?” Sara asked.
I threw my hands up. “That doesn’t even make sense when you could have just told me and I would have come.”
“It was your mom, Grace… She asked us not to tell you,” Tiffany finally admitted.
“What?” That caught me off guard. “But she’s the one that wanted me here tonight… So, this was why?” I thought back to how insistent she had been about me joining the team again.
Sara shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe she changed her mind.”
“Besides, Dustin also asked us to keep it a secret… I’m sorry, you know we have a soft spot for his mean ass.”
“Unbelievable,” I muttered, walking off.
“Grace, we’re sorry.” They both started whining the entire time I was walking away. “Besides, Noah could have gotten in touch himself…”
I stopped walking. They spoke of the devil and he ran up to me. “Are you going to let me take you home?” he asked again.
I crossed my arms and looked ahead. “Yeah, let’s go,” I mumbled like my stomach wasn’t a big bowl of happiness to see him again. “I’ll talk to you guys later,” I told the girls while they gave me big wide cheesy smiles as they looked back and forth between us.
I turned my head back when he wasn’t following. He smirked. “This way.” He pointed his head in the opposite direction that I was walking. “I parked on the other side.”
I turned around. “Well, why didn’t you say so?” I was a bit nervous being this close to him as we walked. I slid my gaze up his body as he moved. He was tugging at his shoulder pads. His arms… His chest… His legs, everything was so much more. I took a deep breath and shook my head as if it would dispel the heat flash I was having. “You could have changed, ya know,” I told him.
He dropped his hand from his shoulder and smiled. “And risk you leaving with someone else?” I felt his eyes on me as I stared at the ground. “You aren’t going to ask about your boyfriend?”
I looked up. “I’m kinda ticked at everyone right now for not telling me that they saw you last year,” I told him. “But most of all, I’m hurt that you are playing football and going on with life without a care that I’ve been waiting to hear from you.”
“I called the school the week after I was put into my foster home and spoke to your mom,” he said, and my mouth dropped. “All I could think about was getting your house number so that I could hear your voice and feel stable again, but your mom wouldn’t give it to me.”
My stomach sank. How could Mom do that? She watched me cry for him every night and I even asked her to find out what school he was switched to! “My mom did?”
“Don’t look hurt,” he said, poking my cheek. “I was hurt at first, too but after a while, her words made sense, and I knew I had my own self-worth that I wanted to prove, to her, and anyone else that wanted to decide the way I felt for me.”
“What did she say?”
We passed the gate and he stopped at a black beat-up looking Jeep. “This is the one,” he told me.
“Is this yours?” I asked, and he nodded.
“Yep,” he said, tapping the top of it with his knuckles. “The couple I’m staying with gave it to me in return that I work at their garage a few days a week in between school and practice.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “That sounds like you.” He smiled at me and I focused on the gravel instead. “Are they good people? Your foster parents?”
He nodded again, smiling. “They’re great. They’re an older couple that started fostering when both their sons joined the army.”
I sighed in relief. “I’m glad.”
He grabbed my wrist and pulled me in. He enveloped me within the confines of his arms, I didn’t care that he was sweaty, it was the sweetest I’d felt in a long time. “Been wanting to wrap you up in my arms since the moment I saw you tonight.” He released me and tugged me to the passenger side. “Here,” he said, opening the door for me. I climbed in and he slammed it shut. It was a little messy but it smelled like Noah. All Noah. It felt a little too good to be surrounded by his scent again. He ran back over to the driver’s side and opened the door. He opened his Nike bag up and pulled out a shirt then he stood outside his door taking off his jersey. My entire body flushed with heat as I looked away then looked right back.
Dear Lord, you did right with him.
I don’t remember that happy trail being there last time...
He climbed in after putting on a white t-shirt and yanking out the pads in his pants. I looked ahead quickly and wiped my forehead. Shew, this was a little intense being around him again. “What did my mom say to you when you called?” I asked again.
He started the engine. “She said for me to let you go for now, and if a few years passed and I still couldn’t forget you, then she’d let us hang out again.”
“And you listened to her?”
He backed out of the driveway. “Of course, I did. Parents hold all the control when we’re young, so I did the only thing I could do and followed her words. I tried to live without picturing you in it some way but you were everywhere. At the tables I ate, I pictured you there. In the way someone said my name, your voice would haunt me. When I laid my head down to sleep every night, you were there waiting for me behind my eyelids.”
Noah had experienced the same things I did. “So, I called her back last year and she promised me that we’d cross paths again.”
“And you just believed her?”
He pulled out onto the highway. “I did, I trusted her… Although, I was getting a little restless, I might have drove by your house one too many times after getting my license in hopes that I’d see you by chance. I didn’t expect her to make me wait an entire year. I also told Dustin to tell you where I was and I even gave him my number to give you. Now I know why you never called.”
“I’ve only been dating him a few weeks so I don’t understand why he didn’t tell me sooner.” I sighed.
“Ah, I would have done the same in his shoes… Besides, I don’t care that you’re dating anyone, I’m just glad to have you back in my life.”
Wait, whoa, hold up.
That was not the words I wanted to hear from him. Dustin knew what would happen if I saw Noah again and tried to prevent it because he knew I’d break it off with him, which I planned to do. Now I couldn’t admit that to Noah without him thinking I expected us to go back to where we left off. I mean, I did. But maybe Noah’s feelings for me had changed?
My hopes all but crashed and died.
Did he have a girlfriend? “Are you seeing anyone?” I looked at the road as I asked in hopes that it sounded casual.
“No.”
“But you’ve dated?” I leaned over, not so subtly.
“No,” he said again. I couldn’t help but look surprised so he added, “Not that I haven’t done things other than dating…” He flashed his teeth at me.
I was a goner. He clearly had no interest in me whatsoever now or he wouldn’t have admitted to sleeping with other girls so easily.
And to think, I hadn’t messed around with anyone besides letting Dustin have a bit of boob action.
“What about you?” he asked. He was looking ahead as he asked.
“What?” I played dumb.
“Got rid of the cherry yet?” I wanted to cover my face but I didn’t. Why did he have to word it like that?
“Well,” I started, “Dustin has umm, touched my boobs, and,” I stopped when I saw the goofy grin on his face and swore. “No, I’m a virgin,” I huffed, looking out the window so I didn’t have to see his face, but I saw it anyway in the shadow of the window… My breath caught and my throat tightened when I saw the smile he was giving me while I wasn’t looking… And how his gaze swept over my body intimately before he turned his attention back to the road and gripped the steering wheel tighter.
“You sound disappointed that you are still one,” he said.
“I’m not having this conversation with you tonight,” I told him.
“But we’ll continue it soon?”
“Why?” I turned and asked.
He lifted his shoulders. “You’re the one that said ‘tonight’ like you meant we’d get to another night.” I blushed. Why had I said it that way?
“I can’t believe that you’ve managed to out pretty yourself… Can’t you just, I don’t know, hide some of it?”
That was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard him say. “Huh?”
“You have more freckles now,” he noticed.
“Yeah,” I muttered, grabbing my nose. “It kinda happens when you’re out in the sun every summer.”
“You’ve gotten…,” so handsome that it’s devastating to my heart, “taller.”
He arched his eyebrow at me then focused back on the road. “Nothing else?”
“You have muscles now?” I stuttered somewhat, and he smiled.
“Looks like we’re here.” Already?
Dad was standing out on the porch as he let Gus out. “Wait, stop!” I told him. “Just pull right here.” He stopped in front of our neighbor’s house. I exhaled when Dad went back inside, only Gus was outside and he seemed to be a dog on a mission. “He never watches Gus when he lets him out,” I grumbled more to myself.
“Gus?”
It was like Gus knew I was in the strange Jeep ‘cause he came over next to the Jeep and started barking at the door. “What the—” Noah rolled his window down to look at Gus. “Is this short-legged thing Gus?” he turned and asked.
I squinted my eyes at him. “Hey now, I’ll have you know, he’s very sensitive about his height. We told him when he was a pup that he’d grow big like a Husky, so imagine his disappointment when his legs had a stunted growth.”
He burst into laughter as he opened his door and helped Gus in. He hopped in my lap and tried to lick me in the face. “So, they finally let you have a dog.” He sounded amazed.
“It was all thanks to you,” I said, but I didn’t feel like bringing up the day his mom passed away, so I didn’t tell him anymore even when his face told me to elaborate.
I tilted my head and just watched him pet Gus and smile… My heart was still adjusting to having him near me again while my mind couldn’t believe it. “Noah.” He looked up with a smile. “Are you truly okay? You’re seriously in a good home and things—”
“I’m fine, Grace, you can start asking me anything you want to know and I’ll answer.” I believed him. He looked over to the trailers.
“Do you want to see him?” I knew he’d know who I was talking about.
“No,” he said straight away. “He’s not supposed to have any contact with me anyway, but the choice will be mine once I’m eighteen…”
“The trailer’s falling apart.” I scratched Gus’s ears and peered out the window with a frown. “I kinda broke his coffee table Monday,” I admitted.
“You’ve been going to see him?” He didn’t sound happy, he sounded frustrated.
“Don’t give me that attitude, Noah. Do you have any idea how much I cried when I knew they were taking you away and you weren’t coming back? And week after week slipped by without any word from you, I knew you didn’t know my number but what about a phonebook?”
“The number wasn’t listed,” he grumbled.
“I was so scared because I knew you were being thrown in a stranger’s home and I didn’t know where. My parents wouldn’t try to help me. I knew Dad wouldn’t, but I thought Mom would have but she just gave me speech after speech about things righting themselves in time.”
He was the one to speak this time, “I was devastated, I lost my Mom and home all in the same night. I was terrified of saying goodbye to you that night because you were the one that mattered most to me. When I finally got in touch with your mom, I thought finally, I was going to hear your voice again soon and then she told me to live without speaking or seeing you, and in my head, I was thinking, ‘how do I live without her when I need her just so I can breathe easier while I cope’… But you weren’t lost to me, Grace, you never were. I knew I’d have you back in my life, it helped me remember that I was always going to prove I’m worth something and you’re that pivotal person in my life that I want it to be around.”
He was a little out of breath from all the words he spilled while I was speechless. Gus barked and we both jumped, Noah grabbed his mouth and looked ahead as if he was just realizing what he said.
I wanted to kiss, hug, and squeeze him after that speech. I still had a boyfriend though, I needed to properly end things with Dustin before… Before what? I couldn’t tell if he meant I was his most important person as a friend or something else. It could be either, and considering he brought up the sex stuff so casually…
“I think your mom’s calling for Gus,” he said, pointing toward my porch.
I frowned. “I should go.”
“Yeah,” he added quietly.
“Thanks for the ride,” I mentioned as I got out of his Jeep so very slowly. I walked around and he rolled down his window. “Bye,” I told him.
“Bye, Grace,” he whispered. Say something else. Stop me or I’m gonna go upstairs and cry!
Don’t look back. Don’t look back. Keep going. I placed Gus down and he started running circles around me. Wait a second, I turned back around but Noah was already out of the Jeep.
“Grace!” he called my name.
“Your number!” we said at the same time and started laughing.
Feeling a little flushed, I grabbed my phone out of my spandex underwear and skirt—I kept it on my hip. “Do you have a cell phone?” I asked.
“Yeah, give me your phone, I’ll save my number.” I did and watched as he punched it in. I heard his phone go off in his Jeep as he handed it back to me.
“That would have been so painful to leave you again without a way to contact you,” he told me with a silly grin.
“It really would have,” I admitted, feeling the pain all over again that he was leaving.
Noah started waving. “Hi, Mrs. Harper.”
I turned around and saw Mom waving back with a know-it-all grin. “Hi, Noah,” she whispered then pointed toward the house to let us know she was being quiet because she didn’t want Dad to know.
He looked at me with a soulful expression. “Bye, Grace.”
“Bye, Noah.”
I didn’t move from that spot as I watched him get in his Jeep. My phone beeped just as he started it up and left. It was a text from him.
I want that pic of u and Gus
He had to be talking about my home screen.
just send me every picture of you. I want them all.
I hugged the phone to my chest.
Seven-year-old Noah tried to claim my treehouse as his own…
Thirteen-year-old Noah stole my first kiss…
Seventeen-year-old Noah stole my air to breathe and his right to exist in this world anywhere without me.
“My, what a beautiful night we’re having tonight,” Mom chirped behind me.
I coughed as I twisted around. “Why would you keep us separated for so long?”
“Because was your night not full of surprises and new romance?” Mom waggled her brows and literally spun around on her toes. She looked at me and sighed. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder. With the two of you already pining over each other as kids, imagine what that could amount to when you get older.”
I rolled my eyes and didn’t smile—even though she looked goofy. “Mom stop making this a joke. You played with your daughter’s feelings, how could you do that?”
From her expression, I knew she had become serious about it. “I wanted to see what Noah would do… I refused to give him our number and told him to adjust to his surroundings and not to disappoint me, and of course, I told him to do all this without having contact with you.” Mom bunched up her shoulders as she walked across the porch and bent over the banister. “I told him to call me in a few years if he still wanted to get in touch with you, and of course, he called back. End of story.”
“I don’t get it. Why’d you do it?”
“Because, my darling daughter, you might not believe it but I’ve been rooting for Noah in my own way. I always will even though it doesn’t look like it. I want Noah to succeed in whatever he plans to do with his life. I just know that you are a huge part of that goal.” I frowned and she turned away with a smile. “I mean, you’re the reason that boy doesn’t know how to let anything get him down, he’s got a lot to prove from the looks of it. I wonder who he wants to prove himself to and who it is he’s doing it for?” She eyed the house then me before she started giggling like a kid. “I feel like I’m truly blessed to have gotten to see the two of you grow up together.”
I shook my head and finally smiled. “I give up.” I climbed the porch steps and hugged her. “Thanks for sending me back to Noah, and thanks for believing in him like I do.”
“I believe in you too.”