Grace age 16
Noah age 17
Two weeks of nothing but phone calls. Nothing but her voice. I’m on edge. I can’t be around her like I want. It’s too dangerous because if I act on what I feel, I might ruin everything. I can hold out until Dustin’s out of the picture. It doesn’t even feel like he’s even in the picture, it feels like I get all her time on the phone at night, but maybe I’m only thinking what I’m wishing for.
I flirt, I tease just enough that she has to notice because I get her to blush and sometimes the way she talks, it’s like we are on the same page, yet she’s still with Dustin and I’m still tiptoeing around her when all I want to do is bulldoze into her.
I can hold out… Who am I kidding? I’m fucking miserable. She’s right there, yet… I still can’t have her like I want.
N.P.
I passed my driver’s test Thursday morning. Noah was the first person I told other than Mom who had been with me. She dropped me off at school and went back to work herself, her sub was only there for one class period.
I spent the next two weeks talking to Noah constantly on the phone or through text. It was often after one before we got off the phone. There was just one problem.
He was avoiding me.
He had no problem with us talking all the time… He just always had something else to do every time I asked him if he wanted to hang out. I knew he worked at the garage and had weightlifting and practice to deal with, but he still had his Saturday evenings and Sunday’s. Now I was beginning to overthink and worry that something had gone wrong when we hung out. I had been quiet that night because I wanted to kiss and touch him, but I was starting to think that Noah’s silence had been the exact opposite. What if he didn’t even want me as a friend anymore? What if… after hanging out with me for a few hours, he realized how boring I was?
That Saturday morning, I decided I was going to ask him about it… in person with Gus as my companion. He had told me the name of Dean’s garage last week while we were on the phone. It was called “Dean’s Auto Repair”. I wasn’t familiar with Jewel County and the fact that I was a new driver was worse, but I didn’t let that stop me. I borrowed Mom’s car and turned on the GSP lady and punched in the address I had found on the Internet for the garage.
What was about an hour drive, took two hours for me. The GPS lady had pulled me directly into someone’s driveway which was so scary because the man had come out and I had no choice but to ask for directions while Gus barked like a crazy dog when he was coming but shook like a leaf when the man was standing next to the window. Needless to say, a computer was giving me trust issues but thankfully the man had given me better directions. Turned out, I was just a couple of turnoffs away from it. I looked for the red sign he had told me about and squealed when I saw it in the distance.
“We’re here, Gus,” I said as I put the car into park. “Thank the heavens.” My mouth fell open when I saw how big the garage was. It was a lot bigger and cleaner than I had imagined with an ordinary name like Dean’s Auto Repair. “Wow, this place is nice,” I muttered to myself.
I rolled the window down at first, not sure if I should take Gus out with me. The huge garage door was wide open and the machine noises filtered out. An elderly man stepped out and approached me. “Can I help ya, Miss?” he asked. He was greased up and oily but he looked like a kind person—sometimes you could just tell that about a person.
I stepped out of the car. “Um, is Noah here?” I asked.
He took another long look at me before smiling and taking off his hat to reveal his gray hair. He offered his hand to me and said, “You must be Grace.” I nodded and shook his hand, feeling a little pleased that he knew about me, which meant Noah talked about me, which also meant that this must be—
“Dean?” I asked.
He nodded, adjusting the ballcap back on his head. “Yes, I reckon I’m the one.” He looked into the car where Gus was giving me puppy dog eyes. “He won’t hurt nothin’ if ya wanna let him out.” I opened the door and Gus jumped out. “Aye, Noah, you got a pretty little visitor,” Dean shouted and I blushed as he turned back. “That’s what you came here for, ain’t it?” He winked and disappeared back in the garage. I peeked inside and saw Noah sliding out from underneath one of the vehicles. His eyes met mine immediately and his stunned reaction to me being here had me second guessing my decision. I smiled painfully bright and he finally smiled back.
“Gus!” I yelled because he was sniffing around the garage where others were working.
“He’s fine,” Noah said, standing up. I could hear someone talking to Gus and there was laughing but I couldn’t take my eyes off greasy Noah. There was something appealing about the look of a hardworking man that wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. He had on a pair of jeans and a black shirt with grease smearing his face and arms. His jeans were ruined already with old stains.
He strolled over to me. “What are you doing here, Grace?”
“I wanted to see you,” I admitted.
He looked at Mom’s car. “You drove?” he asked and I nodded. “How did you not get lost?”
“I did get lost,” I mumbled. “I ended up in someone’s driveway, he helped me with directions though.”
He ran his hand through his hair, making it stick straight up. “That’s dangerous, Grace, I can’t believe your mom allowed you to drive this far when you just got your license a couple of weeks ago.”
I sighed. “I’m not a bad driver, I’m just a nervous one,” I defended myself. “Besides, if you would see me instead of blowing me off, I wouldn’t have come over.”
“You think I don’t want to see you?” he asked, dumbfounded.
“You’ve dodged hanging out with me for two weekends in a row!”
“It’s not as simple as I had wanted it to be.” I held my breath, waiting for what he was about to say. “I thought I could see you as we are now, friends, but I can’t. I don’t. I won’t.” He brought his arms up.
“Do you mean…”
“Are you happy with Dustin? You don’t even talk about him and it doesn’t even seem like you hang out with him considering how much we talk to each other.”
“About that,” I started then my words got lost when I saw three men wandering around the front of the garage, watching and leaning in awfully close like they were being nosy. Noah turned around and they all busied themselves. One of them had been Dean.
Noah slowly exhaled before he turned back to me. “We can hang out this weekend.”
“What about the game? We play you guys this Friday.”
“Good,” he nodded. “Catch a ride on the bus or with Tiffany or Sara instead of driving, I’ll take you home after the game.”
“Wouldn’t that be too much trouble? Last time it was a home game for us and you were already close by, you’d be making a long trip to take me home this time.”
“I didn’t plan on taking you home straight away, you came all this way to make plans, didn’t you? I’m giving you what you want.”
I frowned. “Come on, Gus,” I started hollering. His head popped out from Dean’s arms.
“Oh no, what did I do now?” Noah asked.
“Nothing,” I muttered. “I just feel a little foolish for coming so far to see you then even when you make plans with me, it feels like you don’t want to. It makes sense, really, we’re older now, I don’t know why I expect you to want to still spend time with me like you used to.”
Crap. I said too much. I was acting so immature and whiny. I was acting like… a spoiled girlfriend, when I had no right. I just wanted some of Noah’s time, instead, I showed up at his workplace acting like a crazy person.
“Woah,” Noah said, lifting his arms to grab my shoulders. “Where the hell is this coming from? I’m so damn confused, Priss, did I do something wrong?”
I dropped my head, embarrassed. “No,” I mumbled. “I’m just being weird.” Gus finally made his way back to me and Noah released my shoulders so I could pick him up. “I’m going to go. I’m sorry I came and acted like such a brat.” I lifted my eyes to meet his and waited a second before I asked, “Are you mad?”
He smirked. “Why would I be? I got to see something interesting.”
“Interesting?”
“I feel like I’m more important than Dustin, and it feels really fucking good.”
I felt the heat rising in my cheeks and turned my face away. I was being so obvious that he was starting to notice. If I told him about Dustin now… What would he say? Why couldn’t I say it? It felt like I was going to break out in hives to tell him the truth. What if I told him and he disappeared again?
Was that what I was truly worried about? Him leaving once we got close again?
“Are you going to be able to make it home?” he asked when I didn’t say anything.
“I think so.”
“Text me when you’re home so that I know you made it back safely,” he said before he flicked my nose. I grabbed it and finally looked at him again. “I’ll talk to you tonight?”
The drive home consisted of me going through all the emotions: to embarrassment, giddiness, mortified, then back to feeling happy, followed by my other pal, ashamed that I came over and acted the way I did.
My feelings for Noah were changing me into this person I didn’t recognize.
I kept regretting my decision to go see him, then I’d think it over and decide it was worth it because I made plans with him.
I was a hot mess.
Thank you, Noah.
Sincerely, my sanity.