Chapter Eleven
LIZZIE BLINKED SEVERAL times, her thoughts slowly coming back into focus. Blue’s arms were wrapped tightly around her. Even in sleep he held her possessively, and she loved it. His bedroom was silent, save for the peaceful cadence of his breathing. Her eyes were drawn to the digital clock, glowing like a beacon in the darkness.
Oh no!
It was after midnight and she still needed to film her show—and now she needed to shower first. She slid as quietly as she could from Blue’s arms, feeling the fatigue in her muscles. The type of fatigue that came only from a night of incredible sex. Wow, did he know how to love a woman.
She sat on the edge of the bed, torn between cuddling up beside Blue again and staying the night and going home to film her show. She knew her ratings sank by at least forty percent when she missed posting a new show on time. She’d trained her viewers like Pavlov’s dogs. They knew when to expect their next episode of bakery porn. She’d tracked the income, and the few times she hadn’t been able to film the show, views and income had both tanked. Maddy needed books next semester, and Lizzie held on to the shred of hope that one month she’d hit it really big and she wouldn’t need to continue filming. All she needed to earn was enough money for Maddy’s last two years of school—times two, to allow for taxes.
Every time she taped a show she hoped it would be the one that found twice as many viewers and went viral. The one that would make it possible for her to stop doing the show altogether. One lucky break.
Like that’s ever going to happen.
She had no choice. She had to leave and tape the show. Her eyes skirted around the room, searching for answers that wouldn’t come. They caught on a streak of moonlight streaming through the curtains and the string garden she’d given Blue for his birthday a few months earlier. She smiled, loving that he kept it in the bedroom and that he’d cared for it well enough for it to still be alive. Why would she have doubted that he would look after a plant? Wasn’t that who he was? Look how well he cared for her. Whether they were out or he was loving her, he always had her best interests at heart.
She glanced over her shoulder just as he rolled toward her and wrapped an arm around her waist, pinning her against him.
“Sneaking out?” He shifted to her side of the bed and kissed her spine.
“Not sneaking, but I do need to go.”
“Stay. I’ll make you breakfast in the morning.” His voice was thick with sleep and rich with comfort.
She turned and kissed him. “I wish I could, but I have to be up early tomorrow and I still need to go through my inventory lists tonight.” She was going straight to hell for lying to the best man on the planet. A gentleman on the outside and a beast in the bedroom. The perfect man.
Her perfect man.
He tugged her down on top of him and kissed her again. “Okay, if you must, but I’ll miss you.”
Forty-five minutes later, alone in her own home, Lizzie stepped from the shower, dried her hair, and wondered what on earth she was doing with her life. She had the most amazing man begging her to stay in bed with him, and here she was, putting on makeup at one thirty in the morning, tying an apron around her back, and putting her feet into a confining pair of heels.
This sucks was the first answer that came to mind, followed by, I’m doing this for Maddy.
She carried her laptop down the basement stairs, wishing she were walking back into Blue’s bedroom instead, and went about setting out her baking supplies while giving her laptop the evil eye. She had no right to sneer at the stupid thing. The Naked Baker was the only reason she’d been able to pay off her school loans and buy her flower shop. And she really did love baking. She loved the smell of sugar, flour, vanilla, and other scents blending together and warming to the perfect temperature. She loved putting her heart into anything—her flowers, baking…now Blue.
She pushed thoughts of him aside, or at least she tried, and focused on what else she loved about baking, to try to get into her Naked Baker frame of mind. Of course the outcome of baking was utterly delicious almost every single time. But then there was this part of baking—baking for the show—that tainted baking as a whole for her. This was the part she disliked, the part that sucked all that goodness from it and made her feel like a video prostitute.
She glanced at the picture of Madison she kept on the wall on the other side of the room for motivation.
Forcing her best smile, she pointed at the picture and said, “This is for you, Maddy.” She turned on the camera, thrust out her chest, and gazed seductively into the little black camera lens, and saw Blue’s eyes looking back at her.
She quickly turned off the camera, breathing hard at the shock of the image. Closing her eyes tightly, she exhaled and said under her breath, “I can do this. This is for Maddy.”
She turned the camera back on and once again mustered her most seductive voice.
“Welcome back to the Naked Baker. I’ve been thinking about you.” She trailed her finger over the edge of the counter, remembering what Blue had said about wanting to be her counter, and as she dragged that finger down her neck, she buried the thought as deep as she could. She had to. For Maddy.
“Have you been thinking of me?” she purred to the camera.
Suddenly keeping a sexy facade while filming the episode was like treading water with no arms. Every time she gazed into the camera with a sultry look, she thought of Blue. Every sensual movement she made was chased by guilt. Every word out of her mouth was pushed by self-loathing. This had to be her worst episode yet, and by the time she was done baking the yellow cake in the shape of handcuffs, she felt like she’d been run over by a train—or chased by one. It didn’t matter which, because the outcome was the same. The ecstasy that had laced every breath, every thought, just hours earlier when she was with Blue was gone. Tarnished. Ruined.
She took another shower, feeling dirty and unworthy of the only man she wanted. Under the hot water she tried to wash the guilt from her body. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she scrubbed her skin raw until they finally subsided. By the time she dried off, she’d wiped all the goodness of Blue away, and buried the filth of her dirty secret a little deeper.