Chapter Thirteen
THAT EVENING LIZZIE worked as fast as she could to edit the webcast, but as she watched herself prance around the computer screen, sucking her finger seductively and bending over at just the right angle so viewers would see the curve where her butt met the back of her thighs, she felt even more ashamed. How could she tell Blue that she did this? She’d been fooling herself earlier, thinking that he might find it sexy or fun. She didn’t find it either of those things—and at the same time, she couldn’t be upset with herself for doing it, because it was what made it possible for her to live her life, and Maddy would soon have a college degree without being strapped with school loans.
It was worth the internal struggle and embarrassment.
If only she’d met Blue two years from now, when she could close the doors on this endeavor of hers forever.
Blue was working at his cottage on the bluff tonight, and they planned on meeting later and spending the evening together, but the more Lizzie edited, the more she felt compelled to tell Blue about the show. She had at least another half hour of editing to do before she was done, but every second she watched drove the guilt deeper. With her heart in her throat, she packed up her laptop and headed over to Blue’s.
The property was dark, save for the lights inside the cottage. She stepped from the car into the cool night air, spotting Blue through an upstairs window, and paused to watch him for a moment. She wondered if he was thinking of her and what else might be on his mind. The longer she watched him, the deeper the pain of her reality cut. He was so loving, so trusting, and she was about to turn the lights out on the best relationship she’d ever had—and the only one she wanted. Blue had been hurt before, and she didn’t want to be the woman who hurt him again.
I already am.
She closed the car door and crossed the sandy path to the front door, feeling like she was walking a plank with no blindfold. Her eyes were wide-open—and she almost wished he’d happened across the show, or someone would tell him about it, because wouldn’t that be easier to deal with? She knocked on the door and waited, fighting the urge to retreat.
She heard music coming from inside and knew he couldn’t have heard her knock, so she pushed open the door. “Blue?”
The music drowned out her voice. She mounted the stairs feeling the oppression of her confession clinging to her. Blue was standing on a stepladder, painting the room the color of French-vanilla ice cream. The muscles in his shoulders bunched beneath his shirt as he painted along the edge of the molding. She could turn around and tiptoe out and he’d never know she was there. Just forget the whole idea and go back to the bubble she’d allowed herself to inhabit with him.
At the tail of that thought, Blue stepped from the ladder and turned to dip his brush in the paint, startling when he saw her. A smile spread across his lips. He was so sexy.
“Hey, babe. I wasn’t expecting you. Did I lose track of time?”
He strode across the floor with a warm look in his eyes. It was a look she’d already come to love, a look that said, I’m so glad you’re here. Kiss me. His arm swept her possessively against him as his lips claimed hers. Her entire body heated. He gazed at her with so much emotion in his eyes that she felt her resolve slipping away. Her breathing hitched, and her heart followed.
Oh my gosh.
She’d already fallen.
She grabbed his arm to steady her wobbly legs. I love you. She tried to evaluate those emotions, to pick them apart, but her mind was spinning. Maybe it was all the emotions coursing through her because of what she’d come to tell him. She looked into his eyes, and the side of his mouth curved up, sending a spear through her heart. No. It was him. All of him and all of her. It was the way they were together, the fun they had, the love they so easily shared. She loved him. There was no doubt, no hesitation, only heartfelt emotions.
“I’m so glad you’re here.” He pressed his lips to hers again.
Being in his arms was like coming home.
“Every time we’re apart,” he said, “I miss you more than I did the last time.”
Nothing had ever felt so right—and she’d never been so wrong. This was worse than walking the plank. This felt more like committing hari-kari.
The urge to change her mind and not tell him the truth was too strong, like she was battling a tangible presence. A literal skeleton that had moved out of the closet, looming behind him and waiting to be revealed with a few words. Words she didn’t want to say, words that would bring it to life, so the darn thing could move between them and drive them apart.
“I missed you, too,” she said honestly. “I’m sorry to interrupt your work.”
He closed the paint can and put a hand on the small of her back as they walked downstairs.
“You’re never an interruption. I can’t think of a better reason to stop working.”
Did he have to be so positive? Couldn’t he be a jerk for once and tell her that she was a big pain in the neck for interrupting or something else that was equally as jerky? That would make this much easier.
Blue washed out the brushes in the mudroom, while Lizzie paced the hallway trying to talk herself out of chickening out of coming clean.
He joined her a minute later with open arms, gathering her in close and smelling like heaven on legs. Why, oh why, did everything about him turn her inside out?
“Did you bring the whipped cream to work on your lists?” The spark in his eyes told her he was teasing, but that didn’t stop the realization from hitting her anew—she’d finally found someone she cared enough about, felt comfortable enough with—loved enough—to want to explore those lists.
She felt her cheeks flush when she met his heated gaze. “I was in such a hurry to see you…”
“You sure are cute when you’re embarrassed.” He pressed a tender kiss to her lips. “I was only joking. Was your evening okay?” Blue asked. “Did you get everything done that you hoped to?”
“Um…Not really, but I wanted to come see you.” Because I’m an idiot. For the first time in Lizzie’s life, she wished she were one of those people who could live a lie without remorse.
No.
Not really.
But it would make things easier.
Ohmygosh. No, it wouldn’t. Wasn’t that what she’d been trying to do for years?
He kissed her again. “I love that you came over. Do you want to go back to my place?”
“No.” She said it so quickly his brow furrowed. If she went back to his place, she’d want to cuddle up with him, which would lead to kissing him, and kissing Blue was never enough.
“I mean, let’s take a walk.”
“Sure.” He grabbed a blanket, and they walked down to the beach. “Are you okay, sweetheart? You seem a little jumpy.”
No. Not even close to okay. “Uh-huh.”
He spread out the blanket and held Lizzie’s hand as they walked along the water’s edge. Everything felt so natural with Blue, so easy. Just thinking about telling him her embarrassing secret made her feel queasy.
“I was thinking.” He played with the ends of her hair. “I was actually hoping you’d reconsider going to Jeremy’s wedding with me. I hate the thought of being apart for the weekend.”
She wanted to say yes so badly she ached, but she knew that once she told him about the webcast, he might not want to see her at all.
“I want to go, but there’s a lot on my plate right now.”
Walking along the shore, the scents of the sea surrounding them, the comfort of their relationship warmed her despite the evening breeze. She wasn’t ready to let this go—to let him go. Would she ever be?
A sense of relief washed over her, and she clung to it like a lifeline, pushing away the gloom of her reason for being there. She would tell him, but not on such a perfect night. Not when he was so happy to see her, or when even just holding his hand made her this happy. She did so much for others. Was it really too much for her to want to take a little more for herself?
BLUE’S MIND WAS running all over the place. He’d been thinking of Lizzie the whole time he was working, and as if she’d read his mind, here she was, making his evening a million times better. He’d felt tension all around her when she’d arrived, but it seemed to fade quickly, and now she was smiling and as relaxed as she usually was. He worried about her. She did so much every day, between the flower shop and making special efforts to drop off the flowers after work so someone, somewhere could enjoy them, or so people wouldn’t be forgotten. Her generosity was just one of the things he adored about her. And adore he did. He wanted to make her life wonderful.
“Thanks for letting me drag you away from work,” she said.
“Sweetheart, you can drag me away from anything, anytime.” He stopped to pick up a conch shell, brushed the sand from it, and held it up to her ear. “What do you hear?”
“You, whispering how much you want to kiss me.”
They both smiled as he sealed his lips over hers, and she melted against him. That was what he’d craved all day, the feel of her giving herself over to him, the way he instantly gave himself over to her. The press of her body, the sweet sigh of surrender, and the way she looked at him like she’d been waiting for him her whole life, made his head spin.
“Mm. This is just what I needed tonight. To be with you.” She pressed a kiss to the center of his chest.
“It’s such a beautiful night, isn’t it? Soon it’ll be too cold not to be by a fire.”
She leaned her head on his shoulder as they walked hand in hand. “Then we should enjoy this while we can.”
Blue imagined taking walks with Lizzie years from now, maybe with a child or two in tow. His chest tightened, as if his heart had actually swelled with the thought.
Lizzie sank down to the sand, pulling him down beside her. It didn’t matter that the sand was cold and damp or the breeze off the water was chilly. Being with Lizzie made everything seem new and somehow better.
She began piling sand up in a mound. “I love the beach so much. When I was little I spent most of my free time at the beach, but I never did much else.” Her eyes turned thoughtful. “I wasn’t very rebellious.”
“Well, as a guy, rebellion sort of came with being a teenager. Was there something you never did but you wish you had?” Blue asked.
“Do you want the truth or a safe answer?” She piled more sand on top of a mound.
“With a question like that, I can only imagine what I’m in for. Truth.” He leaned over and kissed her.
“I just wish my parents would have caught me doing bad things so when I did things after I left home, I didn’t feel so guilty or like I had to hide it from them.”
“That’s a pretty big regret. Should I expect you to hit a midlife crisis a little early, like when you turn thirty?”
She laughed. “No, but my parents are so conservative. I think it would have made some things easier for me if my parents had expected me to do questionable things instead of always assuming I’d do the right thing. Maybe I wouldn’t have kept so many secrets if I’d known they would roll their eyes and say, That’s just Lizzie.”
“Secrets? Care to share?”
She patted the sand castle she was building into a peak and sighed. “You know, normal stuff like making out with guys when I was in college or going to parties. If Maddy were older, I could have confided in her, but she was too young.” She shrugged. “So I learned to keep things to myself. It’s not a bad thing, just…a lonely thing.”
His heart ached for her. He’d always had an open relationship with his family, and with so many siblings, there was always someone to talk to about girls or problems, or anything, really.
“I’m sorry you went through all those years without having someone you felt close enough to talk to about those things.” He moved closer to her. “But I’m here now, and I want to share your secrets. And if you want to be rebellious, I’ll be right there by your side.”
She turned curious eyes to him, her dimples in full adorable force. “You’d do bad stuff with me?”
“I would walk to the ends of the earth with you. I’d lick chocolate off your entire body if you’d like. What other kinds of bad stuff did you have in mind?”
The sand she was holding fell from her hands. “Wait. I’m thinking about the chocolate.” She raised her brows, and that little invitation had his fingers twitching to pull her in close and kiss her again, but before he could, she said, “Nothing too bad.”
He thought he saw a hint of restraint in her eyes, as if she was holding something back, but then she smiled and the look of restraint washed away as she said, “But you know Sky and her friends go skinny-dipping. I’ve never even done that.” She walked to the water’s edge, brushing the sand from her hands.
Thinking about how sexy she would look running naked into the water made the twitching in his hands travel to more aroused parts of his body. He joined her by the water. “Sure, I’ll go skinny-dipping with you. Want to go now?”
“Now? What about sharks?” She reached for him.
“That’s the reaction I was hoping for.” He nuzzled against her neck. “We’ll go skinny-dipping in a heated pool when you go with me to my cousin’s wedding.”
“I’m going to your cousin’s wedding?” She smiled up at him. “But my shop?”
“Your shop? I didn’t hear any concern for your boyfriend having to go all weekend without you if you don’t come with me,” he teased.
“My boyfriend,” she said in a dreamy voice. “You can’t imagine how much I like to hear that.”
“Actually I can, because I’m sure you get the same feeling I do when I think of you as my girl.” He held her hand as they walked toward the blanket. “I really do want you to come to New York with me and meet my family. Sky already said she would watch your shop.”
“I’ve never asked anyone else to watch my shop. I could close it for the day, actually, and that way I’m not imposing on her. Do you really want me to go meet your family? That’s kind of serious.”
“Are you kidding? I never want to go a day without seeing you. And in case you haven’t noticed, we’re very serious.”
She gazed up at him and said, “I’ve noticed, and I never want to spend a day without you, either.”
That sounded real good to him. They sank down to the blanket and Blue asked, “What other types of rebellious things would you like to do? Because I can think of a few naughty things you might enjoy.”
She leaned in to him. “I bet you can, and I want to do them all with you.”
“You don’t even know how naughty I can be. You might regret giving in so easily.” He felt himself getting aroused.
“Tell me.” Her tongue swept over her lower lip, and her eyes darkened seductively.
She had no idea how she stirred his deepest desires. Desires he’d never played out with anyone before. “Maybe we should table this discussion for a while. I wouldn’t want you to think I only want to be with you for sex.”
“I think we really are made for each other,” she said with a coy smile. “I’ve never felt close enough with anyone else to get really naughty, but I want to with you.”
Their eyes held, and the air heated up about fifty degrees despite the cool breeze coming off the water.
“Lizzie, you have no idea what you do to me.”
She climbed over him, straddling his lap. “Then tell me all the naughty things you want to do to me.” She pressed her lips to his chest.
It was one thing to play out a fantasy in the bedroom when they were both into it, but another to hear it spoken when they weren’t in the heat of the moment. He worried that despite her willingness to play along, he might cross a line that shocked her. “One day I will show you.”
Her lower lip came out in a hard-to-resist, sexy pout. “You’re a tease.”
“I’m anything but a tease, but if I tell you what I want to do, I doubt we’re going to talk for long.” He was already aroused, and thinking about what he wanted to do to her only made him want her more. He slid his hand to the nape of her neck and brought his lips to hers, deepening the kiss.
When their lips finally parted, her eyes remained closed in that hazy state lovers found when they’d hit a sweet spot and didn’t want to leave it. He brushed his thumb over her lower lip, and when she opened her eyes, he said, “I want to make you mine. I want to do everything with you. Things we haven’t done with anyone else.”
“Like what?” Her words whispered over his mouth.
Her tongue swept across her lower lip again, and he couldn’t resist taking her in another kiss, drinking in the sweetness of her desire. He placed tender kisses over the bow of her upper lip, knowing from the way her body arched into him that she was craving more of him, just as he was going crazy for more of her. He wanted to stay right there, kissing her, loving her, until the sun came up.
“Tell me,” she urged in a husky voice.
“Lizzie. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before.” He captured her mouth again, breathing hard at the thought of sharing his dirty thoughts with her.
“Please, Blue. I want to be closer to you. Share your naughty thoughts with me.”
His mouth moved across her cheek, along her jaw, and he latched on to her neck, sinking his teeth into her supple skin as she pressed her body to his. He couldn’t resist lowering her to her back. His arms swept beneath her, holding her tight. They were fully dressed, and still their heat permeated his skin.
“I’m falling head over heels in love with you, and I don’t know how to slow it down.” He kissed her again, unable to believe he’d said the words that had burned inside him every time he was with her.
“Then don’t slow it down. I’m falling for you, too. I want to be yours. Really yours.”
His heart swelled to near bursting. His eyes blazed and his heart thundered as the words came out hot and fast and full of greed. “I want to make you mine in every way possible, and take you to heights you never imagined.” He lifted her wrist to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to it. “To hold your hands at bay while I pleasure every inch of your body, until you’re so impassioned, so lost in desire, that you can barely think, much less breathe.” He kissed her again, harder, sealing in his confession.
“What else?” she said in another needful breath.
“Lizzie…” She was pushing him to places that were going to make him lose his last shred of control.
“Please, tell me?” Her brows knitted together, and that sexy pout slayed him.
He knew he’d never be able to deny her a single thing. “It might be too much for you,” he nearly growled.
“If it’s with you, it’s not too much.”
He searched her eyes and knew by the tantalizing seduction in their depths that it wasn’t going to be too much. Nothing would be too much, but still, he didn’t want to talk about all the things he wanted to do with her. He wanted to love her, here. Now. “Some things don’t need to be put into words.” He pressed his hands to her cheeks, brushing the pad of his thumb over her soft skin.
Her eyes went nearly black, and for a beat there were no words, no thoughts, just unbridled sexual tension about what would one day come. She pressed her hands to his cheeks and crashed her mouth to his in a savage kiss that nearly made him come undone.
“I’m yours,” she said. “I want to explore everything with you.”
His breath rushed from his lungs as he tried to regain a modicum of self-control. “I love you so much.” He kissed her again, their confessions taking root in his soul, their love spiraling around them, binding them together.
When they finally drew apart, he held her close, feeling the frantic beat of her heart. “Lizzie, love isn’t a race. I want everything with you, when we’re ready. When I no longer see a shadow of doubt in your eyes.”
“There’s no doubt,” she said with too much conviction.
He smiled and pressed his mouth to hers again, tenderly this time.
“Not usually, but sometimes there’s a hint of hesitation. My mother once said that love comes in stages, and if you rush them, you miss out on all the best parts. I want the best parts with you. I want every part. The anticipation, the laughter, the certainty of knowing that at the end of the day we’ll be there for each other no matter what. That feeling that’s burning through us right now will only grow hotter, and I promise you, by the time I take you there, you’ll have no more doubt—and it’ll make our love that much sweeter.”