Chapter Twenty-Three
BLUE WORRIED ALL evening about Lizzie telling her family about the webcast. As proud as he was of Lizzie for wanting to finally tell her family the truth, the more he thought about it, the more concerned he became. He’d had hours to be introspective about Lizzie’s webcast, and among other things, he realized that while complete honesty was vital to him, that didn’t mean it was right for everyone else. He didn’t want her to come home to an empty house if the evening didn’t go well, so he’d driven to her house a half hour ago and had been waiting for her on her porch ever since.
When his cell phone rang, he hoped it was Lizzie, but wasn’t surprised to see Sky’s name on the screen. He answered the call knowing he hadn’t been fair to Sky either. “I’m sorry I didn’t return your calls.”
“I hope you have redeemed yourself. What the heck, Blue?”
“Don’t you think this whole thing was a freaking blow to me?” He paced the yard. “First, she completely steals my heart, then she reveals that she walks around in an apron and heels for strangers. It’s not like she’s on Rachael Ray, fully dressed.”
“She’s not naked, Blue. I watched a video. I think she looks hot as a blonde.”
“She’d look hot bald.” He smiled, thinking about how true that was. “That’s not the point. She owns me, Sky. Heart and soul, and now…”
“She owns you? And this is the first I’m hearing of that? Now who’s blown who away?”
He smiled. If anyone knew how much it meant for Blue to fall for a woman, it was Sky. She’d been there every step of the way over the past few years, and she knew he rarely dated, much less opened up to anyone but family.
“I should have been in touch. I’m sorry. It’s been a crazy week, and now we’ve got this to deal with. But, Sky, make no mistake about it. I love her, and I admire her—I just have to learn to deal with this other stuff.”
“Oh, Blue.” Sky sighed, and her voice turned stern again. “When I first met Sawyer and had a hard time with his boxing, you told me that boxing wasn’t who he was; it was what he did. So where do you come off holding this over Lizzie’s head?”
He pictured the scowl on her face as she challenged him. “That’s just it. I’m not holding it over her head. I’m trying to deal with my own jealousy—and you know me, Sky. I don’t get jealous. Besides, this is different. You opposed what he did, not…”
He walked around to the side yard and headed out back, away from the lights of the porch, which made him feel exposed. His gut burned as he bit back what he really wanted to say. I love her so much it hurts, and I can’t protect Lizzie and her reputation from all the things they say about her online.
“Not what?” Sky pushed.
“You were opposed to Sawyer’s fighting, but—and don’t you dare think for a second that I believe this—but it wasn’t like he was out doing something where people could think that he was slutty. Women weren’t watching him seduce the camera like a pro.”
“So what? So she’s good at seduction. That’s a feather in her cap. You’re being a jackass. I hope you know that.”
“Didn’t you hear me? I told you that I don’t feel that way. I’ve read the things people write online about the Naked Baker, and it makes me want to kill someone.” Renewed anger simmered inside him. He wished he had the answers and the wherewithal to be able to ignore the things he’d read online about Lizzie, but it made him want to hurt the people who wrote it.
Sky sighed. “So, what are you going to do?”
“The very best I can. I’m trying to work through my own issues. That’s our biggest hurdle. And you know she’s doing this for Maddy, right? For her sister. She’s just so incredible. Who else would do that?”
“SOMEONE WHO PUTS family first.” The anger in Lizzie’s voice resonated through her with a vehemence she had no idea she possessed. “Of all people, I thought you’d get that.”
Blue spun around, and the phone dropped to his side. He hadn’t even heard her car pull up. “Lizzie!”
“Stupid me. I got your messages and rushed home after dropping Maddy off. I thought you really wanted to talk, but this—”
“It’s Sky!” He held the phone out toward her. “She called to give me a hard time.”
Lizzie stormed past him toward her kitchen door. She heard him tell Sky he had to go as she went inside and stalked into the living room. Seconds later he grabbed her arm from behind.
“Let go, Blue.” She was too mad to talk rationally. “I’m just slutty, seducing the camera like a pro.”
“You heard that out of context.” He reached for her, and she shrugged him off. “Come on, Lizzie. You heard part of what was said, but it wasn’t meant the way you’re making it sound. Do you really think I think you’re slutty? If you heard that, then you heard me say I read the stuff online about you and I wanted to kill the people who wrote it. I’m defending you, Lizzie, not demeaning you.”
She sank down to the edge of the couch, unable to remain standing any longer. “I don’t know what to think. Or what to feel anymore.” She wiped angry tears from her eyes. She was so sick of crying she could scream.
Blue crouched in front of her and lowered his voice. “I would never call you that. I was telling Sky the difference between her not agreeing with Sawyer’s boxing and me having issues with your video stuff. I worry about what people might think about you.” He gasped a breath. “Damn it. That sounds messed up, too.”
Lizzie scowled. She knew exactly what he was trying to say because that was one of the main reasons she hadn’t told people about it. But it still hurt to hear it from him.
He placed his hands on her thighs, and when she looked away, he touched her chin, bringing her gaze back to his. “Lizzie, sweetheart, what you heard was my own frustration. I care about you so much. How am I supposed to protect you from anonymous viewers posting lewd crap about you online? How can I protect your reputation?”
“I don’t need you to protect me or my reputation. Don’t you get that?” She’d spent years protecting it just fine by keeping it hidden.
“But I’m a guy, and I love you. It’s the same as not letting you go into a bad area alone at night, or keeping you warm when it’s cold.”
His voice was sincere, and the look in his eyes was so apologetic that it cut right to her heart.
“That’s not too sexist of a remark, is it?” She crossed her arms over her chest and turned away. He moved in closer and wrapped his arms around her waist, bringing them so close she could practically taste the mint on his breath.
“Don’t you see? That’s what I was trying to say to Sky. Not that you were slutty, but Lizzie, you have to know that there’s stuff all over message boards on the Internet about the Naked Baker and what guys want to do to her. And how am I supposed to feel about that? They say all this sex stuff, and I can’t pound the tar out of them because they’re hiding behind electronics. They’re anonymous trolls.”
“Anonymous trolls who are paying for Maddy’s college—and who paid for mine and for my flower shop. I don’t read that stuff. I made a decision when I first started this that I would never read any of that because it’s too upsetting.”
“Right. Exactly.”
“So? Can’t you just not read it?” She knew by the look in his eyes that it wasn’t even a fair question to ask.
“Seriously? It wouldn’t change the fact that I know what they’re saying. Anonymous or not. Just tell me this. Do you still want to be with me?” The hope and love in his eyes washed over her like a caress, drawing the truth she didn’t want to hold back.
“More than anything.” She breathed deeply, trying to get ahold of her emotions.
“Then we’ll figure this out together. This all scares me. I wish I could just tell you it’s sexy and watch you tape your shows, and go on with life as it was. I’m trying, Lizzie. I’m trying to get past my own issues. If this is what you want to do, then maybe we can come to a compromise that we both can live with, because I know I don’t want to live without you.”
“I can’t really compromise with Maddy’s future, and I’m not going to let you pay for her college.”
He laughed. “You saw me going there, huh?”
“Weren’t you?”
He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “Babe, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you, but if I’ve learned one thing in the time we’ve spent together, it’s that you have too much pride for me to step in and take over. This is your thing, your commitment. I just want to find a way to make it something we can both live with, and maybe that makes me selfish for not just accepting it for what it is, but my heart is too wrapped up in you to just blindly accept seeing you put yourself in a position where other people can write unsavory things about you.”
“I know. I get it, but I don’t know what the answer is.”
“I honestly don’t either. Maybe if I make sure I’m not around when you’re filming the shows. I can always set up an electric shock on my laptop to zap me when I try to surf the message boards to see what’s being written about you. My cousin’s friend, Dex Remington, is a computer guy. I bet he can rig something up.” The tease in his smile warmed her heart.
“Aw, you’d shock yourself for me? Now, that’s true love.” Lizzie bit her lower lip, mustering up the courage to tell him the rest of her news, so they would have no more secrets between them. “There’s more.”
“More?”
“Yes. My father isn’t speaking to me, and my mother is doing I have no idea what.” She tried to stave off tears at the realization of her father turning his back on her.
“My father said I’m not the girl he raised, like I’m some kind of delinquent.” She drew in a deep breath as Blue gathered her in his arms, holding her tight. “At least my mother ate dinner with us, even though she was clearly upset. But my dad…”
“It’s going to be okay. He’s your father and he’s a man, so you have a double whammy, but you also have the bonus of unconditional love on your side. He’ll come around.”
She scoffed. “I don’t think my father knows what unconditional love is.” She pulled back and wiped her eyes. “He wouldn’t even look at me.”
Blue’s eyes filled with remorse. “This is my fault. I shouldn’t have said any of those things about not telling your family. I’m so sorry, Lizzie. I wish I could take it back.”
“No. I’m still glad you said what you did. It’s hard to live a secret life, and even though this is hard right now, it somehow also feels a little better. At least Maddy doesn’t hate me for it. For a minute I thought I was going to lose everyone.” She drew in a sharp breath and blew it out slowly. “I have other news, but I don’t know if it’s good or not.”
“Lay it on me, because at this point, there isn’t much that we can’t handle.”
“The Food Channel Network wants to talk to me about the possibility of making the webcast into a cable show.” She bit her lower lip to keep pride from slipping out in a smile.
“The Food Channel Network? FCN? Really? That’s impressive. You must have something they think they can make a fortune off of.”
“Well, I’m up to more than half a million views per show, so I guess so.”
His eyes widened. “You have more than half a million views per show?”
She nodded. “Sometimes more, sometimes less.”
“That’s a lot of dudes looking at you.” The side of his mouth quirked up playfully. He must have noticed how the comment pierced her heart, because he followed it up with, “Baby, it was a bad joke. I’m sorry. I don’t know much about online statistics, but that number sounds pretty amazing. I guess the real question is, do you want to keep doing the show, or if there was a way to earn the same money but not do it, would you want to do that?”
She could see the gears of his mind churning. “That’s not even an option. Come with me.”
They went to the basement, where she retrieved the ledgers she kept for the webcast and tossed them onto the counter.
“Look at the numbers. It’s all in there. I earn a lot from the show. I’d have to take on a second career to earn that much.” She felt weird knowing that he was going to see how closely she tracked all of the information. At first she’d tracked the views and income just to see if there was a pattern, but then she’d begun picking apart the shows and sort of obsessing over it, tweaking each episode to the point where she could expect a little bump with each one. She worried that he might think she cared about it for the wrong reasons. The show had become such a big part of her life that she did care about it doing well. For Maddy. It was all for Maddy. “I’m going to wait upstairs.”
She left him poring over the ledgers. He came up a short while later with the ledgers under one arm and sat beside her on the couch. He laced their fingers together and brought hers to his lips for another tender kiss.
“May I sit with you while I finish? If we’re going to be in this together, I have a few questions.”
She nodded, hoping the questions weren’t going to be too painful. He leafed through the ledgers, asking questions about statistics and how she’d come up with a few of the ideas she’d had to boost views. He went through the books for a long while, and when he finally set them aside, he rubbed the back of his neck with a serious look in his eyes.
“Lizzie, you’ve created a viable business, not just a webcast,” he said with a look of incredulity.
“Enough to help Maddy, at least.” She leaned back and pulled her legs up on the couch beside her.
He picked up the financial and stats ledgers and set them on his lap again, motioning for her to come closer.
“You’ve tracked and evaluated everything, from the best times to broadcast to the types of things that increase your ratings—facial expressions, comments, and hand movements.” He flipped through a few pages and pointed to one of the graphs she’d created. “You’ve stripped down your shows minute by minute, evaluating every last thing and equating it to dollars and cents.”
She felt her cheeks flush. “I’m a little anal. I guess my business and marketing degree paid off after all, huh?”
“Babe, you’re brilliant.” He flashed a flirty grin that made her heart soar.
She gave him a playful shove, and he laughed, pulling her into a hug that filled her with relief. Maybe they really would get through this together.
“I don’t know for sure, but I’d bet you could sell the rights to your show for more than you can make over the next two years by continuing to do it yourself.”
“No way.” She laughed. “Talk about a pipe dream. It’s a rinky-dink little webcast.”
“No, it’s not a rinky-dink little anything. If it is an option, would you want to consider it? If you could get the money you need for Maddy? It would obviously give me peace of mind, knowing Maddy was taken care of and you weren’t putting yourself out there nearly naked, but I don’t want you to walk away from this because of me.” He searched her eyes, and she knew he’d see the hope she felt swelling in her heart.
“You’re serious? If that’s really an option, I would do it in a heartbeat. Every time I do a show, I hope it’s the one that will make enough money for me to stop. Do you really think it’s worth a shot?”
“I think it’s worth taking it to Duke, who knows more about valuing businesses than anyone I know. If anyone can figure this out, he can. And he can clue us in on behind-the-scenes stuff that we’d—you’d—need to consider.”
She squeezed his hand. “We. I like we better.” Inhaling a breath full of renewed hope for more things than she cared to take stock of for fear of jinxing them, she said, “But what if it doesn’t work? I can’t lose you twice, Blue. That would be too hard. I need to know that if we can’t figure this out, then you’ll still want to be with me even if I continue doing the webcast, because I’m not going to stop if this doesn’t work. Otherwise—”
He tugged her in close, and she felt the beat of his heart, sure and steady, against her own. “I’m not losing you again, Lizzie. I may not like knowing half a million guys are ogling you, but that’s my issue. And it’s something I’ll work on. Make no mistake about how much I want to be with you. I adore you. This is just a test of strength, for both of us. I’ll support whatever you decide, one hundred percent.”
He pulled back, and his eyes turned serious. “What I care most about is that from here forward, there are no secrets between us. Because when you first told me, I felt like I’d been betrayed, like I was reliving Sarah Jane all over again.”
His confession stung, but she understood his feeling of betrayal and pushed past her own pain to explain. “I never meant to hurt you. I wanted to tell you, but selfishly, I wanted more time with you before I did.”
“I know, babe. Don’t you see? It really was—is—my issue, and I understand that now. Yes, you probably should have told me sooner, but either way, my pride got in the way. I’m sorry I reacted so harshly, and I know you could never be that type of person. You’re an incredibly unselfish woman who does for others at her own expense. I was a little slow on the uptake. Not only do I see things more clearly now, but I’m in awe of you and the selfless things you do.”
Lizzie dropped her eyes, feeling unworthy of such a compliment. Blue lifted her chin as he’d done so many times before, his eyes boring into her.
“I’ve honestly never met a person who does so much for others, and I’m sure I’ve only witnessed a small part of your generosity. This whole thing might have started as something you did to dig yourself out of debt, but how much of yourself have you put into this for Maddy? How much of your life have you put on hold in order to do it? That’s inspiring, regardless of what you’re wearing—or not wearing,” he said with another teasing smile.
When his lips touched hers, the defenses she’d been clinging to for so long subsided, and a powerful sense of relief swept through her. She clung to that relief, and to Blue, as they kissed their differences away and he loved the doubt right out of her.