Chapter Twelve
HOPING TO CATCH Lizzie before she left for work, Blue arrived at her house early Tuesday morning, but despite the early hour, her car was already gone. It had been so wonderful to start his day by seeing her yesterday morning before work that he’d hoped for the same again today. And after the incredible evening they’d shared, he was having thoughts of going to sleep with her in his arms every night and waking with her every morning. Disappointment washed through him with a force he hadn’t expected, and he found he had to work hard to move past that unfamiliar feeling. Falling for her didn’t begin to touch on what he really felt.
He set his tools down and surveyed his work. He’d replaced the water-damaged ceiling, refinished the hardwood floors, and installed most of the custom cabinetry, which Lizzie had insisted remain orange. He’d wondered at that when he’d first seen the brightly colored kitchen, but now he saw how the happy color fit her personality perfectly. He still had another few days of work ahead of him, setting the island, installing the moldings, painting, and setting the appliances.
His eyes landed on a piece of yellow cake with pink frosting sitting on the counter with a note propped up beside it. He smiled at the familiar sight, wondering when she could have possibly had time to bake. Before they’d started going out, the notes she’d left him in the mornings, accompanying a muffin, cupcake, or some other sweet treat, said things like, Thanks for working on my kitchen! or It looks amazing! This morning’s note read, Naughty-Love list #1, Licking frosting off your washboard abs. Want to choose who licks what off of which body part for #2? Xo, Lizzie.
Heat spread through his body just thinking about Lizzie licking him.
She was the epitome of sweet and sensual, and he couldn’t wait to see her again.
He texted her in response to her note before starting work. Naughty-Love list #2…Combine with your other list. Whatever your #1 is on that list, I’ll bring the whipped cream. He pressed send and couldn’t temper the foolish grin plastered on his face.
LIZZIE BROUGHT THE handcuff-shaped cake, minus the piece she’d saved for Blue, to the homeless shelter before work. She’d sliced it and rearranged it on the tray so no one could tell what shape it had been, and like every other time she’d dropped off goodies at the shelter, the director, Paul, gave her a big hug.
“You’re so good to us, Lizzie. Thank you.” Paul was tall and slim with thick blond hair and eyes the color of grass. He was always appreciative of the things she brought, and he never minded that she whipped in and out in a matter of seconds the mornings she stopped by.
“It’s nothing, really. I’ll be back Friday morning with more goodies!”
“Thanks, love.” Paul waved as he closed the shelter doors.
She drove up the highway toward Provincetown. She’d always loved the stretch of land where Truro ended and Provincetown began, where the residential area gave way to a shoreline dotted with summer cottages. Once again her mind traveled back to Blue. It had taken all of her willpower not to wait for him to arrive before leaving for work, but the battle going on between her head and heart was too difficult to manage in his presence. She knew that if she was in his arms again, feeling him holding her like he never wanted to let her go, she’d fall right back into the luxury of them. She needed a clear head to figure out how to tell him about the webcast, and when she was around him, a clear head was not possible—not when he made her feel so good, made her hope for more, for a future without the webcast in it.
And Maddy couldn’t afford for her to make that choice.
As she drove toward her shop she marveled at the artsy little town coming to life. The people strolling with a pet’s leash in one hand and coffee in the other, early-morning joggers, and shop owners opening their businesses.
She couldn’t imagine running her flower shop anywhere else. Even when she was growing up in Brewster, she’d always known she’d end up here. Provincetown was full of life, and she thrived on the energy that buzzed through the town. Thinking about how she’d ended up in the place she had always wanted to be made her wonder about destiny and fate. She didn’t put much stock in those things, because she’d had to fight her way through everything in life to get where she was. When she was taking on student loans, every thousand dollars she borrowed felt like another shovel of dirt burying her deeper in debt. Deeper into the reality of working for minimum wage and never seeing the light of day.
No, fate and destiny were not her friends. They were notions that people who had it all believed in. She believed in creating her own life. Making life happen the way she wanted, with her own determination and sheer will. It wasn’t fate that brought her Cooking with Coeds or destiny that kept her locked in her basement making the slightly naughty videos. It was the need for a better life and the drive to get it, no matter what the stakes.
Her life path had seemed pretty clear to her until Blue appeared dead center, blocking out the feigned simplicity of it—and showing her just how complicated her life really was. Blue was like an unexpected tollbooth in the center of the road. Time to pay the piper, confess my sins if I want to get through. The problem was, she didn’t know how to get around it, and going through it was risky at best.
She parked behind the shop and walked over to the Portuguese bakery, thinking of the text she’d received from Blue. Would he still want to combine her precious lists after he found out that she was the Naked Baker? Would he still want to be with her?
Maybe she was overthinking the whole thing. Maybe the webcast wasn’t that big of a deal, and he’d laugh and think it was sexy or fun.
Or totally slutty.
Pushing the awful thought away, she bought two coffees, then headed over to Inky Skies, to apologize again for not telling Sky about Blue asking her out so many times. Sky was an early bird just like Lizzie—up at the crack of dawn and ready to take on the day. Lizzie heard Sawyer’s guitar before shading her eyes to see him sitting on their apartment balcony above the tattoo shop, basking in the morning sunlight.
“Hey, Sawyer,” she called up. From the moment Sky had met Sawyer, the two of them had been inseparable.
“Hi, Lizzie. Sky’s already in the shop.”
“Thanks.” She eyed the coffee cups in her hand. “Want one?”
“No, thanks. I have to run down to the fight club for a training session in a few minutes.” Ever since retiring from boxing, Sawyer had worked as a professional trainer at the fight club in Eastham.
Lizzie was thinking of Blue again as she walked into Sky’s shop. Sky had fallen just as hard for Sawyer as she was falling for Blue. If only the timing were as right for Lizzie and Blue as it had been for Sky and Sawyer. Then again, Sky and Sawyer had had their own hitches. With the threat of brain damage following a concussion, they’d had to make life- and career-changing decisions. Maybe there simply was no right time for love.
Sky walked through the hanging beads in the back of the store and smiled as she reached for a cup of coffee. “You are a savior. I was just thinking about how I needed something hot and wet.” She laughed and lowered her voice. “That’s what Sawyer says every morning when I come out of the shower.”
“TMI.” Lizzie laughed. “I love that he sits up there and plays his guitar in the mornings.” She sat on the couch in the reception area, and Sky plopped down beside her.
“Yeah, me too.”
“Now that he got his advance for the poetry book he and his father published, do you think you’ll move out of your apartment?” She knew Sky loved her little apartment above the shop.
“No, not yet. But after we’re married, probably. I want to have a family, and we can’t really do that upstairs with Merlin’s beds in every corner and barely enough room for our own bed.” Merlin was Sky’s very spoiled Persian cat.
A stroke of jealousy skittered through Lizzie. She hadn’t allowed herself to contemplate her own future beyond making it through the next two years with enough money to help Maddy. Once Maddy was out of college, then she could put serious thought into what else she wanted in life, but now, hearing Sky talk about having a family tugged at something inside of her. And if she were honest with herself, being with Blue had also nudged open that door.
She changed the subject to distract herself from the unfamiliar longing.
“Did you guys set a date for the wedding?” Lizzie asked.
“We’re thinking about the spring, when Matt can come up over his break.” Sky’s brother Matt was a professor at Princeton and rarely took time off. “Can you do a spring wedding, or is that too busy of a time to fit us in?”
“I can do whatever you need me to do. Have you decided where you’re getting married?” She smiled at her friend, wondering for the millionth time what it would be like to only have the flower shop and her relationship with Blue to worry about, and not Maddy’s tuition or the webcast.
“Not yet. Maybe at Sawyer’s parents’ house, so it’s easier for his father.” Sawyer’s father had Parkinson’s disease, and it was becoming more and more difficult for him to get around. Sky sipped her coffee. “When do you need specifics?”
“Whenever you’re ready. Normally I like as much lead time as possible to prepare and to make sure I can get in the flowers you want, but I know you’re not really a prepare type of girl, so give me three weeks and I’ll make your wedding beautiful.”
“I know you will. How’s your man?” Sky asked with a cocked brow.
“My man.” She loved saying that. Thoughts of last night came rushing back, chased by the reality of her needing to tell him about the webcast. Being with Blue was not only bringing Lizzie’s future into focus, but also clarifying her present. Faults and all. “Speaking of Blue, I’m really sorry for not telling you sooner about him asking me out. I feel bad about keeping it from you.”
Sky waved a dismissive hand. “Pfft. I’m over it. We all do stupid things.”
“I think I’m falling for him, Sky.” Her heart squeezed with the admission, knowing it was far more real than just a thought. “I actually think I’ve been falling for him all year. He’s such an amazing person. I knew that if I went out with him I wouldn’t be able to keep from falling for him. That’s why I didn’t go out with him when he asked all those times.”
“How could you not fall for him?” Sky smiled and hugged Lizzie. “Seriously, you two were meant for each other.”
Lizzie’s pulse quickened with hope. She felt that way, too, but how could it be? What a cruel joke, giving Blue a woman who had a secret like hers and giving her a man like Blue, who was making her reevaluate her two-year plan at every turn.
“Sky, can I ask you something?”
“Sawyer’s really talented in bed.” She flashed a cheesy grin. “What else?”
“Again, TMI,” Lizzie teased, but she wasn’t in a teasing mood. She rested her head back and looked up at the clouds and stars Sky had painted on the ceiling. Do you think you always have to be one hundred percent honest with the person you love? Even if it might hurt him and someone else in the long run? She held back those questions and instead asked, “Do you tell Sawyer everything?”
“Always.”
They watched a group of people walking past the shop laughing. Lizzie wondered how many lies they were carrying around. Funny, the Naked Baker never used to feel like a lie. It had only felt like a secret of the most embarrassing kind.
But now that she was with Blue, it had somehow morphed into a lie that felt wrong to hide from him.
And too risky to reveal.