She had disappeared.

No one knew where she was. Jessie was confused, but stepped up, getting the breakfast made and the men fed for the day. They were bewildered, too, and kept asking was Gemma alright? Had she had bad news, or suddenly fallen ill?

I was tight lipped, saying she had to leave for personal reasons. And vague about when she would return. Inside, I was a mess. I couldn’t believe how royally I had fucked up the night before.

Where was she? I should have known she would do this. Gemma was a passionate woman, in every aspect of her life. If something was wrong, she acted quickly. She didn’t sit around and ponder what was the best course of action.

My love. I had let her slip through my fingers. How could I have done that?

I walked restlessly around the cook’s quarters, seeing the haste of her departure everywhere. Items forgotten. The bed left unmade, from our lovemaking the night before.

That stopped me in my tracks.

Had it been our lovemaking? Or had I simply taken her, not caring what she was thinking or feeling. Selfishly, in the desire to claim her, to make her mine. Treating her like an object, rather than the flesh and blood woman that she was. I slowly sat on the bed, my mind in turmoil.

Everything she had said last night was right. I had behaved like an asshole.

Violating her privacy. Treating her like she was a project, to fix. Crowing to myself every time I crossed another thing off that stupid goddamn list. What had I been thinking? Had I done it just to best Jack, like she said?

I shook my head. No. In that she was wrong. There may have been an element of truth to it, but it was bigger than that. Way bigger.

It was because I had loved her forever, and had let her go. I had been too much of a damn coward to stand up and fight for her back when Jack was claiming her. And then I had thought it was all too late. I had been a coward this time around, as well. Concocting a stupid list of her wants and desires as a way back to her. When I should have just come out and told her what she meant to me.

That she was the love of my life.

That I wanted to marry her. Live on the ranch with her by my side, forever.

Was it too late? Was it past the point of no return for us? I stood up. Not if I could help it.

Yes, I had fucked up. But she was worth fighting for. Shit, I had been in war zones. Completed dangerous missions, where my life had been on the line. Been so weary I could have died a thousand times over. I was known for my bravery. It was time to take that strength and fight again. She was worth it. She had always been worth it.

Be a man, I told myself. She deserves no less.

* * *

She had gone back to her parents.

I parked the car on the curb across the street from the house, reminiscing about how many times I had been here as a teenager. Playing third wheel to her and Jack.

Not anymore, I vowed. I took a deep breath. It was now or never.

I knocked on the door. It seemed an eternity before I heard footsteps approaching.

Mrs Fox opened the door, a look of surprise flitting across her face.

“Why, Lance,” she exclaimed. “It has been so long!”

“It has, ma’am,” I nodded. “Too long! I should have come and visited before now.”

Mrs Fox smiled. “We know you are a busy man, Lance. We never expected you to go out of your way to see us.”

I looked at her. She was a good woman, and her husband, Gemma’s father, was a good man. They had raised Gemma to be the wonderful person she was. I had a great respect for them both. Always had.

“Is Gemma here?” No point beating around the bush.

Mrs Fox nodded. “Sure is,” she said, standing to one side and gesturing for me to enter. “Come on through.”

The living room was exactly as I remembered it, down to the old TV blaring in the corner and the shag pile rug on the floor.

She was sitting at the table, writing in a notebook. She looked up when she heard us come in. Her mouth dropped open.

“Would you two like some chocolate chip cookies I made this morning?” Mrs Fox asked, looking from me to Gemma.

I almost laughed. It was exactly what she used to ask every time I came here as a youngster. But I didn’t think chocolate chip cookies could fix this situation.

“No thanks, Mom,” Gemma quickly answered. “I might just take Lance out the back. Show him your garden.”

“As you wish, dear.” Mrs Fox took the hint, and walked away.

I looked at Gemma. It was like I hadn’t seen her in years, rather than two days ago.

I was struck by her beauty all over again. God, but she was the most beautiful woman who walked this earth. She stood up, gesturing to me to follow her.

We stood in the garden. hen Gemma turned to me. “Why are you here, Lance?” She appraised me slowly.

It was now or never. I had to dig deep, find that courage. She was worth it.

“Gemma, I’m a goddamn fool,” I said. “I fucked up. I’m so sorry.”

“You did fuck up,” she agreed. “How could you violate my privacy like you did?”

I hung my head. I deserved that.

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” I answered eventually. “I was looking for something else, to begin with. And then when I saw your messages, it was like something just came over me. I wanted to know everything about you. That’s why I made the list.” She went to talk, but I cut her off. “No, let me finish,” I said. “I know it was wrong. I don’t have any defence. I was a damn coward, thinking it was my only way back to you. That I could impress you, somehow, with a knowledge of what you wanted.” I turned to her, taking a deep breath. “I love you, Gemma Fox. I’ve loved you forever.”

She gasped. “You love me?”

I nodded slowly. “I love you so much it hurts. I should have told you before now. I was a fool.”

She was looking up at me with eyes swimming with tears.

“Lance,” she whispered. “I love you, too.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “You love me? You aren’t in love with Jack anymore?”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry I led you to believe that. The truth is, I got over Jack a long time ago. Yes, it hurt like hell when I heard that he died. We had shared a lot of our lives, and I still cared for him.” She stopped, looking at me. “But I hadn’t been in love with him for a long, long time.”

I walked up to her as if in a dream, taking her in my arms. She didn’t resist. I kissed her, long and slow and sweet. It was the sweetest kiss of my life. She looked up at me, those huge green eyes raking over my face.

“I’m still as mad as hell at you,” she said. “You are going to have to make it up to me.”

“Anything,” I vowed. “I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Just tell me that we have a future together. I want you to be my wife, Gemma Fox. I want you by my side forever.”

Her eyes widened. “Was that a proposal?”

“Well, yes,” I said. I got down on one knee, taking her hand. “Will you marry me, Gemma?” I didn’t have a ring. It wasn’t how I had planned it.

But it was perfect. Gemma, as I had always known her, in her parents’ yard. Those golden curls whipping around her face.

“Yes,” she whispered. “Yes, yes, yes.”

I let out a whoop, grabbing her and twirling her around.

She laughed, tossing her head back so the curls fell down her back.

“So,” she said. Her eyes were shining. “This list. What else is on it?”

I grinned. “A whole lot more. I reckon we could keep adding to it for the rest of our lives.” It was true.

I wanted nothing more, but to keep discovering her, peeling back the layers of this amazing woman.

* * *