Today was the absolute worst day to be stuck in bed with morning sickness. A group of five hikers were coming in to do a three-day trek up the back side of Shadow Mountain. Which meant I needed to get out of bed, get dressed and go get the breakfast platters ready for the early arrivals. But every time I tried to sit up, my stomach protested and emptied itself. After the third time it happened, I felt a sense of relief that there was nothing else to give up.

Turns out, neither my stomach or the baby gave one red damn how this impacted my schedule. So, I just lay there, on my back and stared at the ceiling until the nausea passed. Twenty minutes behind schedule, I gave myself a quick rinse, put my hair in a bun and tugged on yesterday’s jeans with a clean t-shirt, and left the cabin. And promptly ran into a hot, hard wall of muscle. I inhaled and quickly stepped back, clenching my jaws to stop my gut from roiling.

“Excuse me.”

“Dammit, Lena. You have to talk to me at some point.”

Actually, I didn’t, and that was the beauty of this. He could come by all he wanted and I couldn’t stop him, his brother owned the joint. But we were nothing to each other which meant I didn’t have to be nice, didn’t have to try and please him. Didn’t have to acknowledge his existence.

“We have nothing to say to each other, Rex. If you’re looking for forgiveness, fine you’re forgiven. Just leave me alone.” I didn’t dare look at him, couldn’t. Because for all my bravado, Rex still did it for me and I had enough going on that I didn’t need to add self-loathing to the list. More self-loathing, that is. I already had enough of it from both encounters with him. My legs nearly buckled, but I kept moving, faster and faster to put distance between me and that blue eyed devil.

“I’m sorry, okay? I was an ass and I’m sorry.”

“Fine. I accept your apology.”

I kept walking but something didn’t feel right, the sky had darkened and the ground was moving. There were no earthquakes in Wyoming, at least that I knew of, but then I felt two big hands grasp me by the waist and I realized I’d been falling.

“I’ve got you, Lena. What’s the matter with you?”

I swallowed and clenched my eyes tight until the wave of sickness passed and then I planted my feet deep into the soft grass. “I’m fine. Thank you for your help, Rex. Excuse me, but I need to get to work.” I practically ran to the kitchen, popping a bagel in the toaster oven while I got started on waffle batter. I needed something in my belly, and whole wheat sesame bagels had worked so far. Nibbling on the bagel while I got breakfast ready, I did notice Rex sitting at the table, watching me. Why in the hell was he so interested in apologizing all of a sudden?

I looked up and the answer came quickly and unbidden. Guilt. He felt bad for turning me down and denying me the right to use my family house…nope. I was not falling down that rabbit hole again. He could stick his guilt where the sun don’t shine because I didn’t need his pity. I didn’t need anything from him.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong with you?”

I set the waffles in the warming oven and turned to him, drying my hands and fisting them at my hips. “What is this, Rex? Why do you all of a sudden give a damn?”

He blinked like my words shocked him. Did he think I didn’t know? “I always gave a damn.”

A bitter laugh escaped. “Oh, please. Look Rex we both know you, at best, tolerated me. And that’s fine. You got what you wanted and I got…a lesson. It’s in the past and that’s where I plan to keep it.” At least the memories would stay in the past. A small part was here now and would be for years to come.

“I didn’t use you and I didn’t promise you anything.”

“Yeah, you were very careful not to. I noticed.” And I wasn’t mad, at least not about that.

“What the fuck is the problem, then?” His voice was angry, thick brows dipped low into a pissed off vee. “You’re acting like I broke a promise to you and dammit, I didn’t!”

I couldn’t help but grin at his oblivious arrogance. Naturally he thought I was still crushing on him and hoping for a happy ending and a white dress. I may have still harbored a tiny glimmer of hope, but it wasn’t real. It was hope in the way that you hope you win an Oscar or the lottery; you don’t buy lotto tickets or write or act, so you hope it happens without actually putting forth any work to make it happen.

“There is no problem. I just don’t want to…know you.” Rex hadn’t lived up to my expectations of basic human decency or my girlhood fantasies.

He scoffed, leaning back in his chair, so damn clear of his own appeal. He couldn’t imagine a world where little Lena Masterson wasn’t madly in love with him. “Since when?”

“Since I realized that there was nothing under beautiful and brooding exterior but an arrogant asshole. It was a girlish fantasy that you were something better, greater than you appeared. You’re not and you probably never were. Fine, Rex you’re right, I had it bad for you for a very long time, I admit it. But you cured me of it real quick, so I guess I should thank you. Thanks,” I spat out that last word angrily.

“Whatever you need to tell yourself, sweetheart.”

I tossed my head back and laughed. “I don’t need to tell myself anything, Rex. I haven’t thought about you since I left your cabin. It’s time for you to do the same.”

“And if I touch you,” he asked, voice low and thick like velvet and honey.

“I probably wouldn’t be able to resist you, but it doesn’t mean I like it or you. Orgasms are great, but they don’t pay the bills.”

I’d rather give myself orgasms for the rest of my life than ever get tangled up with a guy like him again. For years I thought he was just misunderstood, maybe even sensitive under that permanent scowl he always wore. But like millions of women on the planet, I was wrong.

What you saw was what you got with Rex. A fact I would never forget. “And if I told you I changed my mind about the house?”

“I’m not interested in that property anymore. I’ll wait until I can buy something on my own.”

“Could be a long time.”

“Better than relying on other people.” He frowned, readying a response, but he was thwarted by the appearance of Jared and five men in their early thirties, each of them sporting delicious scruff on their rugged faces. “Good morning, gentleman. Welcome to McGregor’s Wild Rides, I hope you guys brought your appetites!”

Jared frowned but each one of the men lit up, smiling bright and looking at the food I brought from the warmer to the table. “Wow, this looks great,” the ginger said, patting a flat stomach as he walked to the table.

“When you said meals, I was prepared for a continental breakfast and a MRE,” a man with dark brown curls said. “If the trails are half this good, I’ll be back this winter.”

I grinned, knowing they would be very pleased with the energy smoothies I whipped up, setting the pitcher on the table with a satisfied smile. “To give you a boost at the halfway mark.”

“Jared, you have outdone yourself, man.” Another man grinned wide. “Heli-skiing was incredible, but all this nature and a beautiful cook with delicious food. Do you have a platinum membership program,” the blonde guy joked and sent me a friendly wink.

Jared laughed. “I wonder how much life insurance Amber has on you.”

“You’re married and you do those crazy things?” I don’t’ know where that came from but it shocked the hell out of me. “Sorry,” I mumbled when they all looked at me.

“She hates it, but she knows I’m careful. Besides she’s going in a shark cage on her girls’ trip this year.”

Wow. I grinned. It must be really nice to have that kind of relationship. “Sounds amazing,” I told him sincerely.

“See? She gets it,” he said to the other men, who rolled their eyes.

They all dug in while I wiped down the counters, trying to clean discreetly while they ate and chatted. Rex stared at me with such intensity I nearly dropped a few dishes. I vowed to ignore him. Whatever he was feeling had nothing to do with me. His residual guilt or need for an easy lay was on him.

I wasn’t in this twisted game any longer.

No matter what my body thought.

* * *

“I want you to move back to Cody House.” My dad sat in the fluffy orange chair near the large front window of my cabin, sharp green eyes doing their level best to intimidate me.

“This is my home for now.” I loved my dad, he was all I had in the world aside from the baby in my belly and that would never change. But I had to put my foot down.

“I don’t like you staying all the way out here in some damn cabin in the woods. Sounds like the start of one of them damn horror shows.” I couldn’t help but smile at his gruff demeanor and that thought reminded me of how I’d ended up like this. Thinking another man out there was like my dad, gruff on the outside but a big marshmallow on the inside.

“Too bad. It makes more sense to stay here since my office is fifty feet away, and I’m not losing an extra thirty minutes of sleep to ease your conscience.”

He sighed and dropped his head, but the square set of his shoulders told me he wasn’t about to concede. “This isn’t right.”

“No, Dad. What isn’t right is you tying my livelihood to someone else, but it’s done and I’m sick of talking about it!”

“Honey I just wanted you to have some backup, is that so wrong?”

“I don’t need any backup. I’m a grown woman and I don’t see you or Lulu jumping all over Rex about having backup and he lives like a fucking hermit in the mountains!”

“Language,” he said automatically. I rolled my eyes and he let out a long, frustrated groan. “So, this is how it’ll be from now on, you angry and distant?”

“What difference does it make, Dad? You’re going to remarry Lulu and I’m going to work for Jared for a year or two until I have enough money saved to buy the perfect property for my restaurant. Then I’ll be gone and the distance will be literal.”

He paled at that last statement and I shouldn’t have felt such satisfaction at his reaction, but I did. “You’re leaving Cody?”

I nodded fast enough to take flight. “Did you think I would give up my dreams just because the men in my life are overbearing jerks?” I shook my head at that because no matter what happened next, I wouldn’t be a fool again. Not for anyone. “Of course you did, because you still think I’m a child, completely incapable of doing anything on my own.” It hurt to know that my own father thought as little of me as Rex did.

“Is it so wrong of me to want to take care of you?”

“No, but that’s not what you did. You forced me to deal with someone I hardly know just to get my business started. More importantly, Rex doesn’t know me and judged me on the girl he met a handful of times when I was a kid. You meddled and it backfired, but the only person who got hurt was me.” He looked worse and worse the longer I spoke, spewing those angry words at him, but I couldn’t stop. He deserved it, dammit. “It doesn’t matter, Dad. I love you and I always will. The rest of it is in the past. Where it belongs.”

He looked up at me, sparkling green eyes held pain. He raked a hand through his bushy silver hair and stood. “And if I told you that the house was yours?”

“I would say thank you, but no thanks. I’ve already decided how I’m going to move forward with my new business plan. I have a couple years to get it perfect so that’s what I’ll do.”

He frowned. “I don’t like it. You’ll be too far away, probably go to Maine or some such nonsense.” He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. “I’m sorry sweetheart, truly. When you’re ready to find a place, we’ll use some of your trust to buy the property so you don’t have to start with too much debt. No arguments.” He kissed my cheek and took a step back.

“Thanks, Dad. So…you and Lulu, huh?” I laughed out loud at the way he blushed all the way down to his toes.

“Yeah, she’s great. I didn’t treat her as good as she deserved the first time around, but this time I plan to.” He shook his head, smiling in a way I hadn’t seen in way too long. “I thought she was clingy back then but it turns out she just likes me.”

“Who would’ve thought,” I asked in a deadpan.

Dad barked out a laugh and rubbed his growing belly. “Well Lulu does and on the cruise, I realized I liked her too. She’s funny, has a weird sense of humor and she loves to try new things. So I plan to give her everything and make damn sure it works. You alright with that?”

I nodded because as long as my dad was happy, I was happy for him. “I never disliked Lulu, Dad. I just didn’t care because no one ever stuck around.” There’d been no point getting used to any of them.

“You cared about Rex.” He flashed a knowing smile that would have made me blush all over just a few weeks ago.

Today the reminder just made me hate myself. “Yeah, I was. But I’m no longer a silly little girl.” The lie felt bitter on my tongue but I figured if I said it at least a million more times, it would be true eventually.

“Too bad, you could do worse than Rex.”

I scoffed. “I’m positive I could do better too.” He frowned and I didn’t have the time or patience to deal with him defending Rex so I pulled him into another hug. “Thanks for stopping by, Dad. Send Lulu my love.” With the ease of a skilled cattle herder, I said goodbye and shoved him out the door with a vague promise of dinner with the happy couple.

As soon as that door closed behind me, I kicked off my shoes and slipped into my pajamas before I crawled between the sheets. It was my day off and as soon as my head hit the pillow, sleep came, fast and deep.

Until it was interrupted by yet another knock on my door.