“Bree!” I hear Tess just seconds after Ant and I step into the pub-style restaurant just five minutes till seven.
“Hey.” I spot her making her way toward us, Sebastian lounging on a long booth at the far end of the lobby.
“It’s gonna be a few more minutes,” she says, tucking her arm through mine before following Ant who heads toward Sebastian.
“What’s up, man?” Sebastian stands the moment Ant reaches him, and the two embrace in some weird handshake, back pat, man hug.
“Not much,” Ant replies casually before turning toward Tess and me. “Good to see you two out of the bedroom,” he jokes, winking at Tess.
“Ha. Ha. You’re so funny.” She sticks her tongue out at him, her cheeks blushing crimson.
Tess is so easy to embarrass when it comes to sex. It’s always been something she’s kept very private. When we were younger, Courtney and I would recount our experiences to each other in great detail, but we were lucky if Tess would even admit she had an orgasm. She’s not a kiss and tell kind of girl.
“We haven’t been in our bedroom in days,” Sebastian quickly chimes in.
“Trouble in paradise?” Ant teasingly questions.
“Not at all. We’ve been experimenting in other rooms of the house now that we don’t have your ass hanging around. Your bed squeaks less than mine, in case you were wondering,” he jabs at Ant, earning himself an evil glare from Tess.
“Dude, gross. You guys had sex in my bed!”
“Well, technically it’s my bed,” Sebastian laughs.
“Remind me to never crash at your place again.”
“Would you two please stop?” Tess swats at Ant, turning her attention to the hostess when she calls for our party. “Come on. If you two are going to insist on talking like you’re fourteen, at least let me get a drink in me first.” She huffs, taking off toward the hostess.
“After you.” Ant gestures for me to go first, he and Sebastian following directly behind me.
The hostess seats us in a booth along the far wall, Tess sliding in next to Sebastian which leaves me sitting next to Ant. Not that I mind, quite the opposite actually, though I keep that piece of information to myself.
Within ten minutes we have our drinks in hand, our orders placed, and the conversation is flowing freely around the table.
Tess tells us all about the company she interviewed for this week and how hopeful she is that she’ll land something soon. Ant and Sebastian talk briefly about Sebastian’s job as an athletic trainer for USC, while Tess and I listen in. Football conditioning has started so he’s swamped right now, but it’s clear to see he loves every second of it.
It’s the strangest feeling, sitting here with the three of them. In some weird way, I almost feel like we’re still just the same high school teenagers and no time has passed. I still see glimpses of those kids in each and every one of us, but I also see the changes—the maturity, the growth, the things that you can only gain with age.
“So you said you had something to tell us,” I remind Tess when there is a lull in the conversation.
She looks over at Sebastian, who smiles at her so adoringly it makes my chest ache, and then back to me.
“Well,” she pauses for a long moment. “We’re getting married,” she spits out so fast it takes me a moment to grasp her words.
“Well, that sure as shit didn’t take very long.” Ant is the first to speak as Tess holds out her left hand where a perfectly sized princess cut diamond sits on her ring finger.
I know for sure she wasn’t wearing it when we arrived—there’s no way I would have missed it—so she must have slipped it on sometime after we sat down.
“What can I say, when you know, you know.” Sebastian shrugs, dropping an arm around Tess’ shoulder and pulling her into him.
“Congratulations, you guys.” I finally manage to say, taking Tess’s hand in mine as I examine her ring. “And this ring.”
“It’s perfect, isn’t it?”
“You did good,” I agree, meeting Sebastian’s gaze before finally looking back at Tess.
I’m not surprised by this news, I’d have to be blind to have not seen this coming. But something about hearing it out loud, about seeing them so happy, has me a little choked up at the current moment. I’m happy for Tess, of course I am, but a part of me is also a little sad, and I’m not quite sure where that emotion is resonating from just yet.
“I was wondering how long it would take you guys. I gave you a month, so you did good by at least doubling it,” I joke. “Have you worked out any of the details yet; tell me everything?” I release Tess’ hand and bounce excitedly in my seat, pushing past the nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach and allowing myself to show my friend how truly happy I am for her.
“We haven’t figured out everything yet.” She smiles up at Sebastian before meeting my gaze again. “But I think we’ve decided on an April wedding in Connecticut. You know how much I love spring. You and Court will be co-maid of honors of course, and we would love for Jackson to be our ring bearer.”
“Yes and yes.” I smile wider. “It would be an honor to stand next to you on your wedding day.”
“And what about you?” Sebastian chimes in, speaking directly to Ant. “Think you could parade around in a tux for a day and not lose our wedding rings.”
“I think I can handle that, man,” he says, clinking his beer bottle against Sebastian’s.
“Boys.” Tess giggles, watching the interaction between the two.
The next two hours fly by. We talk and laugh and drink like there’s no place in the world we’d rather be, and for the most part that’s true. As much as I’m enjoying myself, the more I drink the more I just want to go home and be alone with Ant. I’ve spent the entire evening trying to push down the thought, but it keeps creeping in over and over again.
Several times over the course of the evening, Ant has done something that has only intensified this fact. From holding my hand under the table to squeezing my thigh when no one is looking; he’s got me so worked up at this point it’s a wonder I haven’t split apart at the seams.
He’s been very attentive all evening, making sure I have everything I need—asking the waitress for a refill when he notices my drink is low or having her bring me more dressing for my salad because he knows I like extra dressing—all without me having to say a word.
On more than one occasion I’ve caught Tess looking at us funny, but I’ve chosen to ignore it. I have to remind myself that I’m a grown woman and while she may be my best friend, that doesn’t mean she’s my parent. I can do whatever the hell I want with whomever I want.
Unfortunately, I don’t actually believe any of that. It’s just my way of trying to justify the behavior between Ant and I and how I’ve practically been eating right out of the palm of his hand all night.
So needless to say, when Tess announces she has to go to the ladies’ and gives me a look that tells me I’m coming with her, it’s the last thing I actually want to do.
“I’ll go with you,” I hear myself say because, honestly, how can I not go with her when she’s looking at me like that.
“We’ll be right back,” she says to Sebastian as she stands.
I avoid looking at Ant as I slide out of the booth and follow quickly behind her. It isn’t until the bathroom door snaps closed behind us that I realize just how transparent I’ve been tonight, the alcohol making it too easy to get caught up in how Ant makes me feel.
“What’s going on with you and Ant?” She immediately turns to face me, her cheeks slightly flushed.
“What?” I play stupid.
“Don’t what me, Bree. It’s a pretty straightforward question. What is going on with you and Ant?”
“Nothing,” I insist, a slight shake in my voice.
“You’re a shit liar. You think I haven’t noticed the way you’ve been looking at him all night, the way he’s been looking at you. I’m not stupid. You’re sleeping with him, aren’t you?”
I hate that she instantly jumps to that conclusion, like I’m incapable of not immediately hopping into bed with someone the moment they show me any attention.
“Of course not.” I can hear the defensiveness in my tone. “He’s my friend. That’s it.”
“I don’t believe you.” She crosses her hands over her chest.
“Wow. Way to trust your best friend.”
“I do trust you, Bree, but I also know you. You’re not being honest with me, either that or you’re not being honest with yourself.”
“Do I like having him around? Yes. Do I plan on shacking up with him? No. He’s Courtney’s ex-boyfriend. He’s off limits.” I’m not sure if I’m trying to convince her or myself at this point, but either way, I’m not doing a very good job.
“Bree, listen, I love you. If you tell me you have a thing for Ant, I won’t judge you. I just need to know that you’re not setting yourself up to get hurt.”
“I’m not,” I insist. “You know me, I’m impenetrable.” I put on the brave act I’ve been wearing most of my life. Too bad that’s all it is, an act. I’m pretty sure Tess knows it too.
“The way he looks at you,” she says, leaving the statement hanging for a long moment. “It’s like...it’s like you’re the only person in the room. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen him look at someone that way.”
“Not even Courtney?” I ask, feeling my resolve slip away.
“Not even Courtney.” She shakes her head like she’s not sure what to make of that.
“I’m scared of the way he makes me feel,” I admit.
“That means it’s real.” She gives me a sad smile. “Have you talked to him?”
“No.” I shake my head, letting out a slow breath.
“And nothing has happened between the two of you?” she asks, gaze locked on mine.
“We kissed, once—well, technically twice—but only the first one was really a kiss, and afterward we agreed it shouldn’t have happened. That’s it.”
“It’s not always the physical that defines our feelings, Bree. There’s clearly something pretty intense going on between the two of you whether you’ve acted on it or not.”
“I don’t know what to do.” My voice comes out almost a whisper.
“Do you want to pursue whatever this is between the two of you?”
“I don’t know. I mean… I think I do.” I finally say the words out loud that have rang true in my mind for weeks. I want to be with Anthony, and not just as a friend.
“Then you need to be honest, with him and with yourself.”
“But what about Courtney?”
“I honestly can’t help you there. You know her as well as I do; your guess is as good as mine on how she’ll react to this.”
“I can’t hurt her.” I fight back the well of emotion in my throat.
“You might not be able to prevent it.”
“That just makes me feel worse.”
“I’m not trying to make you feel worse. You want my advice—talk to her. Court loves you, you know that. She wants you to be happy as much as I do. Maybe if she sees Ant is what makes you happy, she’ll be happy for you.”
“And if she’s not? Then what?”
“Then you’ll have a choice to make.”
“I don’t think I could bear to lose either of them at this point.”
“You need to talk to Ant first. Make sure it’s worth the risk before you dive in head first, make sure you’re on the same page. Because it’s not just you to consider, there’s Jackson too.”
“Trust me, I know.”
“I know you do. You’re a good mom, Bree. You always do what’s right by that boy.”
“I appreciate your confidence in me, but I’m not always so sure.”
“I am. You need to learn to have a little faith.”
“Ant told me about the fight, about his dad.” I completely change gears without warning.
“He did?” She seems somewhat surprised by this fact.
“He did. And it’s worse than we thought.”
“I suspected.” She shakes her head, a grimace on her face.
“He’s dying,” I say, quickly adding, “His dad.”
“What?” Her eyes widen.
“Liver failure. Ant found out yesterday. I tried to convince him to go home, but he refuses. Says his dad is already dead as far as he’s concerned.”
“Wow.” She seems genuinely shocked by this news.
“Yeah, guess I’m not the only one with the fucked up family.” I sigh. “I just can’t believe I never knew about any of it.”
“None of us did.” She reaches out and takes my hand. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. I can see you want to, but it won’t do you or him a bit of good. All you can do is be there for him now.”
“I think I’m in love with him,” I blurt, needing to say it out loud so badly that it’s off my lips before I even have a chance to think it through.
“Tell me something I don’t already know.” She gives me a look that says she knows me that well.
“Am I that transparent?”
“With this, yes.”
“I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. He makes me feel real, if that makes sense. Like being with him is my first dose of what life can actually be like.”
“Love has a way of changing the way we see things,” she agrees.
“I don’t know what to do now.”
“Just follow your heart. Take it from someone who spent years blocking hers out, you don’t want to ignore this feeling. Love… it’s all that really matters at the end of the day. The people you love and the ones who love you. That’s what life’s all about.”
“Look at you getting all philosophical on me,” I tease, feeling the tension in the room lift significantly.
“You know I’m here for you, right? Whatever you need.” She smiles but otherwise ignores my comment.
“I know. Can you please keep this between us for right now, until I can figure out what I want to do?”
“Like you even have to ask.” She pulls me into a hug, and I immediately relax in her embrace.
Knowing Tess is behind me, no matter what I decide, makes me feel like I can do anything. Of course, Tess is only part of the equation, and there is still Courtney to consider. But I know Tess is right, Court loves me. And she and Ant were a long time ago.
I’m playing out the possibilities of what could be for the remainder of the night, and by the time we exit the restaurant less than an hour later, I feel a sense of optimism I’m not sure I’ve ever possessed before.
I can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, things might work out okay for me after all.