Six years earlier
It’s just after midnight. I can hear the laughter and music from the party filtering up from the floor below, but it’s quickly drowned out by the loud thud in my ears and the sudden pain that knocks me backward.
I stumble, unable to find my footing. I hit the ground hard, my gaze shooting up to where Blake now hovers over me. My hand goes to my left cheek just as my eyes find his.
It’s hard to explain, what it feels like to have someone so close to you be the person you fear more than anyone else. And yet, even knowing what I know about Blake, I’ve continued to date him for months.
“You fucking bitch,” he hisses, rearing his hand back like he’s going to hit me again.
This is all my fault, of course it is. I know when to push him and when to leave him be. Now was not the time to drop the news of my pregnancy on him. Not after he’s been drinking and smoking all night.
I lift my arm in an effort to protect my face should he take another swing, but this only eggs him on more. Grabbing my forearm, he rips my arm up, his fingers biting viciously into my flesh.
“You think I don’t know what you’re doing.” He lays a hard backhand to my cheek, releasing my arm at the same time so that the force of his hand knocks me to my back, causing my head to bounce against the hard flooring.
“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stutter through the fresh tears that seep from my eyes, trying to gather my bearings.
“Fuck you, Bree.” Blake positions himself over top of me, leaning down to grab a handful of my hair before jerking my head up so that his face is inches from mine. “You’re a fucking whore. Who fucking knows who the father of that kid is. Probably one of your mommy’s little fucking boyfriends. I know how much you enjoy her sloppy seconds.” His words are like a knife to my chest.
Blake is one of the only three people I have confided in about some of the details of my childhood. Tess and Courtney being the other two. I regretted it the moment I told him; I regret it even more now. The fact that he would take something so personal, so painful, and use it against me hurts more than any physical pain he could ever deliver.
“Either way,” he continues. “I do know that it’s not fucking mine.”
“Blake,” I plead, making an attempt to push myself up only to be shoved back down with the force of his stocky build.
I want to tell him that I didn’t want this either—that I didn’t plan for this to happen—but it’s clear that even if I could get the words out he’d likely not believe a word of it.
I open my mouth to try another angle, but then I hear, “What the fuck?” and my eyes jerk toward the stairs to find Tess standing just feet behind Blake.
No. No. No.
My stomach twists violently, and I swear my heart lodges itself somewhere in my throat making it hard for me to breathe.
She won’t understand. It’s all I can think.
“Tess.” I quickly climb to my feet, trying to wipe away the mascara I know is streaked down my face.
“What the fuck?” she repeats louder, eyes bouncing from Blake to me and then back to Blake.
“It’s nothing,” I quickly try to explain. “I just fell. I’ve had too much to drink.”
“You fell or he hit you?” she grinds out, hands clenching at her sides.
“What?” I blurt, trying my damnedest to play stupid. But I know Tess well, and I know instantly that she sees right through me.
“Why don’t you go back downstairs, Tess. This isn’t any of your business.” Blake steps in front of my best friend, essentially blocking her from me.
“None of my business?” Tess questions, anger laced in her voice. “None of my business?” she questions again. “You hit my friend, and you’re telling me it’s none of my business,” she screams in his face, stepping up to Blake in a way I would never dare.
Her small frame looks so fragile stacked against his, and yet she stands her ground without the slightest ounce of fear in her expression.
“I said, go the fuck downstairs, Tess.” His voice is laced in warning.
Please, Tess, just go. Just go. I’m pleading with her, but I can’t seem to actually push the words out.
“No!” She meets my gaze over Blake’s shoulder. “Bree, go, now.”
“Tess.” I swipe angrily at the tears I can’t seem to stop from falling. “Please,” I plead with her.
“She’s not going anywhere with you.” Blake takes a step forward, forcing Tess to take a step back. “If you know what’s best for you, you’ll turn around and not fucking say a word about this to anyone.”
“Are you threatening me?” she challenges.
“Tess, please,” I try again to reason with her.
“Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch.” Blake turns his gaze on me, warning in his eyes.
The next set of events happens so quickly, I’m not even sure I know what’s happened before it’s all already played out. A loud smack echoes down the long corridor as Tess lays a hard slap to the side of Blake’s face.
Before I’ve even registered the movements, he’s got Tess by the forearms and slams her into the wall hard. I watch her head snap as it bounces off the drywall and the pain that distorts her face.
“Stop!” I lunge at Blake who moves too quickly for my delayed reaction time, managing to land another hard backhand to my face. I stumble backward, not sure how I manage to stay on my feet.
I’m prepared to go at him again, not willing to let him hurt my friend, but before I can even take one step I watch Tess swing her right arm forward, the high heeled shoe that seems to have magically appeared in her hand connecting with Blake’s face. It cuts into the flesh below his eye, and he growls out in pain seconds before slamming Tess into the wall once again, only this time his forearm presses firmly against her throat. I can tell by the panic in her eyes and the way she struggles to pull in a breath that he’s restricting her ability to breathe.
“You really shouldn’t have done that, little girl,” I hear Blake say, but I’m too busy trying to find something, anything that I can use to get him off of her. Turning toward the staircase, I freeze in place when Ant suddenly appears at the top of the stairs.
His reaction time is so quick I feel like I barely blink and he’s got Blake pinned to the ground, punching him over and over.
Tess stumbles to my side, grabbing my hand as she pulls me toward her.
“Are you okay?” She wraps her arms around me and squeezes tightly.
I can’t bring myself to speak right away. I think I’m still trying to digest everything that just happened. From Tess, who fought a man twice her size to try to protect me. To Blake, who now lays pinned on the floor beneath Anthony.
All I can think is that this is all my fault.
Ant’s eyes meet mine for a fraction of a second and like all the other times before now, I swear he can see right into me. He can see it all, and it’s like I can literally see him connecting the dots in his head.
As if everything finally catches up with me, I break down in Tess’ arms, crying in a way I haven’t cried in years. And it’s not because Blake hit me; he’s done that more times than I can count over the course of our relationship. It’s because by turning a blind eye to his abuse, I put not only myself and my unborn child in danger, but I also inadvertently put Tess right into Blake’s path of destruction.
And what’s worse is that after everything, I have to fight my knee-jerk reaction to run to Blake’s aid.
What is wrong with me?
I don’t move, don’t speak, I stay there wrapped in Tess’ arms for what feels like several minutes but is likely much less, until I hear Tess say, “Get him out of here please.”
I look up just in time to see Sebastian who nods only once before him and Ant are dragging Blake down the stairwell, disappearing within seconds.
Tess sags forward into me, her relief evident, and another wave of guilt immediately washes over me. As if we’re both trying to figure out where we go from here, a long silence stretches between to the two of us as we stand in the now vacant hallway.
“How long?” Tess finally asks the question I already knew was coming. Reaching out, she gives my shoulders a light shake when I don’t answer her right away. “How long?” she repeats, her voice thick with emotion.
“A couple months,” I finally answer, unable to meet her gaze.
“A couple months?” she questions, clearly upset. Not that I can blame her considering what just unfolded merely minutes ago.
“Why would you let him do this to you?” she continues.
“Because I love him,” I find myself saying, not even sure how I can mutter the words after what he just did.
“You love him? He’s been hitting you for months, and you love him?” She looks at me like she has no idea who I am even, though we’ve been best friends since second grade.
“He has his moments. He’s not always so bad,” I try to explain, though I’m not entirely sure why. What can I possibly gain from trying to defend him?
“Do you hear yourself right now?” she bites, throwing her hands up in the air.
“I don’t expect you to understand.” I hate how defensive my tone sounds, but I can’t stop the way it’s all coming out. “Not everyone can be as perfect as you and Sebastian.”
“This has nothing to do with me and Sebastian. It’s not a competition, Bree. Blake hit you. He’s been hitting you. How can you stand here and defend him right now?”
“Because I love him,” I say again, the words coming out even less believable the second time around.
“I don’t believe that for a second. Tell me the truth,” she demands. “You can tell me,” she adds softer.
“I’m pregnant,” I finally blurt, fresh tears streaming down my face.
“What?” She seems just as shocked as I was to find out the news.
It’s not like I planned for this. It’s not like this is what I wanted for my life. I wish I didn’t feel so beneath her right now. She’s perfect. With her perfect looks and her perfect grades and her perfect boyfriend. And here I am. Bree. The fuck up of our group, doing what I do best—fucking up.
“I was just telling him. That’s what set him off.” I finally manage to find my words. “He blames me. Said if I didn’t take care of it that he would.” I try to hide the emotion welling in my chest. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, Tess.”
“How long have you known?”
“About a month.”
“You should’ve told me. I could’ve been here for you. I could’ve helped you.” She’s pulling me back into her arms just as Courtney appears at the top of the stairs, her face flush and her breathing labored.
“Ant and Sebastian just dragged Blake outside. What the hell is going on?” she questions, dropping it the instant she gets at look at us.
Without hesitation, she steps forward and wraps her arms around me from behind, sandwiching me between them.
And just like that, a sort of calm settles over me. Everything is so messed up right now and my future has never been more uncertain, but I know with friends like Courtney and Tess by my side I will get through this, just like I have everything that’s happened before this. And I will just have to find a way to be okay with the outcome, whatever that may be.