“So how’s it been having Ant stay with you?” Tess tears off a piece of her sandwich and pops it into her mouth, chewing slowly as she waits for me to answer.
We’ve managed to make it halfway through our lunch date without the conversation coming up. I’m honestly surprised it’s taken her this long. Considering I only have an hour break, I expected her to bring it up much sooner.
Not that I care to talk about Anthony. We’re friends and this is Tess, but there’s something about the way she looks at me every time Ant comes up that makes me squeamish. Like she’s trying to figure something out, and I don’t like the feeling that leaves me with.
“It’s been fine.” I brush it off like it’s nothing, pushing my salad around in the bowl with my fork. “He works a little later than I do, so we really only see each other for a couple hours in the evening.”
“Does he like his new job?” she asks.
After spending the last twenty minutes talking about my new job, you would think she would be burnt out on that topic.
“He seems to, though it’s only been a couple weeks so he’s still getting into the swing of things.”
“So how much longer is he planning on staying with you?”
“Not sure. He said a month tops. I know he’s looked at a couple of apartments already, though.”
“You seem sad about that.”
I don’t know why but the way she says it seems like she’s trying to imply something. Or maybe it’s just my guilty conscience and my paranoia making me feel like she knows something that I haven’t quite yet admitted to myself.
“Well, I certainly won’t miss picking up his socks everywhere once he’s gone,” I snort, recalling how I’ve had to pick up at least one article of clothing of his off the floor every single day in the nearly three weeks since he’s been staying with Jack and me. “But it’s nice having him around. I don’t have many friends here, never really had time to make any.”
“Speaking of friends, I almost forgot to tell you that Courtney is planning a trip out here.”
“She is?” I question, thankful for the change in subject.
“Yep. I talked to her yesterday. She’s shooting for the weekend after next but still has to confirm if she can make that work. She’s supposed to let me know as soon as she’s booked her flight.”
“I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve seen her, but it really wasn’t that long ago.”
“I know, me too,” she agrees.
Tess’ college graduation party was the last time the three of us were all together, and to say it was an eventful party would be the understatement of the year. Courtney invited Sebastian and, of course, he showed up just in time to see Tess’ then boyfriend, Bennett, drop down to one knee and ask her to marry him.
She said yes initially, but then a week later was knocking on my door determined to get Sebastian back. Of course, that’s around the same time Ant re-entered my life, so I’ve been a bit preoccupied since then.
“She gonna stay with you and Sebastian?” I ask.
“Yeah, I think so. Considering we have a spare room it makes more sense than having her sleep on your couch. Then again, that’s taken right now anyway, so I guess that’s not even an option.”
“Does she know he’s here?” I finally ask the question that’s been looming in the back of my mind since Court popped into the conversation.
“She does.” She nods slowly.
“And?” I push, hoping I don’t sound as anxious to her as I do to myself.
“And... I don’t know. I mean, she seemed pretty unaffected by the news.”
“Does she know he’s staying with me?”
She shakes her head as she takes a drink, waiting until she’s swallowed the liquid before fully answering.
“It didn’t come up, and I didn’t feel like it was really all that relevant where he was staying. She didn’t ask a lot of questions or try to get information out of me.”
“You don’t think she’ll care, do you?”
“Why would she? You and Ant have always been close, and you’re just helping him out for the time being. Besides, I doubt she cares where he’s staying. She and Ant were a long time ago. You know Court, she doesn’t stay in one place for too long. Anthony was old news two weeks after they broke up.”
“Yeah, but we both know that was just her way of coping,” I interject.
“True. But it’s been a long time. Time does something to people.”
“Tell that to you and Sebastian.”
“That’s different.” She smiles to herself.
“You two always were a little different,” I agree.
“Why do I get the feeling you’re insulting me right now?” she laughs.
“Probably because I am.” I grin. “I’ve never met two people so consumed by their hearts. I mean seriously, there is more to life than love.”
“Like what?” She cocks a brow.
“Really good sex?” I say, more in question than stating as a fact.
“Of course, you would say that. And for your information, you don’t have a man like Sebastian Baxter without also having really good sex.”
“Great, just what I need to hear right now. I’m so deprived that even Ant is starting to look good,” I joke, regretting the statement the minute it leaves my lips.
“Please tell me you’re kidding.” She gives me a look that tells me she’s not so sure I am.
“Oh my God, Tess, really?” I immediately move to laugh it off. “This is Ant we’re talking about. He may be hot, but he’s also been balls deep in our best friend.” I shake my head, curling my nose.
“Ewww. Why do you have to say it like that?”
“Because it’s the truth.”
“You don’t have to be so crude about it.”
“It’s sex, Tess. How would you like me to be about it? Most sex isn’t like what you and Sebastian have. Far from it probably. It’s raw and primal. Dirty and erotic. There is no love involved. Just pure animalistic need.”
“It’s not always like that,” she objects.
“Yeah, it kinda is,” I disagree.
“You wouldn’t really sleep with Anthony, would you?” She raises an eyebrow, for whatever reason, feeling like she needs to ask a second time.
“Seriously, Tess?” I give her an annoyed look.
“Okay, okay. I just needed to make double sure.” She holds her hands up in surrender. “Is it weird, though? Having him stay with you when you guys have been out of touch for so long? I mean, I know you guys were pretty good friends in school, but that was years ago.”
I’ve asked myself this question many times. I mean, it should be weird, right? How easy we fell back into our friendship just felt so natural.
“Not really, no.” I shake my head. “He’s still the same old Ant he’s always been. And Jack loves having him there.”
“Aren’t you worried he’ll get attached?” Her question strikes me as a bit odd, but I try not to take offense to what she might be implying.
“Even if he does, it’s no different than if you were staying with me. Ant is my friend, and therefore will be in Jackson’s life whether he’s living with us or not. I think it’s amazing that they’ve bonded.”
“I didn’t mean anything by that,” she interjects, clearly sensing my defensiveness.
“I know.” I blow out a slow breath. “It’s just, I’m really weird about bringing guys around Jack, but it’s just Ant, right?”
“Right.” She smiles, clearly just trying to give me some reassurances now that she’s opened the door to good old-fashion doubt. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I think it’s amazing what you’re doing for him. Ant’s a good guy, and I’m proud of him for pulling himself back up after the rough go he’s had the past few months. I’m also glad for the privacy; after five years, Sebastian and I definitely need it.” She winks suggestively.
“What do you mean, the rough go he’s had?” I can’t stop the question from falling from my lips.
I know he’s been a bit in limbo over the last few months, trying to figure out where he wants to be and what he wants to do with his life, but he’s never mentioned it was more than that. I guess I just assumed it was normal post-college stuff, something that a lot of people go through after they graduate. But the way Tess is looking at me tells me that’s not it at all.
“Nothing, I just meant I know he’s had a rough time figuring out what he wants to do and stuff.” She tries to shrug it off, but I know Tess too well not to see right through her bluff.
“Tess.” I give her a knowing look.
“Look, I don’t really know the specifics.”
“Then tell me what you know.”
“Bree,” she pleads. “Please don’t ask me to do that. What Sebastian told me was in confidence. I just assumed you knew.”
“This is me, Tess. You know you can tell me anything and it will never pass over my lips. Ever,” I reassure her. “He’s living with my son and me right now. If something is going on with him, I deserve to know.”
I hate using Jack as leverage, but I’m so desperate to know what she’s talking about that I don’t even think twice about it.
“I swear to God, Bree, Sebastian will kill me if he finds out I said anything to you about this.”
“Unlikely.” I roll my eyes. “That man worships the ground you walk on.”
“You have to promise,” she starts, but I immediately cut her off.
“I’ve already promised. You know I won’t say anything.”
“Fine.” She sighs. “I don’t know all the details, but I guess he and his dad got into a pretty violent fight. Like he broke his father’s nose kind of fight.”
“Wait, what?”
“I know. I guess he had only been home from college a few months when it happened. He got an apartment off of Vine Street, and I guess was planning on staying in Rockfield. But then he went over to his parents one day to grab some of his stuff, and I guess something happened and they ended up fighting.”
My stomach twists violently, and the small portion of salad I managed to eat feels like it’s seconds away from coming back up.
Ant and I have spent countless hours talking. Countless. He’s never mentioned anything even close to what Tess is currently telling me. I know he and his father have always had a rough relationship, but he’s never led on like it was anything more than typical father and son conflict.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know all the specifics, but I guess the police showed up. Then his mom lied and took his dad’s side. It was a mess.”
“Then what?”
“That’s all I really know. Ant packed up and moved in with Sebastian a few weeks later.” She shrugs in apology.
“Oh my God.” I shake my head back and forth slowly, trying to process what I just learned. “Has something like this happened before?”
“I don’t know and Sebastian has never straight out told me, but from what I gather I think it’s something that’s been happening for years.”
“As in Ant’s dad being physically abusive?” Just the thought of someone putting their hands on him has my blood boiling to the surface.
“Again, it’s never been confirmed but yes, that’s what I suspect.”
“Did you know this in high school? Did Courtney know?”
“I didn’t, and I’m fairly certain she didn’t either. Again, I don’t have any concrete evidence to support the theory. I knew nothing about any of it until just a few days ago.”
“So he kept it a secret from everyone?” I say more to myself than to Tess. “He was dealing with all that and never told any of us?”
“Sounds like someone else I know.” Tess’ big blue eyes meet mine, and it takes me several moments to form a response to that statement.
“It’s not the same,” I finally interject.
“No?” She cocks her head to the side in question. “I can see the wheels turning. I can tell you want to throw yourself in the middle of this, but as your best friend I’m telling you not to.”
“I just can’t believe he hasn’t told me any of it.”
“I’m sure he has his reasons. Maybe he doesn’t want to drag up bad memories for you.”
“No, we’ve talked about Blake. I mean, not in any great detail, but he’s brought him up. I don’t think that’s it.”
“I’m not talking about Blake,” she says hesitantly, quickly adding, “Or maybe he’s afraid we will think less of him.”
“I would never think less of him. How could I? It’s not his fault.” I choose to focus on this statement and not the one that involves me or my past. I just can’t go there right now.
“I agree. But you know better than anyone what that feels like. Besides, we don’t know the specifics of the relationship or how bad the abuse was. Maybe it’s not what we’re thinking. We can’t judge based on information we don’t have.”
“I guess.”
“Look, I know this hits close to home for you, but you’ve gotta let it go. If Ant wants to talk to you about it, he will. In the meantime, he’s still the same guy.”
“Yeah, I know.” I shrug it off, trying not to lead on to just how hurt I am that he didn’t tell me about this himself, or that it even happened for that matter.
I feel oddly protective over Ant, and not the way I would be over just any other friend. There’s something more there. Something that I have spent the last few weeks trying to ignore.
I’m not ready to let myself admit what that means just yet.