“So you and Tess were gone for a while in the bathroom,” Ant observes, opening the passenger door of his truck before gesturing for me to climb inside.
I nod in thanks and hop in, loving the way the new car smell engulfs me the moment I do. Ant just bought this truck three days ago, his first real purchase since arriving in California. Apparently, he sold his old truck before he came here.
I can tell he’s excited to be taking back some of his independence and doing things on his own again. I know the feeling well. Probably because I’ve had to do the very same thing he is—start all over.
“Just girl talk,” I finally answer, snapping my seatbelt in place as he settles into the driver’s seat next to me.
“Just girl talk.” He gives me sideways glance before firing the engine to life. “Did this girl talk have something to do with me by any chance?”
“I don’t know what would give you that impression.” I hold out my hand and inspect the red nail polish that’s already started chipping off of two fingers, like I couldn’t be more bored with the conversation, when in reality I want desperately to talk to him about some of the things I discussed with Tess.
“Are you trying to wound my ego?” He chuckles, looking both ways before pulling out into the street.
“Like that would ever be possible,” I joke.
“I’m not made of steel here, Kingsley.”
“And here I thought you were. Pity.” I laugh when he reaches over and squeezes my leg just above the knee.
“Careful,” he warns playfully, glancing toward me and then back to the road.
“What about you, you and Sebastian talk about anything I should know about?” I turn the tables on him, my gaze focused out the windshield.
“You mean, did we talk about you?” This pulls my attention to the side of his face, and I watch a slow smile creep across his mouth. “Now why would I ever tell you that when you are always so secretive with me?”
“I’m not secretive with you. But what is discussed between Tess and me stays between Tess and me. It’s always been that way.”
“Is that so?”
“It is.”
“I think I could come up with a few ways of making you talk.”
“Why do you want to know what we talked about so badly?” I shift in my seat so that I can study his reaction.
“Because I like to know what you say about me when I’m not around.” His smile is infectious, and it’s nearly impossible to keep my own at bay.
“Again, there you go assuming we were talking about you.”
“And there you go again. I’m not sure my ego can take much more of this abuse,” he laughs.
“I think you and your ego will be just fine.” I shift forward again, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he quips, earning a playful smack to his bicep from me. “Ouch.” He fakes pain. “Now you’re not just beating on my ego, you’re literally beating on me.”
“I can beat you a hell of a lot harder than that.” I narrow my gaze at him, loving the way his eyes sparkle when they meet mine for the briefest moment before darting back to the road.
“Do tell.” His voice drips with seduction.
“Oh my God,” I laugh, smacking him again. “You would take it there.”
“Hey, you’re the one over there talking about beating me. What’s a guy to do?” His laughter rumbles through the cab of the truck, and I let the incredible sound wash over me.
“So typical.” I roll my eyes even though my smile is firmly in place.
“I told Sebastian you were an incredible kisser,” he says so casually like it just fits right into the conversation.
“Huh?” I question, confused by his sudden statement and needing a moment to let my mind catch up.
“You are an incredible kisser—I told Sebastian,” he says slowly, making sure I understand this time.
“Shut up. You did not,” I blow it off.
“I did actually.” His demeanor falls completely serious, and the atmosphere in the truck instantly shifts. “I also told him how much I wanted to do it again. How all I want to do is kiss you pretty much every minute of every fucking day.”
I swallow hard, not really sure what to say. A part of me is jumping up and down, doing backflips I’m so elated. The other part of me is twisting up in knots and suddenly feeling a bit panicked.
“Guess I must be a pretty phenomenal kisser,” I joke, needing to lighten the heaviness that has suddenly settled over us.
“You could say that.” He reaches over and entwines his fingers with mine, resting our now connected hands in the middle seat between us.
“What are you doing, Treadway?” Again, I go for a lighter approach.
“I’m holding your hand,” he states simply, eyes on the road.
“Why?”
“Because I like holding your hand.”
“Why?”
“Because I like you. I thought we had pretty much established this already.” His mouth turns up in a half smile, and it’s clear to see he’s getting enjoyment out of watching me squirm a bit.
“Well I would hope you like me, considering you’re sleeping on my couch,” I say, making no attempt to pull my hand away. “Or do you make a habit of being friends with people you don’t actually like?”
“You know that’s not what I meant, Bree.” His expression falls serious once more, and the butterflies that erupt in my stomach are enough to make me feel like I’m about to take flight at any moment.
“So you don’t like me?” I continue to kid around, my go to when faced with a situation I’m not quite sure how to handle.
“Oh no, I do, but not just as a friend.”
“So like more as a sister?” I don’t know why I’m even still talking at this point, but the words keep spilling out like vomit, and I can’t seem to get them to stop.
“Would you fucking stop?” He gives me a quick glance, telling me he knows exactly what I’m doing.
“Stop what?”
Oh my god, Bree! Just shut up already.
“I’m trying to tell you I’m into you, and you’re making it really fucking difficult.” He grins despite the seriousness of his tone. “Fuck, I shouldn’t have done this while I’m driving.” He releases my hand and whips the truck off to the side of the road so abruptly that my backside nearly comes completely off the seat as the truck bounces to a stop.
“What are you doing?” I turn toward him, eyes wide as he snaps off his seatbelt and shifts to face me.
“Did you talk to Tess about us at the restaurant?”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s pretty cut and dry. Did you talk to Tess about you and me?”
“I mean, yeah, briefly.”
“What did you tell her?”
“I’m not telling you that.”
“Why? Because you’re afraid I don’t feel the same, or because you’re afraid to admit it out loud because that means you’ll actually have to face your feelings.”
“Because it’s none of your business.” I stick with the safest route.
“I know you told her about us, I could tell by the way she looked at me when you two came back from the bathroom.”
“Us. There is no us. Why do you keep saying it like there’s something going on here?”
“Because there is.” His voice booms through the truck. “Why are you trying to act like there’s not? I can see it in your eyes, Bree. I can tell by the way your body reacts to my touch. You’re just as into me as I am to you.”
“What happened to not messing up what we have here—our friendship? Why are you coming at me about this now?”
“Because I realized something very important tonight being out with Tess and Sebastian.”
“And what’s that?”
“I don’t just want to be your friend, Bree. Fuck, I don’t think I ever have. You’ve always been more, meant more. Sitting at the table with them tonight, I realized I want what they have and I want it with you.”
“You do hear yourself, right?” My voice shakes as I try to wrap my head around this. “This is me, Ant. Courtney’s best friend, you know—your ex-girlfriend.”
“I’m well aware of who you are and who she is. I haven’t forgotten our situation. But I’m also sick of letting something that happened five years ago keep me from the one thing I want more than anything in this world.”
“Me?” I question like this couldn’t make any less sense even though he’s saying everything I’ve been dreaming of hearing him say for weeks.
“You.” His voice softens as he reaches over to unclasp my seatbelt, pulling me toward him the moment I’m free of the restraint. “I want you, Bree.” He cups my cheek, the pad of his thumb grazing along my lower lip. “I want this. Us.”
“I do too,” I finally admit, unable to get another word out before his lips are on mine, pulling from me everything I’m so hesitant to give.
His kiss sparks something inside me, something I’m not sure I’ve ever felt before. A deep growing need that has nothing to do with our physical contact and everything to do with the connection we share. A connection I feel like I’ve been trying to find since I was just a child—when I was confused and alone, desperate for someone else to understand my pain, to understand me.
So instead of pulling away like I know I should, I push deeper into the kiss; unable to deprive myself of the one thing I’ve wanted for so long.
I kiss him hard, without reservation. I let my body guide me into what I know my heart wants. Anthony Treadway…
It doesn’t matter that he loved Courtney first. It doesn’t matter that this will probably ruin everything. All that matters is this—the way his lips move against mine, the way his touch makes me feel things on a level I’ve never felt before; the way his whispered words make me want to open up my heart with reckless abandon and just let him in.
By the time we break apart from the kiss, we’re both breathless, panting like we can’t seem to pull in enough air. Ant drops his forehead to mine, his eyes appearing darker than normal in the dim cab of the truck.
It takes me a few beats to finally find my words again. The last thing I want to do is ruin the moment, but I need to put it all out there; make sure he understands where I stand.
“I meant what I said, that I want this too. But I can’t do this with you yet, not until Courtney knows the truth. I won’t betray her any more than I already have.”
“You haven’t betrayed her,” he objects, but I quickly cut him off.
“I have. By letting whatever is happening between us happen, I am. I don’t expect you to fully understand.” I pull back slightly so I can take in his reaction. “And I can’t explain it to you either, not now. But Courtney and Tess are my family. They pulled me out of some really horrific situations and, honestly, are probably the only reason I ever had the courage to leave Rockfield when I did. I love Courtney. I owe her the truth before I let this go too far.”
“Okay.” He sits back, letting out a slow breath.
“Please try to understand where I’m coming from.”
“I do,” he reassures me, his eyes soft. “You’re loyal, and you love fiercely. It’s one of my favorite things about you. Courtney is lucky to have someone like you in her life.”
“I’m not so sure about that anymore.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because here I am, with her ex-boyfriend, feeling a way I shouldn’t feel; wanting to kiss him again even though I know how wrong it is.”
“It’s not wrong, Bree. Nothing about this is wrong.” He gestures between the two of us. “In fact, I’m not sure anything has ever felt quite so right.”
“I’m scared.” I can’t believe the words leave my mouth. The second they do I wish I could pull them back in and tuck them away.
“I already promised I would never hurt you, I meant that.” He once again cups my face, pulling my gaze up to meet his.
“I’m not scared you’ll hurt me. I’m scared I’ll hurt you.” My statement seems to catch him off guard a bit, and it takes a long moment for him to respond.
“Why would you think you’ll hurt me?”
“Because I will.”
Whether it’s Courtney or the scars of my past, I know myself too well to know that there’s no way I won’t fuck this up some way or another. The truth is, I’ve never been in a real relationship before, at least not a healthy one. I’m not sure I’m capable of it, to be honest.
“You won’t hurt me.” Ant’s hand slides around, gripping the back of my neck as he pulls me closer.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I won’t let you,” he whispers against my lips, pressing them to mine so gently that I have to physically force down the emotion that wells in my throat.
“Ant,” I finally say, managing to force myself to pull away.
“I know. I know. Not yet.” He shakes his head, sitting back in his seat. “It’s fucking impossible, you know that?” He runs a hand through his hair and lets out a breath. “To sit here next to you, knowing you feel the same way and not being able to do a damn thing about it.”
“I know,” I agree. “But if we want any shot at making this work, I need to do right by my friend.”
“I know, I get it. But please tell me you will talk to her sooner rather than later. I don’t know how much longer I can keep my hands to myself.” He smirks, and it’s the first real indicator that the situation hasn’t turned too heavy between us.
“Well, I guess you’ll just need to practice a little self-control, Mr. Treadway,” I joke, scooting back into my seat and snapping my seatbelt in place.
“With you, Kingsley, I’m not sure that’s possible.” He gives me a wide grin, and the weight that’s been sitting on my shoulders since this conversation began instantly lifts, and I take my first real breath in minutes.
“Well, it’s gonna have to be, now isn’t it.”
“You’re gonna be the death of me, woman.” He shakes his head on a laugh, shifting the truck into drive before pulling back out onto the street.