“You can’t tell them that you just fucked Kina because it would look bad, right?” Hanson asked, stressing the dilemma I was facing.

I nodded. “That’s exactly it. I have no idea what to do. Short of punching Markus’s teeth in, which is the last thing I want out there, I have no idea how to handle this. Kina says retaliating is childish, so I can’t go that road, either. Although, I really want to.”

“Retaliate?” Hanson asked.

“Yeah. I want the world to know what a lying bastard he can be, you know? I’m so tired of things going wrong for me. I know a lot of it was my fault before, but this time, I did nothing wrong.”

Hanson nodded, and we sucked on our beers in silence for a while.

“How is she reacting to this?” Hanson asked.

I shrugged. “She told me it’s my choice in the end, that I need to make a decision by Friday.”

“She’s not pushing you into a direction?”

I shook my head. “I get the feeling she’s the submissive type. In bed, that’s fantastic, but in this case, I wish she would call the shots.”

Hanson visibly minced when I mentioned Kina in bed. He obviously didn’t want to hear about it, and I knew I shouldn’t be talking about it. But I couldn’t seem to focus on anything else.

I flashed on her bending over in front of me, my dick buried inside of her and her ass jiggling as I fucked her. I tried to get the thought out of my mind. Thinking about sex now wasn’t going to accomplish anything other than make me horny.

“Maybe you should talk to her again,” Hanson said.

I nodded. Maybe he was right.

We changed topics and talked about other things. I was starting to realize I could relate to Hanson more and more. He was a decent guy, the kind who would have your back if he deemed you a friend. I wanted to hang out with him more, get to know him better. He seemed to have his shit together.

He told me he didn’t have it together from the start. I hadn’t followed the other players’ scandals all that closely—nothing beyond what I occasionally saw on the tabloids or in social media here and there—but back in the day, apparently, he had a terrible image as a womanizer. He had managed to turn that around. That meant there was still hope for me, right?

“I have to get going,” Hanson said when we were both two beers down. “Lacey’s waiting for me.”

I nodded. “Thanks for coming out with me,” I said.

“No problem, bro.” He clapped me on the back. “We’re a team.”

He winked at me and sauntered off as if he didn’t have a care in the world. What a wonderful life that must be.

When I left the bar, I pulled out my phone and dialed Kina’s number.

“I was just thinking about you,” she said, and I smiled.

“Well, that sounds like a good start,” I said. I loved the sound of her voice, especially if she was saying things like that. “What were you thinking about?”

“Have you decided what you want to do?” she asked.

I deflated a little. She hadn’t been thinking about me. She’d been thinking about my job. Fucking fantastic.

“I haven’t,” I said. “I was hoping we could have a chat about it, maybe get me moving in a direction, at least.”

She sighed. “I can’t really help you with that, can I? I have suggestions, but in the end, it’s down to you. I’ll support whatever you decide.”

I wasn’t sure if she meant that. Surely, she knew that would put her in the spotlight as well? And that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

“You’re not giving me anything to go by, are you?” I asked.

“Of course, I am. There just aren’t that many options. Markus has you backed into a corner.”

I didn’t like the sound of that. I didn’t like the idea that it was true.

 

***

 

On Wednesday morning, training wasn’t in groups, and I had to face Markus this time. I had to run a play with him, and I didn’t want him anywhere near me. I tried to avoid him as best I could, but he was on my team. What was I going to do?

When I dropped the ball, Markus laughed out loud. I was already irritated.

“Come on, Lawson. Don’t give the other team a reason to mock you.”

“Shut up, Markus,” I said.

“Or what?” he asked, coming up to me. He got right in my face, so close I could smell his sweat. “Are you going to hit me?”

I didn’t do anything. I stood there, staring him down, picturing every way I wanted to hurt him and biting back so that I didn’t.

“Come one, man, you’re so good at it. Or did you lose your nerve?”

I saw a flash of white for a moment, I was that angry. But I couldn’t hurt him, not now. I would just prove his lies true. Kina had said that, and she’d been right. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I wouldn’t make the rest of the team doubt me. I was here to prove that I was bigger than my past.

“I thought so,” Markus said when I turned away from him. He gave me a little shove. God, if I just turned around and hooked him with my right fist he would go down. He wouldn’t expect it at all. I could almost feel his jawbone connect with my knuckles. I balled my fist, ready to swing.

Hanson’s eyes found mine, and he shook his head almost imperceptibly. It was possibly the only reason I didn’t attack the guy, after all. Hanson had been there for me when I’d needed to talk, and he’d been a good friend. He had my back, and this wasn’t a good idea.

I took a deep breath and let it out, slowly, unclenching my fist. I was being the bigger man. That was what Kina had meant, too, I’m sure.

“Come on, gentlemen!” Coach shouted from the sidelines. He hadn’t gotten involved. I knew he’d been waiting to see what I would do.

I glared at Markus, telling him with my eyes what I wanted to do with my firsts and turned away from him.

“You best be watching your back,” Markus said.

I didn’t deign to answer him. I walked back to my spot and waited for the rest of the team to huddle up so we could run the damn play again.