On Friday, we played against the Colorado Stallions on their home turf. The stadium was alive with fans, the atmosphere almost electric as I ran out onto the field with the rest of the Florida Sharks. The game was still preseason, but it was getting closer and closer to the real deal, and the fans were acting like it was a league game.

Brian and Hanson were both pumped for the game. We’d spent time, the three of us, together on the plane here, and I felt a lot more comfortable and part of the team than I had before.

Sadie, Brian’s fiance , and Lacey, Hanson’s wife, were both at the game, watching their men play, with Hanson and Lacey’s son Liam bouncing around on everyone’s lap as they passed the baby around. The couples atmosphere made me miss Kina. We weren’t dating or anything, but Lacey had been Hanson’s PR manager before they’d started dating, too. And Kina was still someone I cared about, even if we were just sleeping together.

That’s what I told myself, anyway. It’s not like I could admit to being in love with her, even though part of me really felt that I was.

The game was great. I was on point, my fitness the best it’d been in a long time, and I felt like I was part of the team. What made it all even better was the fact that Markus wasn’t allowed to play this game. I’d come out with my press release telling the world I had been with Kina that night, and Markus had been pointed out as a liar. Coach Rudi had suspended him for the game as punishment.

I didn’t feel the punishment was harsh enough. He’d nearly ruined my entire career and Kina’s, but I would take what I can get and enjoy myself while I could.

It was great being on the field again. I’d been suspended for so long following the assault charge, I’d almost gotten used to a training regimen with no football in it, accepting it as my fate. Having the grass beneath my feet and the crowds roaring in my ears was what I loved about the game. This was home.

The game went very well. We scored from the start. The team played as a unit, communication was perfect, and it was one of those days where everything just worked. The team got along, and it flowed. I tried not to think that it was because Markus wasn’t here. It wasn’t fair to accuse one person of creating that much friction that it affected our total gameplay, but the coincidence seemed too great.

We won the game. It felt amazing, and the other team members praised me just as much as they praised each other. For the first time since I’d arrived, I didn’t feel like an outsider or a liability. I felt like a Florida Shark.

“We have to celebrate,” Brian said in the locker room when we were getting ready to shower.

“Way ahead of you, bro,” Hanson said. “I already called Edge and made reservations. I knew this one was in the bag.”

Brian and Hanson high-fived.

“You’re included,” Brian said, turning to me.

Hanson nodded.  “Yep, I counted you with our party.”

“Really?”

I was surprised. The guys were being great about me being a part of the team. I was also staying at the Four Seasons, the five-star hotel where Edge Restaurant was situated, but being included in the reservation as a given was an amazing feeling.

“Can we count on you?” Brian asked.

I nodded. The question held so much more.

“I’m in,” I said. And I was. I was starting to realize these guys had my back, and they could count on me for the same.

“The reservation is for eight,” Hanson said. “We’ll meet you there. Brian and I are taking our ladies out shopping first.”

Brian grinned. “New town, new shopping experience.”

I tried not to pay attention to my jealousy. They were lucky to have women they cared about. And who cared about them. Being with Marisa had made me feel like I was on top of the world, so I knew what it was like to be with someone who made you her whole world.

Then she’d cheated on me, and because of her, I had an assault charge on my name. That shit wasn’t going to go away, the same as the broken trust and a broken heart doesn’t go away. The pain that had come with being with someone like Marisa was bigger than the bliss had been. It was why I was single right now, but the idea of having someone to spoil, someone who would support me, the relationships Brian and Hanson had, I envied it.

I thought of Kina. She was the kind of person I could have that with, I was sure. I liked it when she asked about my life, when she cared. She listened when I spoke about my sport, my passion, which was something Marisa had stopped doing toward the end. The signs had been there, and I’d been too stupid to see them.

But with Kina, it was different. She didn’t even need to care about my life. We had a business relationship. Sort of. She didn’t have to ask about my personal life and get to know me on that level.

The fact that she did made me feel important. And I liked that. I also liked getting to know her, learning about her life. Knowing someone more than other people did was a privilege, and I felt like she let me into a life not many people saw.

She wasn’t my girlfriend, I told myself, and she probably wouldn’t ever be. I had to stop thinking about her that way. She was my PR manager, and that was how it should stay. But having someone like her on my arm in a city like this was a fantasy I’d entertained for a while.

There was nothing wrong with letting the fantasy linger for as long as possible. It didn’t mean I had to give my heart to her. Did it?