“Here goes nothing,” I say, as I finish setting the table at my house. I stare at the three empty seats, fearing how this evening’s dinner will go.

“It will be fine.”

Jensen comes up behind me and gives me a peck on the top of my head, his strong hands massaging my shoulders. In the week since the trial, we’ve been spending nearly every day together. Although it seems impossible, we just keep getting closer and closer.

“And what if it’s not?” I spin around to face him, wanting him to see how serious I think this is.

“So what?” he asks with a cavalier shrug. Then I see the worry cross his face. “I mean, what’s the worst that can happen?”

“Look Jensen, you said that your family is ‘crazy’ and I think I know what you were getting at…”

“Gee, thanks,” he says, and laughs.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. I just mean that from what you’ve told me and from my interactions with her, your mom has… some… issues… and I know you’ve had a sordid past with everything she did to your dad and your brothers. And I know things with your brothers don’t always run smoothly even though for the most part you’re close.”

This time he tenses up and now I’m the one comforting him. I wrap my arms around him in a tight hug.

“I’m not trying to upset you. I’m just trying to say…”

“That it’s obvious how fucked up my family is.”

“Well, my point is that my family is crazy too. I guess every family is in its own way, but mine is more… lurking beneath the surface. Everything on the outside looks nice and perfect, but the second someone challenges it, everything starts to boil up to the surface, if not just plain erupt, and I’m afraid…”

“You’re afraid that dating someone like me will cause your parents to go ballistic,” he finishes my awkward run-on sentence for me.

“I… yeah. I do want you to know that no matter what, I want to be with you. But I’m not sure that it’s going to be easy.”

“That’s fine,” he says, kissing me once again. “That’s all I needed to hear. And by the way, nothing worth fighting for is ever easy to obtain.”

“Oh sage, wise one,” I joke, as the doorbell rings.

Here goes nothing.

“Hello, Dear,” says my mom, as soon as I open the door.

She’s holding a pie, and my dad and sister Samantha are behind her.

“Hi Mom, come on in,” I say, and step aside to let them through.

“This is my boyfriend, Jensen,” I say. “Jensen, this is Mom, Dad and Samantha.”

“Well, hello,” says my mom, as if she doesn’t know what else to say. I watch my dad’s eyes size up Jensen’s tattoos while his mouth curls into a distasteful snarl, as Jensen shakes my mom’s hand and then moves on to meet my father.

“Jensen, huh?” asks Samantha, when it’s her turn to meet him. “An interesting name for an interesting choice for my sister.”

Her tone is both flirtatious and condescending, a combination that only Samantha can pull off. Her long blonde hair glides along her skinny back as she turns away from Jensen, and I swear she wiggles her almost non-existent ass. I think about calling her out but I don’t want to ruin the evening before it even begins.

We head to the kitchen where I serve the chicken cacciatore I made earlier today.

“Very nice, Riley,” Mom says approvingly.

“What happened to the low carb diet?” Samantha bursts out.

“I ditched it.”

I take a defiant bite of my dinner. Samantha sizes Jensen up again, and he graciously says, “I don’t think Riley needs to be on a diet. She looks great the way she is.”

“Thanks, honey.” I smile and squeeze his hand under the table. He squeezes back reassuringly.

I can tell that Samantha wants to ask how a completely in shape guy could like a fatty like me. It’s something I wondered myself, before something changed. At some point I realized that Jensen was really into my body, and that I should be too. And I feel confident enough around him to wear the spaghetti strap dress I’m wearing tonight.

Samantha doesn’t ask that question. I think even she knows that would be taking things a bit too far. Instead, she asks, “So what happened to Charles?”

“Samantha dear, that’s inappropriate,” Mom says.

“But what did happen to him?” asks my Dad.

“I ditched him too,” I shrug.

Just before Jensen knocked him out cold, I think, but don’t say. I decide a half-lie is better than the whole truth. He is technically the one who dumped me, but there’s no way I’d want him back.

“Riley, you know I respect your choices but this is a bit of a shock to us,” my mom says. “One day we’re at the Albuquerque Country Club with your fiancé and his father who is the head of the firm you work at, and the next day we’re…”

“At my house with my new boyfriend?” I ask them. “And by the way, it’s the firm I used to work at. And the guy who used to be my boyfriend. Not my fiancé.”

My father sets his silverware down and clears his throat. I gulp, scared yet proud of myself for putting it out there right away. I could anticipate that asking about my job and career was next on their agenda, and I wanted to be in control of the conversation, for once.

“I’m sorry, what?” Mom asks, her smile fading.

“This is great entertainment, Riley,” says Samantha, as she stuffs her face. “And to think I almost went to the movies instead.”

“Please stay out of this, Samantha,” Dad says. “Riley, what are you talking about?”

“The firm and I weren’t a good fit,” I tell him. “I don’t want to work there— or anywhere like there— ever again.”

Jensen squeezes my hand again and I turn my head slightly to see that he’s smiling proudly at me. And I’m proud of myself for saying exactly what I mean, for once. And even for knowing exactly what I mean.

At lunch after his trial, Jensen said that he had gotten everything he wanted and then realized it wasn’t actually what he wanted. For me, the reverse is true. I didn’t get anything I wanted, but then I realized I hadn’t really wanted any of it anyway. I had wanted something different. I had wanted this.

“I don’t understand,” Mom says. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to sleep in later than 5 am, and go to bed later than 9:30 pm. I’m going to feel much more relaxed not worrying whether I’ve impressed enough of the right partners for my next evaluation, or whether I’ve accidentally impressed a partner who’s on the outs with the firm, and somehow gotten caught up in firm politics without even knowing what happened…”

“She meant for work, Riley,” Dad says, as if I’m an idiot and didn’t know that. “What are you going to do for work?”

“I work for Veterans’ Legal Alliance, representing former members of our military,” I tell him.

“Tell me that’s not how you met Jensen!” Samantha sputters.

I glare at her. She’s just jealous because she can’t avoid drama long enough to keep a boyfriend, and she has no career at all, and still lives with our parents. She may be the standard definition of beautiful, but for once I feel confident that I’ve got a lot more going for me than she does.

“You shagged your client! You did!” Samantha gloats.

I ignore her and continue.

“I also have my own office, downtown, and I’m going to start to take on some of my own clients.”

“But how are is any of this going to be enough to make a living on?” my dad asks. “I mean, a real living? And what about all the money we invested into your future? Law school cost a fortune.”

“It was money well spent, Dad,” I tell him, and reach out to put my hand on top of his. He looks down at it, surprised. He and I have never had the best relationship. “Thank you for putting me through college and law school. I really appreciate it. I am enjoying being a lawyer now more than I ever have in the past.”

Mom and Dad look at each other, completely perplexed. I can just see them saying to each other telepathically: “This is not the Riley we are used to!”

But I’m sick of bending over backwards to please them, going along with everything they want and basing my life decisions off of their demands. I’m on a new path, and they can either come with me or stay where they are, stomping their feet at me for not going exactly the way they want me to go.

“How about some pie?” Mom asks.

“What?” Samantha says, quickly turning to face Mom.

“Well, why not?” I say, and stand up to retrieve everyone’s plate.

“I’ll get it,” says Jensen, getting up with me, and so I go to get the pie.

I can practically see Samantha fuming and storming inside. She is used to our parents lecturing me and even belittling me like she does. She’s the pretty one and as spoiled as can be. But I’m the smart one and the family expectations ride on my shoulders.

“We’re only so tough on you because we care so much, and know you’re capable of so much,” they’ve told me many times before. But this time they don’t know what to say. They had no idea I’m capable of being myself. And neither did I, before I met Jensen.

 

               

 

Later, after they’ve finally left, Jensen and I are laying in my bed, cuddling.

“That wasn’t so bad,” he says, and then laughs.

“Stop it!” I laugh too, so hard that I snort.

“I totally get what you mean now, about your crazy family. They’re as bonkers as mine. Or maybe more so.”

“I’m just glad they didn’t completely flip out at me,” I admit.

My biggest fear was that they would disown me, but now that I think about it, that wouldn’t be so bad, as long as I still have Jensen.

“It’s because you stood up for yourself,” he says, “and I was so proud of you. It was plain as day that they aren’t used to it and weren’t expecting it. You took them by surprise, and you had the upper hand. Even over that bratty sister of yours.”

“Isn’t she awful?”

I laugh harder.

“I think you deserve a treat for having to put up with them,” he says, as he kisses my stomach and then my pelvis.

“You’re the one who had to endure meeting them for the first time, and who likely will have to put up with more visits in the future,” I remind him. “But, hey, I could never turn down your offer for such a treat.”

He’s already pushing up my negligée, and kissing my inner thighs. A satisfied shudder runs through my body.

His mouth lightly touches me on the outside and then he runs his tongue up and down my eager bud.

“That feels so good, Jensen.”

“You deserve to relax,” he says, reaching up to play with my nipple. “You really are amazing.”

He licks and teases me and then inserts a finger while he nibbles on my clitoris. Soon I’m unable to hold back. I grab his hair as he moves his head all over me while I come.

“Oh my God, Jensen, this is the best feeling in the world.”

I let go and feel my orgasm erupt and seem to split into many tiny ones as he rubs and chews on my stimulated nerve endings.

Then he takes his boxer briefs off and slips a condom on.

Lying on top of me, he enters me while holding my head in his hands. He kisses my mouth, my neck, and my mouth again, and I’m reminded of the very first time he kissed me and sealed our fate, even though I just didn’t know it yet.

“I’m so glad I met you, Jensen Bradford,” I say, as he thrusts inside me, up and down, and grunts his agreement. “I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for you.”

He sucks on my nipples while continuing to move in and out of me, causing my breathing to increase once again. I easily come again, and then I feel him pulse and grip my shoulders tightly as he himself comes.

Lying back down beside me in bed, he says, “If it weren’t for me, you’d probably be hooked back up with that Charles loser, working at that awful firm again.”

“And if it weren’t for me, you’d probably be in jail,” I say.

We laugh as we hold each other tight.

“Good thing Mr. Holt made me volunteer to help veterans,” I say.

“Good thing my mom made me have to punch a guy out.”

We lie together in the darkness for a while longer, a comfortable silence between us.

“Jensen?” I ask.

There’s no response, and then I hear his deep sleep breathing.

Oh well. I was just going to tell him I love him. But I can wait to tell him tomorrow. And every day after that.

 

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SNEAK PEAK INTO THE PROTECTOR: A Bad Boy MC Outlaw Romance

Starring Jensen and Riley’s friends – they make appearances in the book too!

 

 

"Oh geez. I think this skirt is too short."

I cringe as I look at myself in the mirror, and then at my best friend Riley Bradford.

It’s Halloween night, and I’m second guessing everything. Including this obnoxious cheerleader costume. And the way my ass is hanging out of it.

Sure, it sends the message I’m looking for: Come and get me. I haven’t gotten laid in a long time, and tonight’s the perfect night for it.

"Don't be silly, Brynn," Riley says. "It's Halloween. It's the one time of year when there's no such thing as a skirt that's too short. In fact, Halloween is the excuse that young hot women everywhere use to flaunt their goods without feeling slutty."

"Yeah, but that category doesn’t even apply to me anymore. I'm getting old. And frumpy."

"No, you're not. You look just as hot as you did when we'd go to Halloween parties in law school."

"I’ve gained like twenty pounds since then."

"So? You were hot then but you're even hotter now. Curvaceous is the new skinny."

I roll my eyes. But I love how dear Riley brings a positive spin to everything.

"Remember that one time I went as a ghost?” I ask her. “What the hell was I thinking?"

"I think you were thinking of saving time and money," Riley replies. "You were busy preparing for that big trial coming up in moot court— not to mention studying for mid-terms— and the easiest and quickest kind of costume was to throw a sheet over your head after cutting some circles out of it for eyes."

"That's true," I agree.

Good old practical and reassuring Riley.

"But I totally ruined my chance to flaunt my goods when I was younger and looked a lot better."

I can't help but reminisce about the past, when I would get laid on the regular. I wish I could be that carefree and fun now, because I haven't gotten any in ages.

On that note, I peek my head into the living room to make sure my son Caleb is okay. He is, so I go back to looking at myself in the mirror.

Being a mom is the best thing that ever happened to me, even though I wasn't so sure it would be, back when I was first pregnant with Caleb. I didn't even know back then that I'd be a single mom.

I was just scared and unsure— with good reason— of going through a pregnancy with Caleb's dad Steve. My worst fear was that he would bail on us. Which is exactly what happened. But still, I wouldn't trade Caleb for the world.

Ever since then, though, dating and sex have been last on my list of priorities, and I could certainly stand to be fucked good and hard.

Steve was the last person I’d been with in that way. After that he’d taken off, leaving Caleb and me in the dust. So, he must not have thought the sex was worth sticking around for any more than we were. I can’t say the sex was worth it myself, although it did produce Caleb, and for that I’m grateful.

"You look great!" Riley is still insisting. "That skirt totally shows off your hour glass figure."

"Awww, thanks Riley."

I can't help but smile at her even though I still feel that the costume is a tad too inappropriate for someone— a mother, no less— my age.

"You always have a way of making me feel better."

"Good,” she responds, her pretty lighting up in a smile. “Because just seeing you makes me feel better."

"I know! It's been way too long. We haven’t seen each other since your wedding."

"And whose fault is that?" Riley laughs, teasingly. "Ms. Big City, Big Firm lawyer."

"I know, I know. I'm way too busy with work. And with Caleb, too."

I look over to the living room again, where Caleb is playing with Riley's son, Drew. To more accurately state the situation, Caleb is not playing with Drew. I've told him three times to share his truck but he just shakes his head and screams "NO!"

Meanwhile, Drew has been glaring at Caleb in between coloring— or, should I say scribbling?— in his Sesame Street coloring book. He's too young to have gotten the actual act of coloring down yet, but he's sure trying.

Even though the boys are staying in tonight— Trick or Treating having already happened earlier this week— they both wanted to wear their costumes. So, Caleb is dressed as a monkey and Drew is Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story.

"Speaking of Caleb," I say to Riley, "I'm sorry he's not better at sharing. I don't think that Drew likes him very much because of that."

"He'll warm up to him," Riley says with a shrug. "They're both toddlers and therefore haven't even learned what sharing means."

I smile at her. She's not only a good friend but a good mother too. She knows when to let things slide. She's a breath of fresh air to be around compared to my moms' group friends who freak out if their kids eat anything but organic gluten-free crackers off expensive non-plastic, non-toxic plates.

"Well, I'm glad you're in town and I'm really glad you invited us to this party," Riley says.

"Of course, Love," I tell her, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

As my lips meet the powered makeup she’s wearing there, I’m reminded that I haven't even put any on.

"I think I left my makeup in your living room," I tell her. "What kind of makeup do cheerleaders wear, anyway?"

"Lots of it!" Riley says. "But at least you don't have to worry about making yourself look like a loofah."

Riley is wearing a short blue frilly dress reminiscent of a flamenco dancer. She can still pull it off because she has the perfect body even after having had Drew.

"I'm glad you're wearing something pretty provocative too," I tell her. "Even though I feel so slutty in this short skirt."

"Isn't that the whole point?" Riley asks. "As I keep trying to tell you, a cheerleading outfit is the perfect costume for a single girl to wear on Halloween.  I, being a married woman, tied down to my old ball and chain, am forced to wear this embarrassing get-up. Because apparently ‘couple outfits’ are obligatory for married people on Halloween. Or at least, that's what Jensen seems to think."

I laugh.

"I can't believe Jensen has a thing for couple costumes," I tell her. "Never would I have guessed that. He’s in a motorcycle club, for goodness sake."

"That's my Jensen," Riley says. "Always full of surprises. Which sometimes include ridiculous costume ideas I'm forced to go along with."

"I happen to think you look cute."

"Yeah, but you look friggin' sexy," Riley says.

She shoots a glance over to our kids as she says "friggin.'" And the word “sexy.” Luckily, they are in their own little world, having better things to do than listen to our conversation.

Once Riley reassures herself that no little ears are listening in, she really gives me her honest opinion.

"Your cleavage is amazing, your cute butt is on partial display, and you get to wear makeup that makes you look even prettier, rather than scarier like a lot of those Halloween costumes out there. And maybe you'll get lucky tonight. There's not a guy around who wouldn't want to bang a hot cheerleader like you."

"Oh, I can’t do that tonight. I need to come back and get Caleb," I protest, even though I'd love to get laid.

"Don't be silly. He's fine here. Why waste a perfectly good hotel room and a free pass to get down and dirty with a random fling while you don't have to worry about your child's well-being for one night of the year?"

I quickly laugh it off, but I have to admit that the idea does intrigue me. One night of passion with a random stranger is just what I need before heading home to New York City. All that awaits me there are long hours as an associate at a stressful law firm, not to mention my life of single motherhood without any companionship or sex.

Riley's right. Halloween is for single people to slut it up and have fun. And that's exactly what I want to do. I just hope I find the right guy to do it with.

The idea is kind of scary, but that's what Halloween is about too. I need to face my fears and leap before I look.

Hopefully someone at this party will catch me when I do. Maybe he'll be dressed as a knight in shining armor. And perhaps he'll play the part of rescuing me from drudgery and spicing up my life, if only for one night.

What could be so scary about that? I ask myself. What's the worst that could happen?

I have a feeling I’m about to find out.