"Oh wow, look at the time," I say to Riley.
I feel like quickly changing the subject because I don't want Caleb to start listening in and overhear this conversation, even though he's too young to understand most of it. I have to admit, though, that another reason I’m anxious to stop the conversation is because I'm embarrassed at how much I'd love to get laid and I don’t want Riley to know.
I never thought there would be things I don't even want to tell Riley. But our lives have become so different since back in law school that I don't think she'd be able to understand.
I head out to the living room where I'd left my stuff.
"I need to put my makeup on," I tell Riley. "You're going to have to help me apply this stuff because I rarely ever wear it. And you've always known more about how to..."
I trail off as I see the news footage on Riley's living room TV.
"What the...?"
"Brynn? What's wrong?" Riley calls out from the bathroom.
"Oh my God, Riley. Come look at this."
She joins me in the living room and we watch in horror as clowns chase people down the street, wielding canes and clubs like weapons.
"Wow," she says. "I'd heard about these clowns but I thought it was more, like, practical joke type stuff."
"What exactly have you heard?" I ask her.
"That it's something that started with a rogue group of clowns doing stupid shit but it soon spiraled a bit out of control and now there have been creepy clown sightings and clowns involved in crimes across the nation."
"Many people thought these initial clown pranks were harmless," says the newscaster on TV, seeming to pick up right where Riley had left off. "But now we're coming to find that these clowns are no laughing matter. They're to be taken very seriously. If you see a clown tonight, don't assume it's just a normal Halloween costume. Instead, be very cautious because the clowns are getting more dangerous."
"This has to be some kind of Halloween joke, right?" I ask Riley, mainly looking for reassurance.
I take another peek at Caleb, who is happily playing with Drew's toys while still refusing to share his truck.
"Or it's like, this station's attempt to get better ratings with their scare tactics masquerading as media coverage?"
"I don't know," Riley says, shaking her head. "But I hope you're right."
"In fact," the reporter continues, "the clowns have even started engaging in more serious criminal behavior that has hurt local residents."
The screen flashes to a woman sitting on a curb with her head in her hands. Her makeup is running down her face as she cries into the camera.
"I was just standing here minding my own business when a clown ran up and grabbed my ass!" she says. "And then he grabbed my purse."
"Is this some kind of Halloween practical joke?" Riley muses out loud. "Are they going to have some parody rapper come out and start singing, 'Hide your asses, hide your purses?'"
"Riley!" I say, sternly, hoping that our boys didn't hear her say the word "ass." But I can't help laughing just a little bit.
Riley's been my best friend since we met on our first day of law school orientation, and part of the reason for that is because she cracks me up with her off the wall sense of humor.
"I'm serious," she protests. "I mean, I don't even know what constitutes real news and what is just parody anymore."
She shakes her head before continuing.
"So, there are really clowns that have turned into muggers? Is it all connected? At some point is the media going to tell us April Fools came almost six months early this year and everyone has been playing a big practical joke on us?”
"I really thought the clown was just a teenage kid looking for some mischief on Halloween," the woman being interviewed on TV continues. "But he ran off with my purse and then when I tried to go after him, another group of clowns came from seemingly out of nowhere and pushed me down. I've never felt so humiliated or helpless in my life."
"Well, I don't know what's going on, but I feel really bad for this lady," I tell Riley. “She sounds sincerely tramautized.”
"Yeah, me too."
She looks serious now. A slight frown crinkles her beautiful features.
"I shouldn't make light of the situation," she says. "I guess this is actually real news, and real people are being hurt. I just don't know what the world is coming to anymore."
The news camera pans back to the reporter.
"Local police are instructing residents not to dress like clowns tonight, even though it's Halloween," he says.
The absurdity of this statement would normally provoke a laugh out of Riley and me but right now we're dead silent.
"If you spot any clowns, you're instructed to call 911 immediately. Have a safe and happy Halloween. And now this breaking news concludes and it's back to your regularly scheduled programming. The movie in progress is Nightmare on Elm Street."
"Wow."
I stare at the momentarily black screen, until Freddy Kruger's face pops up at me.
"Ahhh," Riley exclaims, prompting both boys to look up at us.
"Mama," Caleb cries.
His little face erupts in a scared cry.
"It's okay, Baby," I say, rushing over to pick him up.
I pat his back and he lays his head down on my shoulder. Even though he's nearly three years old, he still looks, acts and feels like he's my little baby sometimes.
"I'm sorry this was even on," Riley says, going over to turn off the TV. "It certainly wasn't appropriate viewing material for toddlers! And I try not to let Drew watch any TV at all. They say it isn't good for the brain development of children. But Jensen must have left it on before he went to the store, and I didn't even notice until now."
"It's fine," I tell her. "The boys were too busy squabbling over their toys or focusing on playing with them to notice. And we were too busy talking. Just as I'm sure Jensen was too busy running out of the house to pay attention to the TV being on."
As if on cue, we hear the sound of motorcycle engines being cut off.
"That's Jensen now," Riley says.
"Mo-to-cycle!" Caleb exclaims, pointing towards the front door.
"That's right," I tell him. "Good talking! You're Mommy's big boy."
"Vroom vroom!" Drew says, pretending to be riding a motorcycle.
"Very good, Drew!" I say to him too. “Good talking.”
He isn't talking all that much yet so I just humor him with my praise.
"Mama. Down!"
Caleb squirms in my arms and then hops to the floor as soon as I bend over to let him down.
He runs to the front door with Drew right at his heels. Suddenly they're best buddies, united in their quest to see with their own eyes the vehicles responsible for the boisterous noises their ears love to hear.
"Hey honey,” Riley says, as Jensen Bradford enters the house.
"There's my sexy baby mama," Jensen says, scooping her up in his arms and hugging her as she wraps her legs around him.
"Daddy!" Drew cries, throwing his own arms around both his mother's and father's legs.
Caleb continues to look through the screen door, pointing and saying "mo-to-cycle, go go mo-to-cycle!"
"I missed you both so much," Jensen says, giving Riley a passionate kiss.
"Oh, and you too Brynn," he adds playfully. "How've you been?"
"Good," I answer. "Hi Jensen."
He grabs Riley's ass and kisses her again before scooping Drew up into his strong, muscular arms. I can tell by her flushed face and the way she squeezes Jensen's back that she loves it.
And who wouldn't?
I turn away to start applying my makeup in the bathroom, partially to give them their privacy but also because I'm trying to hold back a mixture of emotions. Bewilderment. Sadness for myself but happiness for my good friend.
And maybe even some jealousy. For what she has, and what I don't, and probably never will.