After a few minutes of staring ahead and willing myself not to talk about Brian, I couldn’t help but do just that.

“I just don’t know how to deal with all these stupid tabloid articles,” I said to Lorraine. “They’re driving me mad.”

Lorraine nodded. “I noticed that.”

She was referring to the night I took my mood out on the girls. Since then, they’d forgiven me, and I’d gone back to my normal training routine.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with them twisting the information like that.”

Lorraine frowned. “Can I be honest with you?” she asked.

I nodded. “Please,” I said.

I could really do with a little reality check right about now.

“Well,” she said. “I don’t mean this to come across wrong, but they’re not exactly twisting anything.”

I opened my mouth to argue. I was shocked.

“Don’t get upset yet,” Lorraine said.  “Hear me out.”

I closed my mouth and bit my tongue.

“They caught you guys kissing on your patio, right? Well, that happened. And your sneaking out on him after you picked him up? That happened, too. Right now, you’re so up and down with him, you do look like just a fling.”

“But they made me sound like I was trashy,” I said because there was nothing else I could complain about. She was right.

Lorraine nodded. “Yeah, they could have worded it better. But imagine what it looks like to outsiders. Not just that, imagine what it looks like to Brian.”

I frowned. “Are you kidding me?” I asked.

Lorraine shook her head. “You’re blowing hot and cold with this guy all the time. You’re leading him on and dropping him. The papers are just calling it what it is.”

I was getting angry. “Those are big accusations,” I said.

“I know,” Lorraine said. “I told you I wanted to be honest.”

I wanted to tell her she was being a bitch, but I was starting to think maybe she was right. I hadn’t exactly been fair to Brian. He’d been more than nice to me, picking up the pieces every time I fell apart, dealing with me patiently when I got angry or scared and decided to leave. Come to think of it, it sounded a lot like what he did those first three months when I was impossible to deal with.

Was I still the same? That couldn’t be. But Brian was. He was solid and steadfast all the way through.

“What do you think, Lacey?” Lorraine asked, and I wanted to hit her.

I couldn’t believe she was inviting this near stranger into our conversation. But, knowing Lorraine, I know she probably just wanted some validation for her point of view.

“I happen to agree with you,” Lacey told Lorraine, after turning in our direction. She unwrapped a strand of her hair from the baby’s hand, since he reached for it once she turned.

Lorraine gave me a gloating expression, but Lacey added, “On the other hand, I see where Sadie is coming from. It’s hard work to date a football player.”

“Thank you,” I told her, looking satisfied. Kina looked over at me and winked, as if she was on my side, too.

“But if you really love someone, it’s worth it,” she added.

Well, dang. If she was going to start bringing up the “L” word, I wasn’t sure I had much to say back. I was pretty sure that what I felt for Brian was love, but I don’t remember experiencing anything like it before, so I’m not sure how I would know for sure.

“Besides, Kina and I are both PR managers,” Lacey continued. “And our job is to present to the public the side they want to see. I believe that when an athlete or other notorious ‘bad boy,’ or really any man at all, falls in love, our jobs are made much easier. Because the woman— or, being in love with her— usually naturally brings out the guy’s good side. In this situation, it is doing the opposite, though.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

Lacey cleared her throat, as if she was unsure how to continue.

“She means that you are really doing a number with Brian’s head,” her friend Kina piped up.

Everyone laughed, and I couldn’t help but join in.

“Hey!” Lacey interrupted. “Thanks for making me sound bad, Kina. I certainly wouldn’t put it that way.”

“I know, because you’re too nice,” Kina said. “But, to be blunt, Brian was always one of those alpha males who is definitely a bad boy— rough around the edges, drinks some and swears more, etc., but he is more quiet and reserved about it.”

“That’s true,” Lacey said. “I know Brian pretty well due to the fact that I happen to be married to his best friend, and he has always had this confident, yet stand offish and kind of grim personality. Almost as if he’s haunted. So, when you came back into the picture, all of us had hope. He seemed to have hope. But now he’s spiraling out of control because he doesn’t know where he stands.”

I sighed. That was sad. And I hadn’t meant for things to turn out that way. Life had a way of surprising me, all the time.

“Well, thanks everyone, for your insight,” I said.

“Aren’t you glad we could dissect your love life and give you our armchair advice?” Lacey asked.

Everyone laughed, the game started, and I pretended to watch intently. I didn’t know what to say to Lorraine. I used the game as a reason not to speak. Because she was right, and I didn’t want to admit to it. She read the articles, too, and she knew the inside story because of what I told her. She saw both sides of the coin. If there was anyone that could be objective, it was Lorraine.

Plus, now we had two strangers— Lacey and Kina— saying pretty much exactly the same thing. As well as pointing out that I had broken Brian’s heart once, without meaning to, and now I was doing it again. I felt a responsibility to make up my mind, once and for all.

The game was good. The Sharks won. I expected they would. The screens in front of us replayed the highlights whenever they had a timeout. It was the best football experience I’d ever had.

But the whole game had been overshadowed by what Lorraine had said to me. Her words bounced around in my mind, and I went over them again and again, as well as the words from Lacey and Kina.

They were right. I knew they were. And that meant that I’d been playing Brian, even though I hadn’t wanted to. I pushed him away when I didn’t want him, and I expected him to come when I called. What did that say about me? What did that mean?

I knew how I felt about him. I knew how terrified I was, too. I never had any intention of messing with him this way. But in the process of trying to figure out what I wanted, I was pushing him around so much, and he was just patiently waiting for the person I used to be to come back.

That was my problem, though. I wasn’t sure that person would ever come back. And if she didn’t? Brian would have waited his whole life for nothing when he could have been happy with someone else.

I would never be the woman he expected.

Since the game was over, we said goodbye to Lacey and Kina.

“And bye, little Liam,” I said to the baby, tickling his cute chubby cheeks.

“Hope to see you around again soon,” Lacey said, as she left.

I said, “Likewise,” but my stomach was in knots.

“Where did he say he wanted to meet you?” Lorraine asked when everyone started to file out to the exits.

I shook my head. “I don’t think I’m going to meet him.”

Lorraine frowned. “Isn’t that what we came for?”

“It is,” I said, nodding. “But I can’t do this. I think it’s better if we just leave.”

I knew what she was thinking. I was doing it again, the thing that she pointed out before the game. But I had a lot to think about, thanks to her, and I needed to figure out what I wanted. I knew I was being a bitch all over again, but I needed some time to think.

“It’s your choice, Sades,” Lorraine said.

I nodded. It was my choice. Life would have been so much easier if someone else could make our choices for us, but the only way I was going to be happy was if I chose something and stuck to it.

I had to start doing that, or I was just going to end up hurting everyone involved. I had been able to hide behind the accident for so long, it had become a habit. That had to change. I had to start facing the facts and taking responsibility for my actions. And if it didn’t work out and it turned out I’d made the wrong choice? Well, I guess I had to live with that, too.

Sometimes, all it took was a friend to point out the obvious when it had been staring me in the face for so long.

We left the stadium and made our way home.