When it came to men, I was clueless.
I had a few casual boyfriends before in high school and college. In fact, I was far from a prude. But stumbling around the awkward sexual abyss of young adulthood felt nothing like being with Liam. I thought I had it bad when we kissed? No. Watching this tortured, closed-off, fuck-the-world-attitude man look at me with concern in his stare and a playful glint in his eye was enough to throw me over the edge. He had me—hook, line, and sinker. And dammit if I didn’t deserve to take advantage.
I could feel something budding between us and I decided to run with it, throwing all caution to the wind. And my sanity. Even if the butterflies I felt every time he came around made me sick to my stomach. Even if, deep down, I knew he would inevitably destroy me somewhere down the line.
It was Thursday when my mother ambushed us with her Saturday night dinner suggestion. She was angry with me for not being honest with her when she suspected I was holding back information about the burglary. She was right, but she had no idea about the mess she was digging her nose into, so I stubbornly refused to divulge.
None of her guilting was going to get me to confess anything, yet she persisted in making me feel like the worst human on the planet for not being honest. Unfortunately, she took that out on Liam when he arrived, and that was a feeling worse than anything she could dream to bring out of me. He had endured enough on my account, I wouldn’t let him take on any more.
All of it was right in front of Liam, who looked torn between us. For the first time in my life, I hated my mom. Even as an angsty teen, I’d never muttered those words to her, but she was purposely trying to throw me under the bus while Liam watched as she baited him—the only other person who was involved in the “robbery”—to get the information I wasn’t giving her. Thankfully, the reticent man remained a closed book.
I entered my parents’ front door at five-thirty, half an hour before I heard my mom tell Liam to come. I wanted to prep her on what was okay to say to our guest and what was inappropriate, and possibly hide the embarrassing photos that littered their house of me through my formative years. No one needed to see those.
Instead, I was met with the echoing sound of my father’s bellowing laughter coming from the dining room in the back of the house, along with a familiar muffled voice mumbling something. I kicked my shoes off and rushed through the hallway leading to them, not even bothering to take my coat off or put my grocery bags down. When I stopped at the sight before me, I could only stand there dumbfounded, my mouth hanging open with the plastic bags dangling down my sides.
Liam sat in my childhood home, at the kitchen table I’d spent hours of homework on, looking more comfortable than I had ever felt while my father laughed beside him, my mother’s hand draping his shoulder. What. The. Fuck?
Two oceans of blue met my dull browns, calming me without speaking a word. He nodded his head toward me and raised his eyebrows, dousing my hot anger with cold reassurance. My shoulders relaxed before I even got a chance to look over at my parents and their expectant faces. They were bracing themselves for my outburst, but Liam had already talked me down and I had no idea how he did it.
I cleared my throat. “What’s going on here?”
Mom watched me through skeptical eyes, still preparing herself for the imminent blow. She knew I wouldn’t be happy about this and yet, she did it anyway. Brave move, Lynn.
“Well, your father got out of his shift today, so we figured we could push dinner up a bit to take more time to get to know Liam and thank him for how he helped you. I’m sure I sent you a text this morning…”
I shook my head. She knew I was working at the bakery this morning and had a huge order to get done after I closed. I wasn’t checking my phone; therefore, I couldn’t confirm or deny her statement. But I would bet if I checked it now there wouldn’t be a single message from her.
I wanted to scream. To pick up every tacky knick-knack that littered the room and smash them to the ground. Anger surrounded me like smoke did to a flame, blackening my lungs with hateful words that sat at the tip of my tongue. I had no idea who the angry person who possessed my body was.
Instead of voicing the hatred that desperately wanted to be spewed, I breathed out a quick and sarcastic, “awesome,” before setting the bags onto the kitchen counter and shrugging my coat off my shoulders. I used the distraction to regain my composure.
My father finally piped up next to my mom, who was giving him an obvious look that said, “Save me! Say something!” before she walked back to the stove and pretended to stir the sauce. I saw right through their façade.
“So, Liam here tells me he’s running his uncle’s auto shop down the street. Turns out it’s the same one I’ve been taking our cars to for years to get serviced. Isn’t that crazy, Luny Tune?”
I winced at the nickname he used, chancing a look over at Liam as I took a seat across from my dad and practically rolled my eyes to the back of my head at his small teasing grin, the one he seemed to reserve only for me.
“Yeah, that’s pretty crazy. So, how long have you been here then, Liam?”
I gave him my full attention. He could have just as easily let me in on the change in plans.
“Well, your mom called me just as I was finishing up at the shop today and invited me over at five instead of six. That was around… maybe four-thirty? I headed home, took a quick shower, and got here just on time, as promised.” He looked up at my mom, who had finally gotten the guts to come back over to join the conversation. His story was his excuse to let me know he didn’t have time to tell me. I call bullshit.
“How convenient,” I mumbled, before looking back at my mom to ask her when dinner would be ready since she pushed everything up.
“Oh, it should be ready soon. Just a few minutes.”
She glanced at her watch, then at the hallway leading to the front door before catching herself and running back toward the kitchen. The raviolis were cooked, and she already combined them with the sauce in the serving dish she always used when guests came over. The salad was washed and tossed, ready to be eaten, and the garlic bread was sitting on the stove getting cold. I realized then that dinner was done, we were just waiting for more guests.
My heart dropped to my feet as soon as the front door opened and closed. She didn’t. Surely, she wouldn’t be that stupid to show up at my parents’ home after the scene she’d caused at mine.
“Hello?” Cara’s voice carried through to us while she made her way down the hallway.
“Back here,” my mother shouted, nervously peeking over at me through her lashes and looking away as soon as she saw my red face.
I was seething. I couldn’t even keep myself contained in my seat anymore. As soon as I saw Cara’s face when she walked toward us, I shot up to my feet. Liam mumbled something from the other side of me, but I was so angry I couldn’t hear him. Blood whooshed in my ears and my vision was clouded with black and white dots.
This was new for me: the sudden outburst of red-hot anger. It’d been months since I was capable of feeling any emotions deep enough to raise a reaction out of me, aside from being with Liam. With my family, though, I was a closed book. Until now. It was like a dam broke free inside of me, releasing everything at an overwhelming rate. How could they try to ambush me like this?
“What the fuck is going on here?” My voice sounded deep and unfamiliar, almost demonic.
“Watch your mouth, young lady,” my dad scolded.
I shot him a look that had him cowering back into his seat.
“We just wanted to talk to you, honey. We care about you so much and it seems like for the past few months you’ve been slipping away from us. We’re so worried!”
My mom started crying as my dad stood, pulling her into his arms to shield her from me, the unfamiliar villain they needed protection from.
Cara spoke up from her spot in the hallway and I finally noticed the short, stubby man with dark, thinning hair standing behind her. Who the hell is that?
“We’re all just here to help, Luna.”
Her eyes were glossy again, but this time they weren’t drooping. She was undoubtedly high, just not on the same thing she took before at my apartment. She grabbed the man’s hand and he rubbed her back with his other, comforting her. As if she were the one who needed comforting.
My vision blurred again while I felt my face morph more into anger, chasing the hint of confusion away. Liam stood up and gently grabbed my arm. He held his hands up in defense when I immediately recoiled and jumped out of his grip, startling everyone in the room with the abrupt movement. I was unhinged, and they were terrified. Even the man who ran with dangerous gang members was regarding me with caution, unsure of my next move. What is wrong with me?
“Did you have anything to do with this?” I questioned, taking slow steps away from our small audience. The room was suddenly a sauna and the walls were closing in on us. I felt suffocated, pulling at the collar of my shirt to free my neck from its choking grip. It didn’t help.
Liam slowly shook his head just when I heard my mom and dad pipe up but blocked them out as he sighed. “No, I promise I didn’t know anything about this. Please just calm down, though, you’re scaring me.”
He reached out again to touch my arm and I let him, leaning into his embrace as he pulled me over to the chair I sat in before. My mom looked at him gratefully, like he was her hero and she was once again being rescued from the intruder in her home. I watched the exchange possessively, practically snarling at my mom from my seat. He’s my superhero.
He squatted in front of me, resting his hands on each of my thighs as he took in my rabid appearance. His hard face surveyed mine for a few beats before he was satisfied enough with what he saw to look up at everyone else standing in the room. They all stared back at us.
“What is going on here?” his deep voice demanded.
“Who is this guy?” Cara questioned, and I leaned around Liam to scowl at her.
I wanted so badly to run over, grab her hair, and pull her down to the floor with me as I pounded her puffed up, drug-infused head. The anger flowing through my body wouldn’t subside. I was an animal trapped in a cage. Their fear was understandable. I wasn’t acting anything like my normal self; I didn’t know who I was right now.
I was so sick of being attacked, though.
“This is Liam, honey. The boy I told you Luna’s been hanging around with. He’s truly a heaven-sent,” my mother gushed, and Liam’s grip on my legs tightened when I fought him to stand up again.
He was in my face, forcing me to focus on the two oceans that calmed me before, but the current was too strong from the storm inside of them. It was clear he was barely holding on himself through this ambush.
“Luna, we all just want you to be happy again, but we aren’t sure how to do that for you anymore. You must understand how hard it’s been to see you this way. None of us can figure out what changed. You barely eat, you overwork yourself, you’ve moved out and hardly visit us anymore, and Cara told us about your falling out. You girls were supposed to be moving in together! What happened?”
My mom took a breath to calm herself before continuing, “We knew things had gotten out of hand when the bakery was robbed, and you acted as if nothing had happened. You still won’t even tell us about that night. Poor Liam looks like he was almost killed!”
Her face crumpled as she started to cry harder while my dad tried to console her.
If this had happened before, I wouldn’t have ever acted the way I was today. Guilt flooded my gut as I watched my mother sob, even spying a couple silent tears streaming down my dad’s cheeks before he quickly wiped them away. I never knew how much my behavior affected them—never even thought they noticed the changes I was making in my life.
That didn’t excuse the ambush, though, and I would never forgive them for trapping me in a corner and attacking from all sides. This felt like the ultimate betrayal from everyone I loved after I’d spent months holding my demons in as an attempt to protect them. I’d never felt rage run so deep through me, and it wasn’t leaving any time soon. Every inch of my body itched as my blood boiled to dangerous temperatures, leaving me helpless against the most powerful panic attack I’d ever had.
After months of feeling nothing toward them, every emotion came crashing down overwhelmingly again. It was too much to bare.
Cara finally spoke up, looking overly alert and giving away that whatever she took was hyping her up as opposed to the last drug she was on that dumbed her down.
“You just ditched me for this random guy.” She motioned her hand toward Liam, glaring at him with his hands on my legs. “You’ve never spoken to me the way you did that day, and you haven’t even bothered to apologize since, or even made any attempt to meet the one person in my life who has helped me through all of this. That really hurt me, Luna.”
She motioned to the man behind her, confirming his identity as Preston. Leave it to Cara to play the victim in a situation she had a hand in creating. I held her under my glare for a moment, watching her squirm uncomfortably before I finally spoke in an eerily calm tone.
“You think I owe you an apology? Let me ask you this: in your side conversations with my mother, did you mention your drug problem? Did you mention the married man who you lost your job over, or the countless men you took to bed before him, always leaving me in the dust whenever opportunity came along? Or did the conversation stick strictly to my shortcomings?”
Next, I pushed Liam’s hands off my legs and stood up, addressing my parents with a stiffly pointed finger in their faces.
“If you have a problem with how I’m living my life, don’t go behind my back and talk about me to the fat I’ve cut from it.” Liam was standing next to me now, and I looked back at Cara while pointing to him. “And don’t ever try to speak negative about him again. You have no idea what he’s done for me when you weren’t there.”
Liam followed me when I stormed off and we made our way through the hallway leading to the front door and then we were out the door before anyone could take a breath. I didn’t turn around until we were next to my car and I filled my lungs with fresh air, feeling like it was the first breath I’d taken since I’d walked into that hellhole. My eyes rolled to the sky as I motioned my hands back toward my parents’ house.
“Can you believe them? They tried to stage an intervention on me for attempting to move on with my life. They have no idea what ugly things lay beneath the surface, and they’re trying to forcefully pull them out of me as if it’s nothing. Like I’m simply going through some growing pains and we can talk it all out to make it better. I feel like I’m going to explode from all the secrets I’m forced to keep so they can sleep at night! I’ll never tell them now, Liam. How can I trust them? I can’t.”
My feet paced back and forth next to my Jeep while I rambled, attempting to tamper out some of the fury and adrenaline that was burning through my body. Tears pricked behind my eyes as my emotions ping-ponged from anger to betrayal. Suddenly my breath was being stolen from me as a tight fist wrapped around my heart. It didn’t take long for Liam to notice me trying to catch it, panic laced across his face at a loss for what to do. He wrapped his arms around me protectively and I clawed away at them, feeling too suffocated to appreciate the gesture.
“Let… Go,” I gasped, pushing away at him. He finally complied and took a step back, raking his fingers through his hair.
I grabbed at my chest, forced to put too much effort into simply inhaling and exhaling.
What they did made my heart ache and squeeze, and once I came down from the adrenaline rush the panic of their attack sent me into, I knew I was going to crash back down into despair. I wasn’t sure if I could handle it alone this time, though.
Liam’s voice finally broke through the chaos in my mind. “Come with me, I want to take you somewhere.”
He grabbed my hand and I looked down at his large fingers as they wrapped around mine, dwarfing them. “Trust me,” he whispered, then he led me over to his truck parked across the street. I didn’t even notice it sitting there when I pulled up.
I hopped into his cab and we drove in the opposite direction of the city. I rocked back and forth in my seat, fighting hard to settle my breathing and regain composure. After today, I felt like I had no idea who could be trusted anymore. The knife in my back from the people who claimed to care about me most in the world was still dug in deep. But as I sat in the confined space with Liam, I felt the calm creeping in, settling down the chaos that was wreaking havoc on my mind and body.
His presence was like a blanket to my flames, snuffing them out until there was nothing but smoke left. One thing I could feel without a doubt in my wounded gut—what my instincts told me through my heightened senses was this: Liam was on my side and I could trust him with my life.