“Where’d you pick that one up?” Mom slurred, pulling the vodka bottle to her lips and taking a swig.
Her friend, Randy, reached his arm out toward the bottle, and she handed it over to him before he did the same. She looked over at him then and they both laughed a little too hard. I doubted he even knew what the fuck she was saying with how sloshed he was.
I was still in shock at the mere fact that she was here. She never bothered to make the drive, always complaining it took too long and there was nothing to do when she arrived. The closest bar was fifteen minutes away, and everyone on the lake knew her too well to bother getting close. Now, I couldn’t help but wonder how many other nameless men she had brought, tainting the last piece of my grandpa I had left.
“You’re not staying here,” I stated, leaving no room for argument.
She needed to leave, and the only way she was going to do that was by sobering up. I snatched the bottle from the coffee table as soon as Randy set it there, practically spilling it all onto the floor as he did so.
“I’m not going anywhere. This was my parents’ cabin, and they gave it to me, not you. So, you can take your girlfriend back home and go fuck yourselves,” my immature, petulant mother argued.
We both knew she could hear our conversation through the thin bathroom door, and I cringed at her listening to Mom’s harsh words. I hated the drunk woman who sat before me for how she was pulling Luna into her drama like some kind of pawn. It wasn’t the first time she’d spoken to me about her parents like that. As if we were children and I had stolen her favorite toy away from her.
“Fuck this,” I spat out, waving the vodka bottle in their faces to tease them before I walked it over to the sink and dumped it out.
If I knew Mom, she had a case of beer and another fifth to wash down her bottle of pills hidden around here somewhere, but she hated when I touched her vices. Addiction was a weakness she didn’t want exploited.
“How did you get the weekend off? And what the hell are you doing with this ass clown? Does Frank know you’re out here with him?” I questioned, embarrassed at the anger she so easily brought out in me.
Frank wasn’t good at sharing—everyone knew that—and her being with another man could put all our lives in jeopardy. The moment she opened her legs for him, she was his property, at least until he decided he was done and threw her away. I hoped that was what happened.
“Oh, don’t you dare try to speak to me about Frank. He’s looking for you, you know. So is Monti. You stirred some shit up between them with your little rogue visit. What the hell were you thinking? Couldn’t you have just left it alone? Things were working out just fine,” she slurred.
I had no way of knowing if her words held any truth. My phone hadn’t had signal since we’d pulled off the expressway the night before. Still, I wondered what kind of bullshit Monti spewed at his dad to get out of what I got him into.
“Karla, are you sure you don’t need me to teach this little fucker a lesson? He doesn’t seem to know how to treat his mother with respect,” Randy boldly piped up, earning the deadliest stare I could muster before he cowered back into the couch, shrugging his shoulders like he was at a loss for what to do with me to play off his fear.
“Where did you find this one?” I threw her words back at her, disgusted with the grateful look she was giving him for defending her honor.
“Oh, come on, Liam. You know Randy, he’s been around your entire life,” she slurred again, making a show of leaning back into her chair in defiance toward me. “He was your father’s friend.”
I didn’t know what she was talking about. I’d never met this man before in my life, but the evil look that crossed Mom’s face when she called him my father’s friend had my fists balling at my sides, red and white anger clouding my vision. Once again, she was using my weaknesses against me as if I was her enemy and not her own flesh and blood.
Randy confirmed her statement, chuckling to himself. “Hell yeah, I knew Jimmy. We did some crazy shit back in the day. It’s a shame he ran off on you and your mom the way he did; he was a good guy. I can’t believe you’re so grown up already.”
This man clearly didn’t know us that well, because he was repeating the story my grandparents told everyone when word got out about Mom being pregnant at seventeen, and then mentioned the fucker’s name like it was nothing. Growing up, saying Jimmy’s name was worse than any cuss word I could think of. Grams actually rinsed my mouth out with soap once when I used it in a fight with Mom.
It happened within seconds, although it felt like I was moving in slow motion as I pushed the coffee table aside and grabbed Randy’s neck with both my hands, lifting him from the couch so his feet dangled above the ground. Mom was screaming at me from my right side to put him down, and he struggled against my grip while I stared into his yellowed eyes, seething.
When his face turned a dark shade of blue, I finally loosened my grip, slamming the limp body back down into the couch. I hitched my arm back in preparation to beat the asshole’s face in but stopped when I felt a tiny hand tightly grip my left shoulder.
Slowly turning my head in blind rage, I expected to see Mom trying to stop me and I was prepared to push her away if she tried anything. Instead I was met with Luna’s widened brown eyes, her red lips begging me to stop. And despite the stubborn stiffening of her jaw, I could tell she was afraid of me, just like the first day in her bakery when we were left alone together. When she spoke, my anger melted away and guilt for the scene she was witnessing took its place.
“Let’s just go, Liam. We can let them have the cabin and we’ll go back to my apartment to calm down. He isn’t worth it… She isn’t worth it.”
She continued speaking reassurances in my ear until I brought my arm down and loosened my shoulders, rolling my head around to chase away the tension that was eating at me. I glanced back at Randy and my mother, returning their surprised expressions with a warning look, and then I turned to grab Luna in my arms.
We gathered our things silently as Mom tended to Randy on the couch. His neck was already turning black and purple, and he chugged rum straight from a bottle they had hidden away somewhere to numb the pain I was sure his old ass was feeling.
She would throw out little threats like, “I’m telling Joe about this,” and, “I hope Monti and Frank beat your ass,” in addition to some insults thrown at Luna that had me more pissed off than any threat she tried to use against me.
It didn’t take long to gather the small number of things we came out here with. Within minutes we were walking through the door wordlessly, leaving my mother behind with her indiscretions. Neither of us spoke until we reached the expressway.
“I’m really sorry about that,” I started, glancing over at Luna to find her staring out the passenger side window. When she refused to look over at me, I continued, “I didn’t want you two to meet that way.”
She sat for another long moment before mumbling, “You don’t have to apologize to me.”
“Like hell I don’t,” I argued, glancing between her and the road. “The way she treated you back there was unacceptable, and you didn’t deserve a word of it. If you hadn’t stopped me, that guy would be in the hospital and I’d be in a jail cell. Mom would probably be sitting right next to me.”
The mention of them brought my blood pressure back up. I couldn’t recognize the ghost that haunted Mom’s body anymore.
“I don’t know how I even did it. I was terrified to leave the bathroom, but I guess adrenaline kicked in and I pushed through it all.”
“I’m just glad we got out of there,” I replied, staring off onto the road.
Luna’s response was a nod as she stared back out her window, refusing to make eye contact with me again.
“Tell me about her,” she whispered after about five minutes, breaking the comfortable silence we sat in. Her left hand reached for my right, tangling our fingers together in her lap, indicating that she was past it enough to speak to me.
“What do you want to know?”
The question was inevitable, especially after the scene she had just witnessed. But I dreaded giving her the answers she was seeking. I purposely avoided the topic of my family every time we broached it, desperate to keep those skeletons hidden away in my closet for as long as possible.
“Everything, anything,” she answered.
I stared ahead, carefully contemplating my next words. I didn’t know how much she was expecting me to reveal. “She’s a bartender,” I finally said. “She likes to sing, and she’s a genius at math and science. Before she had me, she was accepted into a few good schools, but wanted to go to MIT.”
A proud smile spread across my lips as I repeated the words that had always been spoken to me in the past. I’d never met the scholarly, studious side of her, but Grams always spoke highly of it.
Grams never agreed with the negative relationship I had with Mom, so she took every opportunity she had to paint her in a positive light. One I was never able to see her in. When I was younger and naive, I used to dream of meeting the woman she was before she had me. I was still proud as hell that she was able to accomplish so much before I entered her life and ripped it to shreds. I knew now that the woman who came before me had disappeared as soon as I entered the world, leaving a soulless body behind.
“Did she end up going?”
I frowned, keeping my eyes trained on the road ahead of me to avoid her inquisitive stare.
“No, she couldn’t. I guess she was going to give it a try. The plan was to leave me here with my grandparents while she got her degree somewhere in the state. She was enrolled in some accelerated three-year Engineering program and everything but ended up dropping it all as soon as I was born.” I paused, slipping my right hand out of hers and placing it back onto the wheel.
The physical contact felt undeserved when I was exposing her to my dark side, giving her a glimpse of how I ruined the lives of everyone around me. I was no longer worthy of the comforting gesture.
“We both regretted that decision for a long time and it fueled our hate for my birth dad even more. I think Mom has a hard time getting past what she lost, and it clouds her vision toward everything she still has.”
Staring at me for a beat too long, Luna quietly spoke her thoughts out loud. “I can’t imagine growing up in a world where your father was such a villain and your mother blames you for her unhappiness. My parents tried for years to have me, and their gratitude for when I finally arrived shines through every memory I have with them. I’m so sorry… you deserved better, Liam.”
I shrugged my shoulder. What was I going to do about it now? There was no sense dwelling on it, and I didn’t deserve as much as she thought I did. I was a monster.
“Did she know your father?”
Now that the wound was ripped open, she wasn’t going to let me stitch it back up until she got the answers she wanted.
I nodded. “Yeah, he was my uncle’s best friend. They all grew up together. My uncle Joe left for State and Jimmy stayed back at community college. I guess he showed up at my mom’s window drunk one night and took what he wanted.”
After Grams died and I was left alone with Mom and her demons, I lay awake planning exactly what I would do if I ever ran into the bastard. He ruined her life, so she was ruining mine. The least I could do was ruin his, right? Once I joined the Reapers, they promised retribution—all we had to do was find him.
“Has she always been like that toward you?” she whispered, grabbing my hand back and holding it tightly in her small palms.
How was I supposed to answer that? Yes, she’s always hated me. The truth would only earn me more sympathy from her—sympathy I knew I didn’t deserve. After all, I still had the devil’s blood pouring through my veins.
“When my grandparents were still alive, they helped her out a lot, and Uncle Joe came back home after college instead of taking a job in New York like he originally planned. Mom and I didn’t start really fighting until I was fourteen and Gramps died, and then six months later we lost Grams. She started drinking more and we both had already lost so much, neither of us could stand the other for a while.
“She had me too young. Her parents took on so much of the responsibilities with me that, sometimes, the lines got blurred between our roles as parent and child. We figured it out eventually, and Uncle Joe offered me a job at the shop so I could get out of the house more.” And then he got me into the Reapers and my free time dried up.
I left out that it was me who was responsible for both of my grandparents’ deaths, and Mom reminded me of that fact every day since. If it weren’t for me coming into their lives, they would still be here.
“So, your grandparents helped raise you? What were they like?”
My chest ached when the memories came swarming in. I should have never started answering her questions in the first place. She was forcing me to drudge up a past I had locked away years ago, throwing away the key and burying the evidence. I didn’t earn the pleasant childhood they provided me with, and guilt overcame me whenever I allowed myself to think about them. But the words came out too easily with Luna, and just like with everything else, I quickly gave in to her.
I slipped up last night and told her I loved her. Even worse, she said it back. It’s not like I lied—I really was fucking head over heels in love with her, despite how much I fought it. The problem was that, just like Grams and Gramps, I wasn’t worthy of her loving me back, and I knew it would end up biting me in the ass down the line.
How am I going to get out of this with her alive? I wasn’t. But I wanted it anyway.
My voice sounded foreign when it filled the cab of the truck, readily offering details about a past life I fought hard to forget. “Yeah, I guess they did. Mom was around, but they did most of the teaching and raising. Gramps is the one who taught me and Uncle Joe everything we know about working on cars. He opened the shop right after he and Grams got married and he wanted my uncle Joe to take it over when he retired, but Joe wanted to be a lawyer or an accountant or some shit in a big city instead. I guess I kind of ruined that for him, too, although he’ll never admit it. Now he runs the business and I manage the guys in the shop… It works out.”
“Please don’t do that,” Luna insisted, pulling our hands up to her chest and squeezing them against her heart. I could feel it pounding in her chest. “Please don’t blame yourself for what goes wrong in everyone’s lives. You do that with me, too. We’re all so lucky to have you, Liam. Each and every one of us.”
She was wrong. No one deserved the shit-storm I brought to them, leaving disaster in my wake everywhere I went. Out of habit, I ground my teeth together and refused to look at her face while she stared me down.
“I’m serious,” she insisted, dropping my hand and turning her body to face me in the seat. “You fix the broken pieces of everyone around you and make them whole again, just like you did with me. You saved me, and I’m willing to bet you could have saved your mom, too. If she ever gave you the chance.”
I stole a glance toward her, quickly looking away when I saw the unshed tears glistening in her eyes. She was wrong. I didn’t save her.
Luna didn’t need saving. She needed someone to be there to support her while she put the pieces of herself back together after Cooper ripped them apart. She needed someone who appreciated the final product. She did all the saving on her own. I just enjoyed the view while it happened.
“I couldn’t save my grandparents,” I admitted.
Her brows came together. “How did they die?”
I killed them. “It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that they’re gone and I, Mom, and Joe are all that’s left.”
We sat in comfortable silence again for a few miles before Luna spoke again. “Where are you going to go?”
“I’ll just go home. It’ll be fine.”
To be honest, I had no idea what Mom would do at this point, and I didn’t want to have to worry about it anymore. She turned against me the second I told Frank I was out, and I wasn’t even sure if I could trust her anymore. The only reason I was still living with her was to protect her from herself, but lately that had been making things worse. I needed to get out of there soon.
“Well,” Luna slowly started, toying with the hem of her shirt. “You can stay with me for a while. We can stop by your house and grab a few things if you’d like.”
I considered the offer, carefully rolling the idea around in my head while silence fell over us like a thick blanket. I’d never gotten to this step with a woman, and I wasn’t sure if we were in enough of a relationship to even give each other labels like girlfriend and boyfriend, let alone live together. Are we ready? No. But it’s not like I’d technically be moving in, just crashing while I figured out my next step.
My initial instinct was to run in the other direction, hiding from commitment like I always had in the past. Yet, things were different with Luna, and they had been from the beginning. Would it really make that much of a difference in our relationship if I moved my things into her place and started sleeping there? Hell yeah, it would. But would that stop me? Hell no.
Memories of the night before filled my mind and my pants grew tighter when the blissful look on Luna’s face while she came on me appeared behind my eyes. That was by far the sexiest thing I had ever witnessed, and if moving in with her meant more of that, I was all in.
I was still quietly mulling it over when Luna took my silence as resistance and nervously laughed.
“Yeah, that was a crazy idea, I’m sorry. We’re clearly not ready for that step. Well, I guess you could get your own apartment, right? We can look into my apartment complex, or somewhere closer to the shop if you’d like that…” She rambled on nervously.
I smiled toward her, earning a confused look before I finally put her out of her misery. “I’ll stop at my house to grab a few things.”
She stared at me, clearly unsure if she’d even heard me right. A sexy smirk broke across her face before she slapped me on the shoulder.
Once she got into her own car, I checked my phone for the first time since dinner yesterday, not surprised that Mom didn’t even try to reach out before she ambushed us at the cabin. I did have a text from Lynn’s number, begging to confirm that her daughter was still alive after I ‘dragged her out of her house.’
Drama. I responded with a quick reassurance that she was safe.
Luna was like a drug—one I knew I wouldn’t ever be strong enough to walk away from. I knew I had to treat her with respect from the beginning and she wasn’t just some cheap hookup. My dumbass didn’t even care, and I kept going back for more. Now, she was ingrained inside me, filling every empty space she could fit in. She gave me hope for better things, and I was still trying to figure out if it was real or just a fucked-up illusion.