I was falling for him, hard and fast.
Yet slowly and gently at the same time.
No one had ever brought the feelings Liam brought out in me before, and I was afraid I didn’t know how to handle the intensity of them. From fear, to anger, to passion, Liam showed me that maybe I wasn’t numb to everything—just the things I tried too hard to hold onto from the past.
I was still terrified, nasty seeds of doubt constantly sprouting in my brain about him, his connection to Cooper, and his intentions with me. Was I even ready for something like this? Most likely not, but I threw all that out the window the moment I let his lips crash into mine and change me forever.
For whatever reason, this brooding, closed-off man decided to spend his nights with me. Whether it was because of pity over a night he felt responsible for, or utter loneliness and a lack of alternatives—I didn’t care. For once, I was being reckless and impractical. A lifetime of being careful and average got me nowhere.
It was like he knew my every need before I did, and he catered to them so effortlessly without even speaking or touching me. I sometimes think back to when he walked into my bakery like he owned the place, terrifying me in the process. How foolish had I been to fear the one person who turned out to be my only safe place?
Let that be a testament to my lack of ability to filter through the bad and good in my life.
He was nothing like the men I attracted in the past, and the dark intensity he carried around would have had me running for the hills before. My judgmental attitude would have steered me away from the tortured, hard man, instead of embracing him like I was now.
But under his tough exterior, Liam Baker was everything good in the world, therefore making him everything I didn’t deserve. I was damaged, and I would likely destroy the people I loved the most. I couldn’t stand the thought that he might fall under that category.
I feared that letting him go would leave me empty and isolated, trying unsuccessfully to continue reviving the dead girl I once was.
Keeping him meant I was giving up on my old self.
The decision left my head spinning.
So, I kissed him, after I finally allowed myself to cry. I cried for the girl I used to be, the one my parents and friends lost and tried so desperately to hold onto. I cried for Liam, and the fact he felt any responsibility to me the night of my attack and thought he needed to apologize for it. Then, I cried for myself, and the life I lost when Cooper pushed me into my Jeep and stole everything from me.
Liam was uncomfortable with my breakdown, but he still held me and rocked my body against his, offering a silent comfort only he could. Being in his arms felt so natural to me and I wanted to melt into his body and stay there as a permanent fixture of his soul.
I selfishly took everything I could from him to fill the void I felt within myself. He gladly handed it over to me, allowing me to hold onto the lead so as not to push past my boundaries. Anyone with two eyes and a brain could see he was attractive, and his rough exterior most likely had women offering themselves to him in any way they could. I was average, even less than with my demons, and I imagined my boring looks didn’t measure up to anything he was used to attracting. Still, he kissed me back, sending shivers down my body.
No matter how deep I fell, he was always there to catch me. I wondered if I could ever give myself to him as freely as he did to me, or if I would be too damaged to take it further than the tender, desperate kisses we’d shared. I decided I would take advantage of my time with him while I had it—until he realized how far gone I was and walked away like everyone else was.
The night before, Cara stopped by my apartment unannounced after I dodged her phone calls and responded to her text messages with one-word answers, if at all. I didn’t trust myself to remain friendly around her after Liam validated my negative feelings. I needed to work through my thoughts before attempting to continue with our friendship if I didn’t want it to end in a blow-out. There were times I grew tired of holding the burden alone on my back, and I considered opening myself to Cara. I always boomeranged back to keeping it to myself and ended up resenting her more in the process.
“Did you forget to pay your phone bill or something? Why don’t you answer my calls anymore?” she huffed as she pushed her way into my apartment. Daisy didn’t even bother greeting her. She knew better than to try and stop Cara.
“I’ve just been busy at the bakery. You know that.” I closed my front door and followed behind her.
The flood of business Lunar Creations has received served as a perfect excuse to get me out of everything I didn’t want to do, and I was going to milk it for as long as I could.
Cara sat down on the couch, not even bothering to take her shoes or coat off. “Something tells me that you ignoring me has nothing to do with the bakery.”
A quick glance into her glossy eyes told me she was high on something. I took in her full appearance, surprised she even left the house with her hair in a messy nest on top of her head and sweatpants covering her legs. Cara Reynolds never left the house in sweats. Even when she worked out, it was in fashionable leggings.
“Are you on something?” I asked. It came out as an accusation rather than a question. She was definitely high.
“It’s nothing.” She waved her hand in my face. “Just something to take the edge off.” She looked down and wrung her hands out in her lap nervously. “I’ve been trying to call you for days, Luna. I needed you.”
I took a seat next to her and placed my hands over hers to get her to stop, softening my words before I spoke. As frustrating as it was to have her here, invading my personal space, I’d never seen her like this. Something was obviously wrong. “What happened?”
Tears started falling from her glazed eyes immediately. “I lost my job.” Her gaze left our hands to cut over to me, making sure she had my full attention.
“I met up with Preston at Club 9 a few weeks ago, after you started bailing on me every weekend.” She sniffed dramatically, attempting to dig the knife in my gut. The joke was on her—I didn’t feel a shred of remorse about that. Preston was her manager, and a man she’d always despised as far as I knew.
“One thing led to another, and we started hooking up. I swear, I had no idea he was married! But his wife found out, and she reported us to corporate after keying my car and burning all his belongings like a total psycho bitch. We both got cut three days ago… Apparently, it’s against corporate policy to have sexual relations with your boss.”
Her eyes rolled to the ceiling before falling back down to her hands, playing the part of the innocent victim to perfection. I couldn’t help the doubt creeping in around her words as they fell from her lips. It all seemed too theatrical, too staged. What was her angle?
I narrowed my gaze, eyebrows scrunched together in disbelief. Rendezvous with a married man? Showing up blown out of her mind? Who was this woman sitting in front of me, and what did she do with my sweet Cara?
I stopped myself at that thought. She could say the same about the shell that had replaced her friend.
“Well, aren’t you going to say something? I need your help, Luna! What do I do?”
She was angry now, frustrated with me for not playing my part in her dramatic storyline. I looked back into her dilated eyes, my shoulders lifting in a shrug.
“I really don’t know what you can do, Cara. Are you still seeing him?”
She lifted her body from the couch, pacing the short path in front of the coffee table. Her erratic behavior was beginning to scare me. I didn’t have much experience dealing with someone who was on drugs harder than what was passed around at college parties, but I’d watched Dateline before. If I didn’t put a cap on this, I’d end up headlining the evening news for being stabbed to death with a Pier One Imports candle holder by my best friend.
“Of course! We’re in love… I want you to meet him. I know you would love him, too. He takes such good care of me. He even makes sure I never have to pay for anything when we go out.” She didn’t say the words, but they were there. He paid for whatever drugs she’d been taking, too.
“But now that we both lost our jobs, money has been tight. You know I would never ask unless I was truly desperate. I need help, Luna. You’re the only person I can go to.”
I remained quiet as I took in the scene playing out in front of me, trying to connect the dots between the stranger in my apartment and the woman I called my best friend only a few short months ago. How did she spiral so quickly?
Every word that fell from her mouth tonight seemed like a glaring lie. Her engineer father had always been well-off, his yearly earnings doubling my parents’ salaries put together, and growing every year. She wasn’t one to throw it in anyone’s faces, but Cara’s family was rich, especially since her mom bailed and freed up all her dad’s money to invest and put toward her trust fund. If she was asking me for money, something must have happened between her and her father.
She barely noticed my silence, continuing out loud with her scattered thoughts like I wasn’t even there.
“Oh, we should double date! Your mom told me about the guy who’s been hanging around the bakery every night.” She gave me a knowing look, arching a sly brow. “I know he’s the reason you aren’t answering my calls anymore. I want to meet the mystery man who’s forcing my best friend to ditch me every weekend. He must be a real winner to be so worthy of your precious time,” she spewed, pouting her lips.
I felt the anger slowly boil in my stomach, snaking its way into my chest and bleeding up to my heated cheeks. I snuffed it down as best as I could, though. She was clearly going through something. The last thing she needed was an argument with me to push her over the line. I just had to get her out of here before she took it that far.
The old Luna would have stiffened up from the accusations, stopping her right in her drowsy tracks. But standing there before her, gazing into her droopy eyes, I didn’t feel the same pull toward confrontation. Just like everything else from before, it just didn’t feel worth it to me. I wanted her out of my space, and I wanted to do that through the path of least resistance.
Which was why I found myself swallowing down my pride and the aching need to defend myself and Liam, clenching my fists at my sides as my voice came out in a soft, calming tone.
“We’ll figure something out,” I assured, catching her pacing form by the arm and wrapping her in a half-hug that had my insides burning. I hated the physical contact, but it was a means for survival. If I could get her out of here, I could return to the small sense of peace I found in my tiny apartment.
She yanked herself away from my grasp, rearing her head back as if I had just slapped her. “No, Luna. There’s nothing to figure out. I just need to borrow some cash until I can get my own in order. You know I’m good for it.”
The stranger watched me with heated eyes, her brows pulling together in a condescending scowl. “It’s not that hard,” she bit out.
What was the protocol here? I’d never dealt with someone as desperate as she looked right now, but I knew she had a temper. If I didn’t gain control of this situation soon, she was going to turn on me.
My eyes fell to my hands as I nervously picked at my nonexistent cuticles. I really didn’t have any money to spare, and I never carried cash, so it wasn’t like I could give her anything right now.
“Well, how much do you need?” I asked, hating that my voice was so tiny and meek. I should be kicking her ass out the door for putting me in this position.
“Not much, just a couple thousand to cover rent and other bills.”
I let out an incredulous laugh. She had to be kidding. Yet, the hard look she was fighting to maintain through her droopy high told me she was dead-ass serious. Her eyebrows rose expectantly while she waited for my answer.
My head shook back and forth, my face twisted in disbelief. “I don’t have that kind of money. It’s all tied up in the bakery—you know that.”
Cara huffed out a breath and stormed over to the couch where her purse was, rolling her eyes as best as she could with the little control she had over them. She wobbled a bit, almost losing her balance before tucking her purse under her arm. I remained silent, angrily biting my cheeks to avoid saying something I would regret later. The person in front of me wasn’t Cara.
“Whatever, Luna. I thought I could count on you, but once again, you’re nothing but a disappointment. It’s time to get off your high horse and join the rest of us on the ground. You’re not better than us, and your life is going to be pathetic and lonely so long as you ignore everyone who cares about you.”
With that, she walked out and slammed my apartment door, practically shaking the entire building in her wake. I fought to gain control of my anger, walking around my apartment and focusing on breathing techniques I learned in the posh yoga classes Cara forced me into a few years back. Nothing worked. I felt betrayed by everyone I loved, all of whom found no problem talking behind my back.
What was she even talking about? When had I ever disappointed her? And who did my mom think she was, spreading false information about Liam and me? Or talking to Cara about my life in general? And who did Cara think she was, bursting into my apartment demanding money and sympathy? As if I was some superhero that should be there to rescue everyone before they destroyed their own lives. Where was my superhero?
My pacing stopped, and I fell to the couch, nearly crushing Daisy beneath me. Liam’s face popped into my mind and all my anger dissipated, fear quickly replacing it. Liam was trying to be my superhero in his own twisted way, and I was fighting him. I couldn’t let myself trust a man who was so closely tangled to the one who’d destroyed my life just a few months ago.
Although, deep down, I wanted to. I wanted to give up the fight and allow someone to take over the hurt and the pain that seeped into my life that night Cooper attacked me. I wanted a break from it all, if only for a few moments.
Liam was more than willing to do that, trying to take on what he could—as much as I would allow him to take. Our nightly talks were the only thing I had at this point. I knew that if I just let him in a little bit, he might be able to pull me above the surface and breath air into my lungs again.
I lay back on the couch and curled into myself, trying my best to keep the demons at bay before succumbing to sleep. And that was exactly why I had broken the moment he’d stormed into my kitchen the following night.