Alex working at the restaurant was supposed to be a summer job, but we were more than halfway through the school year and she was still working there. Not sure exactly why she still did, but I assumed it had something to do with me.
At least I hoped it did.
I started looking at colleges to apply to. After much thought and serious consideration, I decided that I wanted to get the hell out of Oak Island and North Carolina in general. I didn’t foresee anything changing between Alex and I. I imagined it would be easier if I didn’t have to see her every day. I knew her and Cole were getting closer because the boys talked about it. For some unknown reason, they fucking liked him, too. I figured it was only a matter of time before they started dating.
I sure as shit wasn’t going to stand by and watch that happen. One more year and I could get the fuck out of here, away from her and the inevitable fact that they might actually end up together.
I sat looking at colleges with the boys at our usual table, even though I tried to avoid being in situations where we were near each other. I expected the boys to call me out on it, but they never did. I blamed it on us being busy with our own lives and deciding where we would be going to college since it was fast approaching.
“Hey,” Alex said to all of us, but I couldn’t look up from the catalog in front of me. There was too much that would be written all over my face. I felt her eyes on me nonetheless.
Maybe she didn’t have that problem.
It hurt either way.
“I’ll put in your usual’s,” she added.
“Don’t bother with mine. I’m not hungry,” I replied, turning the page and not paying her any mind.
She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to. I already knew what she thought. She knew I loved it when she fed me, I told her often. When I heard her footsteps leave I finally looked up and right at Aubrey, who sat in front of me, scowling.
I raised an eyebrow and cocked my head to the side, and she challenged me right back like she knew. I immediately looked over at the boys, alarmed that they were staring at me the same way but they weren’t. I locked eyes with Aubrey again and she shook her head no, silently answering my question.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” she said to Dylan, but it was really meant for me.
I waited a few minutes, debating on what to do. In the end, my curiosity peeked more than my reasoning, and I followed her down the hall.
“Stop being a dick to her,” Aubrey roared from behind me. She hid behind a blocked wall by the payphone. No one could see us unless they needed to use the phone.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I questioned, taken aback.
“You know what I’m talking about. Stop being an asshole for no fucking reason, Lucas. Do you not realize that you’re losing her more by doing so? You’re just pushing her into Cole’s arms, you fucking idiot!” she shouted too damn close to my face.
My eyes widened, she had never spoken to me like that. Come to think of it, I had never heard her speak to anyone, including Dylan like that.
“I know, okay? I’m not stupid, and no Alex didn’t tell me. I’ve known pretty much since Dylan and I started dating.”
“Does Dylan—”
“No. None of them do. I know how he would feel about it, though. I mentioned it one time randomly, and he threw a fucking fit about it. Saying some shit about how it would be incest and wrong. I don’t know, I tuned him out half the time because I was so pissed he felt that way in the first place. I’ve been around the boys to know that they would not have it, especially Jacob. I can’t even mention your names in that way without pissing him off. He thinks she deserves Prince Charming, and you’re not him.” She crossed her arms and glared me up and down.
“But now that you’re acting like a dick, I kind of agree with him. You wouldn’t be treating her like this if you loved her the way I know you do.”
I scoffed. “Don’t talk about things you have no clue about, Aubrey.”
“I don’t? Really? This started after Cole came in the picture. You lost your shit and now you’re not speaking, and you’ve become a total man whore and it’s disgusting. Alex isn’t even dating him,” she justified by stomping her foot on the ground.
“They’re just friends. She watched you for years having sex with Stacey, and now she’s watching you have sex with half the female population of our school. How is that fair to her?”
“Aubrey,” I warned. She pushed my last nerve.
“Don’t Aubrey me! You’re being an asshole, and she doesn’t deserve it! I’m rooting for you guys, I really am. But, the more you keep acting like this, the more I want her to be with Cole, and I don’t even know him, Lucas. I know you!” She shoved her finger in my chest.
“And the Lucas I know wouldn’t be acting like a fucktard, like you are. Get your shit together or else you’re going to dig yourself into a deeper hole and not be able to find your way out.” She took a deep breath, composing herself and then turned around and left.
I stood there completely stunned for a few seconds. I knew how the boys felt about it, but her knowing is what shocked me. Had we been that transparent? I thought about the last few months, how everything she said was true. In the back of my mind, I always knew that. I walked back to the table with a heavy heart and a guilty conscience. Alex laid all of our orders on the table. When I sat down, she was about to leave.
“I changed my mind.”
She stopped dead in her tracks, turning to face me. The surprised expression was evident on her face when she realized I held her stare. I don’t remember the last time I truly looked at her. Her hair was longer, lighter from the sun and had a tint of red in it. She wore more eye makeup, more than I had ever seen her wear before. She appeared older in some ways. Her lips were still glossy and shiny, just the way I remembered them.
I immediately remembered the taste of them.
She appeared sad, and it was then that I sincerely grasped how much of what Aubrey argued was true.
“I’ll take my usual, Alexandra.”
It was the first time I called her that in a natural way. She somehow managed to grow up during the school year, which was almost over.
My Half-Pint was gone…
Though it made me upset.
I also realized my brown-eyed girl was still here.
That was clear as day.
I wearily smiled. “Coming right up.”
I didn’t think twice about it. I didn’t want to get my hopes up only for them to be shot down with disappointment. I wasn’t expecting anything to change between us just because he ordered a meal from me. He could have just been trying to be friendly or cordial. The boys left, but he hovered around until the end of my shift.
“How you been gettin’ home?” he asked as I looked up at him after clocking out on my timecard.
“My bike, sometimes one of the boys pick me up, or my parents,” I shyly responded, bowing my head not knowing how to feel comfortable in my own skin.
“I can take you home. We could put your bike in the bed of my truck.”
I thought about it for a second. “Umm, you don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
That had made me look up at him. “Why now?” I blurted.
He grimaced, it was quick, but I saw it. “Can’t we just start over?”
“I don’t want to start over, Bo.”
His eyebrows curled toward his nose, only this time he didn’t try to hide it.
“You’ve been ignoring me for months. I mean the school year’s almost over and you’ve maybe said a handful of words to me. Only when the boys were around, so I know it wasn’t for me.”
He softly chuckled. “Still the same blunt girl as always, I see.”
I didn’t falter. “Did you think I would change? Am I supposed to?”
“I don’t know, Alexandra. I really don’t.”
“Why do you keep calling me that?”
“It’s your name.”
“Not to you.”
His head cocked to the side and one arm folded over the other in defiance. His eyes shifted up to the ceiling briefly and then to me. The sneer on his face accented his rebellious stance and so did his words.
“Just to Cole then,” he coldly snickered.
I didn’t want to play this game with him. I’d rather him continue to disregard me than to have him hurt me on purpose.
“I don’t need a ride. Thanks anyways. I guess you could go back to chasin’ tail and ignoring me.”
“Is that what you want?” His demeanor changed again, and I swear the wind picked up around us even though we were inside, and I knew that wasn’t possible.
I stepped back, walking away. “Bo wouldn’t have to ask me that. When you find him, you let me know.” I turned not waiting to see the expression on his face.
It was easier just to leave.
The hurricane behind me.
***
“I plan to kidnap you the entire summer. You are aware of that, right?” Cole reminded over the phone.
I laughed. He had been repeating this a lot over the last few days and it never got old. It still made me laugh. He always made me laugh.
“I thought the point of kidnapping was not to tell anyone?”
“This is a different kind. I need you willing, Darlin’.”
I rolled my eyes even though it still made my belly flutter when he called me that. “Whatever.”
“Alexandra, is that hesitation I hear in your voice? Don’t pretend you’re not excited to see me. I know you are.”
“Oh do you now? Why is that?”
“I can tell. I have powers when it comes to you. You were made for me.”
I shook my head, amused. “God, laying it on thick tonight, huh? Are you bored, Cole?” I asked while rolling onto my belly and elbows, and putting my cell phone on speaker.
He chuckled. “Oh, I’m laying it on somewhere—”
“COLE!” I blushed.
For some reason I knew he was rolling onto his back. Maybe it was because of the way his tone changed, it was heavier. He let out a big, throaty laugh.
“I like you, Alexandra. When a guy likes a girl he pays attention to the little things, and you, Darlin’, are very easy to read. As much as you want to pretend that you don’t feel something for me, I know the truth and one day, I’ll prove it to you. I’m not going anywhere, I’ll wait as long as it takes.”
I beamed. I couldn’t help it.
“You know the first thing I’m going to do when I see you?”
“Flirt with me?” I sassed.
“That’s the second. The first is to pull you up into my arms and spin you around until you tell me to stop. Will you tell me to stop, Alexandra?” he rasped.
My heart pounded in my chest with heavy thumps, and I rolled onto my back in some awkward position. My eyes landing on his, sitting right on my nightstand, wrapped in a black frame. The photo of Lucas and I stared me right in the face.
“What time do you land?” I asked, changing the subject. I had to.
“Two in the afternoon and you already know that,” he paused as he debated on what to say. If there was one thing I knew about Cole, it was that he always spoke his mind, no matter what.
“What took away my happiness, Darlin’? I can hear it in your voice.”
Sometimes I hated that he was so perceptive.
“Is it Lucas?”
Over the past few months, I started opening up to him. I told him as much as I could about Lucas and I. He always listened, never saying anything bad about him. I wouldn’t let him if he tried.
“Something like that,” I simply replied. “I’m fine.”
“Now that I’m aware of.”
I giggled. I loved the ability of being able to go from a serious conversation to a light one with him. It was never like that with Lucas.
“I’m really glad I met you, Cole.”
“Good, so I’ll see you tomorrow?”
I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “You land at two o’clock, and I will see you at two forty-five at the lighthouse. I’m bringing lunch and a smile.”
“Promise?”
“Cross my heart.”
“Sweet dreams, Darlin’, and by that I mean me.”
“Goodnight, Cole,” I chuckled.
I instinctively grabbed the picture of Lucas and me from my nightstand as I hung up. We talked when we were around the boys. And he said hello when he passed me in the halls at school. But that pretty much summed up our relationship. School had been over for two weeks now and nothing really changed between us.
I hated it. I hated it so much. The worst part was that there was nothing I could do to fix us. His extra-curricular activities seemed to die down or maybe he hid it from me. I silently hoped it had something to do with me, and what I had said to him.
That maybe I made a difference in how he acted. I wasn’t giving up hope, but I wasn’t going to hold my breath either. At times, I swore I could feel his eyes on me or maybe it was just wishful thinking. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t easier to distract myself with Cole. Everything with him came easy. I truly loved that about him. Cole was a nice change in pace from the hurricane that constantly surrounded Lucas.
I wish I could tell you that my feelings for him went away, that I woke up one morning and they had vanished. Gone like the wind. They didn’t. I started to wonder if they ever would, and to be honest I wasn’t prepared for them to leave me anyway. It had become a part of me. He was ingrained. Etched somewhere deep in my heart. Every day it got a little easier not having him around me, but then there would be times like this where my heart physically ached for him in ways that made it hard to breathe.
I hit send on my phone before I even realized it, and then I heard his voice.
“Alexandra?” he answered. It only added salt to my open wounds when he addressed me by my full name. Which was the complete opposite feeling when Cole called me that. I loved it.
“Hey,” I breathed out.
“Are you okay?”
Silence.
“You haven’t called me in a long time,” he added, his voice breaking.
More silence.
“Are you there?”
“Yeah…” I started to panic. I wasn’t prepared for whatever attitude he would throw toward me. I didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry I called. I’m sorry for bothering you.” I was about to click end.
“I’m not,” he stated, making me hover my finger over the button.
“Do you want to hang out tomorrow? I miss you,” he paused, letting his words sink in. “I miss us,” he coaxed, catching me completely off guard.
“I could pick you up. Our abandoned house probably misses us,” he chuckled, trying to break the tension. Though I could hear the strain in his tone. “I could pick you up around two.”
My heart dropped.
“Half-Pint…”
It now shattered, along with my hope for things to change.
“Please. I’m sorry for everything. You know that, right?”
“Wednesday,” I blurted with my heart in my throat. “You could pick me up from work.”
I immediately noticed that his breathing became heavier, deeper. He hesitated for a few seconds. Talking to Cole on the phone for months made me realize how much you could learn about a person just by being on the phone with them.
“Why not tomorrow?”
“Bo,” I pleaded. I didn’t want to tell him.
“Why. Not. Tomorrow?” he demanded, stressing every word.
“Cole gets into town tomorrow and I promised him—”
He scoffed in disgust, cutting me off. “Is that right? Well then by all means, Alexandra, I wouldn’t want you to keep Cole waiting or anything. Seeing as he’s so important to you.”
“That’s not—”
“I… haven’t spent time with you in months. Months. Fuck,” he seethed. “You know what? Fuck it. Have a great time.”
“Bo—” The call ended.
And for the first time I felt like it mimicked our friendship.