“Holy shit!” I cussed with my mouth wide open.
They immediately stepped away from each other, both of their hands in the air.
“Oh my God! Lucas is going to kill you. He’s going to murder you and hide the body. I’m going to know about it, I’m going to be an accomplice!” I shouted.
“Shhh...” Jacob hushed, pulling me inside and shutting the door behind him. “It’s not what you think.”
“Not what I think? Did I not just walk in on you kissing Lucas’s baby sister? His sixteen-year-old sister! Oh my God, Jacob, you’re twenty-three! You could go to jail. Please tell me that’s all you guys are doing!”
“Shhh… calm down, someone will hear you,” he silenced again.
“That’s what you’re concerned about?!”
“Alex, I love him,” Lily chimed in, grabbing my arm to look at her. “I’ve always loved him.”
“Lillian, stop saying that. You don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t even know what that means,” he ordered in a demanding tone like this wasn’t the first time he had heard it.
“You love me, too! You just can’t say it out loud,” she replied, ready for battle.
This was all too much for me. I had to sit down before my legs gave out from under me.
“Stop! I mean it,” he urged in a desperate voice.
“Stop what? The truth? You wouldn’t keep kissing me if you didn’t love me. Who cares about our ages, it’s just a fucking number.”
“Watch your mouth,” he demanded with a finger out in front of him.
“Screw you! You’re not my dad. I’m not a child.”
“Then stop fucking acting like one.”
“Oh my God.” The realization hit me. “She’s the girl, isn’t she? The one from last spring break? Jesus, how long has this been going on?” I asked, my wide eyes going back and forth between them.
“Nothing. Is. Going. On,” Jacob gritted out.
“Stop. Saying. That.” Lily clenched her fists at her sides, looking from him to me. “Why are you looking at us like that? You more than anyone should understand this.”
I immediately stood. “Me?” I argued. “What do I have to do with any of this?”
“You!” She pointed at me. “You love my brother, my brother loves you. You have loved each other since you were kids! The only reason you’re not together is because everyone else won’t mind their own goddamn business and just let it be. You would think you’re related or something. It’s so fucking stupid!”
“Lillian, watch your mouth,” Jacob scolded.
“Oh my God, fuck you! Are you going to stand there and pretend you’re not one of the main reasons they aren’t together? You have been butting into their business since the beginning. You all have. I’m over it. It’s stupid. They love each other, exactly the way we do! Except you can’t get over the fact that I’m Lucas’s sister. Who cares? I don’t and neither should you.”
I shook my head, stepping back.
“You more than anyone can understand what it’s like, Alex. Please don’t stand there and be all judgmental, age is just a number. I’ve grown up with these boys as much as you have. It’s not like he's old enough to be my father or anything, now that would be gross.”
“Lily, it’s against the law,” I reminded.
“Fuck the law,” she let out.
Jacob was over to her in two strides. “I will not tell you again. Watch your fucking mouth.”
She put her hands up in the air. “You know what, you two can stay in here and wallow in all this negative energy. I’m not going to stand by and allow it to effect me. I know you’ll come find me, Jacob, because you LOVE me! So let’s see who’s right and who’s wrong. I guarantee you that I won't be waiting long, stew on that for a little bit.” She turned and left.
I sat down again, resting my elbows on my legs and laying my head in my hands. Neither one of us said anything for the longest time. My head hammered with the silence. I thought back on all the times I saw her take his ball cap off his head and one day he just started putting it on her himself. It was such a meaningless gesture but it seemed to be significant to them.
“I don’t know how it happened, Alex. I swear to God I don’t. One second she’s five years old running around in pigtails and then the next she’s sixteen. I tried. I tried like hell to ignore it. To ignore her, but you know Lily, she does what she wants, exactly like her brother. After your accident, she started opening up to me, and I let her because she was a kid and she needed a friend. I liked being around her, she reminded me so much of you. I don’t fucking know,” he sighed.
“Have you?”
“Fuck. No. All we do is kiss and that sounds a lot worse than it is. We’ve kissed a few times and it didn’t start till her sixteenth birthday. I swear to God that girl is like a tornado and I can’t help but be sucked in.”
I raised my eyes, blown away from his analogy, it being so close to mine for Lucas.
“I just turned twenty-three and she’s going to be seventeen soon. I know that doesn’t make it any better, I know it doesn’t make it right. Fuck, Half-Pint, she’s not wrong. I think I’m in love with her, how fucked up is that?”
I watched him pace around the room until he finally stopped and sat down in the desk chair, facing me, hunched forward with his arms on his legs.
“I have no idea what to say,” I softly said.
“I’m sorry, Alex. All these years, all I’ve ever done is… I mean… with Lucas and you… I just. Fuck… this is my fucking karma.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out.
“I know, you don’t have to say it. I know.”
“Does anyone know?”
“Of course not.”
“What are you doing in her room? You know that could have been Lucas walking in here. Do you have any idea how bad he’s going to beat you for this? Oh my God, Jacob, he’s going to murder you.”
He lowered his eyes and peered at the ground, rubbing his hair back and forth like he wanted to tear it out. “I know. You have no idea how many nights I’ve lost sleep because of this. I need to get away from her. It’s one of the reasons I’m applying to law school so far away. I need to put distance between us.”
“Does she know?”
He shook his head.
“Oh man…”
“I’ve made my bed and now I have to lie in it. This is the only thing I can do to make things right.”
“She’s going to hate you.”
“It is what it is, I can’t keep leading her on like this. I am sending mixed signals all the time, but I can’t help it. I can’t explain it either.”
“You don’t have to. I understand.”
“Half-Pint, it was never about you. It was Lucas. None of us thought he was right for you. You deserve, you deserve someone like Cole.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s in the past.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry if I ever influenced anything that caused you pain. I love you.”
I nodded. “I know. Everything happens for a reason,” I found myself saying again.
“You’re not going to tell—”
“I promise… but if this shit hits the fan, because it’s eventually going to, I’m going to claim I didn’t know anything. I'll pretend to be just as surprised as everyone else.”
He laughed and stood. “I’m going to—”
“Go.”
When he left, I realized Lily was right. It didn’t take long for him to go after her.
Proving that he really did love her.
After all.