The boys were coming in a few days to visit me in California over spring break. I bought a few air mattresses after I asked Aubrey if it was okay that they stayed with us. She said it didn’t bother her and that it was fine. Dylan said the same.
I didn’t understand either of them, after this trip I would understand them even less.
“Are you going to help me clean up or you just going to sit there and play Xbox?” I asked Cole who hadn’t moved from the couch.
“I knew I shouldn’t have let you bring that thing over here.”
“Darlin’, the guys are coming and you will be very grateful when they’re not bored out of their minds because they don’t have shit to do. Trust me, they don’t want to watch your Pretty Little Liars and Vampire Diaries.”
I shook my head. “That’s definitely not me, that’s Aubrey. I hate it as much as you do. Modern Family and Family Guy are more my style.”
“And that’s why I love you, Darlin’,” he stated as he enthusiastically moved about the couch shooting people.
He said it all the time now, like him telling me he was in love with me on the beach opened the door for him to say I love you whenever he wanted. I would be lying if I said it didn’t warm my heart every time I heard that sentiment coming from his lips. I had been giving us a lot of thought since Aubrey and I talked, but I just hadn’t worked up the courage to say what I wanted to yet.
“What are you stewing about over there?”
“How do you know I’m stewing?”
“Because you’re playing with the seam of the pillow and you only do that shit when you’re nervous.”
I smiled, laughing to myself. He wasn’t even looking at me and he still knew what I did, which helped ease the anxiety I felt about having this conversation with him.
“We need to talk.”
“Four words every man loves to hear.”
“Cole…”
“Okay.” He clicked save on the game and put the controller on the coffee table, turning to face me.
I moved from the armchair to the couch, sitting beside him with my legs tucked under me.
“What’s up?”
I took a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking.”
“About?”
“Us.”
He grinned, his dimples protruding profusely. “What about us?”
“I think that maybe we could hang out and stuff.”
“We do that all the time.”
“I mean… in other ways of hanging out. Like dates and stuff.”
He chuckled, beaming. “Are you asking me out, Darlin’?”
“Cole,” I whined, embarrassed and hiding my face in my hands.
He laughed again but this time it was much bigger and huskier. “Stop,” he ordered, pulling my hands down but not letting go of them. “Tell me.”
“I just did.”
“Why you being so shy?”
“I don’t know. Girls aren’t supposed to ask guys out, Cole.”
“Ah. Well then, let me rectify that. Alexandra, would you do me the honor of going out on a date with me?”
I smirked.
“And then letting me come back to your apartment to make out with you on your couch?” he added.
I giggled, “Maybe.”
“Maybe, huh? God, Darlin’, I had no idea you’d move so fast. I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”
“In all seriousness, I want to start fresh. I know that may be hard for you to understand, especially because we’ve already been intimate, but it’s what I need. I don’t want to talk about the past, I want to date and see where this goes. Can you do that?”
He thought about it for a few seconds before responding with, “Can we talk about it now? Then never speak of it again?”
I nodded. I owed him that.
“That night, it meant everything to me, and it still does. I know it didn’t happen under the best circumstances and a part of me feels shitty about taking advantage of you. I wish I could tell you I was sorry, but I’m not. Not even a little, I’m not going to lie to you, Darlin’. I’ve dated and I’ve been with other girls, but it’s never been anything serious. It’s always been you.”
I swallowed the saliva that pooled in my mouth, my heart bursting with the devotion and adoration he always had for me.
“I love you. I’m in love with you. I’ve known that since the first time you basically told me to eat shit.”
I laughed and he smiled. “But I’m not stupid, I know you’re doing this, moving on because of Lucas.”
I bowed my head and he placed his index finger under my chin and brought my gaze back up to him.
“And I don’t care. I’ll take you any way I can, even if I know I’m the second choice. It’s his loss and my gain.”
“I do love you, Cole, and that’s why I want to see where this can go.”
“I want to kiss you so fucking bad right now,” he groaned.
I didn’t give it any thought. I leaned forward and kissed him.
His lips were soft and smooth. When his tongue beckoned my mouth to open for him, I did, feeling the silkiness of Cole. Only Cole. Our kiss became heady and intoxicating. I felt him everywhere, even though he wasn’t touching me and it left me craving more. I never had that feeling with anyone but Lucas, and for the first time it didn’t scare me.
I didn’t want to push him away. I didn’t feel bad. I didn’t need to stop.
As our connection deepened, I realized for the first time there was love outside of Lucas, and I was ready to experience that.
With Cole.