“Dad, I come to work with you, tay?”
“Hmm, I think you’re still too small, bud.”
“I not small.”
“No, you’re not small. You’re a big boy now. Momma is on her way here. Oh! I think that’s her at the door.”
“Momma!” he shouted, running on his chubby little legs to the door.
“Mase!” I warned, coming up behind him.
“I know, I know. Who dis?” he asked through the door.
“It’s me, baby,” Stacey announced on the other side.
“It’s Momma,” he nodded like he told me so.
I helped him open the door and he jumped into her arms.
“Oh, little man, you are getting heavy, I’m not going to be able to carry you soon.”
“Momma,” he giggled into her neck, making us both laugh.
“Okay, okay, I’ll carry you as long as you want.”
“Come on in.”
“Your condo is always so clean, Lucas.”
“It helps when you have a cleaning lady.”
“Only you could say that and make it sound sexy.” She placed Mason on the ground and he took off running toward his room. I knew he wanted to show her the picture that he drew earlier.
“Want a drink?” I offered.
“Sure. I’ll take a water if you’re offering.”
“Water?” I arched an eyebrow. “What happened to the beer drinking girl I used to know?”
“She had a baby and grew up.”
I handed her bottled water, grabbing one for myself. We walked out onto the patio as the sunset loomed on the horizon, which always made for a scenic panoramic view over the water.
“This view is so breathtaking. It’s been a nice, calm summer. I still have a hard time believing Mason’s already three. He’s grown up so fast.”
I nodded, understanding. Not much had changed in the last two years. My company flourished which seemed to happen overnight. I rented a warehouse in South Port where I designed a few kitchen and bathroom mock-ups for potential clients, and my office manager did an amazing job running things so I could still get my hands dirty. I had several project managers that handled multiple developments, but I couldn’t sit behind a desk for more than a few hours without going stir crazy. I belonged in the field and I think my employees appreciated the modesty of it.
The only thing that really changed over the last two years was my mom’s health. It disintegrated with each passing day. She hated hospitals and refused to be admitted into a hospice. My dad hired a few nurses that helped when we had to work and couldn’t tend to her. It started to get harder though, as much as we tried to ignore it. We knew the end might be near soon.
Alex never moved back home after she graduated from college. Last I heard from Jacob was that she and Cole moved in together. They were renting a house on the beach in California, near Berkley, the law school he attended. I saw her a few times here and there, but we only exchanged a few words, nothing more than standard conversations.
She looked happy.
She seemed happy.
Jacob attended Stanford law school out in California, too, so he saw Alex every so often or so he said. He didn’t come home much. School and his internship took up most of his time. He was in a relationship with a girl named Beth that I hadn’t met yet. Though he thought about bringing her home for the holidays in the next few months. Dylan was in training for Special Ops and we got together every few weeks to shoot the shit. He dated some girls on and off but nothing serious, I think work took up most of his time and I believed that’s the way he wanted it. Now Austin, no one had seen or talked to him in years, other than his parents and those phone calls were few and far between.
“Whatcha thinkin’ about over there?” Stacey asked, nudging me with her shoulder.
“Not much.”
“When was the last time you surfed, Lucas?”
“Hmm…” I glanced at her.
“Surfing? When was the last time you hit the waves?”
“Oh.” It took me a minute to think about it. “God, years probably.”
“You worry me, between work, Mason, and your mom, that’s all you do. It’s not healthy. When’s the last time you did something for yourself?”
“I spent most of my life thinking about me and it got me nowhere. It’s probably a good thing that I take a step back from that.”
“Maybe a step back. Not miles upon miles.”
“I could say the same thing about you.”
“Yeah… about that… I uh… I’m sort of seeing someone.”
“Really?” I replied, taken aback.
“It’s new. He came into the office for some therapy. He’s the new soccer coach over at the high school, he moved here from Florida.”
After Stacey had Mason, she went back to school and became an occupational therapist assistant. She said she wanted to do something with her life, for Mason. He needed it and so did she. My dad helped her find a position with one of his physician friends.
I barely recognized her most days she changed so much.
“He’s nice, but I don’t want to read too much into it. Just in case.”
“I understand.”
“You know, I used to think we would end up together.”
I eyed her with caution. “Stacey…”
“I know. I’m not saying that I still expect that or anything, but a huge part of me wanted it to happen. I hope you don’t hate me for what I’m about to tell you. That night at the bar, I wanted to be with you. I knew you were drunk, I knew you were hurting.” She bowed her head. “I wasn’t that drunk. I wish I could tell you that I regret it, that I’m sorry for trapping you but I’m not. Not even a little and that may make me a horrible person, but Mason saved me. I wouldn’t give him up for anything in the world.”
I looked back over at the water, contemplating what to say to her. I wasn’t surprised by what she admitted. She didn’t have to tell me that, I already knew. I had known since the moment she showed me the positive pregnancy stick. I never thought she would actually admit it, though. I guess it showed how much she had really grown up. She was right about Mason he did save her and in a way he saved me, too. He stopped my hurricane, or maybe he was the quiet before the storm. Whatever it might be, he paused the chaos around me, and for that I would always be grateful to her.
“You know we’ve known each other since seventh grade? Ten years. I can honestly say that I’ve seen you at your worst and I’ve seen you at your best. You’re an amazing mother. Mason is lucky to have you. We share a lot of memories, some of them better than others, but you’re not the same person you were four years ago. I do care about you, Stacey, and that’s not just because you’re the mother of my child.”
She raised her eyes, placing her arms on the railing to look out at the same view I was.
“For what it's worth, I was really fucked up back then. I used my body to get attention and Jesus did I get attention. Growing up I thought I was in love with you and now realize it was more that I wanted what you had with Alex. What she had with all of you. I’m sorry if I fucked that up for you.”
“It takes two to tango. And fuck, did we tango.”
She laughed. “We were really good at it.”
I laughed with her. “That we were.”
“Do you miss her?”
I didn’t falter. “Every day.”
“I bet she misses you, too. She doesn’t look at him the way she looked at you. The way she still looks at you. You know she sends Mason stuff all the time.
“What?”
“Yeah. She umm, stops by every time she’s in town. She came with Cole once and I could tell he didn’t like that she was there to see your son. She didn’t let it bother her, though.”
“When was this?”
“Last time she was in town.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“She asked me not to.”
My eyebrows rose, completely caught off guard.
“Your mom sends her pictures frequently, Lucas, and she’s been doing that since he was born.”
My mouth dropped open. “My mom… she’s never…” My mind couldn’t keep up with the emotions that soared through me.
“Mason really loves her, but I got to get him home, it’s time for his bath. I don’t want to get him off his routine.”
“Okay.” I followed her inside and to her car, buckling in Mason and kissing his head goodbye.
That night when I laid in bed I thought about everything Stacey had shared. I wanted to be happy, but something in my heart wouldn’t let me and I would find out soon enough what that was.