***
Dylan was exclusively dating this girl named Aubrey. She had blonde hair and bright green eyes, and her body was exactly like the ones he admired in those magazines all those years. Jacob dated Ava, who had red hair and blue eyes, and she was much more petite than Aubrey, who was Jacob’s style — she wasn’t as tiny as Alex though, she was still our Half-Pint. Austin was a player and that surprised all of us. He had a different girl around him every time I saw him. They flocked to him like bees to honey.
There was a birthday party waiting for me the next day at Alex’s parents’ restaurant. I hated being the center of attention, but I was a good ol’ boy and played my part. Stacey was there, and we were still playing the same old game, and just like before, it worked for me.
“Stacey’s eye fucking you from across the room,” Dylan chuckled, hitting the solid six ball in the corner pocket.
“No shit,” I replied, casually looking around for Alex.
“So what are you waitin’ for? She’s like a bitch in heat. I can smell her from here.”
I hit the stripped five ball in the side pocket.
“She’d let you hit it tonight. I’m predicting that she may already be waiting for you, too. You know, birthday present and all.”
Jacob raised a questioning eyebrow.
“God, Dylan, do you have to be so crass?” Ava asked, annoyed. “How does Aubrey put up with you?”
“I have a big dick,” he stated.
I shook my head, shutting my eyes. I swear he did it just to fuck with her.
Ava was very sensitive. I found Alex talking to Aubrey by the bar. She really liked her, more so than Ava. I think it was because Ava was really whiney, but Lily was by Alex’s side. My baby sister was ten and looked up to Alex for some reason, she followed her relentlessly, and I knew a part of Alex really loved that. I saw her trying to teach Alex how to play her guitar a few times, but Alex couldn’t carry a tune. Lily on the other hand, her voice was a gift and the talent she had with her guitar excelled everywhere she played.
“You wouldn’t be talkin’ that way if Half-Pint were here,” Ava declared.
“That’s because she’s a lady.”
“Cut the shit, man, you tryin’ to cock block me?” Jacob joked, making Ava slap him in the chest and left.
“Thanks, man.”
“Stop being such a pussy. Tell Lucas to grow a pair and get balls deep into Stacey already. Damn, man, you’re already doin’ everything else with her, what’s one more thing?” Dylan snidely alleged.
We had messed around a few times, she had blown me and I had fingered her, but I wouldn’t go down on her. It was too personal, even though she begged me for it. Alex didn’t know that, at least I didn’t think she did.
“Why don’t you worry about your own dick?” I eyed him.
“Because I love ya and I want you to get your dick wet.”
“Right…”
“I mean check out Austin,” Dylan nodded behind me.
I turned to find him making out with some chick. “I swear he better be using rubbers, he’s going to get an STD or shit get someone pregnant.”
“Legit,” Jacob stated.
“So how was it gettin’ your cock sucked?” Dylan blurted, making me look over at him.
“What?”
“Your cock, Lucas, you can’t tell me you didn’t love it. Now times that by ten and that’s what it feels like to sink into a warm pussy. Lose your goddamn virginity already, you’re making us look bad.”
“He kinda has a point, Lucas, what are you waitin’ for? You got a girl who doesn’t even care if you want to fuck her seven ways from Sunday with no commitment. Git ‘er done,” Jacob added.
I locked eyes with Stacey from across the room. She sat on a barstool sipping her water with hooded eyes.
I nodded to the boys. “Yeah,” was all I could say.
It wouldn’t be the last time I thought with my head and I’m not talking about the one on my neck.
“How’s school going, Alex?” Aubrey asked as we stood by the bar.
“Good. My classes are killer but so far, so good.”
I really liked Aubrey. She was sweet and down to earth. Dylan started seeing her exclusively a few months ago. She was fifteen and her body was ridiculous, I guess she resembled Stacey in that aspect. They both looked like they should be in nudie magazines. Although you would never be able to repeat that after talking to her, she didn’t act that way one bit.
Stacey, on the other hand, was a different story. She didn’t pretend to be anything she wasn’t already called to her face and behind her back. I never understood Lucas’s attraction to her, other than she gave it to him for free. Why buy the cow and all that. I hadn’t a clue how far they’d gone. I didn’t ask and he didn’t offer. It wasn’t discussed. The boys were good about keeping things behind closed doors, seeing as we didn’t go to the same school and all, but come next year that would change. It made me nervous just thinking about it. Stacey and I weren’t friends, we barely even spoke, but I knew her role in Lucas’s life and she knew mine.
End of story.
Ava was dumb as hell and I couldn’t see the appeal of her either, but Jacob didn’t seem smitten with her so I didn’t feel like I had to worry about her. It was more of a passing kinda thing. Jacob was hard to please, and every girl that came in his direction realized it and then moved on. It became difficult for him to hold down a steady girlfriend, although I knew in my heart that eventually he would meet the right girl. It would be about timing for him, and that proved to be true when we were all older.
I wanted Aubrey to stay around, though, but I knew how Dylan was. I mean not personally because he guarded his crass and vulgar side when I was around. I wasn’t ten anymore, but I had heard enough things to know that there were two sides to him: one when I was around and one when I wasn’t. Aubrey put up with him and God knows I commended her for it. It took a lot to settle the bull inside of him. She had subtle ways of calming him like rubbing the back of his head. She loved his long hair. However, I thought maybe there were two sides to him with her as well, one that we saw and then one when they were alone.
Now Austin, he was a hot mess. I think it caught us all by surprise. I didn’t know what was up with that boy, and a huge part of me knew he didn’t either. I had heard our mama’s yell at him one too many times to wrap it up and think with the head that was on the upper half of his body, not the lower. I laughed just thinking about it. Austin and I were closest in age and it wouldn’t be until the boys left for college for us to truly form a bond without them around. I understood Austin in ways that the boys didn’t, he was a lot like me in the sense that he wanted to be one of them, possibly losing himself in the process.
I would turn fourteen in a few weeks and I still didn’t have any life experiences outside of the boys. I hadn’t dated anyone, kissed anyone else, or even been on a date. All the boys on the island were too scared to come near me because they knew I came with baggage.
Four of them.
My boys grew up. And by that, I mean they looked like men, tall, muscular and broad. They had the whole bad boy, intimidating thing down. One would think they had rehearsed the part their entire lives, or something. They protected me even more than they had when we were growing up, and it got to the point where I just gave up. It wasn’t worth it to me, having them all in my life was enough.
Especially Lucas.
The mere thought of them leaving in two years, and just having Austin for one more after that, it killed me every time it crossed my mind. I hated knowing that things would once again change.
Lucas and I were the same as we’d always been. We spent every chance we could alone in our abandoned house. It was our special place and no one could take that away from me.
From us.
I had a torn emotion in my heart. It was the same one that’s been there for so many damn years. A piece of me sustained the hope that maybe one day, there might be a chance for us. Exactly how our mama’s had told me a few years back.
I waited. Maybe someday there would be a place for us outside of our abandoned house.
Where he could hold my hand.
Where he could kiss me whenever he wanted.
Where he could be mine and I could be his.
Where he could tell me he loved me the same way that I loved him.
Waiting. That’s all I ever did.
Little did I know that life had a funny way of keeping you on your toes and making you see the reality of the world. I desperately and urgently tried to ignore what had been staring me in the face all along.
As I was about to walk out of the bathroom stall, the restroom door opened.
“I think tonight’s the night.”
I recognized her voice immediately, stopping me dead in my tracks.
Stacey.
“Oh yeah? What makes you think that?” another girl replied.
“Because we’ve done everything else. I know he wants to fuck me. He’s hard every time I’m around,”
I had to sit down on the toilet, my legs unable to hold my shuddering body.
“How is he?”
“Amazing! Of course, I taught him everything he knows. His cock is fucking huge, Mallory! It would definitely hit all the right spots, I can barely take half of it in my mouth.”
My hand rose to my lips, swallowing down the bile that threatened to escape.
“He’s a dirty boy, too, the shit that comes out of his mouth when he’s fingering me and I’m sucking his dick, Jesus! He’s ruined me for other guys.” They laughed, loud and throaty.
“Tonight’s the night. I know it. I’ll call you tomorrow and tell you all about it.”
I heard them walk out the door and it rattled when it closed. My body instinctively spun and heaved up everything I had eaten and drank. It came out in one swift motion of opening my mouth, disposing of the toxic words that I overheard.
Over and over again until there was nothing left inside of me, including my heart. I spit into the toilet and wiped my lips with the back of my hand. Opening the door, I went right for the sink to splash cold water all over my face, hoping that it would hide the truth that I had been denying for the last several years.
I’d been lying to myself and to everyone around me. It was all a dream, a hope. It was a young girl's fantasy.
Lucas wasn’t mine.
And he had never been. I stood there for a long time, dreading the reflection that would be staring back at me. I avoided the mirror and walked out of the bathroom instead, finding them immediately. I watched Stacey lead Lucas out of the restaurant and onto the beach.
I was no longer the girl waiting.
I was now...
Broken