Calling Aaron’s dad was a desperate act. I know I should have talked to him first. Tried to get him to tell me what was going on, but considering the way he acted earlier, I doubt he would have told me anything.
I get that he has a hard time opening up. After he lost his mom, he shut down, closed himself off and took his grief out on everyone. But he needs to start leaning on people, trusting them because I think he’s in a lot of trouble, and I think his dad is the only one who can help him.
My mom and Jack are coming home early. Soon after I called Jack, my mom called and said they were on the next flight and that I wasn’t to worry, but from the tone of her voice, I could tell there was lots to worry about.
As soon as I walk in the door of my mom’s house, I get a phone call from Chelsea. “Do you have any idea what’s going on? My dad called an emergency family meeting, and he wants me to come home from camp. Do you think they’re going to tell us about the baby?” Excitement fills her voice.
“I don’t know, Chels, but I don’t think so.” I feel like a bitch for not telling her I know what the emergency meeting is about, but I can’t betray Aaron any more than I already have.
“Oh, okay,” she says, disappointment replacing her excitement. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”
After we hang up, I try Aaron’s cell again. He hasn’t answered any of my phone calls. I don’t know if he’s talked to his dad yet, and I’m almost afraid to find out because of how guilty I feel for calling Jack.
Unable to stop myself, I send Aaron a text telling him I’m home. A second later, a text comes back. It simply says: How could you?
How could I what? How could I leave the cabin without telling him? Or how could I call his dad? I’m pretty certain it’s how could I call his dad. I had to. Kayden Rush threatened his life and said his career was over. I hope he understands I had no choice.
To pass the time while I wait for Chelsea to get here from camp, and for my sisters to let me know how long it’ll take for them to drive from Emerald Isle in North Carolina, I sit on the sofa and scroll through Instagram and Facebook.
The first post I see in my newsfeed is from a girl I went to high school with. It says: I always knew Aaron Thompson was no good. More and more posts begin popping up about how Aaron is being investigated by the NCAA for steroid abuse. About Aaron being a drug addict. About Aaron being kicked off the team. About Aaron beating up Kayden Rush.
No. No way. Not Aaron.
I read news article after news article after news article all saying the same thing that Aaron took a banned performance-enhancing steroid. There’s no way this is right. There’s no way he would ever take steroids. The strongest thing I’ve ever seen him take is beer and a few Advil.
He’s anti-drugs and is especially anti-performance enhancing drugs. He doesn’t need them. Whatever this is about, it has something to do with Kayden Rush, who Aaron supposedly beat up for confronting Aaron about his drug use. What the hell?
Being a glutton for punishment, I read some of the comments. People are nasty. There are so many keyboard warriors who are brave behind their screens. Some are saying they always knew he was a loser. How they’re ashamed to be from the same town as him. How this is a bleak day for the Bruins and for our town. That Coach Davis and Coach Thompson should be investigated too.
My finger gets busy with the unfollow and unfriend button.
They don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. I know Aaron, and something about this isn’t adding up. Sure, he hurt his shoulder and he didn’t want to go for surgery, but I don’t think—no, I know—he isn’t desperate enough to try anything illegal.
While I’m still scanning through my feed, the front door opens, and Chelsea comes barreling in.
“My phone is blowing up,” she says near hysterics. “Can you believe what people are saying?” She begins pacing the sitting room floor. “There’s no way. There’s no fucking way. My brother is a lot of things, but he’s not a cheat. He’s never done anything illegal in his life.”
“I know. I don’t believe it either,” I say. “At least we know why your dad called a family meeting.”
“Did you know?” she asks, looking at me accusatorily.
“Why would I know?” I lie. “It’s not like Aaron is going to confide in me about anything.”
Her fists curl by her sides, and she continues pacing the floor. “Wesley knew. Can you believe that?”
“Wesley knew what?”
Rage fills her red-rimmed eyes, and she places her hands on her hips. “He said he’d heard rumors about Aaron taking steroids.”
“How did he know?” I look over her shoulder. “Where is Wesley?”
“I told him to stay at the camp. I’m so mad at him for not telling me what he’d heard. I’m his fiancée, and he’s supposed to tell me everything. Keeping something he’d heard about my brother from me isn’t acceptable. Not one bit.”
When she’s on a roll like this, I’ve learned it’s best to let her have at it. “Did he say why he didn’t tell you?”
“He said it was because he doesn’t listen to gossip. I told him it’s not gossip if it’s about family.”
“Are you guys going to be okay?”
“We’ll be fine,” she says, calming down some. “But he needs a few days without me to realize I don’t stand for any bullshit. Relationships are built on trust, and he needs to trust me with everything. Whether he thinks it’s gossip or not.
“And while we’re on the subject of rumors, what’s this I hear about you wanting to change majors and leave the cheer squad?”
Shit. Shit. Shit. This is the last thing I want to discuss with her. I had planned on talking to her sooner rather than later, but in my own time when I was sure I’d get accepted. “Oh, where did you hear that?”
She throws her hands in the air. “This fucking day is the day that just keeps on giving. Laura overhead Professor Brown talking to Professor Martinez about what a shame it would be if you left the Latin American literature program. That you have an amazing brain, you shouldn’t waste it on Interior design. Laura told Sally who told Maria who told me. I was going to wait to see if you would talk to me about it, but since I’m here, you mind filling me in?” She crosses her arms and glares at me.
“You really want to do this now?”
“There’s no time like the present, sis.”
“Fine,” I say, standing. “I’m done with cheer.”
Her mouth gapes open, and the shock flitting across her face makes me step back.
“What do you mean you’re done with cheer? We built this team together. We’ve cheered pretty much every day of our lives since we were eight. You can’t just give up something that’s been part of your life for so long.” She paces again, her arms gesticulating with every word. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this mad before. “The cheer squad is as much yours as it is mine. If you walk away from cheer, you’re pretty much walking away from me.” When Chelsea gets mad she cries, and right now, tears drip down her cheeks, tears she angrily wipes away.
“Chelsea, I’m not walking away from you. I’m walking away for me. Do you know what it’s like to live in your shadows? To be known as Chelsea’s best friend and not known as Taylor?” I stop her pacing by grabbing her hands. “I love you. You know that. But you also have to understand, I need to find my own path. My own life.
“Organizing my mom’s wedding awoke my passion for design. It opened the door I’d locked a long time ago. I never allowed myself to be creative. I thought if I picked up a paintbrush it would hurt my mom, but I want to create. I don’t know exactly what I want to create yet. I hope changing my major to interior design will help me figure that out.”
Her eyes soften, and I can tell she’s starting to see it from my point of view. “You can create all the dance routines you want. I’ve never stopped you from doing that. You’ve always had a lot of creative input.”
“That’s not the same, and you know it. Look at everything I did for the wedding. I made the invitations from scratch. I organized the seating arrangements and the centerpieces. I designed the interior of the tent, the color scheme. I can’t begin to describe the kind of satisfaction that gave me. So much more than cheering ever has.”
“Ugh! I need to find a new co-captain for next year.”
“You know all of those girls would give their right arm for the chance.”
She sniffles. “But we work together so well. You finish my sentences before I can. You know what I’m thinking just by looking at me.”
“Exactly. We’re like an old married couple. I think it’ll be as good for you as it is for me. We’ll still be at the same school, just not in each other’s pockets.”
She nods and gives me a watery smile. “I guess we are kind of like Siamese twins. But, man, I just can’t believe you’re going to give up cheer. How can you want to do that?”
“Because cheer is your life, not mine. I don’t want to be a professional cheerleader. I want to eat anything I want and not worry about how I look in skimpy outfits. I’m done taking my life in my hands by getting thrown from the top of pyramids.”
“Ugh! I have to find a new flyer, too.” She lifts her head and looks up to the heavens. “My best friend is leaving me, and it’s all over the Internet that the only reason my brother can play football is because he uses steroids. Could you make my day any better, Universe?”
“Drama much?” I say and then smile. “I’m not leaving you, and your brother is not on steroids.”
“How do you know he’s not on steroids?”
“Come on, Chelsea. You know he isn’t.”
“None of us know what goes on in that head of his. I love him, but maybe my dad was right when he called him an idiot for committing to UCLA instead of staying here. He’s such a selfish moron.”
“Stop. Just stop. Don’t talk about him like that. He’s not an idiot or a moron. He’s one of the greatest guys you or I know. He’s smart and funny, and he’s honest.”
She holds her hands up in front of her body. “Uh, hello! Where did that come from? You’re the one who wouldn’t even mention his name for two years, and now you’re suddenly defending him.” Her eyes widen, and she shakes her head. “No. No. No way. He’s my brother. Your stepbrother. No. It’s too gross to even contemplate.” She holds her head in her hands and squeezes her eyes shut. “I can’t even deal with this.”
I take a deep breath and consider playing dumb even though I know there’s no point because Chelsea knows me better than I know myself and can tell when I’m lying. I turn away from her and move toward the back porch.
“Don’t you dare turn away from me, look at me. I need to see your face when I ask this question.”
Realizing there’s no point trying to get away, I turn to face her.
“Are you in love with Aaron?”
Not trusting myself to speak, I nod.
“Since when?”
“Since I was twelve,” I squeak.
She throws her hands in the air again. “What? Twelve! And you couldn’t have told me this before our parents got married? Before I became your stepsister and he became your stepbrother?”
“It wasn’t like I’d planned to fall in love with him. It just happened.”
“And does he feel the same way about you?”
“I don’t know. I think he hates me.”
She blows out an exhausted breath and flops down onto the sofa. “You need to start from the beginning. Tell me exactly what’s going on.”
For the next thirty minutes, I fill Chelsea in on everything that happened between me and Aaron from the night of our graduation to the past week at the cabin. Afterward, we both sit on the sofa emotionally exhausted and drained.
“Our parents are going to have a heart attack,” she says.
“Don’t tell them,” I say quickly. “They can’t know about us. And like I said, I think he hates me. I did something really stupid.”
“Are you going to tell me what that really stupid thing is?”
“You’ll find out soon enough.”
“If you tell me you’re pregnant, I’ll kick his ass because I won’t be able to kick yours.”
I laugh, but there’s no humor to it. “God, no, I’m not pregnant.”
She rests her head on my shoulder. “You know this could be just a fling for him. He might not love you back.”
“I know,” I say, resting my head on hers. “Like I already told you, I’ve been in love with him since I was twelve, and I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone like I love him. I hate myself for feeling like this.”
“I wish I had some words of advice for you, Tay. But I don’t.”
The front door swings open and we both jump up from the sofa.
“Aaron,” we say in unison.
Thunder covers his face, and he glowers in my direction. “Why did you call my dad? How could you betray me like that?”
“It’s not a betrayal when I don’t know what’s going on!” I spit back. “The only thing I said was that I thought you were in trouble. Kayden Rush came to the cabin with another guy and threatened you. And now people are saying you beat him to a pulp.” He curls his fingers into clenched fists, and when he does, I look at them. They’re bruised and swollen. “Are you trying to get yourself arrested, too?”
“Kayden got what he deserved,” he says dismissively. “You should have called me before calling my dad.”
“I tried, but you weren’t picking up.”
He tunnels his fingers through his hair. “How could you be so stupid and thoughtless. If I wanted my dad involved in this, I would have talked to him.”
The venom in his words shocks me into a stunned silence.
“Don’t you dare talk to her like that,” Chelsea says, standing in front of me as if to protect me. “After everything you put her through during the past two years, you should be ashamed of yourself.”
I stand by her side, and Aaron glares at me. “She knows?”
I nod and look away from him. The fire and hate in his eyes make me want to run away and cry, but I stay where I am, frozen in place. I won’t show him how much he’s breaking my heart.
“Yeah, I know,” Chelsea says, “and I also know she loves you, you asshole.”
My stomach sinks to the floor, and my heart jumps into my throat. I close my eyes. I’ve never told Aaron I loved him.
“Stay out of this, Chelsea. You don’t know a damn thing,” he says.
He looks dangerous right now, very, very dangerous.