The next hour after James announced that there was engine failure and blizzard conditions was a complete blur. I almost started to curse my high-minded thinking that I could have my own personal jet manned by just one mechanic, who served as the co-pilot.
The way his eyebrows furrowed as he ran back and forth from the small engine room and the cockpit, checking and rechecking charts and maps, silently made me a little nervous. But it also didn’t seem to be as bad as it could be— as bad as it had seemed at first.
I could tell that the flight attendant was nervous, too. She kept fanning herself, hyperventilating, and shifting her legs back and forth. Had this been anything else other than a minor emergency, I might had thought that she was getting turned on. But, I quickly dismissed the thought knowing that that couldn’t possibly be what was happening.
Knowing that she was nervous about this situation suddenly dispelled my own qualms about it. It was almost like feeling very drunk and then realizing once you must take care of someone even drunker, that you’re not as bad off as you thought you were. A sobering reality washed over me, and I kept telling myself we were going to be okay.
I saw her nod at me, as if reading my mind and thinking the same thing.
We are going to be okay. Right?
It seemed she too was trying to be stoic now. She walked over to me, plastering on her attempt at a smile and said, “Mr. Roberts, let’s get you back to your seat. Can I bring you another drink?”
I was mildly impressed by her level of professionalism, but turned to James to get a feel for what was going on.
He nodded in agreement, saying, “Dana’s right. It looks like we will be able to land fine with the remaining engine power. However, we will have to do an emergency landing nearby. We won’t be able to go back, and we won’t make it to our destination with this amount of engine power. I am going to contact the nearest airport and see how quickly we can land. But due to all the snow, I have no idea when that will be.”
Getting the reassurance that I was looking for, I made my way back down the aisle to my seat.
Great, I thought. Engine failure hundreds of miles away from our destination meant that I was going to miss my meeting. Could anything else go wrong?
As upset I was about missing the meeting, I was glad we weren’t in imminent danger. And as much as I hated admitting it, I was even less excited about going back home early and dealing with Olivia now that my plans had been changed. I would have much rather sat in a stuffy boardroom locked in negotiations for hours, even days, with the most stubborn of business professionals, than relive the experience that I’d had with my daughter that morning.
It made me feel like a fucking failure of a father, to not know how to help my own daughter. At least in the boardroom, I was king and knew how to help my business.
“Mr. Roberts, please! Do something!” the nanny’s voice had wailed earlier today, over the house’s intercom system.
My feet felt like lead weights as I walked the length of the hallway from my bedroom to Olivia’s room. I had no idea what I was going to say and, even worse, I didn’t know what I was going to encounter once I got there.
Putting on my sternest face, I asked, “Olivia, what seems to be the problem?”
“I don’t want to go to that stupid school with those stupid kids and those stupid teachers! They’re all so stupid and this stupid bitch acts like she can’t hear and keeps telling me to get ready for school. I’m not going to school and none of you assholes can make me!”
She stood there with her arms folded, looking way too old for her actual age— especially based on the very adult swear words that had just come out of her mouth—and waiting for me to speak.
“If you don’t go to school, you can forget about getting that new iPhone that you want.”
I knew how much she loved her phone and had been begging for the new one for weeks.
She stared at me, blood pooling in her pale cheeks. She let out a loud shriek.
“I hate you! I hate everyone. I wish you would all just die and leave me alone!”
She collapsed on her bed in a fit of tears.
I took that as my chance to escape and quickly backed out of the room.
And this was before I got the call from her school about her misbehavior. I knew that threats were not going to be enough. I would have to do something.
But, what? Short of threatening her electronic devices, I was at a loss.
But, I knew who would know exactly what to do: my mother. She had offered to look after Olivia after my wife left. She said that she knew that I was an amazing businessman and made her heart proud, but she worried that trying to raise a little girl on my own might prove to be stressful.
It turned out she was right. As usual. But she was getting on in age herself and she had my father to look after. He spent more days in the hospital than he did at the brownstone that they now called home after selling my childhood home to live somewhere that was more manageable and closer to where we lived in the city. But, I had a nanny and she was tremendously helpful, especially when I had to take trips like this one.
Part of me still toyed with the idea, though, of sending Olivia to live with my mother. That way she would be in a more stable home. And my mother was as tough as nails. I knew that Olivia wouldn’t even attempt a lot of the nonsense with her that she did with me.
“Here’s your drink,” came a shaky voice next to me, bringing me back to the cabin in the plane. It was the flight attendant. Her hands were shaking so badly, she spilled a little of the drink when she tried to hand it to me.
After dropping off my drink, she hurried off to the cockpit. She emerged after a few minutes, all the color drained from her face. She walked slowly down the short aisle in my direction, absentmindedly wringing her hands. Instinctively, I stood up, walked over to meet her, and wrapped my arms around her.
“Don’t worry. We’re going to be okay,” I said.
I wanted more than anyone to believe that we would be.