Chapter 7 – Carly
My blood ran cold, and I was rooted to the spot. How the hell had that happened? What kind of timing was that? I had hoped Brad would be away, that I wouldn’t have to see him again. It had been bad enough that he’d refused to speak to me at graduation.
I had been all dressed up in my cap and gown, ready to take those lasts steps on the planks as a Senior at Laramie High. My parents had already taken their seats when I had spotted Brad, standing under a tree, staring at me. We had been frozen in time for a moment, staring at each other.
My parents wouldn’t have seen us together if we were quick. Just a few stolen moments with him would have made everything better. I had taken a step toward him when he’d turned around and walked away.
And that had been it. That had been the last time I had seen Brad Williams in person.
He looked so different now. He had filled out, and now looked as if he had been built like a football player even though I knew him from when he was still a scrawnier high school kid, and he walked with a flair of confidence that had only translated as arrogance before. His hair was short, leaving his face open and clean.
I was willing to bet he had a million women running after him. I knew he wasn’t dating anyone the press knew about; it would have been all over the news. But he was good at keeping secrets, that much I knew from prior experience. He could have had someone I didn’t know about. And why not? He was famous and wealthy and drop dead gorgeous.
“Are you coming?” my dad asked from the front door.
I just looked at him.
“What were you looking at?” he demanded.
He looked over the fence at Brad. “Oh, the neighbor’s son? Well, you haven’t graduated from college yet. So, don’t even think about dating.”
I rolled my eyes. Leave it to my dad to try to control me from this far away. But, he was right. I needed his help with tuition. I’d been working part time jobs to try to pay my own way but all that had done is put me further behind in school.
“He looks a lot like the kid I caught you with,” my dad added.
I shook my head, put my blanket and jacket on the closed trunk, and walked away from my dad. The fact that he could talk about what had happened without even blinking infuriated me. I walked to the fence. Brad’s eyes were on me. He’d seen me when I’d spoken to my dad.
“You’re here in Laramie,” I said.
No shit, Captain Obvious, I thought. It was such a stupid thing to say, but I had just blurted out the first thing on my mind.
He nodded. He didn’t seem to be able to think of anything better to say, either. God, he was even hotter up close. His eyes were that brilliant green they used to be when we’d been together.
“I can’t imagine it’s business,” I said.
He chuckled. The sound of it danced on my skin, and I shivered. I hadn’t heard that sound in six years.
“I’m here to visit my mom,” he said. “I don’t come home very often.”
I nodded. We had that in common, although I doubted our reasons were the same. I wondered if he’d looked back at all. Although I felt as if I’d been looking back this whole entire time we’d been apart.
“How are you doing?” he asked.
It was such a simple question but it had such a complicated answer. How was I doing? I was aching and empty in a way I could never fix.
I was stuck in a time I could never get back. I was standing opposite the man who had held my heart in his palm for the longest time, but it seemed that now, his hands were empty.
“I’m doing well, thank you,” I answered. It was the biggest lie ever told. “And you?”
He nodded. “I’m well, too.”
The conversation was awkward. I didn’t know what to say to him. He was so close to me, and at the same time, we were worlds apart. Once upon a time, this man had been my whole world. I hadn’t been able to breathe without his air. My hand had fit into his perfectly. Our bodies had echoed each other’s.
Now? He was just a stranger standing on the other side of the fence of a place that was no longer home. But damn, why did he have to look so hot just standing there?
“So, my dad lives right next door to your mom, now,” I said. “Weird.”
Brad chuckled. “Very.”
Another awkward silence stretched between us, and I didn’t know what to say to fill it. I had never been very good at making small talk, and Brad and I had always connected on a deeper level. It had been one of the reasons I’d liked him. Once upon a time, he’d been the boy who had admitted to me that he liked the feeling in his stomach when he went upside down on a roller coaster, and that the lights blurring past us when we drove were his favorite sight other than when I took off my clothes. Now, he was the man who made small talk to me over a fence.
“I have to get inside. My parents are dying to have a piece of me. I just got in.”
Brad nodded.
“I’ll see you around,” I said because I didn’t know what else to say.
Then he said, “They’re not the only ones.”
I had to take a step back at that. Where had his gutsiness come from? That part was new. He was no longer a boy but a man.
“I’m sorry?” I asked, wanting to make sure I heard him correctly.
“You heard me.”
He smiled now, his eyes piercing mine, and my heart melted.
“Do you want to go out with me?” he asked. “For a drink.”
I hadn’t been anticipating any of this, so I stumbled over his question, even though it was the stuff I used to dream of back in my college dorm. “What?”
“A drink,” he said again. “With me.”
I opened my mouth and closed it again without an answer. I didn’t know what to say. Did I want to see him again? Yes. But I was scared that I if I did, everything I remembered would disappear, to be overshadowed by the person he’d become. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that, not if he wasn’t the same man anymore. Not if I wasn’t the same girl.
“I don’t know,” I said.
He nodded. “I’ll see you around, princess.”
He turned around and walked away, and I was suddenly furious. What right did he have to call me princess? His old nickname for me. Who was he to take something that sacred and throw it around as if it was normal?
God, he probably used that line on every woman he met now. The thought that what used to be special had become common and mundane now made me sad. The thought of everything we’d lost made me sad. I had held onto the past so hard for so long, it would be like the break up was happening again if I was forced to let go.
I shook my head. Then I turned to go without answering, because I needed time to think. I didn’t know if I should feel elated or angry. But, I felt a bit of both, along with a jumble of other emotions.
He was just a boy I had been with a long time ago. It didn’t matter. That was what I told myself.
But it did matter. He wasn’t just a boy, he was my first love. And quite possibly, my true love. This wasn’t a Disney movie, but I believed in soul mates, and he had been the one for me. I had known it when I’d started dating him, I’d known it when my dad had dragged me away, and I had known it when Brad had walked away from me.
I turned toward the house. The high trees that surrounded it danced in the wind, waving their branches at me. The sunlight filtered through the leaves, scattering in dapples on the floor. I took a deep breath in, and I wondered if I was really that unhappy to be home. I tried to convince myself that the fact that my hot ex boyfriend was right next door had nothing to do with my change of heart.
When I walked in through the front door, the smell of dinner filled the house, and in my mind I was taken back to when I lived at home. Maybe I had been running from my dad and the unforgiveness I held for him, rather than the place I’d grown up. It was good to be back, and I’d missed this. I’d missed a place where I felt like I really belonged.
Even if it was in a house that I didn’t know, with a man next door that was or wasn’t the boy I used to know, and a father I wasn’t planning on making up with. Despite all of it, it was good to let my bones rest here for a while.