Chapter 8 – Brad
On Thursday, I got a call from Jacob. He was one of my teammates on the Florida Sharks, and we trained together often. He had become a good friend.
“How does it feel being home again?” Jacob asked.
“Being home isn’t the problem. Not having a rigorous training routine is what gets me. I was out for a run at sunrise this morning just to take the edge off.”
Jacob laughed. “Yeah, I was in the gorilla pit at the gym today. I can’t help it.”
We laughed together. Being professional athletes meant that we spent more time working on our bodies than anything else, and when we didn’t have to, we felt lost.
“How’s your mom doing?” Jacob asked.
“She’s well,” I said. “It’s good to see her again.”
“Anyone else you’ve run into from your past?”
I knew what he was asking. Jacob knew a little bit about my history here in Laramie, about Carly and how things had ended. He didn’t know that I wasn’t a womanizer the way I came across when I was just going along with what the other guys said in the locker room— that was my secret— but he knew that it had started somewhere. Everyone else just thought that I was a one night stand kind of guy.
I had still never slept with anyone but Carly, but no one needed to know that that.
“No one serious,” I lied.
I didn’t want to go into seeing Carly yesterday. I didn’t know how I felt about everything yet. And obviously she didn’t either, since she’d just walked into her house instead of answering me about grabbing a drink together.
I was a bit crestfallen that she hadn’t said yes, but at least she hadn’t said no. I had to look at it from her point of view— it had been a long time and the way we left things hadn’t been great. When I saw an opening— hoping she didn’t have a husband or kids—I ’d taken it, because I’ve become known for taking what I wanted. But the one thing I still wanted— Carly— I couldn’t have.
Or at least not yet. I was determined to try again; I knew from the way her breath had audibly caught a bit and her eyes had pierced mine that she was still interested in me. And I was going to work that angle for all it was worth—as soon as I got another chance to see her again. I wasn’t sure how long she would be in town and I feared time would run out for us again.
“Pity,” Jacob said.
He was married with kids, and he was happy. I asked how his wife Kina and their family were doing.
“I hate being away from my family, but God I love the game,” Jacob said.
“I totally get you,” I said.
I knew how he felt. I was glad I didn’t have anyone serious in my life that I would have to be away from for weeks on end. Of course, if I’d had my way, I would have Carly in my life.
I still couldn’t believe how much seeing her next door yesterday had brought an avalanche of memories and emotions tumbling down on me. I really couldn’t blame her for hesitating when I asked her out. We hadn’t ended well, and when she had wanted to speak to me on the day of our graduation, I had walked away.
I had done it because her parents had been there and because I had been terrified that I would get her into more trouble. Her dad had already been so hard on her. I hadn’t wanted to make things even worse for her.
I’d known that it would push her to a point where she would write me off, but I had told myself that it was the right thing to do, that sometimes doing the right thing was hard enough that it felt wrong. As the years had passed, I hadn’t been too sure if I’d been right, then, but there was nothing I could do about it. I’d gotten the scholarship, left, and I’d been sure she would forget about me.
“Are you still there?” Jacob asked.
“Yeah, sorry,” I said. I had zoned out and missed the last bit of his conversation. “What did you say?”
“I was asking if you were going to be back for that Benefit. I’m not gagging my way through that alone.”
I laughed. Going to charities and helping in the community were two of the ways we could keep our slates clean. The press was all too happy to sink us in any way they could, and so long as we kept our noses clean and our tally of good deeds high, we were golden. It was what all the players’ publicists suggested when things went south. Plus, it did feel good to help out those less fortunate.
“I’ll be there,” I said. “You know I got your back.”
“Just checking,” Jacob said. “I can’t stand those events. I always feel like I’m trussed up and put on display for the press to praise or rip apart as they see fit.”
“Occupational hazard,” I said, and we both laughed.
“I have to tell you what happened when I got off the plane in Cali,” Jacob said.
I heard the dog next door barking and yapping excitedly, and I walked to the window. Carly was in the garden, wearing jogging pants so tight they looked painted on, and a tight hoodie on top. Her curves looked great in that outfit. Plus, it reminded me that she used to love wearing my hoodies. They’d always been so big she’d drowned in them.
I only half listened to Jacob’s chatter. Carly was putting the dog’s harness on, getting ready to go for a walk. Her dark hair was pulled into a ponytail, accentuating her delicate features. She laughed when the dog, a mixed breed that looked kind of like a Collie, broke free and ran in delirious circles. I opened the window a little to hear it better. I had missed the sound of Carly’s laugh.
After a while, she got a hold of the dog and walked up toward the road. I leaned forward, trying to see which way she turned. When she disappeared out of sight, I tried to focus on the conversation again, but I didn’t want her to just disappear.
“Jacob,” I finally said, interrupting him, “I have to go. Sorry, bud. I’ll call you when I have a chance.”
I hung up without giving him a chance to respond, put down the phone, and ran to the door. I felt like an idiot running to the road, looking for Carly. I felt like a teenager running after his crush to catch a glimpse. But this wasn’t just any high school crush. It was Carly, the only girl I had ever been in love with.
When I reached the street, I looked both ways and spotted her down the road. I jogged to her, catching up.
“Carly,” I said, reaching her, and she jumped. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“What are you doing?” she asked.
The hoodie she wore was blue, and it made her eyes look like the color of cornflowers.
“Perhaps I was heading out for a walk,” I lied. “And I thought you might like some company.” I gestured with my head to the dog.
Carly looked suspicious. She glanced up and down the road as if she were trying to see if there was someone who could help her out. It was sad to see; she seemed nervous to be alone with me.
“I just want to walk together and have a chat,” I said, feeling the need to further explain.
Carly used to be so open. Had I done this?
“Okay,” she finally said, to my great relief.
The way she sighed a bit when she said it let me know she had just been hesitating due to being unsure or scared about where things could go between us. I could deal with that.
I walked next to her, and we continued down the road. Her dog was cute, sniffing everything, wagging its tail, and pulling on the leash. She paid attention to the dog more than she did to me. Maybe she was nervous. She seemed it.
“How often do you see your parents?” I asked. “It’s crazy that they live right next door to my mom now.”
Carly shrugged. “I don’t see them very often. I’m very busy most of the time, but I try to find a space to slot them in when I can.”
It sounded a little rehearsed. I wondered what her relationship was like with her dad, and if what had happened had affected it at all.
I wondered if it still felt like a massive thing in her life like it was in mine, or if she had moved on easily and it was a thing that stayed in the past. I couldn’t ask any of that. It was too intense to ask about when we hadn’t spoken in years and when we didn’t know each other anymore.
“How about you?” she asked.
“I come home whenever I can, although I’m sad to say, it’s not very often.”
Carly nodded. “It’s just for your mom, right? Laramie doesn’t seem like it’s your home anymore.”
I wasn’t sure how she’d come to that conclusion.
“It’s not mine anymore, either,” she said before I could ask.
We walked together in silence. It was still awkward between us, as if we were forcing something that hadn’t ever been natural. But it had been perfect between us once upon a time. Unless we weren’t the same people we once were at all, it had to work again somehow. Even if we were just friends.
I felt a pang of sorrow when I thought the last bit and pushed it away again. Carly wasn’t a woman I wanted to be friends with. I wanted to have all of her— body and soul— or nothing at all.
In theory, I would rather stay in her life to some degree, but in practice, it would be too hard. I was looking for some kind of closure one way or another. I had never been able to connect with any other woman at all since we parted ways. Carly was still the one I wanted all to myself in every way I could have her. I wanted her to love me the way I had once loved her.
Did I feel that same love for her? It was a question to which I didn’t want to explore the answer just yet. Because I was pretty sure it was a fucking “Hell yes,” and what if she didn’t feel the same?
“What have you been up to since school?” I asked.
I hadn’t quite known how to word it. How was I supposed to ask what her life had been like since I’d stopped talking to her?
“I’ve been studying,” Carly answered, and she didn’t seem to take offense at my wording. “I’m still studying.”
“Oh, that’s dedication,” I said.
I had studied only as long as I’d needed and no more. The only reason I hadn’t quit my studies was that I’d needed to keep going to keep my football scholarship, and one day, when I retired, I would need a fallback.
Carly shrugged. “I guess so. If I commit to something, I go all the way.”
I glanced at her. I wasn’t sure if it was a jab. Her face was expressionless, neutral.
“What are you studying?” I asked.
She looked at me, and her eyes were beautiful. I wished she would look at me longer. But she turned her attention to the road, and I knew I was expecting too much when I had given her nothing at all.
“I’m completing my MBA next year. Just a few more months to go.”
I was impressed. I remembered now that she’d always liked the idea of doing something corporate. She had always been my opposite.
“And you’re studying in Colorado?” I asked.
She looked at me, surprised. “At CSU, Fort Collins,” she said. “How did you know?”
“You talked about it endlessly, back in high school. I always knew you would end up there.”
The unspoken words hung between us. About how we had talked about going to college together, and where we would choose. I knew she had wanted Colorado, and I would have gone with her. I had made up my mind to do just that. I had applied. I’d been accepted.
We hadn’t planned it all out but I had had a plan to surprise her in my head and everything had gone exactly according to my plan… until her dad had caught us and ruined everything. It would have been a graduation surprise. One that I had never gotten the chance to reveal.
“Well, I did what I set out to do,” she said, and her lips curled into a smile.
Carly’s face changed when she smiled. She went from model beautiful, to can’t-stop-staring beautiful. Making her smile was the only thing I’d ever wanted to do.
“I had no idea you would end up in Miami,” she said after a while.
“Oh, you know I went to Miami?” I asked.
She laughed, and the sound tugged at my soul. I loved that she’d been keeping tabs on me. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who’d liked to reminisce.
“You’re hard to miss, Brad Williams. You’re on TV everywhere. I would have to go through life with my eyes closed to miss an iconic figure like you. And I don’t even like sports.”
She said the last sentence with a smile, and I knew she was teasing. We had finally broken the ice, and we slipped into a comfort that I had known still had to be there.
“Are you happy? With your choices?” Carly asked.
I looked at her. It was a loaded question, but there were no ulterior motives or double meanings attached. She genuinely wanted to know.
“Most of them,” I said.
There were some things I would have changed, but she could guess at those, I was sure.
“I know I asked before, but you never answered me so I want to ask again,” I said. “Do you want to go out and have a couple of drinks with me? I want to spend more time with you.”
There was no reason to fumble around. It was something she would have had time to think about by now and should know how she felt. Plus, I wasn’t one to just passively let life— or her— pass me by again.
She looked at me with those impossibly blue eyes, and I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. It felt like forever that she thought about it, but finally, she nodded.
“I’d like that,” she said.
Yes. I was back in.