Chapter 11 – Carly
I felt awful having to leave Brad like that after we had sex, but I hadn’t wanted to wake him. He’d looked so peaceful, and after the night we had, neither of us had gotten a lot of sleep. So, I’d scribbled him a note and given him my number, hoping that he would call me.
I would have loved to sleep in with him. It had been my dream to wake up next to him when we were younger. But I had plans with my mom–who was a little anxious about me only texting her not to wait up because I wasn’t coming home–and I didn’t want to cancel on her.
I liked spending time with my mom; I’d missed her. And my aunt and cousin were driving up from Casper to see me while I was in town. I didn’t want to cancel on them, either. Not for some guy that may or may not have been a one-night stand.
I was looking forward to seeing my family. My aunt and cousin had lived in Laramie for a long time before moving to Casper, and I had been close with my cousin. Dana was about my age, and we’d always talked about boys and makeup and celebrities. She also knew what my dad could be like, and I was curious to hear what she thought of everything with Brad.
“It’s been too long,” Dana said when I hugged her. Her raven hair was straight on both sides of her face, making her look mysterious and beautiful.
“I know, we shouldn’t go so long without seeing each other,” I said. We texted often, but it just wasn’t the same.
“So, tell me you need my expertise,” Dana said. “I love it when you ask me about life.”
I laughed. We were in the garden at my parents’ place. I filled Dana in on Brad living next door now. She’d known a little bit about my relationship with Brad, and family gossip had told her what my dad had done.
“So, you saw him?” Dana asked. “For a date?”
I nodded. “A walk with the dog turned into drinks, which turned into… more.”
Dana laughed. “Well done, cousin. You move fast.”
I blushed. “It’s not fast. It’s Brad. You know how it is.”
My cousin shook her head. “I don’t know at all. Love is overrated.”
“For someone who hates love, your advice is the best,” I said. I had always been able to talk to her about everything that happened in my life, including Brad.
“So, what’s bothering you?” she asked.
I told her how I felt about not telling my dad what I was doing, despite being old enough. “I just don’t want to go into it, you know?”
Dana nodded. “Uncle Charles can be an idiot. No offense. But I think you should stick it to the man.”
I laughed. “Nice,” I said. “That’s your advice?”
Dana pulled a face.
“It’s good advice, you know,” she said. “I think you should do what you want because you’re an adult and you should tell your dad that, too. I know it’s hard work to fight with him, but if you don’t and you just let it slide, you’re enabling him.”
“Thanks, so it’s my fault?”
“If you’re not standing up for yourself, yeah, it is.”
I sighed. She was making a lot of sense, but it wasn’t that easy at all. I had no idea what to do. I didn’t know what Brad felt for me, and that messed me up more than anything.
Once upon a time, he had been the boy I was sure I would marry. Maybe I had jumped the gun a bit, but I’d been a teenager, then. Now, I wasn’t sure if the night in the hotel room had been anything serious, because of our past, or if it had just been a one-night stand. He was a professional football player now, and it had been six years. Last night, it had felt like he was still the same person, but everyone changes in some ways.
“And how do I know what we are now?” I asked.
Dana pulled one shoulder up in a shrug in a way that made her look blasé.
“Talk to him about it. It’s the only way forward. Relationships need that shit.”
I laughed. “You really are a well of wisdom, aren’t you?” I asked.
Dana grinned at me. “That’s me,” she said.
Brad had phoned me almost as soon as he’d woken up, judging by the time. It had been flattering when he’d done it, and I had been surprised that he’d done it so fast. I remembered a boy that had put emphasis on playing it cool. It had made me feel amazing, though, which I was sure he’d intended.
Since then, we’d been texting quite often. We’d been making small talk or sharing jokes. But I didn’t know where we stood now. The sex had been fantastic, sure. It had been amazing, in fact. But that didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t an indication of where we were headed. We hadn’t spoken in years, and it could have been the alcohol, the setting, the memories, and the reminiscing that had been the perfect cocktail. It could be that he would head back to Miami soon and never look back.
Or it could mean that we were back where we’d left off, that we got along, and we meant something to each other. I had no idea what it could be or what to expect.
Someone else couldn’t create an expectation for me. I did that for myself. I could only hope that I hadn’t created an unrealistic expectation, that I hadn’t pushed my own limits so far that I didn’t know how to bounce back.
It had happened with him the first time—I had given my all to Brad and I had broken as a result. I didn’t want that to happen again.
My phone rang, and I excused myself, walking away from Dana.
“Hello, beautiful,” Brad said, and his voice was velvet over the phone. “What are you up to?”
I told him about my aunt and cousin visiting.
“A family day sounds amazing,” he said.
“If it’s with the right family, yeah.”
I didn’t know if I needed to elaborate on my relationship with my dad, but he didn’t ask, and I didn’t tell. My dad had decided to head off to a friend’s house to watch sports together while we women caught up on lost time together.
I was relieved. I hadn’t wanted to spend any part of the day around him, and seeing that we were hosting my cousin and aunt instead of going out with them, the arrangement worked just fine by me.
“What about you?” I asked.
“I was just lying on the bed, thinking about our night together.” I blushed when he referred to it, putting it into so many words. I was glad he couldn’t see me. He seemed to think my blush was amusing when I felt silly about it.
“I’m sorry I just ran away like that,” I said. “I didn’t want to bother you while you were sleeping.”
When he answered, I could hear the smile in his voice. “It was a surprise when you weren’t next to me in the morning, but you can always make up for the hit-and-run.”
I laughed. “Funny. What do you have in mind?”
“Do you want to go out dancing with me tonight?”
I smiled despite myself. Deep down, I had hoped that this would be the case, that he would want to see me again soon. It was dangerous, though. It could still just be a friendly flirtation, and seeing more of him would put me at greater risk of having my heart broken again. But I really wanted to see him.
I was glad he’d called, glad he was asking to go out on another date, if we could call it that. And I had to remember that it was still Brad. We hadn’t worked out, but it was through no fault of ours. We had done everything right, and we could do everything right again. The person I was worried about finding was someone that Brad had never been.
Sure, he’d had that image, but I had known him. Did I know him now?
“Okay,” I said before my doubt could overpower me, making me say no when I wanted to say was yes. “That sounds great.”
“Great,” Brad said, and I could just imagine him smiling about it. I was eager to see him. I wanted a reason to be with him again, and Brad didn’t give me time to think of an excuse. He just threw it out there the way it was, and it was perfect.
I walked back to Dana and told her what had just happened.
“Well, questions answered, right?” she asked.
I shrugged. “I guess the immediate ones are taken care of,” I said.
“Problem solved,” she said, high-fiving me. I wished she was right and it was that simple. For now, I would just go with the flow. I was going out with Brad again later, and I told myself that seeing him this soon after we’d seen each other last wasn’t a bad thing, that I wasn’t pushing for something that wouldn’t have happened naturally.
Everything between us already felt like it was taking its course.
My parents went out on date night, and I didn’t have to worry about sneaking around my dad or making up excuses about where I was going and why I was dressed up. It was a relief to be able to do my own thing again without being nervous someone was looking over my shoulder the whole time.
I got ready around six. I did my makeup first. Then I chose an outfit that I felt great in. There was nothing more powerful than a good outfit to make me feel invincible.
Brad had suggested we meet on the road again and we Uber to the club. I hadn’t protested, even though it felt like we were falling back into our rut, keeping secrets and sneaking around again. But it would take time to pull the courage together to confront my dad about this. It didn’t mean I wouldn’t do it, it would just take time.
I was just about ready, checking myself in the mirror and wiping away the dark mascara spots that happened when I blinked, when my phone rang.
“I’m so sorry to do this to you, princess,” Brad said. Starting the conversation like that was never good. “The press found out I’m home, and they’re on me like sharks. I can’t head out in public tonight. There’s too much risk, and I didn’t come here with a bodyguard.”
A bodyguard? God.
“So, you’re canceling?” I asked.
“I am, sweetness. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you, okay?”
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “Okay, yeah, I understand,” I said even though I didn’t understand at all. “I’ll speak to you tomorrow.”
“Sleep tight,” he said before hanging up. I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, trying not to let the disappointment I felt engulf me. He wasn’t blowing me off, I told myself. He was just looking out for me. And for himself. Right?
I still felt crushed, no matter how hard I tried to see the reason in what he was saying. I had looked forward to seeing him, and I felt like he had ditched me. Maybe this was a warning that I should guard myself better.
Or maybe it was all true, and it was how things happened in his life.
Either way, I was all dressed up with nowhere to go.