Kai

“Don’t do it, babe.” The desperation in my words fills the room.

Burke lurks quietly behind me, letting me take the lead.

Teagan sits on the floor, only a few short breaths away from shooting up.

“I need it. Please just go. You don’t understand.” Her eyes stay focused on finding a vein.

“You don’t need it. It’s only making things worse,” I insist.

“Worse?” She lets out a hollow sound of dismissal. “You don’t know what worse feels like.”

I inch closer, one small step at a time, until I’m near enough to crouch next to her. My fingers wrap around her wrist. The strength of the tremor in her hand almost has me falling backward.

“You’ve made it past the hard part. You got through detoxing. We aren’t letting you leave this room. If you take that, you’ll have to detox all over again—the shakes, the vomiting, the hallucinations. Remember how hard it was on your body? Please don’t put yourself through that again.”

“The peace is worth it, if only for a few hours.”

“Let me help you find peace another way.”

Shrill wails rack her body.

“There is no peace without it. Trust me.”

Her shoulders slump forward.

“You used to trust me, baby. Find that. Use it. We’ll find the peace together—without this shit. It isn’t helping.”

She pulls the needle away from her skin.

“Yes, that’s it, Teagan, please.” The needle hits the floor. Her face slams into my chest while her arms wrap around my shoulders. I release a breath full of tension and anxiety. My chin rests on her head, and Burke gives me a grateful nod from his post in the doorway before swooping in and gathering the drugs and paraphernalia from the floor. Once done, he turns and leaves us alone. “You’re going to be okay, babe.”

This girl, the one who I love more than anything, is breaking my heart.

I hate seeing her hurt.

It feels good to wrap my arms tightly around her body though.

The bruising on her skin has gotten better, and she’s put a little meat back on her bones. She’s starting to look like her old self again. Now, if we could only help her find the woman she lost inside.

“I’m dirty, so dirty. It covers me inside and out.” Her tears wet my shirt. “My skin crawls with absolute disgust for myself.”

My mom had issues with the way she saw herself. I always found it was best to listen before attempting to build up her self-esteem. She needed the outlet to get her thoughts out.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Teagan clutches tighter to me. Wanting to give her as much comfort as I can give, I lift her and carry her to the bed. On our sides, she lies with her head on my shoulder and my full body wrapped around hers.

“I used to be so confident in myself, my abilities, and in my assurance that I was safe. All of that is gone. That fucker at the farm forced himself on me and broke me down until I’d rather die than be touched by him again. I used my good memories to block out what he was doing, and now, there aren’t any more good ones left untouched.”

“He’s dead, Teagan. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

“But that’s where you’re wrong. He hurts me every day. When my eyes are closed, I can almost still feel him. The choices I’ve made since have everything to do with what he did. I’ve lied and hurt you and Burke and Paisley. I’ve let men continue to use my body for weeks for their amusement or for my own leverage. I’ve pumped drugs into my veins. I can’t just go back. There is no going back.”

“You’re right. You can’t go back, but you can go forward, baby. Backward is counterproductive, but forward is where you can find the worth again, in yourself and in your life.”

My lips linger on her forehead. What I really want is to steal her breath away with my kiss, but I’ll settle for getting to simply touch my lips to her skin.

“Forward?” she says the word like it’s foreign.

“That’s right. Fight through this, and I’ll be beside you for whatever you need, or I’ll hang back for the moments you need some peace. Whatever it is you need, I’ll give it to you. If you fall, I’ll catch you. When you need a hand, I’ll boost you. We all will. You can count on us, Teagan.”

“What about the drugs?” Her eyes close in shame.

“What about them? You just proved you’re more powerful than their hold on you. You’ve got this.”

“I’ve got this.” Her words are unsure and lack conviction.

“Say it again,” I demand of her.

“I’ve got this.”

“Again.”

“I’ve got this.”

I wish her belief in herself was as strong as my belief in her.

“You do. You can do this, and I’m here for when things get too tough.”

“It’s all tough, Kai.” Her voice is soft as she locks her fingers between mine.

“Then, I’ll be here the whole way.”

“I’m sorry.” The words come out heavy like she’s tired.

“Don’t be.” I squeeze her hand.

“The way I treated you and the things I said to you were awful. You have to know I didn’t mean them. I was only lashing out. No one has ever been better to me, and the way I treated you wasn’t right.”

“Water under the bridge, baby.” With my finger stroking against her chin, I tilt her face up, so I can look into her eyes. “You have enough on your shoulders. Don’t worry about me.”

Her body molds against mine, and her eyes close. Within minutes, her breathing deepens, and she drifts off to sleep. I’m torn between wanting to hold her for longer and wanting to find out where the package came from before she wakes. So, I compromise and keep her in my arms for a while longer before sliding off the bed. I double-check that Burke got all the drugs and that Teagan hasn’t stashed any dope. Inside the box, I find what I’m looking for—a piece of paper at the bottom. I unfold the note and read what it says.

We had a good thing, and I want it back. I will have it back. Enjoy my present, and I’ll be around soon to collect what’s mine, Iris. Or should I call you Teagan?

—Smith

No, Smith, you won’t.

Smith must be the guy I beat the shit out of. I can’t believe he had the nerve to come around this way, let alone pull this shit. The motherfucker needs a bullet put inside his skull.

And he’ll get one real soon.

I’ll enjoy the sight of his blood and brain matter being splattered.