Teagan

If there was anything left of Teagan inside me, she’s gone now.

Hardened and shattered Iris is all that remains.

I’m kicked in the ribs as flashes of earlier in the day plague me.

Hands and mouths invaded my skin. I was used as nothing more than tits, ass, and holes. The pain meds helped as I was penetrated from every direction. I retreated into my high and thought about dancing with Paisley in my kitchen. It’s now just another tainted memory. They were rough and crude, and I wanted to cry through the entire ordeal, but the drugs dried my tear ducts. I went through the motions, spreading my legs for strangers who were just another means to an end. The whole thing may have lasted minutes or hours. I’m not sure.

I remain on the floor, curling into a tight little ball, retreating from the consequences of my actions. That’s where Smith found me, on the floor. His discovery was made when he came home early to find me with them, with all of them. He let them finish. Not even he is stupid enough to interrupt what I started, but now that they’re gone … he’s making me pay.

“I’ve done everything for you, everything!” The heel of his boot-covered foot crushes down on my stomach, and an animal-like howl leaves my lips. The area is open for punishment as I shield my head. “You got loaded on a pill stash that wasn’t yours after having some sort of breakdown in the bathroom like a toddler.” The beating continues, and he kicks me harder. Vomit spews from my stomach and hits the floor. “You take from me and take from me, and then what? I leave the house, and you fuck my suppliers and his buddies behind my back? You’re an embarrassment, a fucking whore!” Smith screams through rough breaths as he rains blow after blow down onto me. My own vomit seeps into my already-matted hair. “Were you wet for them? I know personally what a dried-up bitch you are! Were they able to get your pussy soaked? Is that what you’re into, bitch?”

“Stop! Please, stop!” I beg for a reprieve through tears and torment.

He only gives me more.

Once again, I find myself asking for death, asking to be taken away from it all, an end. My naked body takes a beating, and the edges of my vision start to blur without relent from Smith.

A darkness swallows me, not because of the men I fucked for drugs or because of the pain radiating from my entire body, but because, as I lie completely exposed on the floor, taking a beating, I realize he won’t kill me. He won’t give me death because he’s too wrapped up in the power he has over me. This is only a lesson to be better behaved. He’ll stop before death takes me, and that’s the worse news I’ve gotten today.

The door busts open and wobbles off the hinges.

Maybe it’s withdrawal or the blows to the head, but I’m certain I’m hallucinating.

Kai fills my mind during another horrific moment in my life. I imagined him at the farmhouse, and now, I’ve brought him here. How can someone I could barely stand to look at when he was in front of me still bring me such calm?

The abuse to my body ends with a crash.

I’m disoriented, and blood drips from my mouth.

Chaos erupts within the room, and my imagination takes things to another level. Kai is on top of Smith with his fists releasing blow after blow. Grunts and swears and the sound of flesh hitting flesh fill the room. My breath catches in my chest as my first and only love comes to conquer the dragon, and for the first time since I left, I wish that he were actually here.

A harrowed cry erupts from deep within me and fills the room with sorrow, and the action freezes my vision. Smith remains motionless on the floor, but Kai’s back straightens. With so much pain in his eyes, he turns and crawls to me, cradling my head in his hands.

“Kai?” I utter his name, rolling onto my back, coughing through the strain.

“You’re okay.” His strangled words are like salve to my many wounds, both the external and internal ones. “We’re going home.”

I’m lifted into the air, strong arms hold me against a broad chest, and for the first time in months, there is an easiness inside my heart. Step after step, I’m carried through the house in which I’ve fallen deep into a spell of drugs and self-hate.

A house that is never quiet, that is always full of activity and people looking to score, has never sounded more silent as I’m taken from its hold. A whimper leaves my throat as I think about my time here. I cling to Kai as my heart cracks a little more. I’ve done so much irreparable damage to myself and to the people who love me. Even in the state I’m in—beaten, used, and drugged—my body starts to shake when I realize it’s time to face everything I’ve done as Iris. Uncontrollably, I start to sob when I think about my brother seeing me like this, Kai having found me this way, and the coming conversations of explanation I’ll have with Paisley.

They can’t understand. I don’t want them to because, if they truly did, they’d know how awful I have become. My prince has come to save me from my haunted castle, but there won’t be any happily ever afters from here. I’ve made sure of it, and while Kai can physically take me away from all this, he can’t save me from what I’ve already done.

Still, I soak in his scent and his familiar comfort and relax into his embrace because, inside, I know it won’t last. Tomorrow will come, and everything will just flood right back. The ghosts within me are still very present, and in the light of day, he only makes them worse.

Outside, Kai takes the shirt from his back and gently pulls it over my head, covering my exposed and wounded skin. Without a second thought, he places my dirty body in the front seat of his car, a possession that he loves. The leather inside is immediately ruined as he does so, soaked with my blood, my vomit, and other peoples’ fluids.

He pauses, taking a moment to stare down at me. His warm hand cups my cheek, and I’m thrown off-balance at the sight of tears silently rolling down his face. This man—who has always been my rock, my everything—looks at me with so much silent hurt that regret spoils and bubbles within my heart. Unable to bare such emotion from him, I look away, cast my sight down, and focus on the shifted floor mat.

I can’t be saved.

I can’t be saved because my battle is inside me, and I don’t care enough to pull myself out of the wreckage of my making.

It’s too late for me.