Kai

“What happened?”

Burke—my friend, my old partner in crime—finally looks back at me as he asks for answers. It’s the first time he hasn’t looked at me like I’m the one who stabbed him in the back. We have more important shit to deal with than that warm and fuzzy bro bullshit though.

“Let’s just focus on what we need to do now.” I evade.

“Motherfucker!” His fist hits the counter. “Are we back to this? You’re going to keep hiding shit from me when it has to do with my sister?” His lethal glare would shrink anyone other than me to half their size. I’ve seen numerous men piss themselves beneath his scowl.

Not me.

“I’m not hiding shit. I’m keeping what you don’t need to know from you. Trust me; I wish I’d never seen what I did. All you need to know is that we’re being blackmailed for a ridiculous fucking amount, and if we don’t pay up, it’s Teagan who will suffer.”

“I’m not paying that fucker anything!”

The counter takes another beating under his hand.

“I don’t want to pay him either, but I’m not on board with calling his bluff when it comes to what he’s threatening. We need to push around some stuff to get the money and then find him in case we have no other choice.”

He continues his one-sided fight against the granite surface.

“Barbarians.” Paisley rolls her eyes while shaking her head as she comes around the corner and grabs a bag of peas from the freezer. She lobs the icy package at his head. “Put that on your hand and quit taking out your hostility on our home.” As quickly as she came, she’s gone. If I had handed him those frozen vegetables, he would have thrown them back at my face, but Paisley chucks them at him, and he’s cradling his hand in the makeshift ice pack as he was told. Whatever. I get it. I would do the same if it were Teagan barking orders at me. Hell, I’d probably listen to demands from even Paisley. That girl doesn’t take any shit, and it’s easier to just do as you’re told with her.

“It’s bad, man?” Burke keeps his sight down on the packaged side dish. “Whatever it is this Smith asshole is using as blackmail?”

“It’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life. My stomach is still filled with acid over it. We need to give him whatever he wants to make sure he doesn’t go through with his threats. Then, we’ll find a way to smoke him out.”

His head bounces in thought and affirmation of my plan.

“There are some details a brother doesn’t need to know about his sister, I guess.”

“Trust me, this is one of those times,” I assure.

“Yeah.” He haphazardly hits his palm against the counter once more, but only after looking over his shoulder for Paisley’s whereabouts.

It isn’t his girl who comes walking into the kitchen though.

It’s mine.

Well, she was mine once.

“Quiet now. You wouldn’t want to talk about something that actually concerns the person you’re talking about in front of her, now would you? Nope, just continue on with your archaic man panels and leave us women out of it. Next time though, take it to your office. The kitchen is where us ladies belong, am I right?”

Teagan’s hand floats in the air, waiting for a high five.

Burke scoffs and mumbles under his breath at her attitude, and I only give her a sympathetic smile. She brings her hand back down to her side and does some mumbling of her own as she opens the fridge.

I’m taken down a wormhole from the simple act.

The door to the fridge is still filled with pictures of Teagan from when she was growing up, and the memories overtake me. She grew up here, and Burke was basically her father. The office still has her art projects hung in frames. Even though the space has transformed over time, she lays her head at night in the same room that she did as a child. In the laundry room, the stages of her height are marked on the wall. There is a damn pink playhouse in the backyard, for crying out loud!

Teagan has grown up, but so much has stayed stagnant.

Including how Burke and I leave her out of some important conversations.

The fridge door closes, and I’m once again sharing space in the kitchen with someone who is very much a woman. Hell, I know that. I mean, trust me, I know she’s a woman, but she’s right; Burke and I haven’t progressed in all areas of our minds when it comes to her. Somewhere between Burke’s mumbling, my stumble into the past, and Teagan preparing a sandwich, Burke snuck out of the room.

Time to suck it up and treat her like the grown woman I know she is.

“I went to find Smith,” I admit.

She cuts her sandwich in half and then sets down the knife before giving me her attention. “No kidding, Sherlock.” The way she rolls her eyes makes me want to take back all the thoughts I just had about her being an adult, but I know she’s just frustrated. She all but ignores me as she takes a bite of her lunch. When she sets the food back on the paper plate, I take the opportunity to slide it away from her.

“Let’s talk.” My tone is serious. “For real.” It’s clear the disbelief is deeply infused within her posture when her eyes go round and her brows twist in surprise. “Come on, let’s go sit.” She comes easily as I drag her by the hand to the couch, probably still stunned that I’m ready to get real with her. We sit, and I keep my hand grasped around hers. I need her skin touching mine for this conversation.

“I couldn’t find him, Teagan. Not yet anyway. The house where I’d found you was completely cleaned out like he’d never been there, like you’d never gotten lost there.”

“It wasn’t the house that caused me to get lost, Kai. It wasn’t even really Smith. I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s true. I was lost before I ever left here. That house was just where I decided to hide out, and Smith was who I hid with.”

Rage. Scolding and eruptive.

I don’t even want to hear her say his name.

“Don’t talk about him like that, like he’s some rebellious friend you lost touch with after a stressful period. He is a fucking predator who took advantage of you.”

My harsh tone doesn’t even cause Teagan to bat an eyelash.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but I wasn’t taken advantage of. I was in a bad place and was making awful decisions, but until that beating you walked in on, the choices I made while I was there were my own. Or at least the decisions heroin was making for me. Still, that’s on me.”

The laugh that bubbles up stings my stomach and dries out my mouth.

None of this is funny, and the strange look she gives me tells me she thinks I’m nuts.

“I saw you. I didn’t find Smith when I went looking for him. I found you. What I saw wasn’t bad decisions. So, please don’t talk about your time in that house like a flippant, rebellious phase. We aren’t talking about sneaking out to late-night keggers.”

Her eyes soften, and her thumb strokes my palm.

The stutter in what she says next is pronounced, “Wh-wh-what do you mean, you saw me?” Her leg shakes with anxiety.

“There was video footage waiting for me at that house. I saw your face, the pain and the resignation in your eyes. There were four of them and one of you. What happened to you under the hands of those men was heinous.”

I can’t take my eyes off my dark blue jeans. The thought of anyone other than me touching Teagan makes me murderous, but I’m practically unable to register the level of rage the image of her in that video brings about. Of course, I want to protect her from knowing there is a threat against her privacy, but it also hurts to talk to her about the pain I know she’s been through. If I look up and see even a fraction of the terror I saw in her eyes when I went looking for Smith, I won’t survive this conversation.

Quick, succinct sniffles rip open my chest.

A stifled sob hits me hard over the head.

Suddenly, my hesitation and pussy-ass feelings don’t matter.

“Baby, don’t cry, please.” I pull her close and hug her tight. “Burke and I will make sure that video won’t see the light of day. I promise we’ll take care of it, but you’re right; you deserve to know what’s going on. I don’t want to keep things from you.”

“Burke knows about this?” She wails into my chest as her shoulders shake with emotion. “I never, ever wanted either of you to know about the things I did, and now, you’ve seen the horrible things I did to score?”

“Teagan.” My voice is strong as I demand her full attention. “First off, Burke doesn’t know the details. You know more than he does. He just knows something bad happened to you, and we’re being blackmailed. But, even if he did know, he wouldn’t judge you. I’m not judging you. We’re here to fight for you.” I grip her shoulders, frustrated with the miscommunication, and my knuckles turn white.

“How could you not be judging me? Kai, I sank so fucking low. You saw it!”

Her shrill voice is panicked and bursting with shame. In order to give her some relief, I attempt to keep my calm by taking a deep breath. It’s tough not to lose it as she trembles in my arms. With firm hands, I lift her chin and steal her focus.

“I am not judging you. Burke is not judging you. I’m not sure what Paisley knows, but rest assured, no matter how much she knows, she isn’t judging you either. We love you, Teagan. I love you. Unconditionally. No matter what you’ve done or will do, that won’t change—ever.”

“I’m judging. I’m criticizing every choice I’ve made that’s gotten me here. How could you all not be judging? I am, and there is nothing unconditional about the way I feel about myself when I think about all the mistakes I’ve made.”

Her eyes close as she delivers her self-persecution.

“We’re always our own harshest critic, baby. The rest of us aren’t seeing what you are. The only things we care about are your happiness and that you never go back to that headspace. The past is done. We can’t change it.”

“What does he want? You said he’s blackmailing you, so what does he want?” Her fingers trace the seams of my shirt.

“There is an angle, but before we move on with the conversation, I need to know that you hear me. I need to hear you tell me that any of the anger or frustration you feel within this house isn’t directed toward you. All of the hostility is aimed at Smith and anyone else who had a hand in hurting you. Do you understand?”

“I get that you think you need to be angry for me, but there is no one to blame for my choices after the farmhouse but me,” she tells me firmly.

“You’ve made some big mistakes, but we all have. Hell, look at what I do for a living. You think I haven’t done some fucked-up shit? I know you know I have. I don’t care about your recent choices, but I do give a fuck about anyone taking advantage of you when you were at your lowest. You’re my priority. Tell me you understand that?”

An uncomfortable amount of time goes by while Teagan searches my eyes.

I wait silently for the affirmation I need.

“I understand, but it doesn’t mean I don’t disagree with your blind loyalty. After everything I’ve put you through, I don’t deserve to have you stand by me. Years ago, I pursued you selfishly and then shut you out when you wanted to tell Burke about us. Still, you have always been there to save me when I was in trouble, and I did nothing but call you names and treat you like dirt.”

“I love you, Teagan, and no matter how you feel about me now, I know there is or was love between us. You loved me, too. We just haven’t always expressed it in the healthiest of ways. There was a lot happening around us that turned things upside down for us. None of that changes how much I care about you, and it never will.”

Her hands rub under her tear-filled eyes, and I can’t help myself.

I lean in.

Slow but without hesitation, I kiss the only woman I’ve ever loved.

And she kisses me back, strong and unchaste.

“I love you, too, Kai.” There’s a stutter to her breathing, but the words come out steady. “I’ve been lost lately. I literally tossed aside my identity and did everything I could to burn down the bridges of the relationships with the people that I love, but my feelings about you never changed. It was my own self-worth that changed.”

Her tears dampen my fingers, and her words shake my own breathing.

“I’ll take care of this.” My callous thumb sweeps her bottom lip. “I’ll take care of you.” Her soft cheek nuzzles against my large hand. “I promise.”

Teagan has released plenty of incensed rants lately, and I’ve been the target of most of the verbal lashings, but I finally see a little bit of faith restored in her eyes.

Not able to help myself, my lips rejoin hers for another kiss.