NATASHA
My knees are shaking as I look at my father and hold tightly to Nic’s hand. “What do you want to talk about, Tasha?” Dad asks me.
“I’ve been holding things back and it’s made me weak and fragile and I’m sick of being that way,” I say as he looks up at me.
He crosses his legs and looks at Nic. “You got anything to drink around here? This looks like a real headache coming my way.”
Nic looks at me then at my father. “In light of her rehabilitation, I think that’s a bad idea, sir.”
“Fine,” Dad says with a huff. “Get on with it, girl.”
The words are right there, wanting to be set free. My mind is shrieking at me not to do it. It will hurt my father when I hurl accusations at him and no one ever wants to hurt their father.
After a long moment of me not saying a word, only looking out the window and thinking I should just go. Nic’s hand gives mine a squeeze. “I think she’d like to have an apology, Greenwell.”
“For?” my father asks as he looks at me.
I hold my breath as anger starts to build inside of me. Nic senses it and takes me by the chin. “You can do this. For yourself, you need to do it. Not for anyone else. Only for you. You can do it. Open your mouth and let the words flow.”
Parting my lips, I look into his dark eyes and wonder how I got so damn lucky. Then I look at my father. “Dad, you are the only one to blame for everything that happened to me. You are the one who got me addicted to drugs. I then had an alcohol problem because of that. I was taken as a man’s slave because I was approached by him and made decisions with a cluttered and muddled mind thanks to those drugs. I’ve yet to hear an apology for that.”
My father looks from me to Nic and back to me. “Did he tell you to do this to me?”
“My mind told me to do this to you. Have you been so wrapped up in your whores to notice I am a shell of my former self?” I ask him, making his face go red.
“You have no idea about my private life, young lady. Watch how you speak to me,” he says then gets up. “I don’t have to endure this. I’m not at fault here. I was only trying to protect you. The monster is the man whose hand you’re holding. He brought you into a world I had to take you away from. And you have stayed out of that world, thanks to me. So, you will not get an apology from me.”
Letting Nic’s hand go, I walk up behind my father who thinks he’s leaving. “Turn around.”
He stops and does as I’ve asked but not in the way I meant him to. “You do not tell me what to do. I tell you what to do.”
“I am done with that. You took me out of all of the world, Dad. You really took me out of it. All I want is to be alone now. I can’t stand anything or anyone. Mostly, I can’t stand myself. And you did that to me.”
“You did some pretty awful things in your life, Tasha. I think you need some time away from the world to figure that out. You can only change once you’ve paid the price for those things you did,” he tells me.
“And what about you?” I ask. “Stringing that woman along, making her live from hotel to hotel while telling her you’re on the verge of leaving Mom. For years, you’ve done that to her. And what about the other women?”
“My personal affairs are none of your concern. Your mother and I handle our business,” he says. “I need to go.”
“You can go. If you want to leave things like this. I’ve told you how I feel. If you don’t want to accept your responsibility, then that’s up to you. And as far as paying for my mistakes, I think I’ve done that. In spades.” I point to the door. “So, there you go. There it is. Walk away from me without uttering a word of remorse for what you did to me. I only wanted to hear you say you were sorry for the atrocities you pulled down on me. But I just found out, I don’t need it at all. Just speaking the words out loud to you are all I ever needed to do.”
“Great for you,” he says as he walks around me. “Glad you took that weight off your back and put it on mine. Hope you feel like a real hero, Tasha.”
“I do,” I say as I watch him go. “I really do. You can pull that weight off with a simple word. You can say it anytime you want and you will be absolved of that burden. Until you do, you will carry it the way I have been for over two years. Consider it my Christmas gift to you. You carry it around for a while. It’s one heavy bitch!”
I step around him and open the door for him so he has to see me as he leaves. He doesn’t bother to look at me as he walks past me. I feel fine. I feel more than fine that he’s mad.
“Good, be mad!” I call out after him. “I’ve been mad for a fucking long time. Your turn, Daddy!”
I close the door and turn to find Nic looking at me with wide eyes. He claps his hands slowly. “Bravo! There’s that little spitfire I fell in love with.”
With a big smile on my face, I walk up to him and grab him by the hand. “You’re coming with me.”
He follows along behind me as I take him out of the living room, toward his bedroom. “Where are you taking me?”
“To Heaven,” I say as I throw open the door and take him inside.
“Finally!” he shouts then picks me up and carries me the rest of the way to the bed. “Now this is what I’m talking about!”
I only pray this powerful feeling stays with me.