The Beginning: Part Eight
NATASHA
The cab ride back to Nic’s home was made in silence. As we step off the elevator to go into his apartment, I feel a chill in the air. “It’s pretty cold up here,” I say as Nic leads me by the hand to the door.
“The heating may have broken up here. Hopefully, someone in my staff reported the problem,” he says as he unlocks and opens the door.
It’s so cold in the room, we can see our breath. “No one’s here,” I say as it’s obvious.
“It’s Christmas! I forgot that I let them all off. Damn, it’s cold in here,” he says as he pulls me along with him to check the thermostat. “It’s off. Who the hell would turn it all the way off?”
“I don’t know but hurry and turn it back on,” I say with chattering teeth. “It’s freezing in here.”
He seems flustered and aggravated by the mishap. “This is really lax of my staff. I will see that whoever did this will be reprimanded. Don’t worry.”
“I’m not worried and I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. It’ll be warm in here soon and we won’t even think about it. Come on, we can get naked and get under the blanket in your bed,” I say to take his mind off the cold air in the room.
“I have my personal physician coming to see to you, Natasha. There will be no sex until she makes sure you’re healthy enough for that. Your father told me about you having withdrawals from a drug he had you on, a sedative. Why did you keep that from me?” he asks with a frown on his handsome face.
“I didn’t keep it from you. It’s been mere hours since we’ve seen one another. There hasn’t been time to give you every last detail of the last year.” I let his hand go and go to the bar to find something to warm me up.
His hand on my shoulder stops me. “And what are you doing?”
“Getting myself a drink. You want one?” I ask him as he looks oddly at me.
“It’s nine in the morning, Natasha.”
Shaking my head, I say, “I had no idea what time it was. That is much too early to have a drink. You’re right. I just thought it would help to ease the chill in my body. That’s all. I wasn’t looking to get snookered.”
His eyes narrow as he looks at me. Then he takes my hand and pulls me to the kitchen. “I’ll make us some hot chocolate. That too can get the chill out of your body. And while I make it, you can tell me everything. I want to hear it all.”
“I am so tired, Nic. When’s this doctor coming?” I ask as he pulls a chair out at the small table in the kitchen and I sit down. “I’ve been up forever. I’m exhausted.”
“She’ll be here shortly. I don't suppose it will take long.. Then we can sleep.” He pulls out the milk and a small saucepan to heat it in. “Did Hawthorne give you any drugs while he had you?”
“No,” I tell him as I pull my gloves off and rub my hands together. “He sent a woman to give me a birth control shot but she didn’t do it. She said she had to take my blood and test it first. She took a vial of it and I didn’t see her again.”
“Put those gloves back on, Natasha,” he tells me as he glances at me and sees me rubbing my hands together.
“This is working much better,” I say and see him give me that look I forgot he has. The one that silently tells me not to question him or talk back and just do as he says.
I pull the gloves back on though. I haven’t the strength to argue with him at this point. I need rest and I need it now!
“Good girl,” he says then opens a drawer, retrieving a metal whisk to stir the milk.
I don’t say anything as that pretty much pisses me off. I watch him in silence as he prepares the drinks. He gives me quick glances now and again and it has me thinking he’s got something he’d like to say or ask but is having a hard time bringing himself to do it.
“You’re acting strange,” I finally say when he brings the cups of hot chocolate to the table and sits across from me.
“Am I?” he asks as he blows over the surface of one of the cups then places it in front of me. “Don’t drink it yet, it’s very hot. You can use the warm cup to help warm your hands up.” He places my gloved hands around the cup and smiles at me. “See.”
“Yes, I’m not a moron!” I snap at him. “You’re treating me like a child, Nic. Stop it!”
His eyes go wide with my outburst then he looks down. “Tell me about your past, Natasha. Tell me why you had no boyfriend when we met. What had you all alone?”
“I was way too busy with my school work is what had me all alone.” I venture to take a sip of the creamy looking drink.
“Not yet,” he says as he looks over his cup at me. “Before college, did you have a boyfriend?”
Shaking my head, I answer him, “No. I wasn’t into boys my age. I liked older men. Being that I was underage had my hands tied. So, I ended up not dating anyone. When I was twenty, I dated one of my professors. He was ten years older than I was.”
“What ended that?” he asks me.
“His wife,” I say and laugh a little. “I had no idea he was married.”
“Is that a thing that’s a definite no-no with you?” he asks and watches my reaction a bit too intensely.
“What, the man I’m dating being married?”
He nods. “Yes.”
“Of course,” I say and sip the drink that’s cooled enough. “Why do you ask that?”
“I’ll be honest with you as I do hate games and I feel like I’m playing with you instead of being straightforward. Your father told me how you broke up a man’s marriage when you were sixteen. He told me how he thought the man had come on to you and he nearly killed him. He told me he caught you giving the man a blowjob and you remained silent all these years. But recently, you told him it was you who initiated the act.” He stops talking and just looks at me.
I am stunned my father told him all of that. “My God! I can’t believe he told you that!”
“He had his reasons. And now I want to know something. Is this your true character? Are you a woman who cares not if she wrecks a home? Or are you the woman I came to know, respect, and love?”
Shuddering as I feel him judging me, I wrap my arms around myself. “I don’t know what the hell to say to that, Nic. You, yourself, told me I had a darkness inside of me. It was you who said that to me. It was you who tried to bring that out in me and now you sit here and look at me as a judge and jury. Well, I don’t like it one bit. And to be judged by you is preposterous!”
“At least I am upfront and honest about my past. You seem to want to keep yours hidden. Is that the kind of person you are? One who dabbles in the dark and wants to keep it hidden as you walk around with your head held high, though you don’t deserve to?”
Getting up, quickly, I find the chair falling to the floor as I make my exit out of the kitchen. “I’m not doing this right now. I don’t have the fucking strength to do this with you.”
He’s right behind me, his hand touches my shoulder. “Where are you going?”
“To bed. In the guest room. The one that was to be mine if I signed your bond. I want to be alone,” I tell him as I keep moving. “You can send the doctor in when she gets here. Just leave me alone.”
“You’ve been alone far too much this last year. Get into our bed.” He steers me to his bedroom and I find myself fuming mad at him.
As we get to the door, I turn around and glare at him. “I won’t be coming back to a relationship where you dominate me. I’ve been lorded over for far too long. I am weak right now. I will get stronger, though. And I will never be dominated again. Do you understand me? I may not be the woman for you any longer. I am not the same person.”
His eyes go soft. The hardness that had reigned over his expression has all but disappeared. His lips fall softly on my forehead. “I am sorry. You go into the bedroom and rest. Get undressed. I’ll send the doctor in when she gets here. I am sorry, Natasha. Things are so unsettled. I yearn for them to be settled and our lives going forward.”
With a nod, I place my hands on his chest. “I am not in a state to make promises I can’t keep. I have a road ahead of me. One where I need emotional help as well as physical. I want you to know, I understand if I am too much for you to handle right now. I can go live with my parents.”
“We’ll see,” he says then opens the door and ushers me into the room. “For now, you undress and climb into bed and soon the doctor will be here to start helping you get better.”
I walk into the room, alone, as he closes the door and leaves me. I have to wonder if the doctor can help me at all as I feel lost and very helpless. I hope I don’t push Nic away just to protect myself from any more pain. That’s the last thing I want to do but I feel it welling up inside of me. Self-preservation.