JASON
She’s so cute, thinking I’m going to let her go off with that random strange man.
Following a safe distance behind Brittany and her new fella, I let them get all the way to her waiting car. Then I swoop in.
With a tap on the guy’s shoulder, I have him turning around. His blonde eyebrows arch up in confusion. “Can I help you?”
“It’s me who can help you. You see, you forgot something back there. A woman was shouting out for you to go back, but I guess you didn’t hear her. She asked me to come and tell you to go back up. It must be very important.”
“Don’t listen to him,” Britt says as she tugs at the guy’s hand. “Come on with me, Jason!”
He looks back at her. “My name’s Brent.”
“Yeah, Brent. I meant to say that. Come with me, Brent.” She looks at me with fire in her eyes. “I need you to come with me.”
I raise my brows at her. “But he’s left something behind, ma’am. Can’t you wait for him here? He’ll be right back.”
Her green eyes narrow, her jaw clenches, and she looks so adorable. Then her whole expression changes to one of surprise when her boy-toy says, “I’ll be right back. Please wait for me right here.”
Off he goes and here I stand. “I’ll go with you, pumpkin-butt.”
“Jason Brennan, how could you?” She stamps her little, red-heel-covered foot.
It draws my attention and I look at it, then make my way slowly up her body. The black dress fits her perfectly. There are no sleeves to hide her very fit and toned arms.
Her skin is creamy and looks delicious. I reach out, take her hand, and pull her along with me. “Tell your driver to go home. You’re going with me tonight.”
“No, I am not!”
I look over my shoulder as I pull her into me and wrap my arm around her shoulders. “She’s going with me. You have the rest of the night off.”
He nods at me and gets back in the car. His actions kind of surprise me. Seems he’s not the least bit surprised.
“Jason, I don’t know what you think is going to happen. I’m not about to let you have any kind of sex with me.” Her heels click on the sidewalk as we make our way down to where my car and driver are waiting.
“I don’t even want to have sex with you, anyway, Britt.” I give her shoulders a little squeeze.
My driver hops out of the car and opens the back door. “Mr. Brennan.”
I stop just before putting Britt into the car. “Hey, Donovan, I’d like to introduce you to my good friend from back home in Texas. This is Brittany Caldwell. You’ll be seeing her with me a lot from now on.”
“No, you won’t,” she says. But her southern hospitality kicks in and she holds her hand out to shake his. “But it’s very nice to meet you, Donovan.”
He takes her hand and kisses the top. “As it is to meet you, Miss Caldwell.”
She smiles that gorgeous smile she has, then looks back at me and it turns upside down. “Jason, let’s just get this over with.” She slips inside the car.
With a groan, I say, “She’s my first real girlfriend. Hence the anger.”
“I understand completely,” he says, then closes the door behind me.
I don’t know why he said that. I mean, I’m not an ass or anything. I keep my women apart now and no one is the wiser. I’ve learned loads since I hurt this girl here so many times.
And now I can make it up to her. I always did feel terrible about making her cry. It always made me cry, then she’d feel bad that I was crying and give me another chance.
Of course, I’d always find my way right back into the arms of other females. But that’s not my fault. I think I’m wired a little differently. That’s all.
But now I have my app. I can make this work, and she’ll never be hurt by me again. My life has come full circle. It was her I developed the app for anyway. So no one ever has to be hurt again.
I should get a humanity award or some shit!
She scoots all the way over. “So, why do you look so rich, Jason?”
I scoot all the way over, too, and make sure some part of my body can touch as much of hers as possible. “Because I am.” I lean in and take a long sniff of her hair. “You smell amazing. I love your hair like that. You let it grow out all pretty.”
She looks up at me as I pull out one of the bobby pins holding it in place. After a few of them are removed, her hair cascades over her back and shoulders.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she asks me as I take in a deep breath.
“Smelling you. I missed the way you smell, snuggle-monkey.”
With a roll of her eyes, she says, “Oh, so the women you mess around with don’t smell good? I highly doubt that.”
“Well, not like you do. So, I have this awesome idea, cherry-bomb.”
“I’m sure it’s a terrible idea.”
I kiss her cheek. “No, it’s awesome. I want you to give me another shot.”
“No way in hell.”
“That came out much too quickly. Now, listen to me.” I take her hand in mine. “I can see that you still love me very, very much.”
“No, I hate you very, very much.” She puts her hand on my chin and makes me look at her. “I really, really do, Jason!”
Running my fingertip over her plump red lips, I say, “There’s a fine line between love and hate, precious. Let’s just say that you have a lot of emotion when you think about me.”
She nods. “All negative emotions. Yes, I do have many negative emotions when I think about you. Like right now, your hand is resting on my knee, and if I had a hatchet, I’d chop your arm off.”
I find myself laughing. “Hey, let’s get a hamburger, fries, and some chocolate shakes like we used to down at the Dairy Burger. I know they don’t have one here, but we can pretend.”
“I don’t eat carbs.” She looks away from me. “Or sugar.”
“That’s why you’re too skinny.” I run my hand over her flat stomach. “Donovan, to the best burger joint you know of, please.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Jason, why are you doing this? I’m never going to take you back. You see, I’m the one who breaks hearts now.” She looks at me, and I can see hardness behind the eyes I used to only see sweetness in.
“I saw that. You were willing to take that sweet guy home and fuck his brains out just to make me jealous. Then you were going to send him on his way, with no clue as to why you did that.”
She shakes her head. “You don’t know why I was taking him home. I was thinking he’d make a great boyfriend. He really lit my fire. You have no idea.”
I laugh. “Oh, yeah? How come you don’t have a boyfriend? You were grade-A, prime girlfriend material. Why no man?”
She looks at me long and hard before she answers me. A glimmer of unshed tears fills her eyes. “Jason, surely you of all people understand why that is.”
“I’m clueless, sweetheart.”
“Because you showed me men can’t be faithful, so why should I bother?”
My whole body goes numb. I never meant for her to turn into me. “Baby, just because I had my issues doesn’t mean all men are like that. Some can be faithful. I never meant to make you think like that.”
She looks off, then back at me, and one tear falls down her cheek. “You made me believe you loved me.”
Taking her by the shoulders, I say, “Baby, I did love you. That was never a lie. I still do love you.”
“Then why was I never enough?” She sits and waits for an answer I just don’t have.
“I wish I knew.” I let her go.
I feel like a pile of dog shit. A stinky, yucky, oozing pile of nasty-ass dog shit.
What did I do to the sweet girl I knew?
“You see,” she says as she pats my leg. “Men can’t be trusted. I knew you loved me. I knew you had to have loved me. I loved you more than I knew was possible. We liked the same things. We had a great connection. Laughed at the same things. Everything was right. I thought you would even marry me one day, and we’d have a family. When I gave up on you, Jason, I gave up on men.”
“So you use them now the way you thought I used you?” I look out the window and really want to beat the hell out of myself for making such a wonderful girl into a robot, much like myself
“Men are useful for some things. It’s just getting attached to them that’s dangerous. So I don’t get attached. I keep enough around to do what I need to be done on occasion. Fulfill my sexual needs. Be a date for me when I need one. That sort of stuff. Never do I let them get inside my heart. That thing has been closed up since I was nineteen and found you with Lana Peterson. Her ass was in the air as her head bobbed up and down in your lap while you sat in your truck only yards away from my house.”
“It was dark. I didn’t think you would see,” I say as I continue to look out the window. “I was about to come and get you and take you to the airport to get on that plane to Lubbock, so you could leave for college. Only, you were so mad, you wouldn’t let me after you caught that little stunt.”
“That little stunt, as you so casually put it, was the final dagger to my heart. It ended the feelings that used to flow so easily through it.” Her voice goes low and deep. “My heart turned dark and was sour for a long time. Then it stopped being so sour and just went cold. Now I can walk away from any man. No matter how nice he is. I don’t trust nice. You were nice.”
“I was, wasn’t I?”
“You were. You were very nice. You helped my dad mow the yard so many times. You helped me do dishes. You came early and picked me up for school and made sure you came over right after you got off of work. Do you remember those hot showers we would take when you got there? My parents were both still at work and we were alone until seven each night.”
“You would scrub my back and we’d make crazy love every single night. It was amazing, and I did love your ass, Britt. I did. I wish I knew why I felt like I needed more.”
“Me too.”
A few tears have escaped. I wipe them away and turn to her, taking her hands into mine. “Brittany Caldwell, will you please help the man you loved once upon a time?”
She makes a deep sigh. “If I knew how to help you, I would, Jason. There’s nothing I’d love more than to have you in my life. No man has ever made me feel the way you have. And I mean that in the best and worst ways.”
“How?”
“I mean you took me to heights no one else has. You were the best lover I’ve ever had, and now I’ve had many to compare you too. You always made me the happiest I’ve ever been. You also took me to lows no one ever has. I can’t go to that place again. I’m not the girl you knew. I’ve changed. You’d hate the me I’ve become. I know you would.”
And for the first time ever, my heart is officially broken by what I’ve done.
How can I fix this?