BRITTANY
On his own, Jason decides to stay the night in the hospital. So here I am, cuddled up next to him on his hospital bed in the largest private room they have here in the little place. He’s sleeping with his arm around me and seems to be getting better.
After a couple of private conversations with people who completely understood him and knew the right things to say to him, he seemed better. Not one hundred percent better, but better.
I called his mother while he was in one of those private sessions and told her about everything. She was kind of mad at herself for not thinking about getting him help after his grandfather died.
The preacher came to talk to me after he left Jason’s hospital room. He and I talked a lot about how Jason has been living. Jason came clean with the sweet older man who never judged him a bit about all the lying, cheating, and hurting he’d done to women.
I was a bit surprised myself the man was so easy to talk to. I ended up telling him a few things about my life too. Things I’ve never told anyone before because I was so ashamed of doing them. He made me feel better, too.
It seems most people do some things most other people deem as bad. The preacher put it to me this way. He said, “No one is all good or all bad. There is good and bad in us all. At times, situations occur that make us pick one path or another. There is no reason to beat yourself up because you picked the negative path. You wouldn’t beat yourself up for picking a bad melon, so don’t beat yourself up about picking a bad way to deal with something.”
By bringing Jason here to this hospital instead of enabling him by taking him to get alcohol, I helped us both, even though I didn’t think I needed any help.
His arm tightens around me and his lips press against my neck as he whispers in his sleep, “Don’t let them take her from me.”
With no idea what he’s dreaming, I kiss his cheek to wake him. There’s no reason to let him have a bad dream. Not with all the other shit on the poor guy’s mind.
His eyelashes flutter as he opens his eyes. “You’re still here.”
“I am. I’m not going anywhere, sweet pea.” I kiss his cheek again. It’s rough from not shaving, yet he still looks as handsome as ever.
“Thank you, Britt. I really mean that. I can’t thank you enough. No one has ever cared enough to fight me to make me do this,” he says as he blinks back a few tears.
“Get ready for a lifetime of this kind of stuff. I’m in it for the long haul. Thick and thin and all that jazz,” I say as I run my hand over his tight abs.
“I’ve never had anyone do the things you do for me. Marrying you is going to be the easiest thing I’ve ever done. There will be no worries about you at all. You’ve proven yourself a hell of a lot more than I’ve proven myself to you. I don’t feel worthy of you. Not in the least. It scares me some that one day you will figure that out. But until that day comes, which I pray never happens, I will hold on to you for dear life.”
With no idea what I should say to that, I just smile and move my hand up to run it through his dark hair. Leaning my head on his chest, I listen to his heart beating. I want to hear it every night before I go to sleep. I want to hear it first thing when I wake up every morning.
His strong hand moves over my head. “I’ll make you proud of me, pumpkin.”
“I already am, Jason. You don’t have to prove yourself to me. I know the man you are deep down inside. If you think I expect you to never have any troubles, you’re wrong. I know life is full of problems.”
“My life has more than most,” he says, then kisses the side of my head.
I hold my tongue so I don’t say what went through my mind. How there are more troubles because he created them. There’s no reason to add to the pressure he’s feeling.
“I can handle them, Jason. You can count on me. I will always be in your corner.”
“Do you think we can still be happy if that baby is mine, Britt? Because I think it would cause all kinds of hell.”
“We won’t let it cause any hell. I don’t want you to worry about it anymore. There’s nothing worrying can do, anyway. And I am with you on any decision you would make.”
“Would it be terrible of me to want nothing to do with the kid if it is mine?” he asks, and I get a little tense.
The doctor told me not to talk about anything serious with him for at least a few days. This is serious, and I’m certainly not about to tell him it’s okay to forget about a person his body created. With his knowledge or not.
“Well, that’s one of those topics the doc told you not to think about for a while, Jason.”
His hand moves over my side, stroking it. “Yeah, I know, but it’s been running through my mind a lot. I need to know how you’d feel if I signed away my rights.”
“I will back you no matter what you do,” I say. But I feel kind of bad because once he’s all better, I will tell him how I really feel about it. “But you know, you can’t make that kind of decision while on the anti-depressant. That will have to be thought about a bit later on.”
“No, I hadn’t realized that. The results will be in well before I’m done with the treatment. I thought I’d give him up right away.”
My heart is aching as this is such a huge decision to make and he’s obviously in need of more therapy. “Doing something quickly is never a good idea. Giving a human away is definitely not a thing one should do quickly. Take your time and think about things. It doesn’t matter when you would do a thing like that. It doesn’t have to be done right away. Giving him up won’t change the fact you have to financially care for him, anyway.”
“It’s not the money. I’d give any kid of mine all they would ever need. It’s dealing with that woman for the rest of my life,” he tells me, and now I understand a lot better.
“Things can be done so you don’t have to handle things with her on your own. Advocates can bring the child to you. That would leave her out of it.”
“I know there would still be times I’d have to deal with her. You see what she’s capable of. I don’t trust her at all,” he says.
“Nor should you. Nor should you be thinking about this right now. Let me see if I can help you take your mind off of things so you can get some sleep.”
“Now that sounds like the kind of therapy I need, baby,” he says with a low moan.
I’m not sure how the nurse will take finding the door locked, but I’m locking it. Slipping off my shorts, I find Jason watching me in the silver glow of the dimly lit room. He makes a little growl as I pull my T-shirt off.
“Baby, you look amazing in this hospital room. The next time I see you in one of these, I want it to be just after you have our baby.”
I grin at him and take my bra off as I take slow steps toward him. I giggle as he adjusts the bed to sit up some. Losing the panties, I stop just in front of the bed and pull the thin, pale blue blanket back and rid him of his underwear, leaving the hospital gown on. It opens in the front, after all.
“Climb on,” he tells me, as the bed has him in the best position for me to ride him.
As I settle onto his hard cock, we look into each other’s eyes. “We need to get an adjustable bed, baby. There are just so many possibilities,” I say with a moan, as I am fitting him better than usual and we fit very well together, as it is.
“Make it happen, pumpkin.”
He’s almost back to being Jason again. And even though it was a very short time of having to deal with him in the other mode, I missed the real Jason far more than I realized, as tears begin to flow. I run my arms around him and hold him close so I can feel him and make sure he’s real.
And just like that, it becomes apparent that I cannot live without this man. And I don’t know if that’s bad or good.