I can’t stop pacing. It’s not a fucking coincidence that the night she left we got a call for this meetup. We’re supposed to meet at the garage in an hour. It’s not right. Something’s horribly wrong. She’s not okay. I can feel it. My girl’s not okay.

“Vince, it can’t just be us two,” I say. I know this is a setup. It’s not just going to be Marcus there wanting to clarify the situation. There’s more to this, and I know it deep down in my gut. He texted Vince to come meet with him, and later asked to bring me along. But I know this is a trap. I fucking know it.

“We can’t trust them,” I tell him again.

“What the fuck, Anthony?” Tommy asks me for the fourth fucking time.

I just shake my head. “It’s not good. It’s not going to be good.”

Vince has been watching me like a fucking hawk. I haven’t told him yet.

We’re all here and I haven’t said shit, but I can’t shake this feeling. I need to tell them.

“Let me go in first,” I finally speak up and look back at Vince.

He doesn’t answer.

“You’re freaking me out, Anthony,” Tommy says, grabbing my arm.

“You couldn’t fucking listen!” Vince yells out, and it gets the attention of everyone. The air is thick with tension.

“You know I wasn’t going to.” I can’t reach his eyes. I know I fucked up, but I need him right now. I can’t let them hurt her. Not her. She didn’t do anything wrong. She can’t pay for my sins.

“What the fuck is going on?” Tommy asks with a pain that breaks through his words. He’s worried. He’s worried for me and it’s all my fault.

“They have her; I know it.” I say just above a whisper.

“Catherine?” Tommy asks, confused. It breaks my heart to know I’ve betrayed him. I betrayed all of them.

“Why? Why would they do that?” Tommy asks.

“War. It’s the start of war.” I answer him with pain in my chest.

“What’d you do?” Tommy demands to know as he shakes my shoulders, and I have to look him in the eyes, but I still can’t tell him.

“Catherine’s a rat. She’s supposed to be dead.” Vince answers over my shoulder and Tommy’s grip loosens until his arms fall to his side. He looks at me like it can’t be true. But it is.

“She had no choice.” I try to defend her. They have to believe her; they have to believe me. She needs me. She’s mine.

“This is over Catherine?” Tommy asks with doubt.

“She’s mine,” I say with finality. A look of hurt flashes in my brother’s eyes. He doesn’t understand. They’ll never understand.

“You fucking bought her as a slave--” I understand Vince’s anger, but I don’t need it right now. I need him on my side. I need my familia to help me get her back. I need her. I need her right fucking now.

“I don’t care if you don’t understand. None of you ever understand me. That doesn’t make me any less family. If I say she’s mine, then she’s fucking mine,” I growl out.

“If she’s yours, then how did they get her?” Vince steps up to me like he knows. Like he already knows that she left me. But that makes no difference to me. I let her go because I love her, and I’ll save her because I love her. Even if she doesn’t love me back.

“She left me.”

Tommy grips his hair like he can’t believe this shit. I hear the men walking around us, waiting on their orders, even though they already made up their minds. No one fucks with us. They mess with one of us, they fuck with all of us. The only thing that would hold them back is if Vince told them not to.

“You didn’t let her go?” Vince asks with disbelief.

“I watched her leave me. She needed to.” I swallow the lump in my throat as I add, “But I know they have her. I know they found her.” He looks at me with doubt and then nods slightly.

Vince looks past me and addresses the familia. “It doesn’t matter what started it. Get your guns ready, boys, and call for the rest of ‘em.” I nod my head. Thank fuck. Thank fuck I have a real chance to save her, if they didn’t already kill her.

“Anthony,” Vince says to get my attention. I look up at him. “We’re going in first.” I put my hand on his shoulder before he has a chance to move away. I lean in and give him a quick hug. He's shocked, and it takes him a moment, but he pats me on the back in return.

I don’t let him go. “I have to save her, Vince.” I pull back to look him in the eyes. “She can’t die. I can’t let her die.” His brow furrows with confusion and I know I’m not getting through to him. He doesn’t have to understand. He just has to give me his word.

“Don’t be stupid--” he starts to answer me, but I cut him off.

“If it’s between the two of us, save her. I can’t let her die,” I say.

That’s the moment his look changes.

He gives me a small nod, and only then do I release him.

* * *

There she is. Just like I fucking knew she’d be. Fuck! She couldn’t run fast enough, could she? It’s my fault. She’s on her knees with that fucker's hand gripping her shoulder, pushing her down. She looks up at me with the saddest expression and cries out, “I’m so sorry.” The man behind her whips his hand across her face and she lands on her side. My hands fist at my side and my blood boils.

Not her. He’s not going to get away with it. He cocks the gun in his hand and aims it at her head. His eyes are on me though.

“Was this little bitch worth it, Anthony? Was she worth war?” I hear the words but I can’t take my eyes off of her. Lorenzo is still standing behind her. And behind him are a dozen or so of his men. I know I’ve walked into a sentencing. Her sentencing.

“Knock it off, Lorenzo.” Marcus finally speaks. He puts his hands out as if to welcome us.

“What’s this?” Vince asks from behind me as he walks up to my side. It’s just the two of us, for now. “It was just supposed to be us, Marcus.”

Marcus gives him a twisted smirk and shrugs his shoulder as he says, “Thought I might need a few more men to make my message clear.”

Vince looks at Catherine and motions to her. “Is this really necessary?” He’s keeping his voice even. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was completely unaffected. But I know him, and he’s fucking pissed.

“It’s the fucking rat your boy didn’t fucking kill like he was supposed to.”

“You know that’s not what the deal was,” Vince says as though he’s on my side, but I know he’s not. All this is my fault. I brought this onto my familia. I put us all in danger for her. Simply because I wanted her. I wanted to break something so beautiful. And I did. And now I have to take my punishment. I hope I fucking die today. I’ll never forgive myself if I see her die though. I've watched death all around me my entire life, and it’s never affected me. Not since my mother. But I can’t today. Not her. Not my Catherine.

I walk toward the men and a few take a step back, but Marcus and Lorenzo hold their ground. “I bought her fair and square.” I say the words like I’m not ready to rip them apart. Like this isn’t war. Like this is just a business meeting over terms.

I hear the rest of my familia walk in behind us. A few guns cock. The clicks fill the air. Marcus’ eyes turn hard. He tried to set us up, but the dumb fuck wasn’t ready for an even match. The doors behind the Cassanos open and more of our crew walk in, guns loaded and ready. We have on our vests; I’m sure the Cassanos do as well, but this is nowhere near an even match. They’re fucking dead.

“You really wanna do this, Vince?” Marcus sneers at my boss behind me. My eyes are locked on Lorenzo’s. My hand’s on my gun.

“You brought this on yourself. You wanted to put on a show,” Vince says as he reaches for his gun, but keeps it pointed at the ground.

“What’d you think was gonna happen?” he asks. Silence fills the air and the men line up on both sides. We’re in the middle. Vince is by my side, and my kitten on the floor just a few feet away from me. Everyone’s armed but her. My eyes dart to hers and I can see she’s already accepted it. She’s gonna be the first to die.

I can’t let it happen. I can’t.

A few men start moving around. They’re lining up. Some of the Cassanos start looking behind them, but most are going to be gunning for us. It doesn’t matter either way, they’re all going to die. The only thing they can do is try to take out a few of us first. I can’t let that happen. I have to do something. She can't die, and our men can’t go down because of my mistakes.

“Give her back, and we’ll go away.” I say the words and hate the weakness in my voice. I also hate that Vince is looking at me like I’ve lost my damn mind. He’s ready for a fight. No one takes us on like this and makes fools of us. I know he won’t stand for it. But I have to try. I’d beg them for her. I’d trade places with her if I could.

“It’s not happening, Anthony. Not after you betrayed us.” Marcus’ voice rings out with clarity. He’s firm in his decision.

“Take me instead then. Take me and it’s over.” Vince still hasn’t said anything. I hear Tommy yell out from behind me. But Vince holds up his hand and silences him.

“Your gun,” Marcus says loud enough for everyone to hear. I don’t hesitate to lower myself, place my gun on the ground, and kick it away.

As I stand up, the fucking prick in front of me, Lorenzo, shrugs his shoulders and raises his gun at me. Every man in the room raises their weapon but me. I’ll make the trade. I’ll do it for her.

Catherine looks up with wide eyes and shakes her head. As the reality presses down on her, she does the stupidest fucking thing I can think of. She jolts upright and grabs the gun. She yanks it out of Lorenzo’s hand. It falls to the floor with a loud clack and goes off. The room fills with the sounds of bullets.

“Fucking bitch,” Lorenzo yells out and reaches for the gun. A bullet flies past me, but my eyes are on his gun. He’s going to get it first. I see it happening in slow motion. I run to her and cover her small body as the sounds of bullets firing and men yelling ring out and ricochet off the wall.

She screams and cries. She tries to push away from me to fight. But I can’t move, or she’ll be in danger. She’ll die. I have to protect her. I can’t let her die. Not her. If I do anything good with my life, it’ll be keeping her safe and alive. I need to get her through this. Even if I die, at least she’ll know what I felt for her.

My body flinches with impact of a bullet, this one at close range. I feel a radiating pain throughout my shoulder as the bullet comes out the other side. The vest can only cover so much. I duck my head and tell her to stay down. I hear her crying and the thud of bodies hitting the floor. I lift my head for only a moment to look into her eyes and she looks wretched with guilt. I push my lips to hers to try to take the pain away. And as another bullet rips into my back, I do everything I can not to let her know.

I just want one more moment with her. One real moment where she can see the real me and what we really had.

The pain expands inside of me. I’ve been shot before, and more than once, but fuck it hurts. My body loses its strength and I fall onto her body, unable to brace myself any longer. I hear a few more shots and then silence. I don’t look. I can’t move. I can’t risk her. It hurts. Fuck, it hurts. I cough and blood spills from my mouth. Men yell, “Take those three.” Fists are smashing against flesh. I recognize the voices. We won. It’s over.

“Anthony!” Vince calls out.

“Anthony,” she cries out. Her grip on me is strong. She’s okay. She’s safe.

Vince pulls my body off of her and I lie flat on the ground. A pounding ache in my chest makes it hard to breathe.

“Anthony,” she says as she holds on to me as she frantically searches my chest for the wounds. She’s okay. She’s on her knees, hovering over my body. Tommy comes up behind her.

“Take her away!” Vince yells.

I use the last of my strength and grip onto his shirt, pulling him close to me.

“Promise me she’ll be safe, Vince.” I hold his stare and make him promise me. “Promise me.”

“I swear on my life, Anthony. But I don’t need to tell you shit.” He’s bullshitting me. I know he is. Blood fills my mouth and it’s hard to breathe. I should’ve died a long time ago. It’s alright with me, as long as she’s safe.

“You’re gonna be fine. You’ll make it through this,” he says. I shake my head and let my head fall back.

“I love her, Vince. I don’t deserve her, but I love her.” I have to tell him. He has to believe me and take care of her when I’m gone.

“You can tell her yourself.” Vince looks down at me as my vision starts to spin and darkness fades. “I promise I’ll keep her safe for you.”

The last words I hear come from her mouth as she pushes Tommy away and runs for me. “Anthony,” she cries out. But I can’t answer her. My world fades and I dream of her touch. Of her love.